Please post your resume here (and don't bore me to tears with what you do for a living.) Don't go back more than a few years, and only list the good stuff because this is a happy thread, damn it.

DeLarla

Got 2 women pregnant (showed them new positions that worked)

Sold Remote Control Panties out of my truck

I can play a straw

Wore a showgirl costume

Talked on my cell phone to the North Pole to a famous hockey pro

Can tie a cherry stem with my tongue faster than anyone I've ever met

I held a monkey, and he sat on my head

Kissed a cowboy (just a friendly kiss, but still a cowboy)

Tap danced in the men's room

Rode a quad topless in Mexico

Partied on Bourbon St.

Rekindled my marriage

Got a speeding ticket in San Antonio

Accidentally bought $600.00 in Harley shirts in Dallas

Reunited with my boyfriend from 20 years ago - now just amazing friends

My old roomate found me - planning big September reunion

Got a call from Switzerland from another hockey player

Got a new Shaman

Found my g-spot (again, haha)

Got a new Harley

I can twirl a baton

You puedo hablar Espanol

I can say, "Maria bought a blouse at the store" in 4 languages

Won $3,500

Pole Danced at a strip club on the Vegas Strip - the Palomino!

Rode the bull at Gilley's

duke funk. the new scent by calvin kline.

Enough bottles.

1) I ran myself over with my own car & lived to tell about it. (Yes, this is true!!)

Um... I'd like to hear the story on this one!

Are you ambidexterous???

Hi Kare! This is quite a story. And one that is told over & over again at our family get-togethers.

Basically, my car wouldn't go in reverse. I only needed to go a few feet so that I could back out. I figured I would just get out of the car & pull it towards me. So, with the door open, I stood on the ground at the drivers side & pulled the car while holding on to the door & the steering wheel. (Yes, it's a very stupid thing to do.....I get it know!!!!!!!) The car jumped into reverse, knocked me down & ran me over. The car continued to drive itself across the parking lot while I lay on the ground. Somebody saw me & called 911.

The police, fire deparment, ambulance, & everyone came to my rescue. The found me lying on the ground in the middle of the parking lot with out a car even remotely close. After figuring out where my car ended up, the first guy asked me - Who's car was it that hit you? I answered - "MINE" They then asked - "Who was the driver?" In a very timid voice I said -"That was ME!"

I had all the paramedics in stitches because they couldn't believe I had actually ran myself over with my own car!!!

By the way, the car ran over my leg & ankle. My fat legs protected my leg, but I broke my ankle in several places.

Once they took me to the hospital the first thing the nurse asked was - "What happened?" The paramedics could hardly keep contain themselves.

This was one of the most hilariously, painful ordeals I have ever been in. :confused:

you have me almost peeing i am laughing so hard. i am glad you are ok, but that is one funny story!! LOL

6. Robert Deniro (Said to call him Bobby and was a very nice person)

This one wipes out my entire list.

LOL, He came to visit Raul Julia in the hospital and I didn't recognize him. Who expects DeNiro to be walking down the hall in an ICU at 1 AM? I asked him if I could help him and he said, "It's me, Bobby." I said "Uh, ok, but can I help you? Visiting hours are over."

He kinda smiled to himself and then whispered, "Robert DeNiro?" I felt like a complete ass and apologized but he was very nice and told me to call him Bobby. After his visit with Raul Julia (who was admitted under another name), he came and chatted with the staff for about 15 minutes and then left... very normal person but shorter than I imagined.

My grandfather ran himself over too. He didn't break anything, but he was lucky...

And Funny, I wasn't saying that you shouldn't have posted everything you did, it was just a confusion on my part. My "last few years" haven't even been weird, at least not for me.

... For instance, I was not killed by Lenard Lake nor his buddy Charles Ng. (here's the long story... http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/ng/call_1.html) Sure, lots of people were not killed by them, but I have to wonder how many people did Lenard invite to his cabin who didn't go? As soon as he touched me, as he put his hand on the small of my back, I knew there was something terribly, terribly wrong with this man, and I was in great danger.

Vines ~ You gave me chills. I remember reading about in your post awhile back. Just amazing & scary. So glad you are here to bless us with your presence. :biggrin1:

Diane ~ That has got to be the funniest story I've ever read. Glad your OK too.

*shudders* Good grief, Vines. I remember you telling this story some time ago and it still gives me chills. Good thing your intuition was working that day!

I was run over by a truck once, but it wasn't my truck and I wasn't driving. I was laying beside my ex boyfriend out on the lawn at a big party. Several of us had parked our vehicles on the lawn (big lawn). My ex's current girlfriend was mad because she couldn't find him and she got a friend to drive her to town to look for him. They jumped in the truck, and backed up right over my legs just above my knees. When everyone saw what was happening and I started yelling, the driver threw it into drive and punched it. Luckily he didn't have positraction and the tire that wasn't on my legs was the one that spun. It was a long time before I walked again, but I'm grateful that tire was 3 inches ABOVE my knees!

I've felt like I've been run over by a truck. Does that count?

lessee what i can dig up about myself so that y'all get a chance to know me...

1. spent three months traveling and taking my time driving from texas to seattle and all points betwixt and between

2. witnessed bill cosby being a total a$$ to a perfume counter salesgirl and had all of my sweaterlovingjellopuddingpopeating illusions shattered.

3. lived next door to tony orlando of tony orlando and dawn. telma hopkins (one of the dawns and later on family matters) lived with him and i would go over to play with her son. big house with red walls, potted palms, and full of people and smoke all the time.

4. worked for CALL ME NOW!!! miss cleo as a telephone tarot card reader

5. had a very surreal conversation with a totally wasted johnny depp back in his dating kate moss hanging out with the butthole surfers days. odd, odd, little man.

6. picked up a paintbrush and started painting with no fear and total abandon just to see if i could do it. got hooked.

7. wrote an awful romance novel when i was nine. still have a copy of it (all 250 pages) tucked safely away in a garfield trapper-keeper in my closet. what did i know of romance back then? hell...what do i know of romance now?

8. got totally lost in london all by myself and ended up having *the most fun*. it was the best part of my vacation.

9. lived in a haunted house.

10. learned how to float and tape drywall when i was sixteen years old.

11. myself and my companions got sloppily drunk in las vegas, proceeded to get kicked out of three different casinos (one for trying to correct the grammar on the marquis) and ended up heckling the seigfried and roy sign on the strip. still not quite sure why...

12. started a greeting card company http://www.grumpycatgreetings.com a few months ago

and here are a few samples of my paintings, since nobody asked. LOL

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/28094875/?qo=11&q=by%3Athemanda+sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps

and

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/24884398/?qo=19&q=by%3Athemanda+sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps

there's more at http://www.themanda.deviantart.com if you wanna delve deeper...

1. Wore orthodontic braces when I was 30.

2. Drove 39 hours straight through from the gold coast of Oregon to east-central IL.

3. Flew for the first time when I went to TJ for banding.

4. Had a child start college, one start high school and one begin preschool all the same year.

5. Have seen more penis than any prostitute. (not exactly a perk of my profession...why are men so proud of that ugly thing?).

6. Have been nominated for Cambridge Who's Who. (because of an exemplary award I received at work last year)

7. Got to see my grandson come into the world.

8. As a kid and again as a teen had pet skunks. (stink glands removed...they eat cat food, and use a litter box)

9. Have been in two auto accidents, one hit head on by a drunk driver, and walked away from both unscathed.

10. Saw seals belly surfing in the pacific ocean.

11. Saw a submarine underwater from my plane window when my departing plane swung out over the ocean in san diego.

12. Experimented with LSD in the late 70's. We always solved the world's problems, but couldn't remember the solutions the next day.. go figure.

13. Have 3 great kids that are already making the world around them a better place.

1. Wore orthodontic braces when I was 30.

2. Drove 39 hours straight through from the gold coast of Oregon to east-central IL.

3. Flew for the first time when I went to TJ for banding.

4. Had a child start college, one start high school and one begin preschool all the same year.

5. Have seen more penis than any prostitute. (not exactly a perk of my profession...why are men so proud of that ugly thing?).

6. Have been nominated for Cambridge Who's Who. (because of an exemplary award I received at work last year)

7. Got to see my grandson come into the world.

8. As a kid and again as a teen had pet skunks. (stink glands removed...they eat cat food, and use a litter box)

9. Have been in two auto accidents, one hit head on by a drunk driver, and walked away from both unscathed.

10. Saw seals belly surfing in the pacific ocean.

11. Saw a submarine underwater from my plane window when my departing plane swung out over the ocean in san diego.

12. Experimented with LSD in the late 70's. We always solved the world's problems, but couldn't remember the solutions the next day.. go figure.

13. Have 3 great kids that are already making the world around them a better place.

#4 is the best one I have seen yet !!!! Yea for you pam

Amanda! I love your paintings! My favorite was The Waiting Room:

http://www.deviantart.com/view/18411090/

Your use of colors was wonderful!! Is it for sale?

Amanda! I love your paintings! My favorite was The Waiting Room:

http://www.deviantart.com/view/18411090/

Your use of colors was wonderful!! Is it for sale?

garsh...thanks! i'm glad you liked it!

this one is not for sale...a little girl owns it. ...although i should probably try to sound snooty and just say that it's in a "private collection".