Thread Killers

[FunnyDuddies 6]

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060830/od_afp/afpentertainmentusarts

[503-250 1]

The Ron White line is amazing, he starts off by telling a story about being an adult and getting thrown out of a bar and arrested, then he goes back in time and tells a story about being arrested in the small town where he grew up and being questioned by the police officer who he grew up with and based on the small population "they had meet". The cop asks him if he uses any names and as a joke he says, "Some people call me Tater Salad". He then jumps back to the current day and says, "so I get thrown out of the bar and arrested and the cop turns to me and says, "Are you Ron "Tater Salad" White?", and he answers, "you found me, you got the tater".

Ron White is hysterically funny and needs to do a lot more shows so I can see him again.

[Morsaille 4]

Where do you find this stuff FD? Sheesh, wonder what they will do with the 'kittens' first spit-up?

[FunnyDuddies 6]

sadly...my husband is a bigger freak than i. An he finds more weird "crap" (literally) on the net every day.

503...Ron is my hero! my fave is his skit about flying.

[HeatherGurl 0]

Mmm, did someone say pie?

... those were the days...

[FunnyDuddies 6]

chocolate cream pie with buttery flakey crust and thick vanilla rich cream top.

[503-250 1]

Just for you FuddyDuddies:

"This guy next to me is LOSIN' HIS MIND. Apparently, he had a lot to live for. He asks me,'Hey man, uh, uh, hey man...If one engine fails, how far do you think we can make it on the other engine?'... All the way to the scene of the crash. Which is pretty handy, because that's where we're headed. I bet we beat the paramedics there by a half an hour. We're haulin ass!"

[FunnyDuddies 6]

LOL thanks 503. I already had a stomach ache!! Now it really hurts to laugh. I swear to god that it my favorite comedy sketch...and the way he tells it with his sourthern drawl, with a little scotch mixed in.

[503-250 1]

ok...here's the Tater salad video

[ame=http://youtube.com/watch?v=GmOR3oQo6aE]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]

[dawg 0]

Sing with me.

"See those girls, watch them scream, diggin the drama queens"

[paladin 0]

This thread is hilarious.

[MoOrLess 0]

Jack...we are so BEYOND there! don't ya think - after the past few days..........

[dawg 0]

Your momma......

[Morsaille 4]

What about my mama??

*Sitting back to watch the death throes*

[paladin 0]

Some of us (especially us Southerners) have been pretty skeptical of horoscopes through the years, and in fact it has become pretty obvious that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them.

When out driving around one can see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose, even see a ram.

Up the street there may be some twins.

The rest of these things are just too obscure.

You only see crabs on vacation.

There are no lions, or scorpions, not many archers and no Water bearers.

Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with them either, needless to say.

SO...

what we need here is some relevance.

We need SOUTHERN things we can recognize up there in the night sky.

OKRA - Dec 22 - Jan 20

Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN - Jan 21 - Feb 19

Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

BOLL WEEVIL - Feb 20 - Mar 20

You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE - Mar 21 - April 20

You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM - APR 21 - May 21

When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH - May 22 - June 21

Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS - June 22 - July 23

Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH - July 24 - Aug 23

Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS - Aug 24 - Sept 23

Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS - Sept 24 - Oct 23

You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN - October 24 - Nov 22

Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO - Nov 23 - Dec 21

You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.