From One Addiction To Another

[MoonSiren 48]

Because I don't enjoy eating anymore, I have noticed that shopping is what I keep craving. I now LOVE buying things online and keep checking slickdeals throughout the day. I also LOVE shopping in person because I can fit into smaller sizes at cool shops instead of being limited to plus size. I opened a Kohls credit card but been paying off the balance each month so I don't accumulate interest. Would it hurt my credit to close out my Avenue and Lane Bryant/Catherines cards?

I can't stop myself half the time from wanting to buy something. I've never been like this before the surgery since I would turn to food in order to feel happiness. I feel guilty about how much money I'm spending on clothing and accessories. I guess it is better than buying food since I would spend $500 a month just on eating out and $100 on groceries before surgery. Have you found another addiction?

[LoserMama 37]

crossover addiction is a real issue to be sure. Money was already an issue for me, and so I'm trying to work VERY hard on the emotional issues behind why I want to soothe myself with food, spending, etc. For me, I will be trading one kind of misery for another if I don't stay focused on the issues below the behavior.

What is super hard right now, with changing weight so fast, I HAVE to buy clothes, but the really hard thing is what I HAVE to do versus what I want to do. I definitely "impulse bought" a kenneth cole top this weekend. No reason to buy it atall, it was just cute and it was fun I could buy a regular old XL.

I'm realizing, hard core, that just because my stomach is smaller, doesn't mean my reasons for using these behaviors has gone away. It stinks!

[Wheetsin 714]

If it makes you feel any better, what you're describing doesn't sound very much like a shopping addiction to me. It sounds like you're someone "finding themselves," almost as though the "new you" cliche applies. And who is enjoying the freedom that comes with the new sizes, and perhaps the novelty as well. Think of what gives you the joy. Is it the actual purchase? Is it the thrill of buying a size, and having it fit? Is it an affirmation of yes, I really did this? Etc.

As for hurting your credit, I don't think so. As long as your accounts were current when they were opened, and were closed by you.

Addiction hopping is fairly common. I personally don't fully believe in food addiction (food abuse, yes, actual addicition, no). So I'm not sure that any of us really swap out the addiction. But I think that if food gave you a particular emotional or behavioral reinforcement, that you're not yet able to do without, it'spossible for shopping to do the same. I think we all go a little clothes crazy, because we can.

Do you have a therapist as part of your surgical team, that you can see and talk with, to figure out the root of the "compulsions" (not addictions) you're having?

[circa 333]

I opened a Kohls credit card but been paying off the balance each month so I don't accumulate interest. Would it hurt my credit to close out my Avenue and Lane Bryant/Catherines cards?

It can ding your credit score - part of your credit score is based on longevity of accounts. The best thing to do is pay them off and let them sit. Cut them up if you want, but closing the accounts will shorten your good long-term revolving accounts.

[Wheetsin 714]

LoserMama, do you have a local support group? I only ask because often they will hold clothing exchanges. Some WLS boards also host virtual clothing exchanges. I know I took a several bags full of clothes to my support group (that I didn't even like) - they were all brand new with tags still attached. I just never got a chance to wear them. If you haven't, you might also want to check your local Craigslist or FreeCycle. I've discarded clothing those ways as well, and usually see several people doing the same.

[Bedhead 158]

I see addictions as behaviors that are destructive- it does not sound to me like you are being financially destructive- you are paying off everything you buy immediately. If you were amassing debt by taking out loans and lines of credit- then I would be worried!

[Bedhead 158]

Also the only time I close a credit card is if it has any sort of monthly or annual fees attached. I've had a lane Bryant credit line open for years and I don't even have the cards anymore (long since shredded).

[longer-life 139]

I can't stop myself half the time from wanting to buy something. I feel guilty about how much money I'm spending on clothing and accessories. I n?

I can't wait to shop! I have even warned my husband about the money I plan to spend. lol However your words above send mini red flags. Consider setting a monthly budget so you don't feel guilty and enjoy this reward! If you continue feeling guilty and not being able to stop yourself, then perhaps you want to talk to a professional about it.

In regards to your credit history, like a previous poster mentioned, I wouldn't close them, I would let them sit inactive.

[LoserMama 37]

LoserMama, do you have a local support group? I only ask because often they will hold clothing exchanges. Some WLS boards also host virtual clothing exchanges. I know I took a several bags full of clothes to my support group (that I didn't even like) - they were all brand new with tags still attached. I just never got a chance to wear them. If you haven't, you might also want to check your local Craigslist or FreeCycle. I've discarded clothing those ways as well, and usually see several people doing the same.

All good ideas! I wish my clothing exchange was more of an option but for my support group, their next clothing exchange isn't for two months yet, and from what I heard of the last one, most of the sizes being exchanged are still up in the 20s. So while I am thrilled to be below that point (OMG!) it means I've had to be mroe creative. I've used thrift shops, walmart/target clearance and one Craigslist ad for my casual clothes, but didn't have luck turning up formal business appropriate clothes this way, so had to surf the clearance racks best I could for that stuff. I am really hoping that my size 18s can last me quite a way down even if they are large.

[MoonSiren 48]

Thanks everyone. I think I should tell my therapist about this next time I see her. I thought if I lost weight then my problems would be over but now I'm doing another destructive behavior. I rather save my money and pay off loans instead of spend it. I guess I always look for immediate satisfaction instead of holding out for long term.

[LoserMama 37]

I can't wait to shop! However not being able to stop yourself and feeling guilty is what I would want to talk to a therapist if I was you. As an alternative, consider setting a monthly budget and see if you can stick with it. Best wishes!

In regards to your credit history, like a previous poster mentioned, I wouldn't close them, I would let them sit inactive.

Yeah, exactly this. For me, this tiem period is hard, because i actually do have to buy new clothes, but because its clothes, it feels frivolous, so I feel that guilt, too, but its unfounded.

That said, I do definitely have problems with impulse control with spending (in addition to food--call it compulsion, addiction, whatever you want to call it, the end result is behaviors we have difficulty stopping that are relieved by doing things that taken one at a time, seem harmless, but if its a repeated pattern, it adds up to big problems.)

If you always pay off your cards and have never had debt/money issues in the past, I wouldn't feel guilty, but I would be watchful as to whether the new behavior is now soothing things that food used to. Your gut about it is probably right.

[Soon2BMiniMommy 92]

Yes, it will hurt your credit. One of the main factors in calculating credit score is balance of utilized credit to total available credit. So if your LB and Cath cards have a zero balance and like a $500 limit, that means you are utilizing no money on those cards, which really, really helps your score. Just like, in reverse, if they were maxed out, they would really hurt your score. The more revolving credit you have with balances less than 20% increases your score exponentially over time.

Closing open accounts with zero balances is one of the top five no-nos you want to do to your credit, in addition to late payments and having high revolving balances.

It won't hurt you at all to keep them. Just toss them in a drawer somewhere or shred them if you will never use them and just let them continue to help your credit score!! Longevity is also important...the longer you have them, the better off you are.

As for the addiction, I have to agree with Wheetsin....if you are doing it because you CAN, as an accomplishment, because it's something you could never do before, and you're not buying just to buy and hoarding unworn clothes all over your house, I think you're fine!! I have watched many go through this and after a couple of years, once we have a really nice wardrobe built up, and the awesome novelty wears off that yes, we CAN really fit into what we want and look great, it naturally slows down and levels out. And look at naturally thin people, who shop all the time, and are normal. I think we have no real reference of clothes and accessory shopping because we avoided it and didn't enjoy it cause nothing fit and it made us feel worse. So now it feels as if we're going overboard, but we're just engaging in normal behavior.

I don't think it's an addiction unless it becomes a real problem and you are shopping just to shop and not even wearing what you buy....

Just my two cents.....I'm not an addiction therapist, but I finance and credit is my specialty!!

[Wheetsin 714]

I was initially denied for sleeve surgery. I talked to DH and we agreed that I would appeal (I'm pretty good at helping insurance companies realize they're going to help me out), and if I still hadn't gotten approval by the end of March he'd buy me a sleeve for my birthday.

Well I appealed, and had the appeal approved. But I couldn't get scheduled before the end of the year, and our insurance was changing 1/1/12. Gad. So on 1/1/2012 I started over with a new insurance company, and ultimately got my approval last month.

So here's my logic. Since I could have cost DH about $13K but didn't, I basically saved him that money, which means it's still mine to spend. Am I wrong?

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I don't have time to read all the responses but about the cards:

Your FICO score is based inpart on your available credit AND how much you are using. Closing a card will almost always lower that score if you have a balance. But again too many cards with open balances can be an issue too. Answer:just don't use them. Really. Truly. No your miles don't add up to enough to matter, no you don't get as much back as you think.

A zero balance card can be bad too. if you have zero on the card and a 15000$ limit that is 15000 you could run up quickly - and most of us that is a bit of our income, and affects potential debt.

When you stop a card that has a balance you have stopped a portion of available credit, and you nw have a balance. Yo uhave lessened credit available, and yes lowered the credit you could dip into, BUT you now have more of a debt/available income ratio.

ZING

Keep only cash. Keep small bills, make yourself SEE what you spend.

If you must spend, go to consignment shops - but I would seek counseling - you have noticed it in time and recognized it enough to mention it here. Now get help - not for the shopping per say but for the fact that your eating issues were unresolved enough to start a crossover addiction.

PS - as for the cards, you may want to consider moving the balances for specialty cards (never get a specialty card) like lane bryant over to a general use cc. Then close it at a zero balance. You can then focus on putting expenditures on the cc while also paying down more than you spend. It could get you in the 25 day zone, which is usually a grace period before you owe on the card.

Good luck!

[Wheetsin 714]

BTW, Target has what I call "tween" clothing (something like a cardigan, which could be worn in winter but could also be worn in summer) for something like 70% off right now. If I had any idea what size I might aspire to be, I'd pick some up. But last time around I bought bunches of "one of these days" clothes and either never got small enough, or blew through the size too fast to wear it.