Confession

kimmason · August 2, 2006

Confession

No , no chicken breast yet but I can just feel the out of control thing happening......I could eat EVERYTHING in sight right now. Actually I am going to eat before the surgery. I told the pre op co-ordinator that I had already committted to doing a bbq/b day dinner for my son and mother on august 7th and how could I make all of this frigging food and not eat any? I am living for that day. Then I have three days to go to surgery...august 10th. I would have to postpone the surgery to another date if she said no, but I am not goign to lie, so as much as you guys support me I am far from doing great, I LIVE for the 7th rreight now and honestly I know I will have to have popcorn /cake etc when everyone leaves cuz what I eat in front of people is nothing compared to my own little world. I actually got out a video and started to film this..yup I lifted my shite, held my gut and cried etc......I will get through this, perhaps at a snails pace, but I knwo I am addicted and I stil want to eat ......but with help from YOU and fills etc, i hope to ONE day get a hold of this and feel full.

argon · August 2, 2006

Oooh... exciting. That'll be nice. I would probably be living for it too! I'm like that too (or would like to think *used to be*), that I do most of my eating when no one can see it. I think alot of what stops me is fear of wrecking what I've got going and/or physically hurting myself by doing it. (hopefully soon, being actually full, and not wanting to eat more will be what stops me)

But I guess that's good. It's keeping me on track... kinda, and if fear is what it takes, that's fine with me. Then there's also the embarassment of the possibility that the might not work, and if it doesn't, having to face the people who were doubters.

I also took those horrid pictures.... and cried... :hug:

kimmason · August 2, 2006

well the photos are video and man it doesn't lie and Ijust sobbed. I wish I had done this years ago.....I mean I have lost my youth etc,, reltaionships and yes, even a job I am sure ,because of my weight. I ffeel so weak that i am addicted to food. I mean my family are samler, my mother wil gain 5 lbs and promptly lose it til she gets back to her 135 again. yeesh. they try to tel me about sdiet etc...but I don't think like they do. I just can't see an amount of food and then leave it alone if it is left. I don't feel satiated when they do... I always wondered what was wrong with me.

I do feel weak that i am goign to have a BAD day before the surgery. Does this mean that I am already failing and that i am throwing 16,000 down the drain? anyway I am feeling down and am going to bed, tomorrow another day and I hope this frigging scale says something good.

Goodnight and thanks mandi

Malice X Girl · August 2, 2006

Pre-op diet SUCKS! but YOU CAN DO IT. Stick with it. You might feel bad now but i'm betting when you eat you'll feel good for about an hour and then feel much worse for cheating. Resist! The bad feelings and negativity is largely due to the drastic change in diet, it's frustrating to say the least. It will get better and you can do this. I'm here if you want to talk.

Yoda · August 2, 2006

be careful though on that day Kim....after being on the preop diet for so long, your body won't like all that food you plan on putting in it (even though your mouth and senses will). You do NOT want to get sick right before surgery. If you HAVE to have some of the stuff...just have a teeeeny bit....PLEASE don't have a whole lot.....you don't want to have a negative reaction to it PLUS you don't want to ruin what you will already have worked so hard to do.

Don't forget...post band...there will be PLENTY of "special" days that you will still always have to be careful of.

argon · August 2, 2006

True, true.. you probably really will not feel too good if you eat as much as you're planning. Why not, at least, don't do what you want to do (eating once everyone's gone), and just do your eating while people are around. Try to think of it that you're *only* doing it because it's a special event, and once the event's over, so is you time for eating!

And like Yoda said, there will be plenty of special days, but not just to be careful of... but to look forward to! You WILL be able to eat again!! You won't be able to binge... so try your hardest not to this time, cause at least by the time this BBQ comes around you'll have 11-ish days 'on the wagon', that you don't want to blow TOO bad, right?