Husbands Anger Issues - Please give advice

La_madam · August 1, 2006

Paula this sounds exactly like my 18yr old son. He was diagnosed as being bi-polar. They originally told him it was depression and was on prozac..it was not depression..he now takes a mood stabilizer which helps tremendoulsy, it is called depacote. Iam suprised they put your husband on paxil, paxil is an anti depressant but it's main use is for OCD ( obsessive compulsive disorder) I know I have OCD and was on paxil for 2 years.

My son is a new person when on his meds..

paula · August 1, 2006

Michelle, the paxil helped relax him - at first. When he first started it he wasnt as sensitive or quick to anger - it calmed him down, just took the edge off. Happy days were here cause I would hear him laughing - I thought the paxil was a miracle drug for him. His headaches were better and he slept much better. But if he missed his dosage (10mg at the time) even HE noticed his anger.

As time went on the headaches came back, trouble sleeping started again along with the anger issues. So his internist increased his dosage to 20mg - this was around March?

Again - he started sleeping better, less headaches, but not like the major change from when he first started taking it.

And yes - he has a serious mood disorder. Always has - even his mom told me that.

paula · August 2, 2006

Hi Paula
Your husband sounds like me. I am a rageaholic. It got much worse after banding as I felt deprived (never hungry) and rage on. I have been going to 12 step meetings and seeing a therapist for the past couple of months and my life has changed completely. I feel so much better and my wife and kids actually like the person i have become.

Here is a link to web site with a test to see if your husband is a rageaholic. If so I suggest a 12 step program and a mental health specialist. I hate taking drugs and I see a social worker instead of a psychiatrist, but I am doing great. Good luck.

http://www.grandtimes.com/Anger.html

Saul, before this thread gets too old, It's bugged me-to-death that I needed to acknowledge your post and Thank you for sharing your story with me and everyone else.

It takes a strong person (but most esp. a man!) to admit they have a problem -and- and even stronger one to seek help. You are an extraordinary MAN for doing this. My husband isnt as willing..

Diane & Bettina, Thanks for the diet suggestion. Unfortunately the foods you suggested that he omit from his diet are the only ones he eats! *BiG sigh* Very likely the reason he has problems - but a diet change is something HE will have to decide on. Ive tried in the past and he actually chose to starve then eat other things!

Pat, effexor? Im going google it to see what this is. He's tried other things in the past, but Paxil has seemed to help the most - until now. And I cracked up about your idea of me ~ Boy, do I have you fooled :biggrin1:

Leatha, as always - you are awesome! Im going to books a Million today and search for the book you recommened. But.. should I be the one to read it? Or Asshole Mike?

oh - think Alanon has a babysitting service for those that attend?

dotofoz, I like that idea - A mood disorder clinic? I wonder if its on the same line as the 12 step programs? anyone else heard of this?

Kathy,...helped me to realize how controlling I was being under the guise of Love. I'd have never thought I was being so manipulative, Ive been pondering this line since yesterday. making me think..

leatha_g · August 2, 2006

Paula, any reading you do cannot hurt. I'm real sorry Mike has now added 'Asshole' to his name. If this is really becoming an issue between the two of you, I seriously suggest consulting a counselor, either one or both of you together. There are many many books out there that might shed some light on the dynamics of this type of behavior. Some authors I can think of, Robin Norwood, Susan Forward, Melodie Beatty. Your reaction to his behavior plays a large role as well. It may be that you can make some changes to how you react which will help to open his eyes. Also, James Dobson has some great books on relationships and how we can change our reaction to bad behavior. Love Must be Tough is one I particularly remember.

And yes, in some cities AlAnon does have babysitting. In my experience, it's not always the best (usually some member's kids or someone who've volunteered and usually too many kids per person). The meetings are usually only one hour. Leave them with Mike or Mom.

Hugs, gf.. I do hope you find some resolution soon..

the best me · August 2, 2006

Kathy,...helped me to realize how controlling I was being under the guise of Love. I'd have never thought I was being so manipulative, Ive been pondering this line since yesterday. making me think..

Oh Paula...that's what I was doing back then...and may be doing now on a smaller scale. That wasn't meant for you! I suppose it's worth looking into for yourself, since that thought stood out for you. The library didn't have Codependant No More by Melody Beattie so I ordered it from another library, should be in tomorrow? I'm anxious to read it again. I'm so glad you brought it up, Leatha!

Hang in there...this is a growth stage for you and Mike. Might be slow and hard, but it will only get better and make you both stronger together! Good for you. :kiss2:

gentlespirit · August 2, 2006

Paula~

Your post really touched my heart. I've been through something similar where the rest of us walked on eggshells trying to keep things from exploding...eventually I realized how much harm it was doing my kids and had to leave the marriage. I'm not suggesting that you should do that, but do be aware of how much it affects your children. My sons, who are 25 and 27, still deal daily with the effects of living with such an angry person, and we've been divorced for 12 years.

It's such a tough situation...I'm sending hugs and will hold you up in my prayers...

Emily

dotofoz · August 4, 2006

Paula: The Cleveland Clinic has (or at least HAD) what's called the "MDIOP" Mood Disorders Intensive Outpatient Program. I was in it in 1999-ish when I was going thru some really messy legal stuff (I was the plaintiff). If I remember correctly, it was like 3x's a week for 4 weeks (2+hrs each day). Most if it was a group thing and there were folks w/all kinds of issues in there, including anger. I was lucky enough to have most if it covered by insurance. To be honest w/you, it just about saved me from hospitalization again, over the same issue and I am still quite good friends w/one of the women I met in there...we kinda lean on eachother on an as needed basis....