Ok...so Kinda Success And Kinda Curse. What To Do?

[Julie76 251]

So I broke up with my bf. I'm fine and it took a lot of stress away when I finally decided I had enough of the neanderthal mentality he was throwing at me. However.... This has opened the door to a lot of other bs.

I was on a date with a new guy and and old friend (who is a guy) walked up to him and told him to his face that he was going to steal me away from him. First time on a date and that! Not good! Not good at all. I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide. Then we went to a cook off the very next day his own step-father told him that he was a lucky man because if he wasn't married to his mom he would steal me away too. That was just insane and overwhelming. However the new guy really likes me and hasn't ran for the hills yet. Thank God he has a sweet soul and not the neanderthal mentality thing going on cause I could see the last bf hurting someone.

After a lot of thought, consideration and talking with the new guy, I have realized that I am not the fat, cool chick that guys want to hang out with but would never date. Now I'm the good looking, cool, chick that everyone wants to date. Things have changed so much for me and I'm happy with the out come of the surgery but me as a person hasn't changed anything but my clothes sizes and eating habits.

I know a lot of people on here are going to think I am certifiably crazy but I just don't understand what gives people the right.

I love the new me and the fact that people are attracted to me but what do you say when people act like this? Should I just let everyone know before we ever start dating that this happens? Cause that would make me seem real full of myself and I don't want to be that person.

So confused.

[luvinitcuzican 8]

Oh boy...ya well welcome to our club! These are issues you will deal with from those that knew the obese you. It really does get challenging doesn't it? HHHMMM what to do..well if I were you I would not make an issue of something UNTIL it's an issue. If this situation came up again ...then say something.

I love this forum because we all have or will have some many issues like this...and only those that have gone through it get it. Good luck girl :biggrin:

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Deep breath! I guess I would tell myself..."Don't overthink" just enjoy and respond when necessary. You do not sound desperate for a man... and this is mature of you... I think you will be fine!

I am getting more attention for sure... and I am 58 and married! Go figure.

[clk 3,519]

It's hard to adjust to, isn't it? I'm married but yes, now everyone that ignored my presence entirely a year ago is complimenting my husband on his wife and making jokes about how lucky he is.

On one hand, it's insulting, isn't it? We're still *mostly* the same on the inside and emotionally, I think it takes us a long time to really fully understand that we're not the fat girls anymore. It's just patently wrong that people treat us totally differently, but I think most of them don't even realize they're doing it. Everyone is attracted to pretty things, and that goes doubly for pretty girls! Even women treat me differently. Part of it is them and I'm starting to realize that part of it is me. I'm no longer hiding myself, acting shy or grumpy and I'm far more pleasant and outgoing. This definitely changes the way people perceive me. Maybe you're having a similar experience?

On the other hand, most men LOVE knowing that other guys want their gals. Seriously, it's like the highest compliment he can be paid about not only his ability to choose 'em, but his ability to keep them in the first place. Unless a guy has confidence issues this probably will seem far more uncomfortable to you than him. My husband loves the attention paid to me now and tells other men all the time how lucky he is - he chose me for me and has loved me every day that we've been together and he never would have wanted me to lose weight. To him, it's almost like a nod to his manliness that other guys find his wife attractive. He has zero insecurities about me leaving him, and if this new guy you're dating is confident and in a good place mentally without any baggage concerning other guys he'll probably feel similarly.

No, don't warn people about this. And it sounds like your head is in a good place. Eventually you'll get more used to this behavior and learn how to gracefully respond. It will become less unnerving with time. In fact, enjoy it! Don't get all crazy, but try to take each silly neanderthal action as a tiny nod to your success. The fact that you're questioning their behavior and wondering how to deal with it is proof your head is in the right place and you're doing well.

You're also doing great on your loss! Just wait 'till you get to goal - then you'll have to hire a bodyguard. :wink1:

~Cheri