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So, it's November....



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And I remember complaining in June about my ins requiring a 6-month supervised weight loss plan.. I have to honestly say that without these last few months of consults and dr visits, I would probably be nuts and still totally oblivious to several things. Basically, this is my manifesto of sorts....

I've learned

  • not everyone who has been supportive in your addiction, delusion, destructive behavior (in my case overeating) will support any decision that will encroach on the benefits they are receiving
  • I don't have to depend on another person's validation, support or acknowledgement of my decisions about my life, yes, nice to have, but It's MY LIFE and I want a better one!! This is my right and no one can stop, change or deny this (I can of course, but I won't!!)
  • everything I thought about myself, my motives, passion and intentions have come into question, but the victory is this.... I still love myself for who I am and I love myself too much to stay the way I am physically
  • I am a perfectionist is a way that can be detrimental to my success in life if I dwell on the past and what I can't control... I don't like making mistakes and I felt horrible that I know ALL about the human physiology, nutrition and exercise, thus, I have allowed myself to become morbidly obese... BUT... this same perfectionism will be my catalyst to making great strides with my tools, including the sleeve, an awesome therapist and my new mindset.
  • I have nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to asking for help with my weight problem.. Alcoholics and drug addicts are scorned or called lazy because they go to AA or NA or rehab. I refuse to be ridiculed into submitting to a life of obesity-related illnesses because some people have nothing better to do than to try and analyze why I'm STILL obese after all these years and what I should try...
  • people are afraid of change... and so, perhaps I won't be the same "whatever you need, I got it, whatever I have that you need, it's yours" friend, daughter, sister, aunt, associate...Or maybe I will, just a lot smaller physically.... Perhaps having "LESS FAT" will allow me to see clearly what some of these people actually think of me and their true motives behind our relationships and associations..
  • My weight issues have fueled issues in every other aspect of my life.. food had become the only trustworthy friend and also my worst enemy... I could rely on my Snacks to be there, but they also stood as a reminder that I was not in control!!
  • Finally, I've learned to release myself from all guilt, condemnation, anger, resentment and bitterness that I've been harboring against ME!! I no longer look in the mirror and shake my head in disappointment because I feel stuck and unable to get out of this rut... I am no longer fearful of trying again.. at anything!! Though, I've tried and not succeeded in successfully losing weight, that will not stop me from giving my ALL this time and every time... I will not be overcome by disappointment any longer..

I am strong, I am beautiful, I am COURAGEOUS enough to believe that my life will change for the better. I am not the same person I was in June or in October even. It has little to do with actual physical weight loss (I've lost less than 10 pounds).. it's more so that weight of the mental and emotional torment I've subjected myself too for years and years... These months, this board and many of my new friends have all worked together in what I would like to call Divine Orchestration to help me pen the new song of my life, one the represents each step, heart beat and all the love I have inside.... I will sing my new song, I will BE my new song!!!

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I felt the same way when I found out that my insurance required 6 months of supervised visits with the NUT. Instead of being upset about it, I have used this time to learn as much as I possibly can about this process. Thank you for sharing your experiences...your updates have been very helpful!!! :)

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
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