My surgery and my 14 year old daughter

pickles789 · April 26, 2011

Hi! I'm scheduled for sleeve surgery on June 1st. I'm excited and nervous and highly impatient!

I'm struggling with this, and I need some help....

I'm finding myself very concerned and at times wondering if I should even have the surgery because of what it's going to do emotionally to my daughter.

She's 14, bright, beautiful, somewhat popular, gifted in many ways... but like her mom, she's overweight. Her body image is so out of whack - when she looks in the mirror she sees a severely obese girl though she's not. She's 5'6 and 190 lbs, and honestly, she doesn't look that. She tries to "diet", she tries to eat better, she's an active dancer... and then she gets down on herself and gives up.

Obviously, I haven't set a really good example for her, but I do believe there must be genetics in there as well, as the majority of my family is obese and has always struggled with weight. My husband had the gbp 6 years ago. I'm trying to set a better example for her now, but what if I'm too late?

It troubles me somewhat to hear her say that when she grows up she is going to have this surgery. As though she has already given up, as though there is no hope. I don't know how to help her if she gives up on herself.

Also, I am very worried how she is going to handle my losing weight. She has said off handedly that she will cry when I am smaller than she is. I mean, for heaven's sake, she's a teenager and her whole life is image right now. She looks at her friends and many of them are that disgusting size 2 we bypassed in grade school!! I think it's gonna be really hard on her and therefore will be really hard on me as well.

I feel guilty. Please help me.

Infernored · April 26, 2011

It's hard for me to answer since I have not any children of my own. But I want to because I grew up overweight and as a teenager my weight surpassed my mothers who was also overweight. Being a teenager means thinking the world will be over past high school, being under intense scrutiny by classmates, trying to meet society's ideals... etc. No matter what her size is, at her age she will always want to be something "better". You've got to take care of yourself too, though. I would be 100% honest with her as to why you are doing it and how it will benefit you, such as having a longer and healthier life. You should encourage her to tell you how she feels about it because she will probably be very scared for your safety and may feel guilty/jealous when you lose weight. Good luck! :rolleyes:

YOLANDA240 · April 26, 2011

Hi MelMar98,

I completely understand your concerns I had WLS surgery six months ago and my daughter who's eleven asked alot of questions prior to my surgery. Since she was born I've been in and out of the hosp. due to Cancer and other health problems. She did not think being over weight was a health problem, especially since her best friend in school is over weight. I had to keep explaining to her that this was a tool to help me keep the weight off for good when I loss it and she was happy with that response. Now I include her in my workouts and I'm teaching her by example how to eat properly even though my daughter is not overweight she still has body issues because sometimes her friends call her skinny minnie or bean poll so it bothers her sometimes. Hopfully after you have surgery you can find ways to include your daughter in your program and you both could loss together.

Take Care

Hi! I'm scheduled for sleeve surgery on June 1st. I'm excited and nervous and highly impatient!

I'm struggling with this, and I need some help....

I'm finding myself very concerned and at times wondering if I should even have the surgery because of what it's going to do emotionally to my daughter.

She's 14, bright, beautiful, somewhat popular, gifted in many ways... but like her mom, she's overweight. Her body image is so out of whack - when she looks in the mirror she sees a severely obese girl though she's not. She's 5'6 and 190 lbs, and honestly, she doesn't look that. She tries to "diet", she tries to eat better, she's an active dancer... and then she gets down on herself and gives up.

Obviously, I haven't set a really good example for her, but I do believe there must be genetics in there as well, as the majority of my family is obese and has always struggled with weight. My husband had the gbp 6 years ago. I'm trying to set a better example for her now, but what if I'm too late?

It troubles me somewhat to hear her say that when she grows up she is going to have this surgery. As though she has already given up, as though there is no hope. I don't know how to help her if she gives up on herself.

Also, I am very worried how she is going to handle my losing weight. She has said off handedly that she will cry when I am smaller than she is. I mean, for heaven's sake, she's a teenager and her whole life is image right now. She looks at her friends and many of them are that disgusting size 2 we bypassed in grade school!! I think it's gonna be really hard on her and therefore will be really hard on me as well.

I feel guilty. Please help me.