Why do people react poorly when we say we are having WLS?

[Suzannesh 376]

Hi,

I had weight loss surgery when I was 63 and I am now 65 . I have been sleeved of 2 1/2 years. I lost 105 pounds on my journey. So I do know a little about what I am going to say. I have done what you want to do or have already done.

So I have been thinking about this. WHY do so many of our friends not say Yay! or I am happy for you?

1. They know NOTHING about weight loss surgery let alone when we say we are have the "sleeve" done?

2. They have not heard of any positive things about WLS.

3. They are scared for us because we are having some kind of surgery they no nothing about.

4. They think we are having gastric bypass (we know it isn't but they don't) and they have heard nothing but bad thing when it comes to this surgery. Dumping, malnutrition, people gaining weight back again, because they have stretched out their pouch.

5. The are sure we are going to die during the surgery.:thumbs_down:

6. They have never had a weight problem in their life.:censored:

7. They view this as the easy way out--it take more courage to have this surgery than to do nothing at all, but they beleive it is the easy way out.

8. How will you stop losing weight.

9. Is this healthy--they are sure it isn't.:hurt:

10. It cost too much money and you will never keep the weight off and WHY if you are over 60 would you want to do this to yourself?

So those are the top ten reason I can think of that the people are thinking all these things. I think if we are willing to talk more about it to them "AFTER" we have had the surgery and explain things to them--I say educate the uneducated friends that we have, they may be more willing to listen. There are so many people that just can't image that we would have surgery to lose weight, so they really have to see with their own eyes that you are OK and healthy and this is working for you. I know you want their support, but honestly sometimes it is just not going to happen.

This isn't something that we just woke up one morning and said hey I think I will have someone remove 80% of my stomach and then I will solve all my weight issues. We thought about this for a long time, we did some research, we checked with other people and joined web sites to educated ourselves.

So, don't let the uneducated people in your life stop you from doing what you know is right for you.

If you had a tooth ache you would go see a dentist to get it fixed--and they would think that is the right thing to do. We have an addiction to food and an emotional connection to food. What is wrong with going and getting the help we need to stop our addiction. This is our tool that we are going to use to accomplish the weight loss with.

It isn't a magical cure by any means. It takes time, work and effort on our part to become successful. A little support along the way also helps a heap!

Finding the right doctor to trust our life with and one who is highly skilled in the field of WLS is the next step. For me that was Dr. Aceves, and I can't say enough kind words about him and his skills and he GREAT staff and wonderful hospital.

I knew at 63 if I was going to take this giant step, it had to be with someone that I trusted and that had done a lot of these with no complications and was a skilled surgeon.

So when the next person you talk to rolls their eyes around because you are over 60 and going to have weight loss surgery, please just have some patients with them. The are very UNEDUCATED. We will work at educating them and letting them know that this really isn't about them at all. It is ALL about you and you have earned and deserved the right to have this surgery.

You will be making a lifestyle change and not be on a diet any more. You are going to put yourself first, for the first time in a long time. I want you to feel good about what you are doing because it is going to be a life changing event that is going to be so fabulous. Someone is going to call your "skinny" for the first time and you are going to smile and say "yes" I did it.

I am here every step of the way to assist, you and help you. I will answer your million questions you may have and help you deal with the emotions that you are feeling. I want you to know that you are doing the right thing by wanting to become healthy and add years to your life.

Hugs to you and you go for what you want in life. If not now then WHEN????

Suzanne

[seniorsleever 17]

Excellent post, Suzanne! I can add two reasons:

1. Some people don't want you to lose weight, because being around you makes them look good in comparison, and 2. Some people just aren't interested in anyone but themselves. I have known both kinds. I've actually used #1 as a comeback when someone mentions my weight--"Oh, you've gotten so big" and I would say "If it wasn't for people like me, people like you wouldn't look nearly as good." I could kick myself now. Then there are the #2 people. If a friend mentions that you've lost a lot of weight, #2 people will turn around and talk to someone else about their upcoming trip to China or something. They don't want to hear about you, only about what they are in to. I try to shed those people like Water on a duck.

[Suzannesh 376]

Excellent post, Suzanne! I can add two reasons:

1. Some people don't want you to lose weight, because being around you makes them look good in comparison, and 2. Some people just aren't interested in anyone but themselves. I have known both kinds. I've actually used #1 as a comeback when someone mentions my weight--"Oh, you've gotten so big" and I would say "If it wasn't for people like me, people like you wouldn't look nearly as good." I could kick myself now. Then there are the #2 people. If a friend mentions that you've lost a lot of weight, #2 people will turn around and talk to someone else about their upcoming trip to China or something. They don't want to hear about you, only about what they are in to. I try to shed those people like Water on a duck.

You are soooooooooooooo correct about these kind of people. I found out who my Friends really were when I started losing weight. My walking partner of many years after walking with me for about 4 months after my WLS looked me in the eye and said to me "OK I am ready to go to Mexico and see Dr. Aceves and do what you have done." Her next statement was "will you please go with me." My answer was a big YES. She has been very successful and lost 80 pounds and looks fabulous. So as I said I lost some friends and gained some new ones. I loved seeing people who use to treat me poorly because I was fat and they were thinner. One day I saw this lady who had packed on the pounds and she used to be skinny and was such a snit. Now I am the skinny one and she is the fat one. I am not hateful, but boy it felt good. I treated her very nice and that seemed to bother her more than if I would have been rude like she used to me. Kindness kills!LOL

I am thrilled that you are doing so well.

Hugs.

[pumpkin07 32]

I honestly notice it makes others that are not interested very uncomfortable to talk about. Usually they say NOTHING. It is so uncomfortable. You want to say "So glad I shared..."

They act like you are cheating on your husband or something...just very uncomfortable to their thought processeeeeezzz.

I guess overall they just CANNOT relate.

Like if you told me to quit smoking you had your lips sewed up. It would not make sense to me. I guess that is how it is for some people. They don't understand you CAN live fairly normally after a sleeve.

[Suzannesh 376]

I honestly notice it makes others that are not interested very uncomfortable to talk about. Usually they say NOTHING. It is so uncomfortable. You want to say "So glad I shared..."

They act like you are cheating on your husband or something...just very uncomfortable to their thought processeeeeezzz.

I guess overall they just CANNOT relate.

Like if you told me to quit smoking you had your lips sewed up. It would not make sense to me. I guess that is how it is for some people. They don't understand you CAN live fairly normally after a sleeve.

I agree some people are very uncomfortable with talking about this. I usually only explain or educate someone who wants to know how I lost the weight. I always tell everyone this may not be what you want to do, but boy it works well for me and I know I will never regain it back again.

Take care and Hugs,

Suzanne

[LCS 21]

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have very supportive friends and family. But I know where you're coming from. I think our society is so youth centered, that they consider anything done at an older age as a waste of resources. If you couldn't get it right by 60, then give up. Well, we're here to prove that philosophy wrong by living a long, healthy and productive life.

[Suzannesh 376]

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have very supportive friends and family. But I know where you're coming from. I think our society is so youth centered, that they consider anything done at an older age as a waste of resources. If you couldn't get it right by 60, then give up. Well, we're here to prove that philosophy wrong by living a long, healthy and productive life.

Hi,

You are very lucky to have had the kind of support you are having. I agree sometimes people think gosh they are old, why bother. We have earned the right to do what ever we want with our life.

Never give up on your dreams,

Hugs,

[Anniepie10 2]

I agree that people who have never had a weight problem don't get it. I have told just a few people about my surgery. I did not want to deal with anyone who was negative. The few friends that I have told are supportive and understanding. It was just easier to pick my bsttles. I have posted nothing on FB. This is my journey and I am going to take MY path. THINK POSITIVE.. This is our body and our choice. No one should be negative of out choices. They should respect us and be glad for us!!!!!

[shangefan 193]

Interesting thread. I think all of the reasons are true. I am fortunate that my family is very supportive. They were totally with me during the lapband surgery and everything that followed. Now that I am doing the revision to the sleeve, I am undecided about telling them. I think I want to wait until I have some success.

I have several friends who have had WLS -- although most have had gastric bypass -- and they are supportive. What they ARE NOT supportive of is my decision to have the surgery done in Mexico. But I am clear that I have made an informed choice and a decision that is right for me. So I am moving ahead. I actually plan to go alone because I dropped the subject after folks reacted badly.

I also have people in my life who are obsessed with the gym and bodies. I have no intention to mention the surgery to them, even though I am sure they will start to ask questions when I start losing weight.

[syjaeger84@gmail.com 9]

Well said, Suzanne. I am 60, soon to be 61. I am scheduled for a gastric sleeve on Feb. 15. I have had all kinds of negative responses. Most people just want to know why at my age? I plan on living for quite a few more years. I want to enjoy them to the fullest. I want to feel better physically and emotionally. I want to keep up with my 3 year old granddaughter. I want to go to the beach and never feel self-conscious again. I want to play tennis on a regular basis with my husband. I want to be able to hike without huffing and puffing. I want to look in the mirror in the morning and not say gross. I want to witness the transformation. I have begun my pre op liquid diet. I know this sounds weird, but I like it. If this is something you want badly, people should be happy for you. Be supportive. Look at the positives. I look forward to a successful surgery.

[Oneyearout 43]

Well said. I'm 62 had sleeve done a year ago. Passed my goal weight, lost over 100 lbs. feeling great and only my husband and children and a couple of good friends know. I didn't want them to try and talk me out of it and I'm private and just didn't want to have to explain it to anyone. Being healthy has no age!!!! I LOVE GETTING MY SLEEVE!

[carolynh 13]

I got my sleeve 12/21/2016 so I am new on the journey. I am 60 years old and am down 53 pounds. Long way to go but I don't want to spend the rest of my life not being able to do what I want. I've told a lot of people. Most are very supportive but if they aren't, that's not going to be my problem. I've taken care of everyone else for a long time and now it's my turn.

[Nancy MBGC 90]

Hi,

I had weight loss surgery when I was 63 and I am now 65 . I have been sleeved of 2 1/2 years. I lost 105 pounds on my journey. So I do know a little about what I am going to say. I have done what you want to do or have already done.

So I have been thinking about this. WHY do so many of our friends not say Yay! or I am happy for you? :angry:

1. They know NOTHING about weight loss surgery let alone when we say we are have the "sleeve" done?

2. They have not heard of any positive things about WLS.

3. They are scared for us because we are having some kind of surgery they no nothing about.

4. They think we are having gastric bypass (we know it isn't but they don't) and they have heard nothing but bad thing when it comes to this surgery. Dumping, malnutrition, people gaining weight back again, because they have stretched out their pouch.

5. The are sure we are going to die during the surgery.:thumbs_down:

6. They have never had a weight problem in their life.:censored:

7. They view this as the easy way out--it take more courage to have this surgery than to do nothing at all, but they beleive it is the easy way out.

8. How will you stop losing weight.

9. Is this healthy--they are sure it isn't.:hurt:

10. It cost too much money and you will never keep the weight off and WHY if you are over 60 would you want to do this to yourself?

So those are the top ten reason I can think of that the people are thinking all these things. I think if we are willing to talk more about it to them "AFTER" we have had the surgery and explain things to them--I say educate the uneducated friends that we have, they may be more willing to listen. There are so many people that just can't image that we would have surgery to lose weight, so they really have to see with their own eyes that you are OK and healthy and this is working for you. I know you want their support, but honestly sometimes it is just not going to happen.

This isn't something that we just woke up one morning and said hey I think I will have someone remove 80% of my stomach and then I will solve all my weight issues. We thought about this for a long time, we did some research, we checked with other people and joined web sites to educated ourselves.

So, don't let the uneducated people in your life stop you from doing what you know is right for you.

If you had a tooth ache you would go see a dentist to get it fixed--and they would think that is the right thing to do. We have an addiction to food and an emotional connection to food. What is wrong with going and getting the help we need to stop our addiction. This is our tool that we are going to use to accomplish the weight loss with.

It isn't a magical cure by any means. It takes time, work and effort on our part to become successful. A little support along the way also helps a heap!

Finding the right doctor to trust our life with and one who is highly skilled in the field of WLS is the next step. For me that was Dr. Aceves, and I can't say enough kind words about him and his skills and he GREAT staff and wonderful hospital.

I knew at 63 if I was going to take this giant step, it had to be with someone that I trusted and that had done a lot of these with no complications and was a skilled surgeon.

So when the next person you talk to rolls their eyes around because you are over 60 and going to have weight loss surgery, please just have some patients with them. The are very UNEDUCATED. We will work at educating them and letting them know that this really isn't about them at all. It is ALL about you and you have earned and deserved the right to have this surgery.

You will be making a lifestyle change and not be on a diet any more. You are going to put yourself first, for the first time in a long time. I want you to feel good about what you are doing because it is going to be a life changing event that is going to be so fabulous. Someone is going to call your "skinny" for the first time and you are going to smile and say "yes" I did it.

I am here every step of the way to assist, you and help you. I will answer your million questions you may have and help you deal with the emotions [emoji6] that you are feeling. I want you to know that you are doing the right thing by wanting to become healthy and add years to your life.

Hugs to you and you go for what you want in life. If not now then WHEN????

Suzanne

My family and friends did not want to hear about it. They were not interested in getting educated. Only my boyfriend supports it.

[Catherine D 2]

I just had the surgery on Monday, October 23rd. I feel great, my gas is disgusting, and my family is very supportive. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement,

[Heather S 17]

My family and close friends are supportive and know how many hoops I had to go through to finally get it done but a co worker of mine asked me why I couldn't just go on a diet like so and so who is 25 and just had a baby. She supposedly lost 70 pounds by dieting. Frustrates me so much! First of all I'm 49. I don't have the metabolism of a 20 something and no way did that girl lose 70 pounds. She maybe lost 20 after her baby. I hate being compared to others. People always think I am taking the easy way out at work. I have to ignore the haters and do what's best for me.

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