I've found a surgery center, I'm approved for financing, Husband has reservations about the $$, Have NOT told any family or friends because I'm nervous that they will not support me, or question me. I'm 80 lbs overweight with a BMI of 36.5.. AND pre-diabetic.There is no way I will ever lose 80 lbs and keep it off. but I'm afraid my family members (who are not overweight) will just tell me to get my butt on the treadmill. But I know myself, I know I'll never lose that much weight and keep it off on my own. I really want the sleeve gastrectomy.

Any advice on how to tell my family ??

Any advice on how to tell my family ??

Do you "need" to tell your whole family? Can you tell the members you are closest to? I told my mom, knowing she would be against it. She really hasn't said anything bad. She definitely lets me know there are other ways to do it.

Insert George Castanza's mom on Seinfeld :Oh my, you are breaking my heart. Just go on a diet, will ya?!:

It is a personal choice on who to tell. If you know it will be touchy, approach the subject in a serious, yet calm manner and arm yourself with facts. When they spew out other options like diet and exercise, show them the rate of how unsuccessful those things are for overweight people. Show the low complication rates for VSG. Information is power in this situation. And stand your ground. If it become confrontational, back out or change the subject (or leave). You do not need to defend your reasoning for wanting to be healthy!!

You may be surprised by your family's response. Have they seen you struggle? Have they seen you lose only to gain again?

I was afraid to tell my mother-in-law who is a surgical nurse. Surprisingly, she was the most supportive. Heck! She even went with me for surgery. Totally supported me.

I say just tell them why you are considering it. Show them that you've done your research and that you need this tool to get you back to the healthier you. It's up to them to support you or not.

p.s. - my husband was concerned about the money too. But now, he says it was the best money we ever spent. It gave me back my life and gave him a wife that enjoys physical activity and doesn't get tired all the time. Wearing cute little dresses doesn't hurt either!

Something like this is entirely a case by case type of thing. For many people the best option is to simply tell your family you are having your gall bladder removed and going on a high protein diet to prevent the chance of kidney stones. Then, once you have lost the weight and feel better about coming clean you can explain what really happened and why you felt you needed to be covert for a while. Your family of all people should want you to be happy and healthy, but it's in your hands to do what needs to be done to get that way. You will still need to get on a treadmill after this surgery, and by all means I hope you don't think this is easier then a diet. It's just a forced diet that gives your chance of success far higher numbers. Good luck in whatever you decide!!

Thanks for the advice! I hate keeping secrets from my family, but I might do the surgery then tell them at a later time. My dad is always the skeptic and on occasion has mentioned certain people who've had gastric bypass and has gained part of the weight back....thats why I'm nervous to tell him. I have a very nice family, and I guess I'm afraid to admit my weakness (even though its easy to see) with losing weight and wanting to use this wonderful tool to help me. It's hard when you're the only overweight person in your immediate family (extended family members have weight problems). And I don't know if I'll be able to keep a secret since we all live in the same city, go to the same church, see each other every week. It would be hard. I guess i still have some soul searching to do!!

You may be surprised by your family's response. Have they seen you struggle? Have they seen you lose only to gain again?

I was afraid to tell my mother-in-law who is a surgical nurse. Surprisingly, she was the most supportive. Heck! She even went with me for surgery. Totally supported me.

I say just tell them why you are considering it. Show them that you've done your research and that you need this tool to get you back to the healthier you. It's up to them to support you or not.

p.s. - my husband was concerned about the money too. But now, he says it was the best money we ever spent. It gave me back my life and gave him a wife that enjoys physical activity and doesn't get tired all the time. Wearing cute little dresses doesn't hurt either!

I definitely know its not easier than a diet. Every time I look at my plate I think, after surgery I'll not be able to eat this. I must come to terms with that.. but I feel that is what I need to actually succeed. And i am excited about getting on a treadmill and actually having results! One of my goals is to run a 5k in the next couple of years. I like the gallbladder advice, and I'd use that except I had my gallbladder out a couple years ago...so I'd have to think of something else, and keep my parents away from the surgery center because they'd want to be there. I'm thinking about just not saying anything at all. Just doing it, and telling them later, after the fact.

Something like this is entirely a case by case type of thing. For many people the best option is to simply tell your family you are having your gall bladder removed and going on a high Protein diet to prevent the chance of kidney stones. Then, once you have lost the weight and feel better about coming clean you can explain what really happened and why you felt you needed to be covert for a while. Your family of all people should want you to be happy and healthy, but it's in your hands to do what needs to be done to get that way. You will still need to get on a treadmill after this surgery, and by all means I hope you don't think this is easier then a diet. It's just a forced diet that gives your chance of success far higher numbers. Good luck in whatever you decide!!

simply tell your family you are having your gall bladder removed and going on a high protein diet to prevent the chance of kidney stones.

Good idea!!! But just so you know, high protein diets can actually cause kidney stones... So you might want to just rearrange your excuse a little bit.. like tell them you had your gallbladder taken out and because of that, you feel you should be on a healthier diet.. Just thought I'd let you know in case you do use this excuse so you won't get caught

I told my mom about 2-3 months after surgery. . . when i was getting it done i just told her we would be gone on vacation for about 1 week. . .so if i didn't call that was why. . . but you see my mom is a major drama queen. . .if she would have known, she would have picked out my coffin and had me dead and buried before surgery. . . so i just spared the drama and didn't tell her, . . now that she knows, I'm still dead and buried, but i just tell her "did you prefer me fat mother and i'm not dead am i? " that usually shuts her up. . . good luck

keep my parents away from the surgery center because they'd want to be there. I'm thinking about just not saying anything at all.

That's exactly what I am doing... I have no intentions of telling anyone other than my husband... If family asks why I am losing weight, I will let them know that I am tired of being ginormous and it is time for serious diet and exercise... and leave it at that.. They don't need to know you had surgery at all!! Just don't plan anything with them for a week or two.. Go "on a vacation" if you need to

My Dad had left me some money and I knew he would approve of how I spent the $8500 as he was always concerned with me being overweight. Over the years, he sent me "the lose-weight-quick ads" like the polka-dotted bikini one swearing weight loss over night or just tell me to quit eating. It's alot more than that as we all know.

Over the last 30 years, I have probably lost & gained over 500 lbs (or more!) and once again, I had lost 90 pounds a year & a half ago, gave all my big clothes away and had two closets full of a brand new wardrobe. 20 pounds came back on slow and then BAM another 45. I think my hubby was glad I did the sleeve so he didn't have to buy me more clothes! The Sleeve is a lifetime tool so I do NOT have to gain/lose...it has helped me make better choices. If you know it is the right decision for you, inform them ~ they'll either be supportive or not.

I've found a surgery center, I'm approved for financing, Husband has reservations about the $$, Have NOT told any family or friends because I'm nervous that they will not support me, or question me. I'm 80 lbs overweight with a BMI of 36.5.. AND pre-diabetic.There is no way I will ever lose 80 lbs and keep it off. but I'm afraid my family members (who are not overweight) will just tell me to get my butt on the treadmill. But I know myself, I know I'll never lose that much weight and keep it off on my own. I really want the sleeve gastrectomy.

Any advice on how to tell my family ??

I told my family I was going on vacation. When I got back I filled them in that I had actually went and had WLS. I felt it was better in my situation to with hold telling them until I got back. Now they are all very supportive and life is good. If I was to re-do this past year I would still do it the same way. I did not want to give anyone a chance to convince me I was doing the wrong thing. I knew I was doing what was right for me.

I am not telling anyone, but my husband! It is NOBODYS business anyway.

People are so judgemental and think that WLS is an easy out. I say do it and if you want to tell, tell later. It is your decision and nobody else's anyway.

Good luck to you.

Kelly

I didn't tell anyone outside of my circle of friends. I'm not planning on telling anyone unless they are considering it. As far as the food stuff goes: I was down pre-op about not being able to eat my favorite foods again, but post op I don't miss anything and the reality is I can still have all of it. The surgery is already starting to pay for it self. I spend almost nothing on food. I was the guy that ate out every meal, now a cheap can of chili will last me four meals. I consider it a great investment, and probably the best money I've ever spent. No joke.

@ Sophie I'm in the same boat Bmi 43 and 100 lbs over and debating altogether whether or not to tell them. Leaning mire towards not telling. I've lost large sums of weight before ( of course i gained it back) but i dint rhink they will question it .

I feel a sense of dread being lifted off my shoulders at the thought of not telling.?!! I think it would be so much easier that way- not to have to face their judgment. I'll have to convince my husband to "allow" me not to tell anyone because he always holds me accountable and wants me to be honest at all times. He means well, but he's hardheaded/ lol.

I feel a sense of dread being lifted off my shoulders at the thought of not telling.?!! I think it would be so much easier that way- not to have to face their judgment. I'll have to convince my husband to "allow" me not to tell anyone because he always holds me accountable and wants me to be honest at all times. He means well, but he's hardheaded/ lol.

Honey, You have a right to your privacy.!!! Your husband needs to settle down and not be so judgmental about what constitutes honesty. Does he tell everyone about every private body function on a daily basis? I mean, really, you decide how you feel about your personal right to privacy, and let him decide about his. You are very brave and wise to be seeking a reasonable solution to a serious health problem. Have the surgery, if anyone asks about your weight loss just say you are trying to achieve a healthier weight and are working on diet and exercise, and appreciate their support in helping you achieve your health goals and maintain them. There are hundreds of ways people achieve healthy weights, and, it's just not any one else's business to know and judge your choices.

Sounds like you are surrounded by family you feel are judging you. Give yourself a break. This on-line support group should give you some relief from all that. Well meaning or not, it sounds like this potential judgmental atmosphere is weighing heavier on you than the surgery itself. You may need to carve out this private place for you and only you! This is a nice group and provides so much support.

I am facing the same issues--am scheduled for April 18!!!- and have decided that for now, only my husband and adult daughter will know. When I am on the other side and see how I (emphasis on I) feel about it, will decide then whether to share this personal decision with anyone else. Until then, it is not for my husband or daughter to share this with anyone, and they won't. Neither will they push me or make me feel like I am being less than honest by maintaining my right to privacy. In this crazy world of reality TV shows and confessionals, the idea of privacy may seem quaint. Well, it's not!

Good luck to you! I admire your courage and wish you all the best!