i wasn't always fat

[Derp 3]

Several years ago, I was a lot thinner than I am today, and all of the boys loved me. Over the last few years, i've slowly built up to 240lbs, and it has done a horrible number on my self esteem. I don't go to the same social events i used to, because i hate being the fat chick. Every girl i work with is incredibly thin and beautiful, which makes me feel even worse. Boys don't think of me as cute anymore - I'm just the friend who's fun to party with. I have a great personality and i'm well liked by most people, but it does me no good when i hate my appearance. It's always on the forefront of my mind when i'm out in public, and i just make myself sick about it.

I did meet a boy a few months ago who is just absolutely head over heels in love with me, and we started dating. it is incredibly hard for me to admit this, but if I was more confident in myself, I would not have started seeing him. He and I are from different worlds completely, and I have had to compromise a lot of myself in order to make it work. I know I should feel lucky to have a boyfriend, and I do like him very much, but I wouldn't be with him if I had better self esteem.

My poor self esteem led to depression, which led to stress eating, and it seemed to be a viscous cycle. Dating my boyfriend has helped pull me out of a lot of it, because he makes me feel pretty - prettier than I actually am, even...

The thing that led me to my decision to have WLS is the potential health issues i'm starting to face as I get older - high blood pressure, and the threat of diabetes. The mental stresses and low self esteem, coupled with some of the testimonials of *real life* people i know helped seal the deal.

It feels good to have typed this all out - perhaps I just felt like I needed to vent. Any other ladies out there in the same boat?

<3

[jencomenz 3]

Laura this is totally me too.

I was skinny (120 lbs or less) right up until the summer after my 21st birthday. I began to experience some medical problems and certain medications ballooned me up very quickly to 165, which at the time, felt SO fat.

Add marriage, 2 kiddos, a desk job, major depression and 10 years of age to the equation and here I sit at 240.

I avoid any and all social functions where I might see someone I knew from H.S. I un tag all pictures of me on Facebook. Quite frankly I am still walking around with a chip on my shoulder from that summer. I find myself "hiding" in my own body pretending that I'm so fat that if I see someone at the store and don't say hi they won't even recognize that it is me.

It only very recently hit me that most of the people I know now have only known me fat. It only very recently hit me that I have been overweight my ENTIRE adult life. It only very recently hit me that I can't just sit around angry and wait for the old me to magically reappear, that I have to take action.

My ultimate NSV will be seeing someone from my past and having them say to me "you haven't changed a bit".

Jen

[Jen Jen 6]

Wow ! I also avoid any social life and have hit 240. After breast cancer I gained 50lbs. I had total mastectomy, chemo, reconstruction, and hormone receptive meds. I have a few physical restrictions, but overall I am as healthy as ever, except for now being overweight. I am ready to get back to my old self also. ( or should I say a newer me?) After I lose my weight I plan on having more reconstruction on my boobs. I feel like the plastic surgeon, who reconstructed my boobs, just gave me some half*** boobs to keep me from having none at all. I've got a whole lot of self esteem issues too. Luckily my husband loves me reguardless. I want to love ME again too. I am ready to break free of this shell I'm in.

I am trying to schedule a date for the vertical sleeve surgery.

Let me know how your surgery goes and how you are doing. I hope you regain the self esteem you once had.

Several years ago, I was a lot thinner than I am today, and all of the boys loved me. Over the last few years, i've slowly built up to 240lbs, and it has done a horrible number on my self esteem. I don't go to the same social events i used to, because i hate being the fat chick. Every girl i work with is incredibly thin and beautiful, which makes me feel even worse. Boys don't think of me as cute anymore - I'm just the friend who's fun to party with. I have a great personality and i'm well liked by most people, but it does me no good when i hate my appearance. It's always on the forefront of my mind when i'm out in public, and i just make myself sick about it.

I did meet a boy a few months ago who is just absolutely head over heels in love with me, and we started dating. it is incredibly hard for me to admit this, but if I was more confident in myself, I would not have started seeing him. He and I are from different worlds completely, and I have had to compromise a lot of myself in order to make it work. I know I should feel lucky to have a boyfriend, and I do like him very much, but I wouldn't be with him if I had better self esteem.

My poor self esteem led to depression, which led to stress eating, and it seemed to be a viscous cycle. Dating my boyfriend has helped pull me out of a lot of it, because he makes me feel pretty - prettier than I actually am, even...

The thing that led me to my decision to have WLS is the potential health issues i'm starting to face as I get older - high blood pressure, and the threat of diabetes. The mental stresses and low self esteem, coupled with some of the testimonials of *real life* people i know helped seal the deal.

It feels good to have typed this all out - perhaps I just felt like I needed to vent. Any other ladies out there in the same boat?

<3

[Derp 3]

I added both of you ladies to my friend list - I'm glad to hear your stories too.

I can't blame my weight gain on anything but myself - I started a company about 5 years ago which kept me sitting at a computer for so many hours a day, I ended up eating every meal at my desk. I also drank a lot too. It's part of the culture of my work environment... we are all really big drinkers. It's hard to break out of. Luckily, i kind of "grew out of it", in that i'm 31 now, and that lifestyle just isn't feasible for me anymore.

Two of the things that have been bothering me the most since I reached this weight are:

1) The almost constant fatigue. I feel like I have mono all the time. All I want to do is sleep when i'm not working. I can't get motivated to do the things in my life i need to do, like running errands, or even fixing up my new apartment. I don't have a husband or kids to force me to do stuff, but honestly, i'm pretty glad because if i did, I'd be a pretty sad sack of crap.

2) Aches and pains. My hips and knees hurt all the time. Like I'm sore from exertion, but I haven't exerted myself. That puts me further down the black hole of inactivity. UGH, it's embarrassing to even type. As it gets closer to time for my surgery, i find myself trying to be more active, because I want to make the surgery go as smoothly as possible, and i figure i'll be stuck in bed long enough after i get home.

Since i've been feeling bad like this 100% of the time for the last few years, it's made me really excited about the surgery. I feel like it's the exact life changing event that i need to pull me out of it. One of the guys I work with had VSG a couple of years ago, and said that very soon after, his energy level doubled, and it jump-started his life. He really enjoys working out now, and it really shows - he looks fantastic. Because I can see him with my own 2 eyes, he's been my best motivator, and ultimately *the thing* that helped me make this decision.

<3

[thinoneday 445]

Several years ago, I was a lot thinner than I am today, and all of the boys loved me. Over the last few years, i've slowly built up to 240lbs, and it has done a horrible number on my self esteem. I don't go to the same social events i used to, because i hate being the fat chick. Every girl i work with is incredibly thin and beautiful, which makes me feel even worse. Boys don't think of me as cute anymore - I'm just the friend who's fun to party with. I have a great personality and i'm well liked by most people, but it does me no good when i hate my appearance. It's always on the forefront of my mind when i'm out in public, and i just make myself sick about it.

I did meet a boy a few months ago who is just absolutely head over heels in love with me, and we started dating. it is incredibly hard for me to admit this, but if I was more confident in myself, I would not have started seeing him. He and I are from different worlds completely, and I have had to compromise a lot of myself in order to make it work. I know I should feel lucky to have a boyfriend, and I do like him very much, but I wouldn't be with him if I had better self esteem.

My poor self esteem led to depression, which led to stress eating, and it seemed to be a viscous cycle. Dating my boyfriend has helped pull me out of a lot of it, because he makes me feel pretty - prettier than I actually am, even...

The thing that led me to my decision to have WLS is the potential health issues i'm starting to face as I get older - high blood pressure, and the threat of diabetes. The mental stresses and low self esteem, coupled with some of the testimonials of *real life* people i know helped seal the deal.

It feels good to have typed this all out - perhaps I just felt like I needed to vent. Any other ladies out there in the same boat?

<3

I'm glad you are doing ok. . your very luck you know. . . he really loves you for you. . . not too many people can say that, thin or fat. . . after you lose the weight, he'll still be there for you i bet. . did you have your surgery yet or no?

[jencomenz 3]

Seriously! The words you are using are so crazy similar to my own.

Mono, flu, fatigue, achy. I have these constant feelings too!

My skinny brain can't keep up with my fat body. It makes me feel so lazy. I constantly have a huge to do list of things that I want and need to do and I can't find the energy to do them. We get by. Somehow things happen, but I feel so unorganized all the time because I'm scrambling at the last minute due to procrastination.

And my kids - I SO don't want to be a fat mom. I want to swim, bike, swing, run. I want to be active with my kids. But my activity level is practicly nil. It's a vicious cycle. And again with the skinny brain/fat body thing. I have good intentions and zero energy.

[Jen Jen 6]

Sounds like we all have energy issues. I started going to a weight loss clinic and get B-12 injections, hoping to regain some energy. Which I have. I was already B-12 defficient and received shots from my oncologist, but he didn't seem concerned after I was out of the anemic stage. He just kept me on a once a month scheduled shot.

When I started going to the weight loss clinic for my shots I started feeling better. I am trying to build my level up by getting a shot once a week.

I haven't had my surgery yet, but am planning on April. I am ready to be able to do things with my daughter and husband. (Who are very active.)

I am loving this forum and hearing everyone elses issues. Now I know there are others who feel the same as I do.

This weight is holding us back from being who we want to be.