Spider Sleeve 4 month Surgiversary!!! YAY!

SeeMel3 · November 20, 2010

It is pretty amazing, it seems life gets a little easier every day. The weight continues to come off and I am already nearing my goal which has been so challenging my entire life. This past week I took out old pictures of myself and discovered that I have literally been riding a roller coaster since the 3rd grade. I don't have a lot of memories from those years but I have the pictures that show a normal looking happy child and from that point the next picture is a tremendous change in size and my face was so round and chubby.

I remember always feeling that I was the largest-roundest kid in the class. I remember having to wear shorts when I would wear a dress because my thighs would rub together and I would really suffer. I remember not liking to go to P.E. class and was so embarrassed by my size that I would beg my mother to write a note so that I wouldn't have to participate. Incredible that although my parents tried to help me, they really didn't know how. My Mother was obese most of my life she also struggled with her weight and unfortunately there were several diets and exercise programs attempted but to no major success for either of us.

I watched as my Mother diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at 42 suffered developing severe neurologic pain in her feet and hands, watched as the woman I knew drifted away into a narcotic induced flatness trying to cope with the pain, her health spiraled down and within 15 years she was gone. I knew that I didn't want to follow her. In 2006, illness became a part of my daily life and I started to suffer with my own very challenging illness. This required a tremendous amount of medication, pain management Doctors and finally 2 brain surgeries. Through all of it I gained weight thanks to my bedridden status and the effects of all of the steroids and other meds.

Little did I know this was only the beginning of my experience of illness and I often would feel incredibly guilty thinking I was being punished for some horrible transgression I had committed and prayed to God that if I was ever unkind to someone suffering intractable pain that I would receive his forgiveness. I know that was not the case but when stricken with something like this you begin to doubt who you are as a person, question every belief every action, I know now that sometimes God allows you to experience things as lessons in life and so that you can take those and help others. So much good has come from this experience that I do not regret the experience, I have been able to council others who suffer from Trigeminal Neuralgia (the suicide disease) often so challenging to diagnose that many cannot cope with the pain and end their lives. I am on the other side of this now. A survivor. Through my story and experiences I have been able to help others who are coping with this illness and guide them to get care.

Often just navigating the health care system is such a challenge as DR's do not always have the time to listen, nor are they inclined to actually HEAR what you are saying to them. That is why when I found my surgeon, Dr. Marema and found out that he was a bariatric surgery patient himself with more than 12,000 procedures performed that I would have him do my surgery. This has been a life changing experience. Every day I thank God for these blessings and for the favor he has shown me.

I do hope that others on this journey to wellness are given an opportunity to regain a sense of self, the final recovery, access to quality health care and that you all will be treated with respect, compassion, and empathy. I know that I have to share the miracles in my life or I may not receive more. I hope this in some way helps someone out there, today. Sharing this was not the easiest thing I have ever done but I will tell you that "scars remind me how far I have come" Shakira, is the absolute truth. Today I am grateful for my journey.