I haven't had surgery yet, but I keep getting people's opinions.

[wannalise 16]

I'm new to this site, so I don't know if this is where I am to go about it, but I scheduled my surgery two days ago. I am financing it myself so I'm not scheduled until June 16th. I had decided that at least for the time being and at first after my surgery, I wasn't going to openly share that this is what I had done. But, on New Year's Eve my best friend told a room full of people and I don't know what makes people feel entitled, but people I don't even know well were offering their advice, acting like I had done NO research, and being calloused enough to suggest that maybe I just haven't tried hard enough on my own. So....to those of you who have had surgery, how do you share this info with people. What are the typical reactions? Do people treat your journey as if you "cheated." Do people get how hard this is?

[Tiffykins 673]

I've been 100% open with my experiences, and haven't had any negative comments except from my family. My mom told me it was "wreckless", my brother told me to just deal with the pain that my band caused me, and so forth.

Unfortunately, people are idiots when they are uneducated (read ignorant) about WLS, and the struggles of obesity.

Most of the time when I hear other people who get these comments, it's from people who have zero knowledge on being obese, and the daily struggles, or years of diets we've endured.

I have found a lot of support by sharing my experience, and even 2 of my friends are now considering VSG because of my results/success.

I only tell people who need to know, or say something about my weight loss. Then, I'm an open book. I've had nothing but positive comments and encouragement.

I know how difficult it is when someone else exposes your personal business. I would have a serious conversation with your friend, and ask that she respect your privacy and not share your personal life with perfect strangers (if you havne't already).

Plus, some people are just a$$es, and want to make a scene, or have ill intentions. Don't take it to heart, and just know you are doing this for you, and your life. Not hers, and not for anyone else.

[MINI-Me 196]

Wannalise - I can totally relate ...

My son works part time in a grocery store while going to college. His main area is the dairy department. A woman the other day was looking at some Greek Yogurt and asked his opinion. He told her that I was interested in the yogurt as well since it was high in Protein and good for WLS patients. Without knowing him or my situation, she went off on him. Kept telling him that I didn't need surgery and that I was taking the easy way out.

To say the least, he was really upset. He knows my struggles and my family history. He totally supports my decision. To think he was sharing something he was proud of and to be assaulted by a complete stranger.

How am I going to handle this type of "conversation" once I'm sleeved. If someone asks, I will be honest. If they "protest", I will let them know that they need to do what's right for them just like I had to do what's right for me.

Don't know if that helped or not, but that's my plan.

Congratulations on your decision. If you need support or encouragement, there is plenty of that around here. Welcome.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I really didn't tell anyone for the same reason as you stated. I really did not want to hear anyone's opinion.

I am sorry your friend spilled your personal business. You might tell people that the statistics

for people losing weight and keeping it off on their own are about 2 % and that is why WLS is becoming so popular.

[deedee 5]

I'm very sorry that you are having to deal with this right now. I told people about my surgery in advance and had mostly positive, but some negative reactions. With time I think the "advice" will become less especially if you don't engage in any conversations about it. I've told the same people over and over (when asked what I've been doing) about the surgery and they seem to forget about it in about a month and come to ask again what my "secret" is. So maybe if you don't bring it up, they will forget eventually too. Once I was sleeved there have been only positive comments since the deed was already done, once I perceived a negative reaction, but I turned out to be completely wrong. Good luck!

[cajun 46]

I only told one family member and my two best friends who were very supportive. I did not want to have to deal with "naysayers". Since I have lost almost 80 lbs and it shows, now people are starting to ask, and if they ask I tell them. You can't argue with results! And I don't care if they don't agree with what I did anyway at this point...I can see it works and they can too.

[Lee 19]

I'm still pre-op. I've told my six closest girlfriends. We're a tight circle and it would have caused problems if I didn't tell them all. Five are thrilled for me, one thinks I'm nuts. I did tell a friend that lives out of town and she insists everyone gains it back. She's fat too so there's probably an emotional tie in for her. My son who's 35 is thrilled because I've been in diet hell his entire life. My life has focused on food/diet/regain etc. I'm done. I'm not torturing myself anymore. When I walked into my surgeon's office, he asked why I want the surgery. I told him I've been on a diet for 50 years and it hasn't worked yet so I'm ready to try something else.

I'm not going to tell my boss until the weight loss becomes apparent. Nothing in California law says that I have to give the medical reason for needing time off. When I had my gallbladder out in November I just said I needed a surgical procedure done.

If/when people ask me, I'm going to tell them that it was a very personal decision made between my doctor and myself and say it in a way that lets people know it's not up for discussion. I may feel differently post-op but for now I want to leave it at this. If I'm having any difficulty post-op I don't want the door open for people to tell me that I made a mistake. I know from reading everything here that difficulty in the first month doesn't point to a mistake but simply part of the journey!

[Katrina 1]

I am pre-op but I can share my information. I told anyone and everyone. Especially the people I live with. My mother was not at all pleased to hear this when I informed her but the best thing I have ever told her was this.

" I am doing this I am not asking for your approval or to be ok with it. I am asking for your support and if you cant offer that, I dont want to hear anything else on the matter." She was very understanding of the tone I had taken with her and the amount of fear it caused me to speak to my mother in such a fashion. (keeping in mind I am 30 years old and still would not order my mom around. Like I did. I later told my son nobody talks to Grandma like that.)

Everyone else amazingly is very supportive of my choice and getting very excited as its getting closer.

My mom also read every paper I was given on it and things I have found online and she is very supportive now.

[Ready2BHealthy 0]

Lee,

I did the same exact thing as you!! Exact. My surgery is scheduled for 3 days from now. I am just at a point in my life that I don't want any negativity. I am making a decision for me! Everyone else has not walked in my shoes and battled this weight their entire lives!! So unless you can tell me you struggled your entire life and suffered the same social ways I suffered!! So I too, only told a few people and told my job I was have a "surgical procedure" recommended by my doctor to allevate pain I have been experiencing!!!! They do not need to know the pain has been mental pain my entire life and some physical pain..(back, shoulders, etc...)

Good luck to you!!!

[Lee 19]

Ready2Be,

THREE DAYS!!! How excited are you? I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to hear how you're doing post-op. Please keep us all posted!!

[blaqk 0]

Hmm I'm still pre-op but when I first brought it up with my parents they both sort of laughed it off and said I wasn't overweight enough and was too young, but since I gave them all my research they've been supportive (although I think they still don't want to talk about it really). My friends have all been amazing, they're all really excited for me and one of them has even promised to buy me a pair of short-shorts once I've lost the weight :smile:

I dont think any of them think that I've cheated, they know how hard I work to try and lose weight ad how annoyed I am at it not working

[Lee 19]

Blaqk, I understand what you're saying about your friends. My doctor is the same way and she's the one that recommended that I have the surgery. She watched me do Weight Watchers, always staying within my 28 points, to lose only 1 pound a month. I'm 59 and I've done every diet with very little success. So many people say, I can get the weight off but I can't keep it off. I can't even get it off but it's not for lack of incredible trying. I can't even imagine what I would/could have created in my life if the energy devoted to diet had gone into other endeavors.

I think that people don't get that WLS is the last block on the house. That most of us have tried everything else... over and over and over, only to end up hopeless and seeking professional help.

[Mary Gordon 3]

you need all the support you can get. but if you?re sure of what you?re doing, i guess that?s what counts the most.

goodluck on your new journey.

[youknowit 11]

Hi there, and welcome. You might want to check out this thread, where many of us discussed this type of topic, very recently. (Click the Link - What Do I Say? - found below.) Some people are just jerks. I look at this as an opportunity to get rid of ALL of the dead-weight. If you tell people and they don't like... lose them, along with your weight. :smile:

http://verticalsleevetalk.com/general-sleeve-surgery-discussion/2795-what-do-i-say.html