Negative remarks -- from someone who should know better

[parisshel 1,892]

I just got back from taking my 16-year old to a center specialized in pediatric/adolescent obesity. She's not obese but she is 20 pounds overweight and I would like the "experts" to help guide her in making good choices, as presumably what they say carries more weight that what parents say.

That part of the session went well, and I liked her approach to managing my daughter's weight thru more activity rather than a strict diet.

Our last consultation was in January, and she noted in my daughter's file that I was getting a lapband the following March. My daughter also brought this up at today's consultation, citing that our family meals had changed a lot (for the better) due to my way of eating now.

And this doctor, who is supposed to be on my side (right?), looks at me and says "You haven't lost any weight since I last saw you, correct?" HELLO! I've lost 30 pounds!

OK, I didn't let it get to me. She sees millions of parents go thru her office and I doubt she recalled what I looked like six months ago. But still, it was such an odd way to phrase the question. A more appropriate way would have been to say "How much have you lost since your surgery?"

But then, she went for a second shot. I was describing what I eat and what I don't eat, and when I mentioned I don't eat bread, Pasta, rice, etc, she said "Oh, that's just for now. You'll eat it in the future." I shook my head and said no, I won't be adding those back into my diet, I don't miss them and cutting them out has been responsible for much of my loss. She insisted that I'd eat them in the future, that people with the band eventually "open up the band," blah blah blah negativesauce which even typing this out now is irritating me.

I get why some people diss the band (or other WLS tools). But when a professional...an obesity researcher at that...sends the message that a motivated bandster is destined for failure...it's just a matter of time? I just wanted to ask her why she would say something like that.

But I'm polite so I shut up. But my child noticed it and called her "mean."

Yes, she was. Impolite and mean.

[labwalker 1,177]

You are a much nicer and kinder person than I would have been. I admire your restraint, and I can relate to your frustration and anger. For her to insult you during a consultation visit for your daughter was both ignorant and unprofessional. Thank goodness all of my doctors have been supportive and not judgemental during my office visits. I wish both of you continued success.

You didn't deserve to be subjected to such a mean and flippant attitude.

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

Education does not always erase ignorance.

[tym4me 206]

Hi there. IMHO there is a difference in being polite and. Being walked on. Sorry to say you were walked on.

ie. There is always a dignified way of answering these questions. You haven't lost weight... "oh you see so many people however I have lost 30pounds and I'm feeling really good about that"

Or

You'll go back to bread/carbs. You can say. "Don't get me wrong I still have a varied diet however I stay away from the white foods, but I do enjoy brown rice, Quinoa, or whole wheat grains."

Yes I have given this a lot of thought since I have ran into the same scenario's.

But maybe most importantly you will be teaching your daughter to stand up in a respectful way about her decisions.

Oh an yes that "professional" was out of line.

[GuyMontag 1,264]

I've taken a very hands-off approach to my kids' weight. I feel that my parents made me too aware of mine growing up and I still suffer from that. There have been times that my kids have gained a little weight noticeably and it's almost always been followed up by a growth spurt. Now if my kids were obese it might be a different story and honestly I would probably still try and find a way to help them with their weight without trying to make a big deal of it. Maybe being burned at one end of the spectrum I lean too heavy towards the other side but so far my kids' weight overall has not been an issue and I hope it stays that way. That's just my perspective on kids' weight.

[SeaSounders♥ 225]

Shame on that Dr. She may be coming up with a great plan to keep your daughter active and healthy but at the same time she is telling your 16yr old that your Lapband will Fail and you will pick up all of the bad things you stopped eating & that's a No-Go. Block The Negative!! You did an awesome job standing up for yourself and other bandesters!!

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

like a**holes, we all got one

and sometimes people have bigger ones than most.....as is in this case

[Debbie3sons 1,936]

Wait a minute as I was reading this was this appt for u and about u or about your Daughter first of all and second how much did your Daughter lose or gain , and how small or big is this Specialist and would have said I brought my Daughter for this appt ,I have a Doctor but if u don't want to help , then I would have said isn't nice that we are changing our eating habits for the better and healthier way by the way how much has y daughter gained or lost , and seen what this specialist had to say about our education from the band some people by the way we know our bodies and systems better than anyone else they just go by what we tell them and their education so we as indivials just have to inform them,

[rbmk14 59]

So sorry you had to put up with that, but especially your daughter! Being still young myself, I also had some medical professionals make remarks like that when I was a teenager and it was very off-putting for me to be able to trust any doctor. My sister is a registered dietician, and she's very supportive of me getting the band, but the info she was taught is way off base. She told me multiple times that the doctor slaps the band on and then they never see you again and don't care what happens to you. Uh..no? I have followups every 2 weeks for 3 months and then once a month for the next year. Plus the staff at True Results who is incredibly helpful and supportive. I've found more than a few times that medical professionals are more judgmental then helpful, sad but true.

[FatGirlFitGirl 179]

Yes Ma'am you are wayyyyyy nicer than I could have been.

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

(Pressing the Alarm) I call bs. No need to be polite in this situation. I would have 'enlightened' this professional and stated she was apparently unfit to teach my child about long term health and weight management due to her apparent ignorance and lack of attention to detail (ie your 30# loss). Not that I see it as our role to correct others with misperceptions of the lapband, but boy o boy, if someone insists I'm in the wrong-game on! I know much of this is personality types etc, however, that's precisely the point. There are so many patients who are vulnerable, who are new and learning themselves, some who struggle, and even those trying to cheat their band and themselves. We don't need 'professionals' like this instigating self sabotage. Like you, I cannot eat heavy starches. I get stuck every time. It's been so long that I no longer even desire these foods. No way in hell the "FUTURE" is going to change that and I don't want it to either. I commend you for taking a role in your daughter's health. As a lifetime obese person (or ex now) it has always been my #1 priority to ensure my children won't end up the way I did. This does not come through force, restriction, diet etc rather education, reinforcement and enrollment in family activities. I am so proud my first son is conscience of healthy eating, my 2nd sons fav food is broccoli and all three of my boys are at their ideal weight. It truly one of the best gifts us parents can give our children

[dawalsh 919]

I just got back from taking my 16-year old to a center specialized in pediatric/adolescent obesity. She's not obese but she is 20 pounds overweight and I would like the "experts" to help guide her in making good choices' date=' as presumably what they say carries more weight that what parents say.

That part of the session went well, and I liked her approach to managing my daughter's weight thru more activity rather than a strict diet.

Our last consultation was in January, and she noted in my daughter's file that I was getting a lapband the following March. My daughter also brought this up at today's consultation, citing that our family meals had changed a lot (for the better) due to my way of eating now.

And this doctor, who is supposed to be on my side (right?), looks at me and says "You haven't lost any weight since I last saw you, correct?" HELLO! I've lost 30 pounds!

OK, I didn't let it get to me. She sees millions of parents go thru her office and I doubt she recalled what I looked like six months ago. But still, it was such an odd way to phrase the question. A more appropriate way would have been to say "How much have you lost since your surgery?"

But then, she went for a second shot. I was describing what I eat and what I don't eat, and when I mentioned I don't eat bread, Pasta, rice, etc, she said "Oh, that's just for now. You'll eat it in the future." I shook my head and said no, I won't be adding those back into my diet, I don't miss them and cutting them out has been responsible for much of my loss. She insisted that I'd eat them in the future, that people with the band eventually "open up the band," blah blah blah negativesauce which even typing this out now is irritating me.

I get why some people diss the band (or other WLS tools). But when a professional...an obesity researcher at that...sends the message that a motivated bandster is destined for failure...it's just a matter of time? I just wanted to ask her why she would say something like that.

But I'm polite so I shut up. But my child noticed it and called her "mean."

Yes, she was. Impolite and mean.[/quote']

Well, that sucks! It's like my PCP getting upset for only losing 5 lbs in a 3 month period. He was upset because he figured I had WLS and I should have lost more. At that time I had lost 37 lbs already so he should have been happy I lost 37 since starting my venture.

Also, my psychologist also stated to me that there was the possibility of gaining all the weight back that I would lose. I told her I knew that anyone can gain weight back on any type of WLS and I was fully aware of that because my friend had gastric bypass and gained her weight back. I guess these so called experts are testing us to see if we'll get discouraged. I know I have to be disciplined but don't tell me I can't win because I'll be more determined than ever to win! You will too so don't take those so called "experts" have to say to heart.you can do this without their sarcasm.

[parisshel 1,892]

Well, that sucks! It's like my PCP getting upset for only losing 5 lbs in a 3 month period. He was upset because he figured I had WLS and I should have lost more. At that time I had lost 37 lbs already so he should have been happy I lost 37 since starting my venture.

Also, my psychologist also stated to me that there was the possibility of gaining all the weight back that I would lose. I told her I knew that anyone can gain weight back on any type of WLS and I was fully aware of that because my friend had gastric bypass and gained her weight back. I guess these so called experts are testing us to see if we'll get discouraged. I know I have to be disciplined but don't tell me I can't win because I'll be more determined than ever to win! You will too so don't take those so called "experts" have to say to heart.you can do this without their sarcasm.

Thanks for sharing your story. There are indeed loads of naysayers, especially among "regular people" who will make a snarky comment about WLS. But it always takes me aback when it comes from a health care professional.

Thanks, everybody, for your great input on this thread. The next time ANYONE says anything negative about my choice, I will speak up for myself, my choice, and my lapband. It may fall on deaf ears, but I will feel loads better for not having held it in.

Watch out, world!

[ADJL 685]

You don't NEED Pasta and starchy foods like the ones you mentioned anyway...you can get way better carbohydrates for your body from veggies and fruits. So...not only does she insult you, but she's giving you bad "advice" instead of commending you on making good choices and urging you to keep up the good work.

So, I'll say it. YOU are making GOOD choices and keep up the good work! Its motivating to the rest of us!