Second thoughts...

[stept04 465]

I told everyone about me having lap-band surgery. I did not have any bad remarks, to my face anyway. But now everyone has expectations of me dropping weight real fast like tomorrow. Now I am going to have to explain how the lap-band works I guess that could be a good thing it could mean more people are getting informed, but it also is going to be a pain in the butt. Now I'm wishing I would have waited to tell people till they started asking then they would not be sitting around waiting for results. Results that probably won't be to their expectations. Just something I did not consider when I started telling everyone. So just thought I'd share in case anybody is on the fence about their decision to tell or not to tell.

~~~Stephanie

[Faith-ster 35]

I am glad you posted this. I find out my surgery date this week and only the people closest to me know, my husband, mom and best friends. I was considering telling other family and was worried about exactly what your talking about. I dont want to have to explain the procedure over and over again. Thanks for posting this! Gives me something to consider!

[mrsto 2,925]

Yeah - that's a hard one It might take a lot of energy out of you, if you find that you have to keep explaining the process. It's more important that you focus on what you need to do for yourself, without the input from everyone else.

Unless people have been through this, they have no clue. And for me, I don't want to educate everyone, unless they're truly interested; thinking about the surgery, or have a close person in their life thinking about it.

Steph - if you start to feel any negative reactions within yourself, from other people's comments and expectations, it might be a good idea to come up with a "canned" answer; a quick comment to shut them down. Something nice, but short & sweet to stop the conversation. This is YOUR process, not theirs.

I have one friend who I rarely talk to or see. She has little tolerance with people who struggle with addictions, and I told myself that I would not tell her. Well, we talked on the phone last week & caught up on life, and I ended up telling her. Her response was "and how is THAT working out"......with a sarcastic tone. I looked past the tone and responded, but kept it short. Then I kicked myself in the ass for telling her, even when I KNEW well and good who she is, and how she'd respond. Oh well.... Everyone else in my world is very supportive, and pretty much leaves me alone.

[mrsto 2,925]

I am glad you posted this. I find out my surgery date this week and only the people closest to me know, my husband, mom and best friends. I was considering telling other family and was worried about exactly what your talking about. I dont want to have to explain the procedure over and over again. Thanks for posting this! Gives me something to consider!

I think that if you're someone who can let the comments and attitudes of others roll off your back, then it doesn't matter who knows. I'm not that person. I am very much affected by the negativity of others around me, and find it best to avoid anything that is going to fester inside of me. That said, I pick & choose who I tell. My biggest fear is failing the band, and then having people commenting on how I went through surgery, and then failed. I can't deal with that......I have my OWN issues to deal with!

[Wanna-Be-Healthy 46]

Her response was "and how is THAT working out"......with a sarcastic tone.

I would have been so upset. Sorry you have a friend like that.

[mrsto 2,925]

I would have been so upset. Sorry you have a friend like that.

She and I have been friends since high school (40 years). We lose touch for periods of time, but then reconnect. The friendship never stops, but we live far from each other, and if I look at it honestly, she is not someone that I can confide my innermost struggles. She relates very well to shared issues and struggles, but is intolerant to other things.

As far as having a "friend like that", we ended the conversation where I was going to email some dates for all of us to get together. For SOME reason, I've been remiss in sending those dates She is a good friend in her way, but being who I am, with all of my life long struggles, she's just not someone I gravitate to for anything other than the occasional "catch up".

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

I told everyone about me having lap-band surgery. I did not have any bad remarks, to my face anyway. But now everyone has expectations of me dropping weight real fast like tomorrow. Now I am going to have to explain how the lap-band works I guess that could be a good thing it could mean more people are getting informed, but it also is going to be a pain in the butt. Now I'm wishing I would have waited to tell people till they started asking then they would not be sitting around waiting for results. Results that probably won't be to their expectations. Just something I did not consider when I started telling everyone. So just thought I'd share in case anybody is on the fence about their decision to tell or not to tell.

~~~Stephanie

Whose expectations? Yours or theirs? My darling, as others have said, YOU OWE no one any explanation. If some dumb as* ask how much, you do not have to a number as numbers on a scale go up and down all day long..say you are losing according to your body and for them to keep watching for results. Because my dear, they are coming. Just believe...and in my opinion, your expectation for yourself should be you doing what you can and knowing that is good enough. ((hugs))

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Way to go Steph! It is about what is right for you and not anyone else!

[shlyle 2]

Exactly why I didn't tell everyone. My family knew, that was it. Now that I have lost a good portion of my weight, people comment on how good I look and sometimes the conversation allows me to say that I had lapband. Others still just think I've been on a really good diet. You kind of have to guage people as far as if you want to get into the whole conversation with them or just thank them for the compliment and move onto other topics. If you read any of the articles about Chris Christie's lapband revelation, comments that followed those articles really reflect how society feels about obesity. Some commenters were very complimentary and hoped he succeeded, other comments were so completely assinine.

[tipsyb 71]

I have had only support but I guess like all of you your not going to know what is said behind your back. I personally do not feel that the pre surgery advice is open or transparent in relation to what happens. I am not sorry that I had my band and I want people to know that is the best thong that has happened to me. I have lost three stone in ten months and have a further five to lose. It's slow but for the first time in my life I'm not gaining and I'm not on a diet. I eat when I want, I eat what I want but I just cannot eat a lot. I want people to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and to keep going. For those who may be contemplating it, think of the long game and realise that this is about gaining honest control.

[brianb 81]

But now everyone has expectations of me dropping weight real fast like tomorrow. Now I am going to have to explain how the lap-band works I guess that could be a good thing it could mean more people are getting informed, but it also is going to be a pain in the butt.

You are so right! It's a pain.