Jealous and frustrated!

renee · March 23, 2004

I had my surgery on February 6th. Four weeks later I went to my first fill appointment only to find out that my port flipped and my doctor had no way to access it. Since I'm a self pay, I had to make a decision about the corrective surgery. They can do it in the hospital or they can do it in the surgical center. In the hospital they can do it immediately; however, for twice (or more) the amount it will cost at the surgical center. The catch: my dr. is not yet registered with the surgical center and it is taking quite a bit of time to complete all of the documentation.

So basicaly I spent a ton of money on a surgery and now it is not doing anything for me. I'm getting really depressed, sad and frustrated. My port is hurting and it pushes against the waist of my pants, making it pretty uncomfortable. I just want things to be fixed and get really jealous reading some of your posts about fills and restictions and all that comes with it...it sucks! I know it's a question of time, but I waited for so long, I don't want to wait any longer...

Thanks for leting me vent!

Renata

02/06/04

birdee · March 23, 2004

I am sorry you are going threw such a tough time. I really don't know what to say other than the norm.....everything will workout in the end! I guess the good news is that you band did not have to be removed.....I am sorry you are going threw this and I wanted to encourage you....I hope this helps!?!

Birdee

Alexandra · March 24, 2004

Oh Renata, wow, that must be super frustrating! I'm so sorry you're going through this. Did your surgeon have any thoughts about why your port flipped, and so soon? I mean, he only just installed it, right?

I'm sure things will work out and you'll look back on this as just a minor bump on the road. But I know how you must feel right now.

You can still be a bandster even without a fill, and you might even lose some weight! Stay happy! :eek:

sassaay · March 24, 2004

Hi Renata,

I think you have plenty of reasons to vent. You poor thing. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this.

Don't give up hope and remember what Alexandra said... "You can still be a bandster even without a fill, and you might even lose some weight!" I just had my week 6th check-up and my doctor wasn't sure I needed my first fill. I am still losing weight, yes it is slow... but right now it still averages more than a pound a week. That could be 50lbs in a year and a heck of a lot better than I was able to do without my band.

Stay strong and come here to vent as much and as often as you like... we will be here to offer any support we can.

Take Care,

shellyj · March 24, 2004

hey renata

i know exactly how you feel. i went 7 months with no restriction (well i actually got a taste of it for two weeks in november but when i got my next fill it all vanished.)

anyhow, atleast you have the revision in the works! you will get this taken care of and be on your way in no time!

in the meantime keep doing what your supposed to be doing protien first then veggies and dont drink till 1 hour after a meal. even with little restriction following the bandster rules helped me control the portions even still 2 cups of food wasnt uncommon for me. just keep on keepin on and feel free to come and vent all you want! you definitally have the right to be frustrated!!!

renee · March 24, 2004

Sassay,

We are almost band-twins, being banded couple or so days apart. I see you had six!!!! follow up appointments, I had one!

What is it that your doctor does at your appoiments? Is it something I'm doing wrong? Not insisting on something I should? It is all so confusing.

I haven't lost any weight after the first two or so weeks after the surgery, actually it seems like I gained a couple. Without a restriction I'm not realy forced to follow any bandster rules, so of course I break them. I try to be good but I'm not getting anywhere. Well, I can't really eat sooo much anymore, but still too much to stop after three or four bites.

More and more I realize that in my head I don't really believe this will work. I know it has worked for thousands of people, so why should I be someone who won't succeed, right? I just somehow don't believe that I will be thin. Ever. Lots of people get really mad at me, saying I wasn't so heavy to begin with and tell me to stop whining. Well, I know how it feels when your skin itches like crazy from stretching, I know what millions of stretch marks look like. I know how it feels to cry in front of the closet, to kick the wall, to change 10 times and still feel like a giant sausage... I know what it feels like when the zipper on your pants explodes. I know what it feels like when you cry from the pain of your tighs rubbing together. I know what it feels like spending months organizing your best friend's wedding only to spend most of it hiding outside with cigaretes and never wanting to see a single picture for fear that I might be on it....Oh, God, when you write it all down like this it looks so bad......

Anyway ladies, thanks so much for your kind words. This site has been saving me. I'm sure there are so many people that feel exactly the same way! THANK YOU!

Renata

02/06/04

205/187/135

~c~ · March 24, 2004

(((Oh Hon))),!You know I posted a message on here when I first found the site that said"will this ever happen for me?"Someone kindly responded that of course it would!Of course I didn't believe it, I thought this would be the same mistake as the past but a $5,000

one instead of a couple of hundred.I couldn't get a fill for the first year for various reasons.When I finally did go to my doctor for a fill

he found out my port was broken!I needed surgery to fix it.Waited for that and then he gave me a fill during the operation.

I have had another since then and I am going for another on April 7.

Yes,you have suffered a shi#*y setback!Yes, you should be dissapointed,angry,frustrated and yes, it will happen for you! Your band will be there patiently waiting for you and we will be here to share all your victories!!!

Hang tough and vent away here.'regular' people might not want to hear your frustrations but we do,so come on here and crab away cuz we will always listen

Chantal

XO

sassaay · March 25, 2004

Hi Renata,

I re-read my post and it was confusing. I have only had 3 appointments since my surgery. The first was 1 week post-op, then 2 weeks later I went for another and 3 weeks after that I went for the one which would have been exactly 6 weeks post-op. This was when I got my first fill. During the other visits, the N.P. just looked at my incisions, asked questions about how I was feeling, eating, exercising, etc.

Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. I have felt so many of the same feelings and done so many of the same things. I don't know that I feel 100% inside that this time I will truly be successful... but I did realize something a couple of days ago. My boyfriend gave me a pair of workout pants that he dried and they shrunk. He said... you might as well take these because they don't fit me anymore. Well, right now I weigh more than he does... so I chuckled and said, yeah right and walked away. Later, I realized that I had discounted his gesture because I didn't honestly believe I would ever be able to wear those pants and then it dawned on me. All those times in the past that I tried this diet or that exercise routine, I never thought I would be successful and guess what... I wasn't! And then I thought, right now I am probably in the best position I have ever been in to REALLY make this work, to REALLY be successful. All I have to do is follow the band rules and do my part... including getting fills and being persistent when I need to. I went back and told him that yes, one day I think I will be able to wear those pants and thanks for giving them to me.

Anyway, sorry for the long story... but I think that both of us are in a position to be healthy happy women and we deserve to do what it takes to be successful. Come here for support whenever you need it! I know I will always be here.

Take Care,

March 25, 2004

I am relating to much of what you are saying. I have been heavy my entire life and it is difficult for me to believe that I will ever be thin. I lost the first 40 lbs in the first 4 - 5 months, and people were telling me how great I looked, and people who hadn't seen me in awhile didn't recognize me (I changed hairstyles and color too!) I also REALLY began to notice how differently I was being treated by men. They were just different....more respectful, maybe....their eyes stayed on me longer. ANyway, my therapist believes that I am sabotaging my weight loss. THat somewhere within I am afraid to be thin. I reverted to eating for comfort, to deal with all sorts of emotions that I have never allowed myself to feel, or acknowledge.

So, I'm asking myself why I want to eat when I want to eat and also telling myself that I don't "have to" eat it.

I'm finding the support here to be a tremendous help!

Alexandra · March 25, 2004

Renata, you know what I do when I find myself wondering if this will "work"? I reevaluate what I mean by "work." That usually means tossing out whatever anyone ELSE means by "work" and sticking to my own ideas.

For example, the "goal" weight on the various charts for me is about 145-165. Well, I've NEVER weighed under 200 at my adult height (reached at 15) and have mostly been over 300. So I'm not even looking at 145-165. So toss out one public yardstick. For me, the band is working NOW because I'm on the good side of 300. And I'm going to STAY here, for EVER. That's SUCCESS.

One huge negative behavior in my life has been eating so fast I'm done with two portions where everyone else is eating one. Well, I can't do that anymore. That's SUCCESS.

I'm also quite concerned that I'll start sabotaging myself at some point, since I have never been thin and won't know how to be that way. That's why I want to go very slowly and work with each stage to get and stay comfortable there. When I lost 75 lbs in 12 weeks on Optifast the increased attention from the world was very hard to deal with and there was no time to adjust. So I returned to my old pal, food, and shortly found myself without all that unwanted extra attention.

But now it's not about attention for me. It's about health. So that's where my focus is. 45 lbs in 7 months is not fast and many people would be frustrated with that, but hey, my yardsticks are just different. :eek:

Stick with it, be persistent and get the care you need. And soon it will be working for you too.