Miserable inside.

[NYC1992 135]

You all have been so, so helpful and encouraging. Monday I'd lost 30.1 lbs, bringing me down to 326.9... being newly on solids, I gained almosr EIGHT pounds back since then bringing me to 334.5... I am SO ashamed of myself this really is bandster hell - feels like the band doesn't even exist other than port pain now that I am much less sore now.

[his_spirit 62]

After surgery I cried my eyes out for a week or more mourning the loss of my best friend, food.< /p>

I wondered why I did the surgery and thought that life was going to be miserable without all of the things that I enjoyed. It was incredibly hard at first. I had no hobbies, nothing really social that I liked to do. For years prior to surgery, I had pretty much hidden myself from social situations outside of family and work out of shame at how I looked.

I felt very alone even though I had a lot of support.

I put my energy into following the rules and learning to use tools that could help me stick to the plan.

Myfitnesspal helped me a lot and gave me something to focus on. What I noticed after a short while was that I didn't miss those old foods as much as I thought I would because I simply wasn't as hungry and by not physically being able to eat them I had developed new mechanisms to deal with emotions.

That was an important part of the process for me.

I cannot say that I can eat everything that I did before because I cannot eat certain things or they do get stuck or I am quite uncomfortable but I am very happy with how it works and have adapted to eating alternatives that just happen to be better for me anyways.

[everydayigiveitmybest 38]

Hi Mark. You've come to the right place!! We all love food!!!!!! That's how we ended up getting u healthily overweight to begin with so u r not alone!!! The thing u need to realize (which it seems u have ) is food making u happy.... Please read what u have written again. Loving food should not be the go to for happiness. Let it go and find what really makes you happy mark. Think like a kid!! When we were kids ( not like today's lol) we lived to be outside! Riding bike! Playing tag hide n go seek! Living life!! Regain your youthful happiness and it starts to make u realize what true happiness is like. Instead of eating your feelings ( I was guilty of this for years) tell people what u think and feel or start a journal. Easier to reflect on what's making u turn to food for happiness when u can know why. Men are taught to be strong and keep their feelings to themselves I believe we feel better when we get things out as people period. So don't beat yourself up or have buyers remorse yet. When u have come so far and are doing very well;). Just my two cents.

[BandtoSleevechick 171]

Mark, Don;t let that gain very small gain derail you!!! My Surgeon told me that it is normal for that to happen during the healing process... Walk more if you can to balance your intake of food.. only being back on solids for a week .. i was on vacation during that week.. it was hard but i needed to see the [positive in everything i have accomplished so far.. because it would have been real easy to forget my walks and just lay on the beach all day and pig out.. YOU got this!!!! and we are here if you need us,.

[NYC1992 135]

UPDATE: As I said, when I got to solids I gained 8.1 lbs it was literally as if the surgery never happened because I could eat ANYTHING I wanted without any problems, which I kinda did (other than forbidden foods per doctor's orders). Thankfully I only gained 1 lb last week, even though I had a friend from FL visiting me in NYC and we did a lot of activities where we pretty much had to eat out.

Happy to say I got my first fill (4.5 cc out of 14) on Monday and was weighing 335 lbs having gained 8.1 lbs on solids... weighed myself just now and I am 326.4 lbs.

I try mushy foods again in the morning but since the fill, after a few hours, hunger kinda went to the back of my mind.

[kristinc1985 111]

You'll balance out. Those fills will help. Bandster hell is a very real thing. Just be patient and focus! You can do this.

[gowalking 10,790]

Oh Mark that's really good to hear. You are on your way for sure!

[LeeB1946 261]

I don't know how to lie (which does backfire at times even though I'm never malicious) so I had to come here and just admit something...

I was banded almost 2 weeks ago on May 6 (a Monday). I just turned 21 the week before and I think I am just too young to go through such a life change. I completely (I mean I was eating up until the night before my surgery) FAILED on my 2 week pre-op diet. I was so afraid to let go of the foods I loved and, though I have followed every requirement post surgery (10 days liquids, now on day 3 of mushy/pureed foods), I am just miserable inside. It is very likely when I check the scale in the morning I will have lost 30 lbs, and I am proud of it, but I don't think I had the right motivations going into this. Sure I would like to feel healthier, but it was much more that I feel so ugly on the outside to the point where I do not allow any non-face only pictures to be taken.

I do want to lose weight and I know it is good for me, but with the lap band I truly did not realize that it would force me to give up a lot of what made me happy in life. The fact that I can literally never have my favorite food ever again (Chinese Fried Rice) and probably other foods too is something I am so regretful of with having this surgery. I have a nauseous appetite (at times now I only want water; the THOUGHT of other stuff even drinks makes my mouth have the nauseous feeling), only go the d-word in my BMs (though Imodium does work), and have spasm pains near my port and on the other side of my belly throughout the days that the nurse couldn't figure out because the mandatory esophagram showed nothing wrong in my body.

I don't want to give up, but I don't know what to do. I'd do ANYTHING to go into a restaurant, to be able to order food again and be able to enjoy stuff still with the intention of being healthier with my choices. When I pass by a restaurant outside, I automatically sigh... and I watch a ton of cooking videos of foods I miss on YouTube. The therapist I went to for my psych evaluation should've failed me I feel so stupid even though I've come so far.

Thanks for listening and would appreciate any advice.

-Mark

Mark: don't give up on yourself. You have just started. I wonder what it would have been like 45 years ago when I was 21 if this had been available. It won't be easy, but with help from some professional in the mental health field who understands eating disorders you will pull through.

I can tell from your story that you would probably, probably, I say, be a good candidate for Overeaters Anonymous. It is a 12 step program based on AA for those of us who use food in the why the Alcoholic uses alcohol. You might try a few of those meetings and I bet you will find some support to get you through this initial stage. When it comes to certain foods I loved, I say, I can't have them "one day at a time." Maybe I can have them in moderation at some time in the future but for today I need something healthier. I would definitely

stay from cooking videos and cooking shows for a time. Out of sight out of mind.

You will make this by letting the band work for you and you work for the band.

[NYC1992 135]

I was looking back at this thread just now and am just in awe in regards to how I was feeling back then two months ago versus now having lost 63 lbs. You all really, really did motivate me in just the right ways and glad I have recovered from bandster hell... but hell to the no will I ever go back there!

This also happens to be my 100th post since joining this month last year. Great to have come full circle.

[Heccat2 154]

@Mis73: you are definitely my LapBand queen of information and support! God bless you!

[tegz 10]

I felt the same way the first few months of having my band. I think you get to a stage where your relationship with food changes. I love food, and I think society has really encouraged our lives to revolve around it.

One year later,

I now try and think of my banded life as I need food to live, not live for food. I still eat whatever I like, but if all I can have is a mouthful I'm happy with that. I don't look at the plate full and think 'I wish I could finish it all', I'm happy with my taste.

Trust me, as you see results your thought process will change. Overtime you will realise I can have that fried rice, but maybe I can only have a little bit.

Hope that helps, and keep going. I think we all go through a period where we question 'did we do the right thing?, is the band for me?'. At the end of the day it is reversible if all else fails.

[feb27bandwoman 112]

After being banded about two weeks, I started having little "food funerals" for those foods that I "couldn't eat.....but now almost 2 years out, I see that I can just about eat everything, just smaller portions.

And I follow the band rules about portions, chewing well, etc...

I had a really big funeral for BBQ pork and corned beef!!!!!It was a huge event!!!! But, I found that if I was reasonable about it, I could still have those favorites.

[rob c 12]

Think about it this way, you go into any restaurant order your favorite food and you literally eat such a small portion because it will fill you up that you just bought lunch or dinner for a week and you can eat your favorite food everyday! Some people cant physically eat rice or bread i had minimal issues with it if i ate it slow it would be fine no issue but that is also my downfall because once i realized i could eat it i did and i stopped losing weight and gained some back

[SueBee01 630]

After being banded about two weeks' date=' I started having little "food funerals" for those foods that I "couldn't eat.....but now almost 2 years out, I see that I can just about eat everything, just smaller portions.

And I follow the band rules about portions, chewing well, etc...

I had a really big funeral for BBQ pork and corned beef!!!!!It was a huge event!!!! But, I found that if I was reasonable about it, I could still have those favorites.[/quote']

I am with you! My NUT always told me to eat what you love. That way you are also satisfied. Just make it a healthier version. I still eat fried shrimp every once in a while, but I can only eat like 4 pieces so I eat good veggies with it and I am happier then ****!

My new philosophy is I don't eat it if I don't want to. I am now very picky and very happy at 165 pounds lighter!

[NYC1992 135]

I felt the same way the first few months of having my band. I think you get to a stage where your relationship with food changes. I love food' date=' and I think society has really encouraged our lives to revolve around it.

One year later,

I now try and think of my banded life as I need food to live, not live for food. I still eat whatever I like, but if all I can have is a mouthful I'm happy with that. I don't look at the plate full and think 'I wish I could finish it all', I'm happy with my taste.

Trust me, as you see results your thought process will change. Overtime you will realise I can have that fried rice, but maybe I can only have a little bit.

Hope that helps, and keep going. I think we all go through a period where we question 'did we do the right thing?, is the band for me?'. At the end of the day it is reversible if all else fails.[/quote']

Yeah, this was months ago and I am much happier now