Success feels like cheating

[Ashleigh Childress 16]

Maybe I am overreacting. I work in the fashion industry and am around stick thin people ever day. Now I'm able to wear clothes they wear so I do feel like I fit in more. And I know this I all in my head.

I've always been the girl with the "pretty face" and now my body is getting closer to match that and it feels good. I'm not used to all the direct attention and questions. I've told some people and others I say that I've been working on losing weight for almost a year which is true. After i tell some of my co-workers the truth, i get a "oh- i see" response which makes me feel guilty. And some have directly asked me if I had WLS- people I don't even know.

I struggle with being consistent in my response.

[Jim1967 3,569]

I agree with a lot of what is being said here. Most people know I have the band. Most people who know me know I have struggled with my weight going as far back as elementary school. I am a proud Bander and couldn't be more happy with the progress I have made.

On the flip side out of all the people who know I had surgery only a small handful have actually took an interest in how it works, what I went through to have it done and what the recovery time was and how different my actual nutrition is.

What I find is most people ask "how much weight have you lost?" For many it's all about the numbers especially the ones who have never had weight issues. I am sure people around me thought I took the easy way out but no one has ever said it to me directly or indirectly.

Going to back to what Missy said earlier in the thread (paraphrasing here) : I was afraid of telling a lot of people in the beginning because I was worried about failure and being known as the fat guy who couldn't lose weight even with WLS. I felt like a lost cause then and I was in a bad place mentally because of my weight. I had lost a ton of weight and gained it all back and then some and I had a lot of anger/depression because of it

Now I will tell almost anyone interested but again most just want to hear numbers. Only time I get really probed for information is when I go to a seminar at my surgeons center and act as an patient ambassador and give those who are taking the first baby steps what I hope is some very useful information.

Going back to what tmf said and my earlier statement about losing a lot and gaining it back, I tried all the fad diets and the most successful one was Atkins. In 2003/04 I dropped 174lbs. I looked and felt great but it all crept back on plus another 95. In 10 years time I went from 393 to 219 back to 488. I feel this time it is different. I am not depriving myself of anything like I did with Atkins. Thanks to the band my cravings no longer exist. I do not snack between meals and the meals themselves are very small.

Anyway, this got very long winded and if you read this far I say thanks and sorry for rambling on...

Jim

[leannel90 206]

My doctor said it best the other day. I used to feel that healthy looking people were born that way and stayed that way with no work. He stated that obese people often do feel that way...they are now learning that the veges nerve reacts differently with the obese and the way it signals the brain. He told me that the band simply puts me in the same playing field as those I used to think didn't have to work at it. You decide what you want to tell people. I think the best way to respond to those who say you look great is thank you and leave it at that. If they ask how...well however you choose to respond is up to you. I've thought about this a lot. I haven't been banded yet...but I've already told a number of people that I'm going to. They can do with that what they will...if I'm healthy and look fantastic in my own eyes then that's all that matters. If people start in on me...I simply state that I made the decision after hours and hours of research and I don't want to hear anything negative. They normally give me a good luck after that...I note that the people who give me a hard time normally have some weight to lose themselves.

Hard work is hard work...unless my doctor decides to have Hermione Granger and Harry Potter assist in the surgery this is all going to be me! I can't wait to look like the real me.

[flrosie 154]

I agree with you totally, but I also understand why some people simply can't deal with the stress and stigma that comes with telling people you've had WLS. It's a very personal decision and some people just aren't in a place emotionally to take that on.

When I first had WLS I didn't tell anyone at first. To be honest, I was so afraid of failing under a microscope. If people knew I had the band and I somehow failed, the fallout would have been unbearable. It wasn't until a couple months after surgery I realized "hey, I can do this!" and started telling people.

Now, everyone knows I had WLS and I am quite proud of it. But it took me some time to reach this place emotionally where I could tell others and use it as a chance to educate others.

OMG, Missy. That is EXACTLY the point. How many times in my life have I dieted, lost a significant amount of weight, just to gain it back again. I just don't want to put myself out there for another failure. I must say, though, I'm feeling more confident since finding this forum and all the wonderful people on it.

[bigenuff 302]

I understand why people don't admit to having Lapband and I won't criticize that choice but if asked for my opinion I think it is more than us our own business. I know I would have appreciated knowing I wasn't so alone earlier and feel obligated to let others know it's okay to seek medical help and they shouldn't feel guilty but they should be prepared.

I agree !! Although I feel a bit defensive about the band I tell people who ask. I have not spread it on FB like I do for other things. But my hope is to let people know there is hope out there and they are not alone. Right now I am under the microscope cuz I started out great but now I'm not losing. But I will refocus and get it done, partly because I have to be accountable to myself first, but also to the people feeling hopeless out there.