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Upset for the first time...



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So today I had my last dietary appointment. I was down 7 lbs since my last appointment and received all my information for my pre and post op diets. Hoping for surgery in early March. I was having a good day! I came home and was talking to my boyfriend about it. So far I have only told him and my parents (who are very supportive) I just don't feel like I want to tell anyone else yet. So, as we (my boyfriend and I) were talking about I said okay, just don't say anything to anyone because I'm not ready to really tell anyone yet and he got a funny look on his face. I said "what??" He said "Well, I may have told just one person." Well of course it was his mom. Probably the last person on my list to tell. Her response "She doesn't need that!" It's just very frustrating. Yes, I am 5'4" and weigh 236lbs I do not look like I weigh that much but that is not the point, I stil FEEL like I weigh that! It was just very upsetting for her to say I don't need it. This is my choice. So I just wanted to vent a little.

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Dont let his mother get to you. It's none of her business. It's not like you have to answer to her. This is your decision and believe me you will be happy you did. Good luck on your journey.

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It could be worse! She could have said that it's about time cause you have such a pretty face! :D Whenever I hear that said whether it's about me or someone else, I just want to stab someone! She obviously cares about you and doesn't see what you see and probably has no idea the conflict and unhappiness that you endure because your weight. In the past when I lost 165 lbs and some people said that I didn't remember me being that large all I could think was that they were either being terribly polite or they had lost their minds! Perhaps you should consider giving her a chance and she may turn out to be someone to turn to for support and be your biggest cheerleaders. BTW, congratulations on your weight loss and good luck on your surgery! You got this!

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Thanks so much! I just needed some reassurance! Oh, Instyle98 I was JUST talking about the "but you have such a pretty face" the other day. I can't stand that!!! Anyway, you guys are great, thanks again!

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Also congratulations on your marriage because that woman sounds just like a mother in law!!!!!!!

MIL from H E L L!

I know!!! We have been together for 6 years so I should be use to her by now!!!

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my MIL and GMIL both said the same thing. But now that I have been banded and have lost 27pounds they are telling me how good I'm doing. It's crazy the reactions you get from people- especially family, they're just concerend and can't understand what the band does and why it will work over good ol fashoined diet and excersice. Don't take it too personally- I;m sure she is just concerened and has a lot of questions about the process.

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Best wishes!

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My husband told everyone, even people that I have never met. He said it was because he was proud of me for making this decision, while the real scoop is that he just does not have any privacy filter, at all. Due to him telling everyone I have strangers emailing me questions, or coming over and asking me questions. Meanwhile our family members have mixed reactions. My inlaws are being very supportive and praying for me, while my parents are wanting me to cancel the surgery date and do this on my own. My parents are the ones that always criticize with the comment of "our chunky daughter with the pretty" face. The ultimate insult was the statement they made on their last visit. If I had been 115 pounds I could have landed me a wealthy husband and be living a better life, "you know you have the face and boobs to attract one". Yes my husband was sitting right there at the time. But the main point is that mixed reactions are part of this journey, but the journey is mine and mine alone. No one else is putting in the time or the energy, so their opinions don't matter. Stay positive within.

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I used to get upset by the pretty face comments but then realized people say things about everyone no matter what their weight. Like the Butter face comments...when someone has a hot body but her face is not pretty. I think that is even meaner and more insulting.

I don't want my mother in law to know, and my husband has no privacy filter when it comes to his mother/family. So in the beginning, before I even went for a consult, I said DO NOT tell your parents or anyone. At first he was like don't worry I wont...I felt like he was embarassed to tell them I need WLS to lose weight. Now he is used to the idea and more educated on the topic, I feel like he sees how hard I am working and how worth it it was, and he's so proud of me, I'm scared he might slip and tell them and I keep saying, are you sure you didn't tell them?

At least you know they know:) THere's always a bright side.

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Good luck to you! We get the band for ourselves and no one else.

Others who do not have our food eating issues don't understand that we need help. "Irene just reduce your calories" "Calories in and out calories out" yada yada I have heard it all. This is why only my mom, dad and sister know and no one else. Because people without eating disorders just don't get what we so through and suffer through.

Keep us posted!! I wish you the very best!!

;)

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I only told my son that I was getting the lap band. I don't think it's anyone's business, but I knew he would be supportive. My MIL once said to me (when I weighed 140 pounds) "how can you have such small feet and wrists when the rest of you isn't?" The things that just pop out of people's mouths is incredible! Best of luck with your journey :rolleyes:

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I LOVE this place and all of you guys for your stories! I don't feel so alone! I just finished my psych eval today so now I just have to wait for them to send the letter to my doctor's office and then everything will get sent to the insurance...for hopefully an early March banding!!! Thanks again everyone!!

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I used to get upset by the pretty face comments but then realized people say things about everyone no matter what their weight. Like the Butter face comments...when someone has a hot body but her face is not pretty. I think that is even meaner and more insulting.

I don't want my mother in law to know, and my husband has no privacy filter when it comes to his mother/family. So in the beginning, before I even went for a consult, I said DO NOT tell your parents or anyone. At first he was like don't worry I wont...I felt like he was embarassed to tell them I need WLS to lose weight. Now he is used to the idea and more educated on the topic, I feel like he sees how hard I am working and how worth it it was, and he's so proud of me, I'm scared he might slip and tell them and I keep saying, are you sure you didn't tell them?

At least you know they know:) THere's always a bright side.

So true...the butter face comment IS more insulting! hahaha our situations sound similar! Now I keep asking him if he's said anything to anyone else and if he's for sure he ONLY told his mom. hahaha I keep reminding him NO ONE ELSE :) He's assured me he won't say anything to anyone else.

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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