Question about "Telling People"

[Yoda 0]

Hi all,

I'm getting banded on 21 Apr. I have concerns about telling people...(ie. who to tell, when to tell, IF to tell). Logically, I KNOW that it shouldn't matter what people think about me and I KNOW that medically, this is the right avenue for me. However, I can't seem to shake the feeling that people are going to "judge" me and think I'm taking the easy way out (Haaaa!! if they only knew how hard this will really be!). So, my question is...did anyone else face (or are you currently facing) this isssue? If so, how did you deal with it? I mean, I know sooner or later (fingers crossed) people will start to notice and they will ask questions; I'm just not so sure how to respond. I know, I know, "true friends" will be okay with it but I had a friend who had gbs and even her "true friends" were kind about it and supportive about it to her face but behind her back...*sigh*...a different story. People can be so cruel. Any experiences any of you have had with this will be appreciated.

Tks all!

[Elisabethsew 50]

Hi Yoda,

I was banded 10 days ago and I told only 2 people, my boyfriend and my closest friend at work. My last attempt at weight loss was through diet and exercise and resulted in a 2OO+ pound weight loss. Over the past 4 years I have regained all but 110 pounds. Rather then deal with comments, I chose to keep this surgery to myself. I did the surgery for me to afford me a healthy life. The band is a tool that will assist me to achieve a healthy life and I see no need to share that with anyone at this point.

The exception to this would be somewhere down the line. If an overweight or morbidly obese person noticed my weight loss and asked for help for him/herself, I would gladly share my surgery and subsequent experiences. Having been overweight/morbidly obese my ENTIRE life, I prefer to keep my current surgery private.

Of course, it goes without saying that each person needs to weigh (no pun intended) the pros and cons of going public vs remaining private and make his/her own "right" decision.

[picardy3 0]

I've told people on a need to know basis. I needed a small support group at work so I told a few friends there who have all been very supportive and most of my family knows. There's one aunt that my mom doesn't want to tell until absolutely necessary because she's so negative.

It really depends on how you feel about telling people. After awhile more of my co-workers will begin to notice and I will most likely come out of the bandster closet to them then.

I've decided to not worry about what they think. Between the diabetes and the high blood pressure, my health is much more important than what they think, and if they can't be happy that I found a way to help my health situation, then they aren't worth hanging around with.

Audra

[Yoda 0]

Thanks Elisabeth and Audra for your comments. Overall, I'm a very private person which makes it even more difficult for me. The fact I'm even "sharing" on here is noteworthy! LOL...thanks again.

[Sugar1 0]

I decided to tell my friends and family. I am not embarrassed by being banded, as a matter of fact, I am proud of the fact that I made the decision to lose weight, eat healthier, and lead a more healthy life. I do have a friend who had the surgery three years ago, and she too told everyone who either asked or she felt were here friends... and family too. She does feel like people are keeping an eye on her and watching her every move when it comes to food and losing weight. As for me, I don't care if people are watching me, I know I will win this battle with the help of my banded tool and they can watch me do it. So, YODA, it is your personal choice.

[Morsaille 4]

I have seen threads on this topic before and the options that stuck with me (if you loathe the idea of sharing) are:

1) Tell people who find out you are having surgery (leave request?) that you are having a hiatal hernia repaired since docs frequently do this while they are there.

2) When people notice your weight loss say that you have been eating much less lately and exercising more. This is not a lie and will keep them from "watchdogging" your progress.

3) When people ask if you had anything done, ask them... "Why do you want to know?" <-- this one is just a little bit sassy and may scare away new acquaintances

[Angie C 0]

I told only my husband and mother, not my kids or any of my friends. I wanted to make sure that the band worked and after six months when the weight loss really began to show, I finally told my kids and after 80lbs and people began to notice(how sad is that)I began to tell whoever wanted to know because I was so proud of myself by that time, what other people thought did not matter,. I knew that I would never be fat again and (hehe) they probably would.

Angie

4-15-04

290/180 goal

[Tearby 0]

Hi Yoda,

When I decided to get the band I told my husband I did not want anyone but he and I and my Mom and Dad to know. He did not understand why. I have been over weight my entire life and have lost and gained and gained and lost many times before. For me I feel like people watch to see just what you are gonna eat next. I also had that feeling that people would think that I was weak and took the "easy" way out. Well once my surgery date got closer and closer it was a little impossible to keep it from my husbands family as well as my friends. Once a few people knew it was easier to talk about it to them all. I still feel like if you don't live a live of obesity it is very hard for some people to understand all of this.....however what it comes down to, is how you feel about yourself and what will makes you happy and comfortable with your own life. So basically Yoda I say do what feels comfortable for you and tell people when you are ready for people to know. I wish you the very best!!!!!!!!!

[diva 0]

Only my husband will know. I tried discussing it with my Mom and she totally freaked out. She keeps thinking of gastric bypass no matter how I try to explain it. She recently heard or saw something about a gastric bypass patient who went blind (?!) so she is focused on the negative. I won't tell my brother because he is the type who will say I went the easy route. Now he knows i have been fat since high school (I am 51 now!). But he will throw it up to me. He loves me but he is very competitive.

My dearest friends will simply be supportive about "another diet" which is what I will need the most, they never give up on me.

I guess what I most concerned about is the "easy way out" syndrome. All those kind of narrow minded fools have to do is to read this board. "Easy" is not the word I would use to describe this.

I think the decision to tell or not to tell is highly personal. I may change my mind when the surgery date comes closer but for now...

Love,

Diva whose avatar shows the future!

[waterlily1072 5]

I am so excited that I am telling everyone! Good news travels fast :biggrin1:

I know that this will be successful for me.

Molly

[RavensRiches 0]

Initially, I kept it a secret between my Hubbie and myself. When I waffled on the idea, he was my support. He really belives in WLS and it's benefits. Afterwards (this is recently mind you) I called my sister and told her to call my Mom up on 3-way. Then I told them both. I don't lie or cover things up very well, which I guess, is a good thing. Both were excited but then told me their feelings were hurt that I didn't trust them enough to tell them. I told my sister-friend and she lost it! She has a misconception about going to Mexico for anything other than salsa! She was/is really mad at me. Now I expect all my family members will know and I don't really care if they do. If someone has something snide to say then I say Screw them! This isn't the EASY way out and it isn't the magic cure. It is a tool (preaching to the choir, I know). I haven't told my kids because they are incapable of keeping it a secret and the other parents at school don't need to know my business. I'll tell them when they are older.

[KSWAN 0]

Sugar, I completely agree with you. I was just banded last Thursday, am a low BMI of 30 but for me this is high. I do not care what others say of my choice, it is my choice and if I need a tool to get back to my size 15 years ago, so be it. This is a tool and I will use it as such. I will not deprive myself of an occasional treat, but i can say my treat will be much smaller than it was before. I will not go off my post op diet as I did this for me. I wish you luck and God Bless, you have a GREAT atitude!

[Yoda 0]

Thanks everyone! You're replies/comments have been most useful; I appreciate it as well as the warm welcome I've received since joining this forum.

[kabasm 0]

I was banded 4 weeks ago. I decided not to tell anyone, except for my husband. Before I did this, I had general conversations with friends about WLS and they all had the same conclusion - "people just need to eat less" -"quick fix" - etc.. So, my decision was easy. I did not want to be judged. I tell people that I am on a Doctor supervised diet and going to the gym 5 times a week.

[TommyO 5]

Yoda, I thought we should be asking you oh great Yoda . I have noticed over my 47 years that some of the people who are asking these questions are just being polite and they really don't care about your response. In much the same way people discuss the weather. I do not mean this as a negative comment but rather a point of fact. In the last month I have had many conversations with people, that I am sure none of the participants recalls much if any of what was discussed.

Based on that I have chosen to not share my decision to be banded with more casuall acquaintances. I don't think anyone is really interested and If I am going to explain this procedure to someone I would prefer that they are interested in the topic.

I would also be more than happy to discuss it with anyone who came to with a weight issue and looking for help. So in a nutshell you could say I tell only those people who I feel should know or those people who would possbly benefit from knowing.