Help Please!!

[Andwhatrea 15]

Hello everyone, I'm new to this site and have not been banded yet. I have my surgery set for September 28 but besides the normal pre-op anxiety I'm also dealing with another huge worry. I'm 22 years old and besides my immediate family, no one else knows about my banding. It's really difficult to come to terms about telling people around me like friends or coworkers. I feel like people might not be as supportive or be as happy for me as I would want them to be. Has anyone else been through this? How did you deal with it?

[Jim1967 3,569]

Hi and Welcome the LBT!! It's kinda hard for me to give you advice as I am a guy and twice your age so my perspective on it is a little bit different. I could care less what others think aside from my Wife and my parents. That being said, everyone pretty much knows I had the surgery and I wish I did handle it a little different. While yes I don't care what people think I do constantly get asked how I am doing, how much weight I have lost and so on and so on. I had a co-worker come up to me and tell me they are ordering pizza for everyone for lunch "but you shouldn't have it" Umm excuse me??? I am 44 years old and its been a long time since anyone told me I couldn't or shouldn't eat something. I know she meant well but seriously, c'mon!!

You have to make this decision for yourself as far as who to tell. I wish I didn't tell as many people. I wish I didn't tell my mother because now all my aunts, uncles and cousins now know. I am not hiding anything but I wish I thought it through.

Remember you are doing this for you and your health. If you come across negativity just disregard it best you can. We have one pass at life. Make the most of it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise....

Take some time to digest it all and don't rush into telling anyone until you are 100% sure that's what you want to do

Good Luck!!

[wildrose1966 396]

I am getting banded on Sept 17th and have told 2 close friends who will be supportive, my mother, my sister, my boss and my coordinator......6 people, that is it. The first 4, because I knew that they would be non judgemental and supportive, the other 2 because I need the support on my professional side of my life. I am not embarassed that I have had to turn to the band, and I am sure down the road I will tell more peole. I just need to do this without people questioning, watching, wondering when it is going to 'work', and right now it is about me, and not about me educating them.

It is going to be hard.......from liquid pre op to maintenance (7 weeks) I have 3 work trips and clients in town.......being in sales, there is always the entertainment factor, but I will be okay.

I don't think it is anyone business but my own, and I know I need support. I will bring that in on my own time. I think I can fly under the radar for my pre op 2 weeks at work.

Good luck to you!!!

[Andwhatrea 15]

Thank you so much for replying and for your advice! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks about this aspect of the surgery.. I feel somewhat better because I shouldnt care so much about how people might react to me getting this done. And ultimately I'm doing something to better ME. Once again, thanks for the support!

[2muchfun 8,928]

I'm kindof with Jim. Don't really care what people think or say. But, if I had to do this again I would be more discreet.

I was way over the top with my band. The UPS guy came to the door and I lifted my shirt and said, "hey, look what I did". He looked at me like I had three heads. LOL

I guess the reason I wouldn't announce to all that I had surgery is because so many people think that we will lose all our weight in a few months. I know, I know, some new bandsters think the same. So, its annoying to talk to someone on the phone or in person and if you haven't dropped 100 lbs the self help advice comes rolling in. You know, the comments like, "you should have tried the acai berry diet plan, or, I just walk 3 miles every day and it keeps my weight down".

So, just to keep the doubting Tom's at bay, I'd recommend you only confide in those who you believe will support you and won't give you the family miracle fat loss comments.

tmf

[Andwhatrea 15]

You're right, one of the main reasons I don't want a lot of people knowing is because everyone has their own ideas and opinions about WLS (some just plain ignorant) and I don't want all the unnecessary input on how to make my band work. Especially since I'm unfortunately surrounded by many fit and thin people who are always trying to justify why I'm fat and what I'm doing wrong. That being said, I'm taking into consideration just being discrete and telling only the people I know will not judge or meddle.

[Grissy001 2]

I was banded on March 16 and I have not informed anyone about it. Only my husband and kids who have been by my side on this journey! People could be so negative about the band and could bring you down emotionally.

[Andwhatrea 15]

I'm seeing a trend here lol... Thanks for the input guys!!!

[Jim1967 3,569]

I guess the reason I wouldn't announce to all that I had surgery is because so many people think that we will lose all our weight in a few months.

Funny you mention that. One of my co-workers who is also a friend outside of work he returned to work from a two week vacation and said to me "what you haven't lost all the weight yet?" He was totally joking but I can relate to what your saying.

[2muchfun 8,928]

Funny you mention that. One of my co-workers who is also a friend outside of work he returned to work from a two week vacation and said to me "what you haven't lost all the weight yet?" He was totally joking but I can relate to what your saying.

Tanslation: "You're still fat"?

Yeah, I'm pretty thick skinned but I don't need or want those kind of insensitive comments. I had a very close friend tell me a few weeks ago that he thought I wouldn't still have a gut. Gee, thanks Bill you *******! Good thing we're good buddies and he's a fat giant(6' 7" 320 lbs).

tmf

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

I told everyone and really had few who were less than fabulous. A 5'6 and 295 I loved the few that said 'but why, you're not that big!!!'

[Jim1967 3,569]

I had my old boss ask me what I was going to do about all the excess skin I was going to have when I lose all the weight....people just don't get it and especially the ones who have never had a weight problem. "You wouldn't be fat if you just stopped eating" mentality.

[jerbear 17]

I only told the people I am close to at work and my close family. My thing was I was afraid I would fail and people would say "I knew she couldn't do it" or other such things. Just tell the people you know will be supportive and let the others wonder "what the heck is she doing to lose all that weight". Later you will be ok with telling people.

[Andwhatrea 15]

Christiemr: congrats on the awesome comment! It sounds like you have a very supportive circle of acquaintances...

And I really think I'm better off limiting who I tell. Not that I feel like I'm going to fail, but since most people aren't very educated on the WLS subject they have unrealistic expectations of it. Like when they automatically assume its the "easy way out" and people don't put forth any effort in losing the weight.

[Miranda4635 29]

I'm 25 and get banded on sept 14. I was so scared to tell anyone I was even thinking about the band. Unlike u I am surrounded by overweight people, except for one of my sis who has never worked out and is so tiny even after two children. When I told my fam they just said,"you know what u need to do to loose weight. Diet and exercise. Just do it." even my best friend who is overweight said this to me.

After they have witnessed me being depressed about my weight for the past year and genuinely trying and failing to loose weight, they are supportive. I have asked them not to really tell anyone else. Just don't need the extra judging eyes coming my way while I am going to be working hard at loosing.