(I posted this on another thread but decided to start a new one so noone would think it was pointed at them personally.)

I'm sorry but I have finally reached a point, after reading so many posts about disappointments in weight loss, that I have to get some things off my chest. And please, this isn't meant to make anyone in particular feel bad, it's to help me understand why anyone would -want- to stuff themselves with a quarterpounder and large chips (fries) or 3 slices of pizza or tacos and burritos when they have gone thru weight loss surgery to get their cherished lapband?? Why do people have to 'test' their bands by stuffing in as much as they can to see what the limits are?

This isn't just about restricting how much you can manage to cram into yourself. It's about lifestyle changes. It's about eating reasonably and the band is there to HELP you. Not magically change quarter pounders, pizza, tacos and burritos into "health food." Your band WILL NOT MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT. If you do not change how you eat, you will be here a year from now posting similair questions.. if you still have your band.

Think about this. A quarter pounder has 530 calories and 30 grams of fat. A large order of chips (fries) 542 calories and 26 grams of fat. Three slices of pan pizza (I'll even go veggie on this to show my point) has 810 calories and 36 grams of fat. And now, just for interest's sake - three slices of pan supreme pizza has 960 calories and 51 grams of fat.

This is -tough- love coming from a very obese woman who is desperately trying to understand what drives us to ruin our health. What drives us to take such chances? To push the envelope. We all know we'll be upset when we fail, or when we end up with diabetes, or worse.

*sighs* I know you all have the intelligence to make wiser choices. You know youre banded. Don't go out without some emergency food with you if you think youre going to be starving before you can get home. Starkist makes great tuna lunch packs that are great for in the car.

Damnit, why do I always feel so responsible. I just couldn't let this go without shouting to you all... What are you doing to yourselves??? Stop!!

This was written with pure love and a heavy heart. I want ALL of us to be free of this damn weight so we can really live! Wake up and start living people!

Despite (obviously) the massive amount of humor I put into my comment (I rarely claim to speak like Gollum when serious) I do actually have one thing I'd like to take to task here.

That's a extremely broad and sweeping statement. It's also likely incorrect.

I don't intend to allow myself 'treats' because allowing myself 'treats' got me where I am today.

From my mother allowing me to buy 3 pieces of candy on a Saturday, to McDonald's for supper.

The bottom line is, I've had to accept taste has nothing to do with nutrition. I am deliberately eating foods I have always 'not liked' because they are good for me, and I have a responsibility to eat right.

The 'treat' is pandering to my mind, and my mind apparantly has no frickin clue what my body needs.

So, in a year or two, if I am at my goal weight, and I continue to not allow myself treats, I shall expect you to retract this.

And I'll remind ya

What you consider funny, is not the same as what I consider funny. Clearly.

You imply that I am a bad person for giving a teacher, who will do the right thing with bloody Cookies, to give to the childern. I do not find that funny.

You imply that that is the cause for overweight and obese children. It is not. The reason for childhood obesity is poor diet, and no exercise. It is that simple.

If you are concerned about kids being fat, go help out with a PE class or two a week. Help teachers with cooking classes. Its what I do every week, mate. Do not preach at me about fat kids.

And I will retract NOTHING. Good on you if you can deny yourself to goal weight. Good for you.

SIGH!! Can't we all just get along and agree to disagree?

Butch - You made me cry because you are so right. You touched the core of my fear my friend.

*big hugs*

DITTO!! Well said Butch

Sam.. Paul is not implying that you are harming your kids. Nothing of the sort. When he did the gollum thing he was joking around about my joke about grandma trying to kill us. And he is saying that FOR HIM he can't allow himself treats because for HIM it's much like the addict or the smoker who is trying to quit cold turkey. Having a little now and then is not an option.

Please try to see that this was not meant as an attack on you. You are not taking it in the spirit in which it was written. Text can be misinterpreted so easily. Please give the benifit of the doubt here?

Sincerly, Susan

SIGH!! Can't we all just get along and agree to disagree?

It would be nice, huh?

But people need to undertand that what is funny to you might not be funny to me. It that such a hard concept to get? *sigh* I think I will just give up....

I am with Penni60, can't we just get along????? everyone here is just doing our best and trying to understand. Don't take thing so personal. Let's just be nice to each other. Play nice with the other children.

Butch

SIGH!! Can't we all just get along and agree to disagree?

Sure we can, this is simply an exchange of opinions.

I've got nothing against Sam in any way, I don't doubt that harm was ever intended in any way.

I just reflect on my own obesity and my own habits and I can see a direct correlation between treats, and weight gain.

Adding some humor is what I try and do - and it can be misinterpreted (and clearly has been).

Sammee - If I caused you upset, I apologise. My thoughts on bad food is entirely personal. I fear sugar, I have fears for my grandchild that he lives in a society that sees a massive consumption of 'hidden' and obvious sugars. It scares me.

If my humor is inappropriate, I apologise. I sincerely thought when the note was posted about 'trying to kill..." I thought you were lending humor to it as well. I was merely playing along (in my mind).

I HAVE to do my diet without treats. I have no band. I have no physical restraint. I have only me.

So, I hope you will trully support my belief that it can be done without treats, because if not, I am doomed to be fat for the rest of my life.

It would be nice, huh?

But people need to undertand that what is funny to you might not be funny to me. It that such a hard concept to get? *sigh* I think I will just give up....

You just demonstrated my point of agreeing to disagree. You did not see it as funny someone else did. Agree to disagree on that point. It was truly not meant to hurt your feelings Sammee.

Photonut...You are asking very good questions. Some are hard to answer. When I first got banded, I made great choices all the time. I changed everything about my life. I only ate organic fruits, veggies, and meats. I felt better than I have ever before.

I'm now two and a half years out...and old habits creep back in slowly over time. And there are many reasons why people eat and over eat. For me, it's almost an obsession to finish what I am eating. I usually save "the best bite" for last. Sometimes I forget that I have the band and do something stupid like order Pasta. The band has become a PART of my life, not the whole focus of it. And once that happens, it's easy to loose momentum about good choices, etc.

You're very new to banding and It's folks like you that keep me motivated and on the right track. What I have learned is that it's not about NEVER eating pizza, bread, treats, chocolate, cake, etc....it's about not eating it as much. It's about balance and planning.

But mostly, it's about forgiveness. Forgive yourself for getting to where you are, and forgive yourself when you don't make the best choices. Promise to make a better one next time. That's all we can do. And if you stuff a whole pizza into your band...the next call you make is to your Doctor to get a fill. And then forgive yourself for eating a pizza. The band is forgiving. You'll do better when you have more fill and the demons are controlled better.

No big deal.

Megan

I am going to add one more to clarify my viewpoint.

Consider me the alcoholic. One drink might get me off the wagon and get me into my coffin.

I can't risk that drink.

Photonut...You are asking very good questions. Some are hard to answer. When I first got banded, I made great choices all the time. I changed everything about my life. I only ate organic fruits, veggies, and meats. I felt better than I have ever before.

I'm now two and a half years out...and old habits creep back in slowly over time.

You're very new to banding and It's folks like you that keep me motivated and on the right track. What I have learned is that it's not about NEVER eating pizza, bread, treats, chocolate, cake, etc....it's about not eating it as much. It's about balance and planning.

But mostly, it's about forgiveness. Forgive yourself for getting to where you are, and forgive yourself when you don't make the best choices. Promise to make a better one next time. That's all we can do. And if you stuff a whole pizza into your band...the next call you make is to your Doctor to get a fill. And then forgive yourself for eating a pizza. The band is forgiving. You'll do better when you have more fill and the demons are controlled better.

No big deal.

Megan

I am new to banding but, like many of us, I am not new to dieting and I know exactly what you mean about the old habits creeping back in. You're right, the band is the focus of my life now and I pray it stays up there in the top three most important things I focus on in life. Because if I slip again, where will I be? I will be 50 this year. Half of my life has passed with me feeling like crap and being embarassed of myself. Missing out on so many things because of this weight. I don't want to do that anymore. I want a shot at being free of this before it's too late.

I don't forgive myself for being overweight. I made my choices and I knew the consequences as I made them. Now I want to make other choices because to me it is a big deal. It is my life. I won't be forgiving and easy on myself if I slip up. I don't have time to pamper myself along anymore.

Perhaps my problem here is that I was expecting the same attitude from others who have chosen WLS.

Thanks for your comments Megan, you helped me see that perhaps I'm seeing things thru the eyes of a newbie that has been a bit niave.

But mostly, it's about forgiveness. Forgive yourself for getting to where you are, and forgive yourself when you don't make the best choices. Promise to make a better one next time. That's all we can do. And if you stuff a whole pizza into your band...the next call you make is to your Doctor to get a fill. And then forgive yourself for eating a pizza. The band is forgiving. You'll do better when you have more fill and the demons are controlled better.

Thanks for that Megan. I think that's really important.

I was a pretty perfect bandster for the first few months--but sooner or later the demons do tend to win out. Too often stuffing my face becomes a full-out COMPULSION and it isn't until I'm choking over the sink that I can stop. Is that totally foolish and stupid and do I KNOW IT?? Oh yeah.

Maybe you won't do that, but if you had to get this surgery there's a pretty good chance you will. And when you do... forgive yourself and move on.

Fat or thin, we've got to love ourselves.

PHOTONUT

and as for the people that eat pizza and cheeseburgers or woteva it was, this could have been a once off of this food, so why start up a thread to have a go at ppl that are suffering emotionally..

it took all our life to gain this weight on and it will take awhile to get out of these bad eating habits and get into better ones..

not everyones a perfect bandster!!!!!

and your only a month out.....lets see when you feel like some pizza or mcdonalds

i say give u a few weeks

I totally agree with you, and I have approached this in exactly that way, and have had good success without much in the way of restriction so far. I've pretty much dieted. The first few weeks were really easy because I did have restriction but since week 5 I've been able to eat anything and my appetite has returned to normal. It's not rocket science, eat what I used to eat and I will return to my previous weight. I'm holding on now, cant manage to keep the intake low enough to keep the weight coming off at that rate without more fill.

What I tell myself though is when I find myself frustrated at people's choices, I just thank my lucky stars that I got banded before I got to the point where I was not capable of making good choices and holding on for restriction to finally hit. There are people here all along the spectrum of disordered eating and where I know that I simply dont eat pizza or ice cream or chocolate there are other people who just dont have that strength yet. It's going to take them a bit longer to get there.

It does come down to basic maths, energy in versus energy out but there's an awful lot of emotion and dysfunction clouding the path. It's not that easy for everyone just to throw out the old and bring in new habits.

But you've said it very well and the tough love thing I'm sure is appreciated.

I think this was primarily for the people who I have observed stating things like: I'm not losing!

They then follow up by realing of burgers, pizza, chocolate etc.

I think we all accept the mental issues involved here, but it pulls at the heart strings to see people in pain, and this is posted because its no bad thing to say "I can see why you are hurting, now please, stop hurting yourself".

Isn't it caring to cry out when you see people harming themselves and you want to say "stop it"?

If I screwed up bad, and I told people, I would expect the ones who love me to say "You've got to stop doing that, it hurts me when you hurt yourself".

"I say give u a few weeks"?

I say, may we all succeed and not harm ourselves.

That quote almost smacks of wishing ill on someone. I've already hurt one person in this thread,

The original post was stated as a cry from the heart for the people in suffering.

Can we not just accept that?