(I posted this on another thread but decided to start a new one so noone would think it was pointed at them personally.)

I'm sorry but I have finally reached a point, after reading so many posts about disappointments in weight loss, that I have to get some things off my chest. And please, this isn't meant to make anyone in particular feel bad, it's to help me understand why anyone would -want- to stuff themselves with a quarterpounder and large chips (fries) or 3 slices of pizza or tacos and burritos when they have gone thru weight loss surgery to get their cherished lapband?? Why do people have to 'test' their bands by stuffing in as much as they can to see what the limits are?

This isn't just about restricting how much you can manage to cram into yourself. It's about lifestyle changes. It's about eating reasonably and the band is there to HELP you. Not magically change quarter pounders, pizza, tacos and burritos into "health food." Your band WILL NOT MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT. If you do not change how you eat, you will be here a year from now posting similair questions.. if you still have your band.

Think about this. A quarter pounder has 530 calories and 30 grams of fat. A large order of chips (fries) 542 calories and 26 grams of fat. Three slices of pan pizza (I'll even go veggie on this to show my point) has 810 calories and 36 grams of fat. And now, just for interest's sake - three slices of pan supreme pizza has 960 calories and 51 grams of fat.

This is -tough- love coming from a very obese woman who is desperately trying to understand what drives us to ruin our health. What drives us to take such chances? To push the envelope. We all know we'll be upset when we fail, or when we end up with diabetes, or worse.

*sighs* I know you all have the intelligence to make wiser choices. You know youre banded. Don't go out without some emergency food with you if you think youre going to be starving before you can get home. Starkist makes great tuna lunch packs that are great for in the car.

Damnit, why do I always feel so responsible. I just couldn't let this go without shouting to you all... What are you doing to yourselves??? Stop!!

This was written with pure love and a heavy heart. I want ALL of us to be free of this damn weight so we can really live! Wake up and start living people!

*grin* This was Gyou, not Syou. *laughs*

Ohhh.. well why didn't you say so?? *laughing too*

So many good things said.... Some I don't agree with, some made me angry, some made me think......

I KNOW NOTHING!!!! The way I ate did nothing for me except get me fat! I am a newcomer.... I am here to change, to listen to those who have time with their band, who have had time to impliment the changes needed to succeed.

Just for TODAY, I want to remain teachable! To take everything in ... things that I don't think apply to me because one day I might need it... for the day that I am standing in line at that McDonalds ....

I still have the "newcomer" enthusiasm. The people I respect are the people who one day at a time work this new way of life. No one elses diet will work for me, but it will steer me in the right direction. I will HOPEFULLY learn to live a good life with food!

Thank you to everyone who posts. Even the ones who keep posting their bad eating habbits. If you are still posting you are not sitting their hopeless, you keep coming back and only those that keep trying will succeed.

JUST FOR TODAY

Donna

I am

Just for TODAY, I want to remain teachable! To take everything in ... things that I don't think apply to me because one day I might need it... for the day that I am standing in line at that McDonalds ....

Thank you to everyone who posts. Even the ones who keep posting their bad eating habbits. If you are still posting you are not sitting their hopeless, you keep coming back and only those that keep trying will succeed.

JUST FOR TODAY

*big smiles* I just love this gal. She is so awesome.

And I was just thinking back on what Donali had said about there being other boards that have no tolerance for people who don't eat healthily.

When I started initially posted my feelings on this, I did it on a thread where some were talking about the issues I addressed. Then I realized that it would be taken as a direct slam at those posters in particular. So I quickly deleted it and started a new thread because it wasn't my goal to point fingers, but rather to raise awareness in folks. I knew it would be a touchy subject but I was hoping it would also be one that made people do some soul searching.

And my question now is this.. If you come here and post that you are struggling and eating unhealthily and are depressed or wondering why you are eating so much, don't you then expect support? If I give you a big hug and say, "It's perfectly alright that you did that. Chin up and you'll do better tomorrow." am I not supporting your downfall? Alcoholics Anonymous has a group called Alanon for family and friends of alcholoics. It is designed to teach these people how to be a real support, and to be aware of the things they do that enable the alcoholic's behavioral issues to continue. To me.. I repeat.. TO ME.. if you come here and cry out for help, how am I helping you if I just hug you and leave you with an "Oh well, you'll do better tomorrow"?? This is how MY mind works. *shrugs*

I too am getting a little touchy about all the things being taken personally that *to me* seem general to begin with. But that doesn't mean I wont read something tomorrow that I don't turn around and take personally *grin*.

I think this is a good thread. I don't eat nearly as bad as I used to. I can't remember the last time I went through a drive through and didn't just get a side salad, and maybe a yogurt. Sure, the dressing is still bad, but it's better than I used to do. And that's all I can really aim for right now. I am doing better than I used to do. Obviously, I'm not doing as well as I NEED to do because I'm not losing weight, but I just need to work on doing EVEN BETTER than I used to do (which would then be better than what I am doing now).

I have to take it a step at a time, or I get burnt out, which is what has already happened. Granted, I have not fallen back into all of my old habits, but some of the better habits didn't stick so well.

Baby steps is my new motto.

To me.. I repeat.. TO ME.. if you come here and cry out for help, how am I helping you if I just hug you and leave you with an "Oh well, you'll do better tomorrow"??

I think you have an absolutely valid point. Howeer, support doesn't have to end with a hug and reassurance that one will do better tomorrow. After the hug, you can offer loving, helpful suggestions on how to DO better tomorrow - things that help you do better. Then you can hug them again.

:eek:

One of the things I learned in my emotional eating counseling was that thinking negatively about one's self wasn't constructive. Sometimes we prevail, somtimes not so much. But we (none of us) are completely one thing or another - we are never complete successes or complete failures - we are always a mixture of both.

Progress, not perfection. How can we do better next time? The old way is always an option, but let's try a new way first. Every time we can do the new way instead of the old way is a success, and eventually we will mostly do the new way.

Most of us have lived our lives punishing ourselves, degrading ourselves, and dragging ourselves down into a pit that we felt there was no climbing out of. Do not underestimate the power of those negative tapes. If we can erase those negative tapes with positive reinforcing thoughts we WILL get better.

Sometimes before we can love ourselves and get better, we have to be given permission by total strangers that it's not only OKAY to do so, but necessary and encouraged.

And we are worth it.

We ARE loveable and worthwhile. Fat or thin. Today, tomorrow, and yesterday. This is only a part of the journey, and is transient to the better selves we are working towards.

My humble thoughts...

xxoo

To me.. I repeat.. TO ME.. if you come here and cry out for help, how am I helping you if I just hug you and leave you with an "Oh well, you'll do better tomorrow"?? This is how MY mind works. *shrugs*

Because I need tender loving care.... Because when I screw up with my food, I beat myslef up more then anyone else could.

When I came to the site last week and told about my two bad eating episodes in a three day period, I knew I did something bad that could have resulted in damage to my band. Some ppl came on and blasted me for bad eating, Others showed compasion and gave me hugs and THAT is just what I needed. Not everyone is the same, some would need that "what were you thinking", others need the ((hug)).

As it was said before, we are all different. Most of these aren't attacks on people, they are opinions and God knows we, all of us, seem to have LOTS of those LOL

That's why ..... I love you all,,,,,, for who you are, not what I want you all to be!:eek:

Oh, yeah...

Changes do not have to be drastic to be effective.

We do NOT have to change everything at one time. In fact, trying to make multiple changes at time time is a sure way to set yourself up for failure. Babysteps, babysteps, babysteps.

We do NOT have to suffer in order to be trying our best.

Suffering does NOT = success.

Suffering does NOT = better.

It's a case of cold turkey, or weaning.

Some can wean themselves gradually, and some can just scream NO MORE.

I see this as the hardest addiction to get over. This is like alcoholism where the alcohilic is required to drink 3 small low alcohol drinks a day.

Equally, some of us need a hug, some of us need a slap. Just so you all know, I'm to be slapped, REALLY HARD.

If anyone ever has a post from me say "I screwed up!" I grant you all exclusive permission to use me as a punching bag for 24 hours.

*laughs* This is a great thread, even if I did start it. :eek:

Now this is about me - I have spent my life trying to love myself, be kind to myself, forgive myself. And I have ended up soft coating the fact that I was really -killing- myself. For me, and obviously for many others (thanks for all the PMs), it is time to stop treating myself with tender loving care and start excepting the cold hard facts. If I keep doing this to myself, there won't be a tomorrow in which I can forgive me.

I never eat what im not spossed to,

now why did i set my Cookies and milk on the table when im at my computer telling lies ?

:eek: :grouphug:

and some of you have had some really good thoughts on this subject.

I have spent my life trying to love myself, be kind to myself, forgive myself.

Not too long ago I said pretty much the same thing. (If I had the time I might even dig up the post.) I have always and still think that loving oneself is the foundation of happiness in this one short life we have. I'm not going to waste a second on self-flagellation.

In the same post I allowed for the possibility that this attitude may be partly responsible for ending up where I did. :eek: I still don't think self-flagellation gets us anywhere. Self-understanding is the key to progress. As the infamous Dr. Phil says, we can't change what we don't acknowledge. And one thing I truly don't see a lot of on this board is denial.

*Hey Photonut* I really appreciate that you are open to learning. You have acknowledged some really good points made here that maybe you hadn't thought of yet while making excellent points of your own. That's the kind of theads that are so cool and we all learn from them. I know I have. Thanks.

There are people for whom pizza does hold attraction post-banding; surgery doesn't magically make that go away. And for many of us, eating "badly" doesn't always mean paying a price we are unwilling to pay, so why not do it from time to time? That's where I am, and happy to be here. :biggrin1:

Working with the band doesn't necessarily mean forcing yourself to give up everything you love and live a life of deprivation and denial. It's about learning, and I think we can all agree that takes time.

i totally agree with you there Alexandra:)

well said

Not too long ago I said pretty much the same thing. (If I had the time I might even dig up the post.) I have always and still think that loving oneself is the foundation of happiness in this one short life we have. I'm not going to waste a second on self-flagellation.

In the same post I allowed for the possibility that this attitude may be partly responsible for ending up where I did. :eek: I still don't think self-flagellation gets us anywhere. Self-understanding is the key to progress. As the infamous Dr. Phil says, we can't change what we don't acknowledge. And one thing I truly don't see a lot of on this board is denial.

Self-flagellation.... drool dawg like self flagellation.

While everyone is making great points and I'm learning a LOT from this thread, I would like to remind y'all that this wasn't a thread about self deprivation or self flatulation - oh wait, that was flaggelation, sorry. *grins* This was not about why we have occassional treats, or why we sneak a piece of chocolate now and then. I have stuck the tip of my finger in the p'nut butter jar and made that tiny bit last as long as I could because I was craving p'nut butter. I know that old habits die hard. I know that patterns are not easy to break. I have seen many on here who are defending the fact that they have an occassional burger or salad with dressing. This is NOT what this was about.

I know that thin people eat snacks. I know that it is unreasonable to think that I will never eat another hamburger in my life. I was asking why we push the band to such extremes and eat way beyond the recommended allowances thereby making ourselves sick or risk ruining our bands, because frankly.. it astounds me that this thing we call our food demon could have such a grip on us that we would go to such lengths to ruin something that might just finally help us get past this.

For those of you who took offense and thought I was aiming this at YOU, I was not. I used some examples that I had seen on the board but there have been many, many more that I didn't use. Perhaps instead of getting all defensive, we should be open and talk about this together so we can ALL learn and figure out how to put this to an end.. for each other.