(I posted this on another thread but decided to start a new one so noone would think it was pointed at them personally.)

I'm sorry but I have finally reached a point, after reading so many posts about disappointments in weight loss, that I have to get some things off my chest. And please, this isn't meant to make anyone in particular feel bad, it's to help me understand why anyone would -want- to stuff themselves with a quarterpounder and large chips (fries) or 3 slices of pizza or tacos and burritos when they have gone thru weight loss surgery to get their cherished lapband?? Why do people have to 'test' their bands by stuffing in as much as they can to see what the limits are?

This isn't just about restricting how much you can manage to cram into yourself. It's about lifestyle changes. It's about eating reasonably and the band is there to HELP you. Not magically change quarter pounders, pizza, tacos and burritos into "health food." Your band WILL NOT MAKE YOU LOSE WEIGHT. If you do not change how you eat, you will be here a year from now posting similair questions.. if you still have your band.

Think about this. A quarter pounder has 530 calories and 30 grams of fat. A large order of chips (fries) 542 calories and 26 grams of fat. Three slices of pan pizza (I'll even go veggie on this to show my point) has 810 calories and 36 grams of fat. And now, just for interest's sake - three slices of pan supreme pizza has 960 calories and 51 grams of fat.

This is -tough- love coming from a very obese woman who is desperately trying to understand what drives us to ruin our health. What drives us to take such chances? To push the envelope. We all know we'll be upset when we fail, or when we end up with diabetes, or worse.

*sighs* I know you all have the intelligence to make wiser choices. You know youre banded. Don't go out without some emergency food with you if you think youre going to be starving before you can get home. Starkist makes great tuna lunch packs that are great for in the car.

Damnit, why do I always feel so responsible. I just couldn't let this go without shouting to you all... What are you doing to yourselves??? Stop!!

This was written with pure love and a heavy heart. I want ALL of us to be free of this damn weight so we can really live! Wake up and start living people!

...it astounds me that this thing we call our food demon could have such a grip on us that we would go to such lengths to ruin something that might just finally help us get past this.

I think its the same food demon that can cause people to eat themselves to 600, 700 and even 1000 pounds.

I think Demon is an excellent choice of word. Even the non-religious will likely admit to having absolutely no control over their eating habits and it was almost as though they are possessed.

We mention the band IS a tool. It isn't a cure.

And my question now is this.. If you come here and post that you are struggling and eating unhealthily and are depressed or wondering why you are eating so much, don't you then expect support? If I give you a big hug and say, "It's perfectly alright that you did that. Chin up and you'll do better tomorrow." am I not supporting your downfall?

There are no easy answers as to what one, all or a few of us may consider support at one time or another. Personally, sometimes I want my butt kicked and sometimes I want someone to give me a pat on the back, a hug and say, "Poor baby!" (I'm a single gal so that sure isn't coming from anywhere else.)

There have been MANY times when I was doing really well (espically soon after banding) where I've read someone's posting and thought to myself, "Stop whining & get to work!" Thank god I've never succommed to that sort of hypocritical, self righteousness out loud, because there are always better, more supportive ways to express that. For MY MENTOR I have raptly listened to every word that comes out of our lady of the Vines. Her well-thought out, wise and supportive responses have put many of my flippant thoughts TO SHAME. There have been times she has really amazed me with the love she transfers to text. (She is not the only one, but I would say probably the best at that.)

It's really great that we have this place, not only to come for support and not only to be supportive--but to be BETTER AT IT. On the few times that someone has PMd me and said something I wrote spoke to them my heart was filled more than chocolate could ever fill my gut.

YAAA for ALL of us!!

:clap2:

I know that thin people eat snacks. I know that it is unreasonable to think that I will never eat another hamburger in my life. I was asking why we push the band to such extremes and eat way beyond the recommended allowances thereby making ourselves sick or risk ruining our bands...

If there's one thing my years at LBT have taught me, it's that there is a very broad spectrum of successful-bandster characteristics. Regular practice of what you describe here is, however, generally not among them. No argument here on that score.

I've also learned that there are some people for whom banding was a wrong choice from the start. That's why self-understanding is so important going in: if we don't TRULY know what's wrong, there's no way to tell if being banded will help.

Dawg, *snort*! :eek:

Alot of you took this thread wrong from the beginning. Some were misunderstood along the way. Others saw exactly what I was saying.

I thank all of you who contributed your thoughts, feelings and opinions.

There are some of you who really heard what the cry of my heart was. I have posted umpteen times in this thread just how bad I felt about anyone having hurt feelings. I have bared by soul to strangers in an attempt to show that I am also suffering and struggling and trying to beat this monkey on my back.

Perhaps you were on the verge of ordering that pizza when you read the post. Perhaps you were in tears over the fact that you had lost the battle again and you were at your wits end when you read it. Perhaps just one of you got the wake up call and laid down the burrito and picked up your rekindled commitment to your success and health. It was for that one, altho I think there were more than one, for whom the post was written.

Those of you who felt it was too harsh, judgemental, hypocritical, uncaring, unsupportive, pious, or otherwise hurtful, this thread was not intended for you. You may go back to your soft hugs and eat however you like. One suggestion though, the next time you want to share about the 2,000 calorie meal you just ate, start your post with - Dont really want to make a change, just want sympathy.

At least I tried.

Far out, proof that I'm not at the beginning, center or end of these heated debates that get people's panties all bunched up. I've avoided this thread till now, but I can't hold back any more. Our brand new baby bandster started a thread that NEEDED to be addressed, yet look at all the defensive responses! Whoa, people.

She's right because I've seen the same countless threads of people PBing on fast food a couple times a day while swearing they can't lose weight. We've all seen these same threads, so what's with all the defense? And for those of you who "kid" with me about having no couth, scaring new people and offending a great number of people on this board, maybe it's time you take a spoon of your own medicine.

As much as I hate to say it (wink) because I want to be half as smart as her, Alexandra summed it all up in one sentence: "There are people for whom banding was a wrong choice from the start."

I was one of those people who ate past being full. I'd PB, wait 10 minutes then continue with my tacos, extra cheese. I'd wake up in horrible pain from over indulging. I drank booze, Coke, shakes. I abused my band/body before I was banded, while I was banded, and after my band came out. Call me insane, or call me morbidly obese.

After being banded almost 7 months,I occassionally have a lapse of will power and do something dumb. With my restriction it doesn't take much.. My husband will say why did you do that? I have to remind him and myself sometimes that I did it for the same reasons that I let myslef get to a whopping 335lbs...I am not good about self control and old habits die hard....If I didn't have these issues,I wouldn't have my band.....

[derail]

...these heated debates that get people's panties all bunched up.

Am I missing something? This doesn't seem like a "heated" debate to me. :eek:

This is a great, thought-provoking thread. Just a good discussion, as far as I can tell. (Sigh, I'll never be a good theater critic. I seem to see right past drama other people detect immediately.) :grouphug:

[/derail]

You are right Nut that every one needs different motivation and I was the one taht counted my calories yesterday after my half miniburger and was happy with not going over my calories for the day and on the way home from work at 8:00 I had a lapse, I drove through the wal-greens, picked up a bag of Reeses peanut butter cups and a large bag of peanut m&ms, I got home, popped a bag of popcorn put half a stick of butter on it and opened a coke as I sat and watched TV and ate as much as I could. My band never kicked in other than stopping me at half a bag of popcorn and only 4 reeses peanut butter cups and a handfull of m&M's and 1/4 of a coke. (Pre band I would have eaten ever last bit.) As enjoyable as it was once I was through I was in physical pain, mostly from the coke gas stuck under my port. I wanted to throw up because I haven't eatten that horribly since my band was placed over a year ago. I don't know what came over me?? I don't know why I chose movie food as my crutch last night?? I don't know why I am even telling you this, but I woke up this morning not to have gained a pound back but also not to have lost. I try to keep my calories under 800 a day. I need that strictness to stick with this thing. I am completely and totally addicted to food and have done all of the "programs" and then some. I am down 63 pounds and not even half way to my goal, but there is one thing I have now that I didn't have before and that is the thought that when I woke up this morning I would not do that ever again (at least until next time :eek:) With my band I can have these transgressions and not fall flat on my face and when I wake up the next morning the band is there again to start all over. For me the band is the tool and when I don't particularly feel like eating low fat, I don't gain my weight back because I can eat so little it keeps me in line when I have these splurges. I am back on track today with my final calorie count for the day at 730 and a Gazelle at home that I will get on tonight. I am also the person that needs the hugs when I mess up or is it the kicks? I never know because it can be different from day to day. Your post made me think and I appreciate that...just remember that all of us are different and all of us will react and respond in different ways to your post and you can get offended just as some here have and know that it is ok to vent on these posts. People know when they have messed up and I know I have thought the very same thing you posted about originally, Ok, I am rambling enough is enough, just know that you need to be able to take it when you dish it, as with everyone on this board. You seem like the person that can! Thanks again for the post!!!!!! We love em like this!

Kim, Thank you so much for sharing that. Man can I relate. No self control.. the band is our safety net. And that's what I've been counting on. It sounds to me like you have worked so hard at this, and had a melt down. But you saw it and got right back with the program. Good for you!

I am concerned about this tho --

I try to keep my calories under 800 a day. I need that strictness to stick with this thing.

I am back on track today with my final calorie count for the day at 730 and a Gazelle at home that I will get on tonight.

Kim, sweetie that's too low. Are you following your doctor or nutritionists suggestions? I see on every nutritionist site that eating 800 calories a day should only be with doctor supervision. This could be causing your weight loss to go slower. Dawg and I have been having this discussion every night. He is not banded but is dieting along side of me. He eats different foods but we realized he's only eating 700 - 800 calories a day and he's a 6' 5" tall man. Not good at all. I am still struggling to get to 800 which is where Im supposed to be now. I think ideally, we should be at 1,000 - 1,200 to lose the pouds effeciently and safely.

Gosh, I can see where we can all get screwed up with this. Some go to one end of the spectrum and some to the other. Some overeating themselves silly, the others starving their bodies. Will we ever just be 'normal'??

Ok, I am rambling enough is enough, just know that you need to be able to take it when you dish it, as with everyone on this board. You seem like the person that can! Thanks again for the post!!!!!! We love em like this!

*smiles* I can take it. What stresses me out the most is when I feel the need to save everyone and I end up faced with the fact that not everyone wants to be saved. Or, as I am learning on this thread, I just might not be the one to save them. Another addiction to deal with, yeah?

Thanks, Kim.

*hugs* Susan

Kim, just a thought: is 800 calories a day enough? Have you thought about kicking it up to at least 1000?

And you know what, Photo? Kim's post reminds me that another, very common type of post we see here is people bemoaning a "binge" of the night before. They'll post how much they ate and how horrible they feel about it. But then we'll say: "look at how much you DIDN'T eat! If you truly feel physically unwell after eating [insert comically-small-for-an-unbanded-person "binge" amount here], your band is absolutely working!"

I mean, if people had ever told me that there would be a time in my life when one normal-sized hamburger looks--and feels--like a LOT of food, I'd have asked what planet they were on. A "binge" just ain't what it used to be, even for people who think they're out of control. Thank the band! :becky:

I fully agree Alex. *huggles her band*

And - looks like we agree about Kim. I think we need to start feeding her more. What an odd thing to say on a thread like this. *laughs*

I mean, if people had ever told me that there would be a time in my life when one normal-sized hamburger looks--and feels--like a LOT of food, I'd have asked what planet they were on. A "binge" just ain't what it used to be, even for people who think they're out of control. Thank the band! :becky:

aint that the truth.

so are you all saying that since you have been banded that u HAVENT had anything thats not healthy??

It's not so much what you eat but how much of it you eat, as bandsters we do not feel the "full" feeling like we did pre band..so it is very easy to continue to stuff your pouch..pouch stuffing can lead to many other things not good for your band...not to mention you need to use the time with your band the best you can and lose as much weight while you can, use it as a tool because one day you may find yourself like many of us here now...ERODED and no band at all! Beleive me when I say, had I not used my tool to the best of my ability and had only lost 50 -60 lbs I would of been devastated to lose it but I worked with my band while I had it and lost over 100 lbs with it and happy to say since my band removal I have yet to gain any weight back..yes I do struggle but I am determined to not gain this weight back..I still eat like a bandster and still do not drink with my meals..still drink no carbonation..still eat from a smaller plate...still eat my protein first so I know I did learn something from this but I would be lying if I told you I have not deviated since my band removal, sure I have had a piece of chocolate or a cookie.. here and there but not 5 or 6 like I would of pre band. Just becuase I can eat it now with no problems and no restriction does not mean I should and I tell myslef over and over in my head when I want to binge that "NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS" It helps!

So what did I do? I came home and overate. Now my pouch hurts (yes, I still have a pouch, go figure.) I'm going to bed before 6:00 p.m. just to lock myself in my bandroom I mean bedroom - away from all food.

Thanks Susan!!! Just what I needed to hear today!! Absolutely right!