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Anyone dating again? Need advice



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You guys have been such a help to me as I adjusted to my band. Every time I came to post a question, I found the answer already on this forum. But here's a topic I couldn't find. I'm just starting to date again post banding. I've lost quite a bit already and am finally getting my confidence back. I didn't tell most people about the band-- just very closest friends and family. Not embarrassed at all, but I didn't feel the need to address people commenting and judging my decision.

But at some point, this will need to come up with the guys I'm dating. There is the scar, so assuming I ever take off my shirt, there will be that question. But also the slow eating (and occasional running from the table to the restroom) is noticeable for someone who dines with me often.

If any of you out there have started relationship after being banded, when did you discuss it. It doesn't seem like first date material, right? Have you generally found these people to be supportive or freaked out (either by the surgery or the previous weight).

Thanks so much for any advice you can give me.

Eve

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I haven't been in one, but I'd just tell em. I don't think it's that weird. I would spare all the details though. They don't need to know about PBing and stuff haha. Especially, I see from your ticker you aren't at your goal yet, I don't see why it would be a problem. If they can't support that then, they have no business being with you anyways! I'd assume most guys would be thrilled to know you are working on getting skinnier.

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I would'nt really worry about slow eating. We now eat at the pace of normal people. I still eat faster than my sister who has aways been the thinnest in my family (and I am at restriction).

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If anyone from Toronto or Ontario is still interested in dating. I'm single, eligible, and looking for a serious relationship. I would be glad to exchange e-mails, and I'd love to meet up, hang out, discover each other, plan road trips, see the city and a lot more. Hopefully we both have interests in the great outdoors, camping, hiking, and skiing. I know that relationships are hard to find and sometimes internet dating sites, and even forums make it hard to coordinate finding a partner who would accept your IBS or gas. I would accept both, and because I don't have the symptoms I could sympathise and simply help plan adventures.

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You guys have been such a help to me as I adjusted to my band. Every time I came to post a question, I found the answer already on this forum. But here's a topic I couldn't find. I'm just starting to date again post banding. I've lost quite a bit already and am finally getting my confidence back. I didn't tell most people about the band-- just very closest friends and family. Not embarrassed at all, but I didn't feel the need to address people commenting and judging my decision.

But at some point, this will need to come up with the guys I'm dating. There is the scar, so assuming I ever take off my shirt, there will be that question. But also the slow eating (and occasional running from the table to the restroom) is noticeable for someone who dines with me often.

If any of you out there have started relationship after being banded, when did you discuss it. It doesn't seem like first date material, right? Have you generally found these people to be supportive or freaked out (either by the surgery or the previous weight).

Thanks so much for any advice you can give me.

Eve

I'm glad you started this thread. I've been dealing with the same questions for almost 2 years and still don't know the best way to handle it. I've tried telling them upfront and I've waited and told them later and really doesn't seem to matter. I've scared off more men! I honestly think its the former weight issue. I think they get freaked out at the possibility of starting a relationship with someone who might get fat. There's only one that it really didn't effect. After dating him about 6 months he made yet another comment about how little I eat so I finally told him. All I said was, "that's because I've had bariatric surgery" he just said "Oh" and that was that. Honestly, I don't think he really gets it.

I would love to read others opinions and experiences. Maybe we should start a internet dating site for bariatric patients!

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You don't have to tell anyone. If you eat slowly - who cares. Have you ever asked someone who eats slowly with you if they've had surgery? Chances are you haven't.

Running to the rest room - don't eat foods you know will cause problems. Stick to light fare and eat smaller bites.

For the scar, again, it's none of their business. Until you are totally comfortable with the person - they do not need to know and you do not need to tell them.

You are who you are today.

It's no one's business what you do or don't do. What you did or didn't do in the past.

Also - try making your dates about activity - not food. Go to a bookstore, art gallery, the zoo, etc. Don't go for lunch or dinner - and avoid Breakfast regardless of the stage of your relationship as most banded people can't eat in the morning.

And as your relationship continues to form, eat the foods you know are safe like Soup, salad, etc. Once you tell the person you should be at the point where they know you and enjoy you and don't care.

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I'm not in the dating world, but when I go out with friends who dont know about my band I stay with foods that are safe for me. Soup is always a good one that I know I will not have any issues with.

If it were me, I wouldnt say anything to them until I knew it was serious.

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It depends on the guy I am out on a date with to whether i tell them about the surgery or not. Since none of my friends or family knows, I generally keep it a secert.

However I was on a date with a complete jackass who thought fat people were basically stupid and that weight loss surgery shouldnt exist because they dont deserve the easy way out etc and I just lost it on him. His response why do you care youre not fat and thats when I told him.

Did he care i had surgery well no but by then I was not interested in seeing him again even though he didn't care about the surgery.

Other guys I have dated I didn't tell them because I wanted to wait and they didnt stick around so I am glad I didn't tell them.

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Wait until after you have sex. Call him a few days later, try to sound upset, and tell him that you both need to sit down and talk about something important.

He'll be thrilled that you have the lapband, because he was hoping for anything but "I'm pregnant."

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Wait until after you have sex. Call him a few days later, try to sound upset, and tell him that you both need to sit down and talk about something important.

He'll be thrilled that you have the lapband, because he was hoping for anything but "I'm pregnant."

LOL!!!

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I'm dating someone who has been banded for six months. She was banded while we were together. She was afraid to tell me at first as I am what people call "fat positive" and love her just the way she is. I accepted her choice but now feel that her restriction really gets in the way of so many of the things I feel couples should do with one another. I want to support her, but it becomes more and more difficult as I feel we can't really go out to eat, we can't have meals with friends, and we can't even eat at home without constant pbing or lack of eating. I'm sorry if I seem negative. I think I'm just really starting to realize how important a part of a relationship food is. How does a couple get past this? I love my girlfriend to death, but this kind of sucks.

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I'm dating someone who has been banded for six months. She was banded while we were together. She was afraid to tell me at first as I am what people call "fat positive" and love her just the way she is. I accepted her choice but now feel that her restriction really gets in the way of so many of the things I feel couples should do with one another. I want to support her, but it becomes more and more difficult as I feel we can't really go out to eat, we can't have meals with friends, and we can't even eat at home without constant pbing or lack of eating. I'm sorry if I seem negative. I think I'm just really starting to realize how important a part of a relationship food is. How does a couple get past this? I love my girlfriend to death, but this kind of sucks.

Really???? You're kidding, right? As a lesbian, I'm sure there are alot of things you have had to overcome in your life and in your relationships. You're concerned about how your girlfriend eats and how that may be perceived by your friends? I go out to eat with other people often. I just make choices that work for me. Nobody ever seems to mind! If your girlfriend is constantly PB'ing then she may be too tight or maybe she just hasn't gotten use to her new way of eating yet. Be patient and do whatever you need to to help her.

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I started dating again about 6 months after I was banded. I was VERY upfront about my band. I figured, if I'm looking for Mr. Right and he has a problem with me having weight loss surgery, then he certainly isn't someone I want to spend the rest of my life with! In fact, I did the whole online dating thing for a few months and had a blurb about me having a lap band right on my profile. I like to get it all out in the open in the beginning, no secrets. The online dating didn't work for me, but I did end up reconnecting with a guy from high school and I told him about my band before we even considered dating each other. It didn't stop him, he fell in love with me and married me anyway! :) My husband knows more about the lap band than he ever thought he would know. He even says I have a "stuck" face. LOL! Whatever you decide, the point is that someone should love you for who you are, inside and out. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they react to something like weight loss surgery. The person you are meant to be with will have no problem with your decision to improve your life! :)

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