Hi everyone! I really need advice. My husbands and my relationship has always been an up and down type one with verbal fights and we have always been very different I am very sensitive, he is not I am social he is not. We have been together for 14 years and have two kids together now ages 7 and 4. Well two years ago after all the strain of the marriage and mental abuse I started talking to a friend from High school for a few months I did see him on person once and we shared a peck on the lips nothing more. My husband found out from an e mail that was left in the computer and he flipped out and then was abusive to me for two years. Because of my guilt I put up with the abuse and b?c I wanted to make the marriage work for the kids sake. My hubby and be great and wonderful and then shift to moody and horrible and I also I guess kept around for the good part waiting for it to get better again. Well I have been completely honest with my hubby and since that incident have not talked to another male outside of his knowledge. Then valentine's day weekend i found text messages accidentaly on my husband phone written to a girl that were very flirtatious. He then made up three storied before i got to the truth of it was an old flame from college who he has been talking to he claims they never saw each other yet what he wrote at 3 am to her makes me wonder. So here is the problem i am so angry for what he has put me through and now he turns around and does this. MY mom thinks we can both put it aside now b/c in a way we are even but i dont really think that we are and I am not sure if i can get past it never mind the fact this is not helping me to take care of my health! Oh and I have been going to counseling on my own hubby never believed in it now is willing but let me tell you he is also away now for 5 days to a tropical place with his brother for a trip while I am home with the two kids.... tell me what you guys think!!

If you want you marriage to work then you must put in work. Like your mother said, you're both even. You understand how he felt when you seen your old flame. Do you trust him now? Does he trust you? Talk to him about your fears if you really want to make it work. And don't make it work for the kids sake. Make it work because you want it to. Kids suffer more in an unhappy marriage..

I agree that first and foremost, you have to want it to work to make it work. Never stay together simply for the kids' sake. They are learning from the two of you what works and what doesn't in relationships, and if you stick around just for them, they will think that's how a marriage relationship is supposed to be.

I also agree with your mom. You're even. He stuck it out for you, even though he covered up his hurt with abuse. Now you need to do the same. Of course, if he is physically abusive, you need to get out as soon as possible.

As for the trip with his brother, well, that's easy enough to validate if you're close to his family. It could be that his brother took him on the trip to get away from the situation so he can relax and think it through. Ok, there is also the chance that he is with the "other woman" as well. Either way, I think he's trying to make up his mind whether he wants to try and make it work or bail.

Coming from a man , go ahead and end it , since both of you had done things now , you guys will never look at things the same as before , you will always have doubt in the back of your mind , so better to end it now , clear your mind and do right for your kids and you

There have been a few instances of physical intimidation but now for the past 6 months or so.

Sounds like you're miserable. Why put more years into a marriage that doesn't look like it will ever work out? Why allow him to verbally abuse you? Run... fast!

First kids are'nt as dumb as we think. I think you mentioned you have boys. If so watching their father be verbally and possibly physically threatening is a horrible example. To be truthful I don't think you are even. You husband extracts his pound of flesh for your behavior (which I will say was very wrong) but then sends 3 (not 1 but 3) "flirty" texts. It is not okay to be abusive, EVER. The fact however that he wants to play the martyr and then wants to have his own flirtation is really uncalled for. Personally I think you should leave. I think your husband enjoys punishing you more than he is personally hurt by your behavior.

Oh and I call a foul on him going away to a beach for a vacation leaving his wife and kids behind. Can you log into his cell phone account online through the provider (verizon, ATT) and see who he has been texting and or calling? I have a feeling there is more than meets the eye to this trip.