I'm a loser...and not in a good way

[Fluffy_Gurl 3]

I am starting to lose faith in myself that I can do this.

I havent been losing at all, in fact I've gained a few lbs. I got a fill two weeks ago and after the fill i lost six lbs. Now I've gained all of that back plus some.

I had been working out on my eliptical machine daily for at least 60 minutes sometimes 120. I havent used it in the last few days because I havent felt well.

I recently decided that if my boyfriend wasnt willing to make a commitment that we should end things. He lives out of state and I asked him to move here to be with me and he said no, because he didnt want to. I was pretty shocked seeing as how we are both from here and both our families are here. I cant move because I have a child. Anyway, that relationship no longer exists.

I am feeling so bad about myself, I had quit smoking in August for the surgery in October and had been doing well until yesterday when I gave in and bought a pack. I cat seem to make myself throw them away even though I know I should.

I will admit that I have not been following the rules. I feel so nausiated in the morning and am so tight i couldnt eat if I wanted to. So usually around noon I will eat something. Recntly it has been chilli, which i do measure. I have been picking here and there after that. Yesterday I ate nachos..stupid I know. and tonight I drank a huge glass of choc milk..that I made with sugar free Syrup but still. I get nausiated afer some meals anyway. I think I am pretty much at my sweet spot as I have to chew and chew and chew or things come back up. If I am stressed or nervous I can forget about eating in general. I am generally eating between 800 to 1200 calories a day.

I have been looking for a job since September. I have had a few inerviews recently but nothing seems to be panning out and my unemployment is going to run out soon.

I am not taking my Vitamins as I should, mostly because I forget once my day gets going. I cant seem to get into a habbit of that either.

I feel like everything I have worked for just crumbles. Even with the weight loss I have had I have had no changes in clothing sizes, in fact my pants feel tighter. I dont understand why I cant figure out how to live as a bandster and be sucessful. I have a friend who was banded a week before me. She doesnt work out, she eats the wrong foods all the time, and yet shes lost five sizes already and has lost over forty lbs. I am so angry with myself for not being able to do this.

How do I figure this out? Am I going to be a failure at everything I do including this?

I am struggling not just with my band but other areas as well so if you have nasty critisism please dont post. I need support not a lecture.

[jguttery 0]

It sounds like you have a huge load (no pun intended) on you right now. What I mean is, there are some huge stress factors in your life!!!!! I would like to suggest that you might want to talk to a nutrietionist. Also count those calories!!!! Nachos are my favority cheat too, and I'm not saying to not treat yourself to them, but eat some protien before hand so I don't fill up on the nachos. My band is tighter in the mornings too... so Breakfast for me is usually yogurt or soft eggs after a cup of hot coffee. Hot liquids seem to loosen my band a little. There will be ups and downs in weight loss...... but that does not mean you are failing, you have already recognized the weight flux.... now you just need to make a plan to decide where to go from here. As far as your friends weight loss, the band works differently for each person... her journey is her journey, just as yours is yours. You just have had a couple more hills to climb. There are four other banders in the area at my work..... each one has had different weight loss rates. Believe me there is no way that you are a loser (in the bad way)!!!!!! Hang in there, you can do it! Make yourself a small goal, maybe something like a 2 or 3 pound loss by whatever date..... and use every bit of the detmination that I know you have to reach it.. small goals build into larger ones.

[cwm812 11]

Fluffy,

I feel for you and you won't get a lecture from me. It sucks when the black cloud is over your head, but you'll get through it somehow and things will get better. They always do. The breakup has got you in a tailspin. I've been there. I broke an engagement one time and I swear, I didn't think straight for 2 months. Considering what you've been through, I think you doing ok. I know you are really trying and you are doing a lot of things really well. Take it easy on yourself for awhile. Give yourself a week, not to eat like a crazy woman, but just to take a break and not worry about things. Then pick one thing you know you can do and make sure you do it. Right now, you're trying to do everything right and it's too hard with all your other issues. The next week, pick another rule to work on. It's not hard, if you don't try to do it all at once.

You will lose weight. It may take some time. Stress is really hard on everyone. Try not to get too freaked out by the variations on the scale. It will even out.

One more thing...it's possible you are too tight. When I was eating how you are now (no breakfast, chili or Soup for lunch), after 2 months I went and got a slight unfill and I could eat more solid food. I lost a few pounds after that, even though I was close to my goal and probably eating more calories (I don't count them, so I don't know).

I hope everything turns around for you soon.

Cindy

[Noturningback15 45]

I really really hope things get better for you! Even though you are eating some unhealthy things you still may not be getting enough calories in order to do a 60 min workout on the elliptical! Wow you be on it! 30 min is the most I can do and I discovered that doing that with 30 min on the bike 5 times a week I had to increase my calories some....but maybe you should consider either increasing to 1200 min or decrease your workout some. You are probably burning 700 or more calories when using that elliptical for 60 min? Good luck and I hope your situation works out! Everyone has a season to go through things and a new leaf will soon turn for you!

[isaviolinist 11]

My situation isn't really the same as yours, but I struggled with my band for a long while and regained a lot of the weight (50 pounds to be specific) I had initially lost. In September I decided to get back on track with my eating and exercise and I re-lost all the weight I had regained plus more, but I was still feeling like I was struggling and was not in control of my eating. So I started seeing a therapist in December for my binge/compulsive eating issues and it has helped me tremendously. I know that many of the things you're going through aren't directly food related, but maybe you should seek out a therapist to kind of guide you through some of the trials you're going through. Mine has really helped me and I love talking to her every week. It really helps me to get through some of the daily struggles I go through.

[TKW 501]

All I have to say is.... You're Worth It. You matter and you can do this, not for anyone else but yourself! Be proud of who you are and that you want to make a better life for yourself and your child. Set small goals and work toward them. As you achieve each small goal, feel proud of your accomplishments and don't let anyone or anything drag you down. I hope you find the strength to throw away those cigarettes and get back on track. Follow the rules, yes it's hard but it is so worth it, and to my experience, the lap-band works miracles if you follow the plan. Eat only when you are hungry and only till you are satisfied. (cheat once in a while just because) Really listen to your stomach, not your head, exercise and drink your Water. I have found an enormous amount of will power from watching that scale go down, it really motivates me, and it will you too. I wish you the best of luck, you can do this, you can succeed, You are WORTH IT!

[bonnie51 4]

No lecture or harsh words from me.

You have alot of stress on you right now, you have gotten excellent advise from the above posters. Don't give up, Fluffy. Take a step back and regroup. Do just one thing for a week, Get all your Protein, drink all your Water, take your Vitamin, eat healthy. It may not all happen at once, but if you change one thing at a time it will happen.

Keep the faith, baby, keep the faith.

Believe in your band.

And 26 pounds down is 26 pounds gone.

Bonnie

[dcowens 2]

If what you're doing isn't working you need to try something different. My best friend eats horribly and doesn't exercise either. She actually had her band removed once and put back in months later because she wasn't doing it right the first time. She's still practicing her unhealthy ways, but in the midst of all this she lost 80 lbs. I don't get it either, but you need to focus on you and not your friend.

You admitted that you weren't eating right and maybe that's all you need to change. =) Smoking will only hurt you and your weight loss.

I'm sincerely sorry about things with your boyfriend but know that there are other men out there. You WILL find someone who's willing to commit even if it's not today, tomorrow, or next month. Don't lose hope, You just need to kick into gear. =)

by the way, I didn't mean anything that I said harshly or rudely. I feel for you as I've been in VERY similar situations. Just trying to help. I wish you the best of luck.

[Humming Bird 275]

Great support from all who have posted. Sometimes life just sucks and you have to live through it and continue to do your best.

It's time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get that determination going again. You can and will do it. It's what mothers do and you already know that.

All these things are just bumps in your road.

[OnMyWay2Thin 45]

Wow, you've received some great feedback and it's clear why... From your post, one can tell you have what it takes to succeed! Seriously, you have clearly written what's going on in your life and why you're having a hard time. Man, I can't imagine breaking up with the boyfriend, watching my friend lose when I'm putting more effort forth, and all the things you've mentioned going on, let alone trying to follow the band's rules! You've completed the first step, though, you have what's going on in a nutshell. Now, just determine what you're going to focus on now by priotorizing.

You clearly have the drive and that little one of yours will provide the motivation! Besides, you've lost 26 pounds already, that means you haven't gained an ounce since your surgery. My motto is slowly, but surely; as long as that scale is moving in the right direction, I'm happy! You're also going to notice that all of a sudden, the clothing size goes down by more than one size at once. Keep going and don't feel bad for having a treat now and then, this is life, we only live it once!

Good luck!