Support for our Spouses to Avoid Divorce

[ElfiePoo 109]

Thank you. I have a strong motivation to keep the weight off so that when we meet again he will see me as the girl he married. Now if I could just figure out how to look 22.

Nah...our faces gain 'character' with age. I always thought women were more beautiful as they aged.

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[happygirl65 5]

This is a great point...perhaps one I will bring up at a support group meeting. My husband and I have been married for 12 yrs...going on 13 and together for a year more than that. He is also obese and though I was the one who is banded he is really hoping that we go through this together. We are also pre-emptively going to set up counseling so that we don't let anything derail our marriage which had gotten rocky over the last year with all of my own self improvements that were kind of leaving him in the dust. I had my surgery yesterday and we are both looking forward to the future. I am wish you all the best and humbly suggest that communication is the key to solving all of our spousal issues. I know I will have to tell him what I want and don't want and need. If I don't, he wont know. As much as I want him to read my mind he just cant.

Best wishes to everyone!

[ElfiePoo 109]

I know I will have to tell him what I want and don't want and need. If I don't, he wont know. As much as I want him to read my mind he just cant.

Best wishes to everyone!

My ex-sister-in-law told my brother he was a horrible husband because she shouldn't have had to tell him what she needed. If he loved her, he should've 'just known'. No surprise she's an 'ex'.

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[stateofzen 46]

Stateofzen - I think in the first few months if my husband brought those "forbidden" things home and ate them in front of me it would have felt like sabotage, but now that I'm 21 months out - having Reese's in the house or Snickers doesn't bother me. But potato chips - look out! We've come to terms with foods that are "triggers" for me. He has his own cabinets for food that I don't go into. Some of us still - even at goal weight - have food issues. I think they will always be there (for me). The key is to recognize them for what they are, be aware, and find ways to mitigate their hold over us. Some things I've come to terms with and they no longer bother me. I don't have to eat a whole box of something anymore - that "feeling" is gone. But it helps to have someone there who won't eat it

Certainly, it does help and other people certainly have to negotiate with their partners to fit their own situation. I'm not saying that my way is the only way, just that it is another way. I'm not particularly triggered by any of the foods I just mentioned-- I have a harder time bypassing a burger and fries at a fast food restaurant than any amount of sweets in my own home, and my husband doesn't bring home my trigger foods when he can just eat them without me knowing.

For me, I think about how long it took me to get to a point where I was ready and willing to change the way I eat, and let's just say I was 100 lbs overweight for a very long time even though I'm only 35. Just because *I* am ready to give up sweets doesn't mean that my husband is (he isn't). I feel 100% supported by him, but I also recognize that he is his own person with his own food cravings. Luckily, he is normal weight, but if he wasn't and had undergone what I am even two years ago, I wouldn't have been mentally ready to give up everything just because he was ready. So from my mindset, his food choices don't reflect that he is out to sabotage my weight loss-- they simply reflect on what he wants to eat. Now if he was shoving it in my face, offering it to me, or being a jerk about it that would be a different matter altogether.

This is what works for us. I just wanted to add the viewpoint to the mix that spouses who eat foods we can't/shouldn't eat aren't necessarily out to sabotage our efforts.

[Alex Brecher 10,516]

I know this is an old post but.....I've added a new forum called: "Fan Forum: for WLS Family and Friends!" Not sure I'm in love with the forum name. I'm open to other suggestions.

This new forum is specifically for spouses, other family members, and close friends of weight loss surgery patients. Unconditional love and support get WLS patients through their journeys, and close family and friends are the main sources for many WLS patients.

[lovemybandedhusband 0]

My husband just had the lap band placed on Tuesday and have been looking for a suport group for spouses and familys because I want suport him any way I can. We have 3 boys ages 14,12 and 6 and they need their daddy around liviing and healthy. Any tips or anything will help because this in not going to come inbetween us anything eles it will make it stronger God has given us this gift now we are going to use it.

[Kathytej 134]

My husband is happy I am healthy but with the loosing my body has change and I believe he is not feeling so attracted to my with my chest being so not like before, I annoyed him too talking about calories and being healthy some days we are ok but others I don't know. I couple of months back he had his first ever episode of jealousy, I never thought he could be jealous, it is difficult, he will never come to the forum to seek for ways to support me. The only think I know is that he loves me a lot, the day of my surgery he cried worried about me in front of my friend and my sister and believe me he never cries. Well I hope we can be remain together.

[MarieMarie 346]

Lots of communication and time for each other. No different than any relationship

[yummymummy32 30]

Wow ur husband is being incredibly selfish you are being a brilliantly supportive wife but u need to tell him that other conversations need to be had that don't revolve around him ie Fiancial family issues etc also take ur kitchen back it's not fair on you didn't stuff ur face till bursting