Lack of Support from family and friends...

[Price5 1]

I'm having a hard time explaining to family members why I need this done. I feel like I have to defend myself because I want this so bad. I am in the process of all the prework my Dr requires to have done before they will submit to the insurance for pre-approval. I have been overweight my entrie life and just tired of all the yo-yo diets all the time and want a permant fix to my problem and I feel this is the only tool that's going to help me get there and stay there. I'm 27 and have 3 boys (tubes tied now), been married for the past 10 years, and have given all my time and attention to my family and my weight. I want this for myself and to be happy and healthy finally. How do you explain why you want this done when it should be an obvious reason as to why? Or always having to be a "sales person" about why it's a good idea? I guess it doesn't help having all skinny friends and family that have never been in the overweight catogory to know how it feels. I was doing ok with this problem at first but know it's starting to get to me. My mom and I are close and she knows what I have always gone thru and I thought she would be ok, but just have health concerns...however she is now coming up with every diet plan she can to keep me from doing this. The only support I have going for me right now is my husband..which was a huge shocker! I guess he's tired of seeing me cry about it all the time! Sorry just needed to vent. I hope this process gets better and I get approved so I can have surgery asap!...I just want to be happy...

[JillianRN 0]

I'm having a hard time explaining to family members why I need this done. I feel like I have to defend myself because I want this so bad. I am in the process of all the prework my Dr requires to have done before they will submit to the insurance for pre-approval. I have been overweight my entrie life and just tired of all the yo-yo diets all the time and want a permant fix to my problem and I feel this is the only tool that's going to help me get there and stay there. I'm 27 and have 3 boys (tubes tied now), been married for the past 10 years, and have given all my time and attention to my family and my weight. I want this for myself and to be happy and healthy finally. How do you explain why you want this done when it should be an obvious reason as to why? Or always having to be a "sales person" about why it's a good idea? I guess it doesn't help having all skinny friends and family that have never been in the overweight catogory to know how it feels. I was doing ok with this problem at first but know it's starting to get to me. My mom and I are close and she knows what I have always gone thru and I thought she would be ok, but just have health concerns...however she is now coming up with every diet plan she can to keep me from doing this. The only support I have going for me right now is my husband..which was a huge shocker! I guess he's tired of seeing me cry about it all the time! Sorry just needed to vent. I hope this process gets better and I get approved so I can have surgery asap!...I just want to be happy...

To thine own self be true.....You are blessed to have a supportive husband....It is hard for others to see the paint hat we have been in, to experience the struggles that we have gone through...You go on with gusto in your Quest for health...You will be so happy that you do..

[lyndeeboo 68]

Oh Jen I seriously feel like you took most of your words right out of my brain. My Hubbs is super supportive, other than that, EVERYONE has told me what a bad idea this is, and that I should just 'try harder to lose the weight'. I just want to scream DO YOU NOT THINK IF I COULD DO THAT I WOULD DO THAT AND SAVE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS & GOING UNDER THE KNIFE???? I don't *want* to have surgery. I don't *want* to be teh chubby-bunny that is so lazy and unmotivated that I can't lose weight on my own. I don't *want* to miss out on bread for the rest of my life, but darn it, more than that I don't *want* to DIE of a heart attack!!! I don't want to be the mommy that my kids are ashamed of. I don't want to be the frumpy woman too tired and worn out to play with my kids.

I WANT to be in shape, happy and healthy. At this point I feel like this is my only shot at it.

I just wish if people couldn't be supportive they could mind their own business!!!

Hugs to you!!! I promise I at least will have your back :thumbup:

[dfav3412 116]

You know you really said it all when you said " I want this for myself and to be happy and healthy finally". That is the answer you can give and just keep repeating it if need be.

[elcee 3,343]

I wouldn't have told them. It's your business not theirs. The only person that needs to know and be supportive is your husband and you already said that he is.

Your Mum is probably scared. It's surgery, elective surgery and she is scared that something might happen to you. Reassure her by telling her that there are less risks from the surgery than there are from remaining overweight.

As to the rest - tell them to butt out or bug off!

[KBME 1]

Awww, I really hate to read stories like these because it's true that unless you've been in our shoes you really cant imagine how hard it is!!! My husband used to catch me crying about my weight and he would tell me that he would love me fat or thin (made me feel good) but i didnt love myself.

If you want this, GIRL, JUST DO YOU!!!!!:thumbup: If you do this and it makes you healthy and happy everything else will fall into place.

Good Luck :laugh:

[Price5 1]

Thanks everyone for the support! It's been hard...I understand my moms point..safety etc..but it's just crazy from everyone else. I told 1 of my close friends and she's a mutual friend to my others and she blabbed to them...so we live in a smaller area so it got around quick and the text just rolled in telling me I'm crazy. And you know how that goes when your mom has to tell your sister and everyone they know it's just nuts. Thanks :thumbup:

[Humming Bird 275]

I want this so bad....... I have been overweight my entrie life .......... I'm 27 and have 3 boys (tubes tied now), been married for the past 10 years, and have given all my time and attention to my family and my weight. I want this for myself and to be happy and healthy finally. ...I just want to be happy...

Look at the parts of your post I quoted. Sometimes you need to do things like this for Y O U. Don't wait until you are in your 40s like I did. You have so much life ahead of you. Why live it obese? You may not have insurance that will cover at some other time. As the years pass your chances of other obesity related problems increase.

I think your friends and family will come around. Give them time. I think your mom will support you, she just needs to see how well you do post-op. If friends don't support you, they were not the kind of friends you need. Your husband gets extra points and stars and smiley faces for his love and support!:thumbup:

[melzie_99 22]

@Price5: I totally feel your pain; I'm 29 and wanting surgery, but no one seems to think it's necessary. I've only talked to my husband and one of my sisters about it, and neither one of them thinks I should do it. Actually talked to the hubs about it today and while he said he wants me to be happy, he also thinks the surgery is "cheating" (this coming from someone who is 5'11 and 175 on a heavy day). It's very frustrating, I know, especially when you're doubting whether or not you really need the surgery. I agree with all the other posters; at the end of the day it's something we need to do for ourselves. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first so we can be there for others later on down the road.

[dmripah5899 0]

I feel for you Jen. I went through the same thing a few years back when I first looked into bariatric surgery. I was "taking the easy way out." I personally don't think that being morbidly obese for 17 years (and I'm only 26), being infertile, and having cholesterol and blood pressure so high doctors were contemplating medication, plus being on diabetes meds...i don't think that's something to mess with. It became a matter of health for me, but people do NOT take the time to see it that way.

So when i made my decision this year to go ahead with it, I didn't tell many people. It sucks, but the people that do know are very supportive, so I am lucky for that.

Hang in there. All that matter is that you are doing what you need to do! Good luck!

[Donnamfred 0]

And you know how that goes when your mom has to tell your sister and everyone they know it's just nuts. Thanks

I feel your pain!! My mother has the biggest mouth in the world!! Not to mention she is using me as a ginny pig. I decided to get this surgery, I figured I would let her know, since she is my mother, and I KNOW she has done told my whole family (People I have not talked to in years!!) what I have done. Hoever, I am sure she has not said a word about the fact that she has also decided to do it. Everyday she calls me to see how I feel, not cuz she really cares, just becuz she is trying to make her mind up if she is really going to do this or not. I don't think she will, the women has been a type 1 diabetic for the past 25 years, and she has never followed the diet, she eats what she wants when she wants. Sorry Guess I just vented and got off track!

[LeighaMason 19]

The funny thing is not one person has said "You shouldn't have had surgery" now that I am at goal. Imagine that. Since it worked and I am thinner than most people that I know, everyone who had a negative opinion last year has suddenly gotten WLS amnesia!

[T Bone 0]

Do U !!!..Don't worry about what anyone else thinks..as long as you have your husband's support you are good. You have decided what's best for you and your family...and that's it! Don't discuss it with them...you don't need their approval. Let them watch ur smoke when you get the weight off...you will be more fabulous than you already are! Remember...Do You!!! Everyone else does them..right?

[beernut 0]

Do what you need to do for you and do your best to tune out the naysayers. I read someone else on this board say one time that other people may see it as the "easy" way out, but to keep in mind that it is a way out. A way out of a life burdened by poor health and obesity.

You need to do right for you and trust that you know best. ((Hugs))

[katiejane 3]

My best friend who has always been slim didn't want me to have the surgery but from the moment I fixed my operation date she has been very supportive. She came with me to my pre-op and made sure I had everything I needed when I came home from hospital.... she even looked after my dog. I hope you have as much support from your less than enthusiastic friends/family when they see you are determined and also see the benefits to you.