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relatinship changes after weight loss/surgery



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I have heard that the weight loss can really affect relationships with your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend .....even studies that have shown the divorce rate skyrockets. Have any of you experienced this??? I have a feeling as much as my hubby says he supports me he is also very comfortable with me beinhg heavy and may feel threatened when I start losing weight.:biggrin:

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This is something that has concerned me as well. My boyfriend and I have been together 5 1/2 years (for 4 of those years I've been overweight) and we're definitely in love but something deep down inside tells me that he's not 100% ok with me getting the surgery for the same reasons you mentioned, he feels threatened. He told me once "I'm afraid that when you lose all the weight you're going to leave me" it sucks and it's such a hard position to be in..but I'm just taking it one day at a time and if this relationship is meant to be then it will definitely be.

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I have been with my husband for 36 years. When I met him I was 117 pounds but only for one week. I was going to Diet Workshop and had lost 53 pounds. But when we started dating we would eat out alot and I started to gain weight. He hated it but when I would loose weight he hated it. Over the years I begain to see a pattern. Each time I lost weight he would begin to bring home more sweets home. He said "they are for the kids" but guess who eat most of them? yea, ME.

I truely believe that he is a small part of the reason I have not been able to keep the weight off. Since 1999 I have lost 120 pounds TWICE. Only to regain. I do not expect this time to be any different. In fact that is a major reason for me getting the band. A sort of stop-gap. My hope is that after a few years of me at a normal weight he will know that I am not going anywhere. I am thankful that my doc required a phyc. eval. I found a wonderful doc and he has really helped me. I have been seeing him once a week and plan to continue for a while. I believe 99.9% of my food isues are about my thinking and therefore the need for phyc. doc.

Years ago a phyc. doc explain to me that with all our relationships each person has a certain "dance". Any time when one person in the pair changes their "dance" it trips the other. If you stay with the new "dance" long enough the other will learn the new steps.

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My husband and I have been married for 10 years. A little over a year ago, I had the surgery done and lost all my weight. Our relationship has only gotten better, not that it was bad in the first place. I just had issues with my self esteem and he tried hard to boost my confidences. We're still very happy together, no relationship issues, and are growing in our relationship every day. We do more because I have lost my weight. And he lost weight with me! Because I'm the one who cooks in the house, when my diet changed, his did too. This was a good thing considering he is in the military and has to follow strict guidelines on weight and waist size.

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Years ago a phyc. doc explain to me that with all our relationships each person has a certain "dance". Any time when one person in the pair changes their "dance" it trips the other. If you stay with the new "dance" long enough the other will learn the new steps.

Love this analogy.

.

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Love this analogy.

.

This was the best analogy i have heard in a long time. thank you.

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Years ago a phyc. doc explain to me that with all our relationships each person has a certain "dance". Any time when one person in the pair changes their "dance" it trips the other. If you stay with the new "dance" long enough the other will learn the new steps.

Thank you for this, this is the best analogy i have head in a long time.

Keep up the good work everyone.....

August bandster

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WOW I think that kinda sums it up. thanks for sharing :lol:

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Well for me my relationship has gotten so much better because I feel more confident and sexier :lol: ! My boyfriend seems to love the new me too!

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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