Pressing play for a life on hold.

[805sujo2325 0]

For the last 7 years I have been over 200 lbs. Except for the year that I lost 60lbs. Right after the 60 lb. mark, I changed jobs, changed living situation, and with the new stress and changes slowly started to put the weight back on. The past year I was on weight watchers (which is what I used the first time along with 6 days a week 2 hour long gym session). I started to hit the gym again, doing cardio and resistance. The only thing that resisited was my weight. I would lose 2 pounds one week, then gain 4 pounds the following wee. Sometimes these numbers changed but the scale did not and neither did my pant size. 1 year later, I don't know what sparked my interest, but I thought lap-band. (It could be the bombarding of televsion, radio, billboard ads that promise a new thin you). I realize that this is a big step and a serious commitment.

Once I shared my thoughts about the lap band, I had two extremes. My mother said I wasn't committed and that if I just went to bed hungry every night, then I'd lose the weight. Some other "not so nice" comments were made, and I ended that discussion. My father was nervous about me having surgery, but supportive. My best friend had gastric bypass in 2004 and lost 80lbs. and gained back 20. She is not big by any means, she is 5'6 and now maintains a 160-165 average. I am 29, and have the "pretty face" syndrome. You know the "You have such a pretty face...... if only she lost the weight." I feel like my life has been on hold for so long. I am ashamed of what I have done to myself and for that reason I have not dated for the past 2 years. While all my friends are getting married or having kids, I cringe at the idea of going out to meet men. I know it is a terrible thing to think, but I oftern find myself saying who would want me. Obviously, I know this is not true, but I still will not put myself out there. I started golf lessons and pilates but found both to be uncomfortable, not only because of my weight, but because I was the largest person participating and found some of the movements akward.

I have started all the pre-op stuff and am planning on having surgery with Dr. Billy. I go for all the major appointments May 6, with other appointments May 10,11,12, and meet with Dr. Billy on May 13. Which hopefully we will set a surgery date for the beginning of June. I don't know why, but I have been giving myself anxiety over the surgery, trolling the internet for mortality statistics. I am so scared of surgery but I think this is the best resort for me to begin living my life to the fullest again. Did anyone feels this anxious?

I came across this message board and found the messages to be useful and inspiring. So thank you.

[Rsilversea 2]

Ahhh, parents. That is why my father will not know until after I have the surgery. When I was a teen, he told me that I could be really pretty if I just lost some weight. Then he told me I would look slimmer if I just stood up straight. He also told Mom one day, "Why don't you just slap that on your hips? That's where it's going anyway." Now he's probably around 300 pounds and looks like hell.

Let me tell you what I am anxious about. I'm worried that I'm going to fail, that I will gain back what I lose and then some or I won't lose at all. I'm not worried about surgery. The mortality rates are extremely low. Getting this done will be the greatest thing for us. I can remember the one time in life I was skinny. I had confidence, I felt great. And guess what, it's going to be that way again.

Keep the course! You're doing great!

[Humming Bird 275]

I can only speak from my own experience. The band works very well. There is no way I would have been able to stick to a diet long enough to take off the weight I have so far with the band (and keep it off). I had my mind made up about the band and was determined to get it and change my life and the way I felt about myself. The only anxiety I had was toward surgery in general. I have had 3 other surgeries and the general anesthesia really messes with me. I was not looking forward to that, but knew it would only be a temporary thing.

There are enough things in life that cause stress and are out of our control. I try not to stress myself out or lose sleep over the things I do have control over. I chose to be banded and that is a positive thing for me, not a stress.

Good luck to you on this journey.