I give up

[MrMom 0]

I'm done supporting my wife.....she has no interest in sustaining her pre op diet. I'm convinced she has too many bad influences outside our home and I can't compete with that. So from this point on , I'm not in this with her. I really wish we got approved at the same time, so we could go through this together.

[Humming Bird 275]

awww..... don't give up totally. You can still be supportive without being the "food police."

She is an adult and has to take responsibility for her own actions, but needs some support from you.

[BetsyB 9]

It sounds like you reached the point of readiness well before she did. That doesn't really speak to her value as a person---it just means she's not in the same place you are. Hopefully, she'll jump on your wagon a bit down the road.

For now, about all your can do is model the kind of behaviors you wish she'd adopt.

[jaymie 0]

Maybe you should try talking to your wife- instead of complaining about her on a message board.

[LeighaMason 19]

You can never change the behavior of another person, you can only change the way you let that behavior affect you. You have to let her find her own way, it may not be your way but when its your turn, you get to choose how you are going to do it. Good luck.

[MrMom 0]

jaymie...thats a wonderful suggestion. I should try that.:confused:

[Portola Suzanne 3]

Support is one thing, enabling is another. Talk to your wife and ask her what she needs from you. My husband is my greatest supporter and when i was on my pre-op diet brought tears to my eyes when he would take his food outside to eat it so I would not have to watch when I could not eat! I never ask him to do this, now when I get off course he gentley teases me about it. It does not always stop me but does bring awareness to me about what I want and my goals. You will not change her but you can support her in what she needs if you ask her what that is. And thank you for caring so much about your wife, there are many men who would throw their arms in the air and swear!

[whiterabbit 2]

Maybe you should try talking to your wife- instead of complaining about her on a message board.

Wow that was a little uncalled for. :thumbup:

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MrMom, All you can do is be a living example. Your wife is an adult and you can not do this for her. Just remember to stay positive. I know it will be hard not to get frustrated with her when she complains of falters but be there for her as best you can. No one can make her loose the weight and stay on track but her.

[RavenClaw779 2]

There are many journeys you take together when you're married - usually from different perspectives; pregnancy, the Super Bowl:smile2:...

I can understand a husband and wife with severe weight issues wanting to travel the road together - but maybe the way to look at it is kind of like when my husband and I are going out. He's in the car waiting, and I'm turning off lights, locking doors - okay, checking my hair - and then I'm finally ready and in the car and we get where we're going.

You're in the car and she's still getting it together...honk the horn a few times(i.e., remind her of where you guys are trying to get to) - Eventually you'll both be on the same path at the same time.

[CavyGuy 0]

It's OK to "give up." That means you're admitting you're powerless over people, places and things. That's a nice place to be. Ooops...I reminded myself, too.:thumbup:

[patsal 1]

It's OK to "give up." That means you're admitting you're powerless over people, places and things. That's a nice place to be. Ooops...I reminded myself, too.:thumbup:

Oh, thank you for that, I have been feeling badly about "giving up" and that is the perspective I needed to move on with myself and not worry about something that I cannot control.

OP you can only support where you are asked to be supportive. In the end everyone is going to do what they want. This journey isn't easy, she will need you and when she is ready for that I am sure you will be there to lend support.

[ebeeze824 1]

talk to her in a calm way about the situation and then pray about it.

[miadog 0]

Giving up is a great place to be! It is time to trust, accept, have faith, know that what is right for you is not the same thing that is right for another. We can choose to accept that our loved ones are all individuals that are working toward their goals in their own way.

What appears to be failure or loss is really just us having our eyes on the wrong set of facts. Move the line of vision over to where your control is. On you. Be focused on yourself and let the other have time to learn what they must on their own time. :thumbup:

[MrsCabes 2]

Also - men and women, typically, view food differently. Women tend to be emotional eaters and aren't eating because we're actually hungry. Men are more basic eaters - they eat because they're hungry.

Your wife is probably battling her mental eating issues right now and she needs you more than ever. She'll get there - it might just not be on your time frame.

Good luck to you both!