How do I tell my family that I have had surgery?

Apryl Showers · November 10, 2005

Ok...I know this was really wrong but I never told my Dad and Stepmom that I had surgery. I never even told them I was thinking about it. I saw them right before I had it done (3 1/2 months ago), and now I am flying to Florida to visit them next week. I have lost 50+ pounds since getting my band and I don't know what to say to explain it. Plus how do I explain my new eating habits? I should have told them before having the surgery but somehow it didn't feel right. Now, 3 1/2 months have passed and I don't know how to bring it up. If it was the other way around, I would be very hurt to know that a family member had not told me before having "major" surgery. Should I tell them now, wait until I reach my goal weight, or never tell them?

:cry

ladysplenda · November 10, 2005

Tell them you wanted to surpise them.Give them little hints all week. Maybe it will make it easier.

Anu · November 10, 2005

I would prime them over the next few days with phrases like: "I am so excited, I can't wait to show you my surprise!" and I always tell people I had a "simple procedure"... Hopefully when your Dad and Stepmom see how excited and happy you are, and how AMAZING you look, and how much HEALTHIER you are, they will be happy and excited for you.

Good Luck!

Anu

Apryl Showers · November 10, 2005

Thanks for the advice....I love how helpful everyone on this board always is. You guys are the best!

November 10, 2005

The only person that knows of my surgery is my husband.

Have not told any of my 3 children or friends.

I just explain that I have lost weight by cutting my meals in half and eat entree size.

No reason why I did not tell them, as my daughters have always encouraged me to loose weight.

I dont feel guilty in no-one knowing, infact it makes it easier not having to explain anything and I do get all the support from my husband and this board.

vinesqueen · November 10, 2005

When I tell people, I just say, "I had weight loss surgery in March." Of course, I don't care who knows. No softening, just bam! I know I'm not taking the easy way out, and I believe in being up-front and honest.

I'm not ashamed of my band

Zan · November 10, 2005

I know this was really wrong but I never told my Dad and Stepmom that I had surgery. I never even told them I was thinking about it.

Hi Apryl,

Uhhhh…. me too exactly. My question to you that I have also asked myself is …. Who says it is wrong? That was my first reaction too, but I kept thinking (and stressing) about it and wound up changing my mind. You must have had a good reason why you did not tell him in the first place. Trust yourself that it was the right thing for you. Afterall this journey is about you, not your Dad.

My story is pretty much the same as yours – banded 1 month ago, told everyone else expect my father and then felt guilty and thought “how can I tell him now and not hurt him?”… For me right or wrong I have decided to stretch the truth a bit to protect his feelings and quite honestly make it easier for me. I have decided to tell him the next time I speak to him. I’m telling him that only my brother knew beforehand (I am very close to my brother so he would expect this) and I am now just telling everyone else. I chose to not tell anyone until it was over and I had fully recovered from the surgery. I realize that there is a chance he still may be hurt but ultimately he needs to respect my decision and that I felt it was best for me.

This is my plan on dealing with this. I hope this helps you and if not at least know you are not the only one in a similar situation.

Good luck!

giveyouthemoon · November 10, 2005

Um. You are under no obligation to tell ANYONE that you had anything done. Hint: you are a grown up and as such, you don't have to advise your parents of the goings on in your life. My family doesn't know (other than my sister, but she's more like a best friend than my sister). There was a reason you didn't tell them when you had the surgery. Think about what that reason was......and if it still exists!

You new eating habits? Tell them "I'm doing a low carb thing" They will be THRILLED. Trust me! My mom was so happy that I was eating more healthfully. I mean....being on a diet is going on everywhere! Why would you have to tell that you had surgery? They will be so happy to see you losing weight and being healthy, they will never wonder why past the fact that you are eating small amounts and healthier foods.

Kathy473 · November 10, 2005

"Surprise!!! Look at me!!!" & "Oh my God! You look great! What have you been doing!?"

The one phrase you think of and the other they will be saying!

Don't worry about it so much, if anything they will be happy in the end for you because you are getting healthier day by day. It's not like you meant to hurt or lie, just the opposite. I didn't tell alot of people that I was doing this and they only have questions about "it" not why I chose not to tell them. I really didn't want to make a big production of it. Good luck!

mousecrazy · November 10, 2005

Yu should do what you feel is best for you. Since you asked for input, though, I will share with you that I am like Vines...I say "I had lapband surgery in July." I want others to know there is a way out of their obesity problem. I've had several people ask me about it, and I am happy to tell them. Like someone said, though, it is purely up to you whether you want people to know or not. Good luck with your decision, Cindy

Parvathi · November 10, 2005

There's quite a few people I didn't tell before hand. The reason being, that I was secretly afraid I'd fail miserably at this and I didn't want them to get their hopes up or have any expectations. I tell everyone now. If anyone says, OMG why didn't ya tell me? I just tell them it was because I wanted to make sure I could do it without any added pressure. They've all been very supportive and understanding.

Good luck and enjoy your visit with your parents