green

It sounds like you need to learn how to say no. Afterall, these individuals are all adults, are they not?

My Band is an awesome Band. :whoo:And one of my favourite pieces of music is Handel's The Messiah. I like to listen to this all year round even though this is traditionally considered to be Christmas music.

Yup, I paid cash, 16,000 Canadian dollars for the band and a lifetime of aftercare. This was income tax deductible which was a pleasant benefit for me. The fact that the clinic where I had the work done is almost within walking distance is also very nice. Pj is right, the band is a tool, a fabulous tool, but there are rules for the tool.

I got the surgery in order to lose 40 lbs and happily I have lost almost 50! I am post-menopausal and I had watched my weight gradually creeping up over the years. This seemed to be a one-way road going in the wrong direction and so I wanted the band for both for weight loss and for prevention of weight gain. I did try the exercise route but that only resulted in firmer fat and I sure didn't want to get into the diet yo-yo thing. The weight losses and subsequent gains which we go through when we diet are hard on our bodies and hard on us emotionally, too.

Right on!!!!:clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2:

I weigh 147.5 lbs and this has given me a BMI of 23.8. The weight loss has affected my skin some. :phanvan It looks more tissue-y when I press or pull it. My husband says that I look older. He continues to be amazed by the weight loss, though. Since my last weigh-in I have had a complete defill due to a bad case of acid reflux and a really painful esophagus which was the result of this. :sick I am now finally getting better but I don't know if my weight is the same. :nervous I don't have a scale at home. My pants still fit (for the moment). I sure am trying to eat the bandster way and I am still doing a lot of walking. I do feel hunger more often, though. blehhh! I hope to get a fill up soon.

I was one of those with a lower BMI when I was banded and as you can see from my age I am an old fart. I was banded last Sept and I now have a BMI of 23.8. The weight loss was slow and steady and totally worth it. I love my band.

I think that you will be surprised at how quickly and easily you recover from the surgery. We will see you here at LBT within a few days when you are on the other side.

Whenever anyone of us elects to express an opinion on the internet we invite commentary and debate. This is part of the fun of an internet forum. It strikes me from the first paragraph quoted above that you were perhaps a little disappointed that the ageing chicks who posted after your initial post didn't opt to jump aboard your Pollyanna train. Though your comments were obviously well meant the truth is that what you currently experience as a 37 year old is exceedingly remote from what women who are in their late 50s or early 60s experience. This only makes sense for you are young enough - there is, afterall, 23 years difference between you and a 60 year old woman - to be her child. Culturally and biologically there is a gulf between you and a 60 year old woman and, yes, when it comes to a discussion of age related issues, she is the expert. You are merely a sympathetic friend. This may sound harsh but that's life. As for your comment that 60 is the new 40, although this is kind of a tired cliche it is also true. We baby boomers are unwilling to grow old and we are able to tap into an array of medical techniques in order to avoid this. Last September I paid to have the lapband installed and now I can wear a size 10 pant. This September I am going to have a face lift. Neither I nor any of my friends have an old fogeyish attitude towards life. We are still rude, crude, curious, and misbehave. Nevertheless, we are beset with a whole bunch of problems which you don't have. Compared to many women my age I am doing awfully well but my eyesight is a mess, and my hearing isn't all that great. Others who have posted on this site need knee replacements. As a group we have arthritis, chronic pain, joint problems, high blood pressure, cholesterol issues, and we have seen our friends and family members die from cancer, strokes, and heart attacks. Some of us even have bladder control issues. Ugh, eh! Sixty is in oh so many ways still sixty. But being 60 is better than the alternative.

Congrats, grrl. Two lbs and 13 miles are pretty bluddy impressive! I have to admit that although I am a member of a really great all grrls local gym, one which is only 5 minutes by foot away from my house, I haven't been there for well over a year. :think This is because the summer of 06 rolled around and it was very hot and I was away from the city quite a bit. Then I had my lapband op and then I had physio for a torn rotator cuff, a badly damaged rotator cuff because I was in denial before doing anything about it. By the time that this was responding to physiotherapy, I ruined my other rotator cuff and I am still undergoing therapy for this. Ugh!! :tired What I have been doing is a whole lot of walking or marching. I am someone who naturally walks pretty fast and this, along with the band, the mini-meals, and eating more carefully really have worked for me. (I hope that you love walking as much as I do.) The downside of not going to the gym is that although I am at goal (my BMI is 23.8) my middle is still kinda soft and squishy. :help:

I have always been so pale that I am pretty much fish belly blue. A lovely aristocratic skin tone to have at one time but summertime was always a humiliation for me. I hated lurking in the shade and I hated hearing the same old comments about my lack of colour. Ugh! And my skin has interfered with a number of activities which my mate and I could have shared. I had to drop out of our sailing class because my skin couldn't deal with it. And when we spend time in the tropics I often lock myself up in our hotel room for a sizeable chunk of the day. Snorkeling, something which we both love to do, is complicated for me. I have got to be dressed in order to go snorkeling. And the truth is that while a plump individual with a warm skin colour can look absolutely lovely women who are as white as the moon will never look pretty. The payoff which I am now experiencing is that my skin looks awful good for my age. Oh well.... It seems that good things sometimes come to those who live long enough. As for pregnancy and permanent weight gain, this seems to be how it works for most women. I have run across the occasional individual who can produce babies and remain as thin as a whippet but this is rare. (I knew one woman who had 7 kids and weighed about a buck ten. I was a very envious Green.) Most men and women begin to gain weight as we edge into middle age. Our hips widen - yep, men's hips, too - and our waists grow much thicker. Our proportions change and this is why a slim middle-aged individual will not have the same shape as a slim teenager. And much of our personal futures are hooked into our genetics. I figured I would escape my mother's exceedingly strange post-menopausal figure. I had never been pregnant and she, on the other hand, had undergone three pregnancies during her 30s where she carried enormous babies to term. (I was the lightest at 9.25 lbs.) Nevertheless, I found myself stuck with exactly the same disasterous weight gain as my mum once I hit menopause. And exactly the same thing happened to a friend of mine, a tall and willowy young woman; she is now a stocky overweight post-menopausal woman, one who has also never had children. Her weight history exactly parrallels that of her mum. The weight issue is such an extremely complex subject, isn't it? There are the cultural attitudes to which NanaR and others have referred, there is this very complicated biz of genetics, and there is the question of the natural weight gain associated with ageing, childbearing, etc. And psychological and social issues also play their part. Ugh! It is a fine thing that we are able to cyber-meet and discuss this stuff.

Funny you should mention this. My mother used to have a similar fantasy only she dreamed of living on the streets kinda like a baglady with only a tiny room to call her own. I think she liked the idea of freedom from the demands of family and possessions, and the notion of anonymity. The reason why her fantasy took this particular form was because she had once read a novel where the protaganist, a senior citizen, abandons her oppressive suburban life in order to live the carefree life of a baglady. I never read the novel but I believe I remember my mother mentioning that the heroine's husband was emotionally abusive and that it was this which finally caused her to walk out on her life. Certainly my mother was most likely to trip into this fantasy after she and my father had been going through one of their difficult periods.

LOL!!! Oddly enough, I do kinda wear those very sizes. My size 10 pants are a little loose and so I could squash myself into an 8 and have the dreaded muffin top. And because I like to wear baggy tops and have broad shoulders I still do go hunting in the 3X rack even though I am a C-cup.

LOL My friend whom I described much earlier in this thread, the guy who was obsessed by his own racial identity, well, I had seen him quite a number of times on my street before we became friends and I thought that he was Dayak! Yep, I thought that he was Malaysian and it never occurred to me that he was actually black until he and I became close friends and then he spent much of our time together discussing his own history of personal damage. Life is very, very funny, isn't it? I sure didn't see his race...nope, not at all. This is why I find that this discussion is really very interesting. And thanks to you, Lee4, who introduced this topic to R and R.

Oh Mouse, I am so sorry that you feel this way but at the same time my comments still stand. We were discussing the problems with the school system - one which is shared between the U.S. and Canada educational systems in my opinion - and then you did react by viewing this discussion as being an anti-American attack. In fact it was not and I am assuming that you simply misread the previous series of posts. Please do read these again and give us your comments. You have had many years of teaching experience and you must have much to contribute.

You have made such a good point. We are all oh so sensitive to any slights or injuries which have to do with us. We all do see the sun and the moon rotating around us. I remember a friend of mine who mentioned that after she had been dumped the only cars she saw were those which were the same colour and make as those driven by her former lover. I went through a period where I was unable to do crossword puzzles for much the same reason: I saw the clues as being far too cleverly pointed in the direction of my own grief. We all do tend to view the world through the lens of our own interests, of our own subjectivity. This becomes a terrible problem when a majority psychosis rules and crushes the voices of others. We saw this in action in Nazi Germany. (Indeed my father lost most of his family to the Holocaust.) I am Canadian and I am pleased that we have granted Christians exactly the same status and rights as any other group in this country. Christians have the right to worship without harrassment in this country, as do Jews, Muslims, etc, and gay couples now have the right to legally marry and to enjoy the same legal rights and benefits as do heterosexual couples. Canada was able to pull this stunt off because Canada recognises that it is an entirely civil entity and is, as such, completely divorced from any religious pressure. Moreover, Canada now has in place a charter which recognises that the demands of her minorities are as important as the beliefs of her majority. What this means is that Christians do continue to have the right to worship in this country and if there are any hate crimes against Christians the Canadian legal systems will prosecute the perps. It also means that no Christian ministers will be forced to marry same sex couples. These individuals are only guaranteed the right to civil marriage and to all the legal rights which are the right of any married couple inside this country. I personally think that this is very cool. It also means that the anti-abortion movement will meet with failure inside this country for this is viewed as viewed as being a faith-based issue. The Canadian approach, one which makes sense to me as a Canuck, is you don't want it, you don't do it. It is your decision, eh. This is a pluralistic society and this is why we really do not understand why this business of a specific religious faith should be connected with civil issues. There are basic human rights which all Canadians must recognise and these are enshrined in the penal code. Nobody up here is happy about theft, fraud, bigamy, violent crime, murder, etc. Christians have the right to live as they wish to in Canada. They simply have no right to tell other folks how to live when it comes to such issues as abortion and same sex relationships.

I am 58 and my husband is 49. He is a very attractive man. We have been together for over 22 years now. One man's fish is another man's poison. C'est la vie. Jouissons!

Though I enjoyed your post I have edited it in order to draw attention to one point which you have made, the notion that someone who is truly free of racism will never employ race as part of a description of somebody. When I was very, very young - just an idealistic teenager - I felt that race should be so invisible that one would never, ever refer to it. Well, I now think that this attitude is wrong. Race is just another salient physical characteristic, in exactly the same way that age, eye colour, hair colour, weight, height, and other possible ethnic aspects, etc are. If, for instance, we are at a party and I want to point out a good friend of mine to you and I provide you with a complete description of her hair, the colour of her eyes, her height, her weight, and what she is wearing, and I don't mention to you that she is black, well, that is just plain weird, isn't it? I know that if I am hanging with a bunch of black friends they are going to describe me as the white chick. They will describe me this way because I am white. If I am hanging with a bunch of guys they will describe me as the broad, and they will do this because I am the broad and not because they are sexist. By refusing to acknowledge someone's race you are implying that there is something wrong with our differences and there isn't. This is the conclusion I have come to, although it took me some years to figure it out, and this is why I never, ever ignore this business of our differences. I think that these are interesting, valuable, and are worth talking about. I have also got to admit that I am one frizzy haired blondie and I use a lot of black products for my hair for this reason. In fact I turned my fuzzy mum on to some of the African Gold line. I hate the frizzies but this did allow me to have a lot of fun at work. I got into the habit of telling people that I was Jamaican. This amused me a lot because I would tell them this without modifying my Canadian accent and I am so white that I am practically blue. :heh: It is total sunblock for Green, eh. I sure did enjoy telling my colleagues that I was Jamaican. I sure do love to have fun.

I think that this is a very interesting discussion. (And thank you, Lee4, for the compliments.) I am inclined to believe that very, very few of us are entirely free of racial bias. In the case of those of us who truly do believe that we are entirely free of racism I suggest that we simply haven't found ourselves in a situation which tests our belief that all people are equal and equally valuable. How are you going to feel when your child wants to marry an Arab? Or your neuro-surgeon is black? Such situations can often end up being deal-breakers for folk who genuinely believed that they were not racists. And as Lee4 points out, racism isn't just the white man's crime although it is true that we are quite talented at this. I can tell you a whole bunch of stories of people whom I know who have been given grief by their families and communities for hanging with and dating people outside of their own race and culture. Some of these people are Chinese, some of them are South Asian, and some of them are Carribean. You see, my city is a city which is rich in new Canadians; though our new-comers are anxious to see their children master the ways of the new culture, they are equally anxious to preserve their own folkways, and it is when their kids decide to blend with the host culture and to intermarry that their parents and their communities will often have terrible problems with dealing with this apparent abandonment and disrespect. (Okay, one example: I used to know a Chinese Canadian girl who was living with a black guy; this drove her parents right around the twist. They weren't too happy about any of her white boyfriends either.)

My current mate would have been far too boring for me to look at when I was young and immature. But we have been together for over 22 years now and I consider myself to be a very lucky woman. He is loving, kind, nurturing, and generous. He has nursed me through a major depression, a few operations, and the deaths of my mum, aunt, dad, and my kid brother. He helps with the housework and he knows how to fix things. And he doesn't keep me on a tight leash. (The French guy was very possessive, something I had never encountered before.) He also loves to travel to exotic parts of the globe which works out well for me because this is something I love, too. An added bonus is that he is good looking. He ain't perfect. He is the most disorganised man I have ever met and creates messes wherever he stores his things. He also loses stuff, important stuff like keys, cameras.... He only reads the newspaper headlines and then figures that he is an expert!?! Kat, I have been in some bad relationships but your second husband sounds absolutely terrifying. You are lucky to be alive and well, and luckier still to now be in such a fine relationship. That second husband could have spooked you off men forever! You sound like a very strong, intelligent, and brave person to me.

Younger men are great, sez Green.

The kittens are just too cute! I want another, nicer cat but I am afraid that the terrible Little Orange will beat the crap out of it. Congratulations on the kitties and on your weight loss!

My ex-husband, the only guy whom I actually legally married, was a chronic sexual cheater. Though I came to understand the reasons behind his neediness I also decided that I didn't love him enough to live with his ways. When I sued him for divorce he was devastated and threatened to kill himself if I proceeded. He didn't kill himself and the woman who had done the most damage to our marriage didn't last all that long. He dumped her pretty damn quick and later on became involved with a woman whom he adored and he was anxious that we meet each other and become friends. By this time enough water had flowed under that bridge that my ex and I were buddies. I met his girlfriend and thought that she was fabulous. We had a lot in common and we have remained very, very close up to this day. She also ended up having to deal with his infidelities but she had a very different reaction to them. While they hurt her badly she chose to struggle on with the relationship. We all do something in the way of a cost analysis when we make our choices; my wife-in-law felt that his love for her, a profound love, was worth the infidelities. I hadn't and so I had dumped him. Whenever she talked to me about her relationship with my ex I always made a point of avoiding imposing my viewpoint on her. I simply listened to her and I asked her questions. I wanted her to talk is all. My ex died a little over 3 years ago from cancer and his wife hung in there until the very end. She was aware of some of his infidelities before he died and after he had died she came across all sorts of distressing material. She was shattered by his death and she was shattered by these further signs of his infidelity. Over the past few years she has talked to me at great length about all of these traumas; this is because we are close friends but also because we have shared a husband and a set of in-laws. Nevertheless, this is a woman who had made her choice: she loved her mate and she has been suffering from his absence. I made a different choice. I chose to move on when I was confronted with these difficulties and my life has been interesting in a fashion which would not have been possible had I opted to stick with this marriage. I should mention that I was very young and very idealistic when I discovered that my husband was cheating on me. At the time I felt that I would never be able to survive the shock, the pain, and the humiliation. And it may be much easier to function in the aftermath of a crashed marriage when one does not have to worry about children. I indulged in some irresponsible behaviour and then arranged for an unpaid leave of absence from work in order to spend 7 months lumbering around Europe. It was thanks to those 7 months and the friendships which I made during that time that I later ended up in my 2nd disasterous domestic relationship, this time with a French guy. This time around I rented out my house, quit my job, and left home in order to live with him. On the short (2-year) term this move turned out to be absolutely disasterous. But life is life and most experiences, even those which are painful, turn out to be useful and entertaining and much, much better than nothing at all. :mad: Eh? :mad: It is always better to have a story to tell, I figure............

Bummer.... I missed the latest meeting of the band gang. I am so very disappointed but will try to get my act together in order to connect with you all on Sept 16. I really enjoyed my first lunch with everyone and I sure do believe that it is a very fine and important thing that we make a point of experiencing face time with each other. We are all members of a very special club. It is nice to connect in the real world, eh.

We continue to live with the horrible Little Orange, our stray and a most ungrateful and destructive animal. If I wasn't an atheist I would be inclined to think that this had something to do with Karma but I know that we are on the sucker end of our own kindness and of dumb bad luck. A number of people we know have taken in really nice animals. We have Little Orange. She is a special animal and she has special needs. She is not picky about her food, though, and that is a good thing, isn't it?