Grr. Ok so why it it that because you are fat you are supposed to o i dont know..STUFF your freaking face at the sight of food?

I go out with a guy friend and I am not filled at the time we went out and I just order a side salad..mostly bc Im cheap, but also bc im on a diet..anyways he looks at me like Im crazy and is like arent you gonna order more, why arent you eating youre gonna get hungry in a while yada yada..Im like what bc I am fat I have to order a 3 course meal and than stab a hunk of food off your plate and stuff it down my throat? O I also have a ready supply of candy bars in my purse and 8 flavors of ice cream in my fridge. Give me a freaking break!!!! Excuse me while I order three cakes..grr.. Just cause im fat doesnt mean Im a freaking heifer!! I dont eat an insane amount of food, before or after my band...

THEN another thing. Why are we defined by our weight...When people dont know your name or are talking to people who dont whys it always That big girl...why cant it be the girl with curly hair thats big..or the curly hair with glasses thats big..why does it always start with big? Like youve seen one big girl, Youve seen them all!!

One last thing..why does it cost more to dress nice if youre big?! Im sorry but its not that much extra fabric!

grr

I hate the term 'big girl'. I never ate much in public because of the stares. In private is another story.

People tend to describe other people by their most salient features and this is why if you happen to be a white person with a group of black people they will describe you as the white chick. Unfortunately for us normos are the majority and that is why they will describe you as the fat or big chick. Women with big chests will find themselves referred to by the size of the same. This is just what people do. I know that I have pointed out skinny chicks from time to time to my friends.

As for your guy friend, he may simply have been disappointed that you didn't eat a more substantial lunch. I have read a number of times that guys really enjoy eating with a woman who eats well - i.e. like a guy - and who is not on the perennial rabbit food diet. One of these articles mentioned that many women when on dates are now ordering steak and potatoes because they feel that the guys like to see them eat.

I mention these things to you as alternative explanations. It is possible that you may be a little oversensitive on this issue of your weight. Most people are far too caught up in their own lives to give more than a passing thought about ours. We are the ones who think about our weight all the time. Most other people really don't care all that much except for family. They are the ones who enjoy tormenting and humiliating us by reminding us of our weight problems. :tired

I can totally relate to your complaints about clothes. These are not only more expensive, they come in ugly styles, ugly colours, and horrible synthetic fabrics. It is almost impossible to look cute or chic when you are over normo size. It is like all the manufacturers have decided that fat people have lousy taste as well. This is something which has made me mad for many years now. :mad:

Fat people and Christians -- the last two groups that it is complete PC to ridicule publicly. Gotta love it. And so called 'celebrities' in sports are entertainment are worshipped and adored regardless of their moral character and integrity (or the absense thereof) while the aforementioned people are derided.

Don't get me cranked on that stuff!!! :mad:

I can totally relate to your complaints about clothes. These are not only more expensive, they come in ugly styles, ugly colours, and horrible synthetic fabrics. It is almost impossible to look cute or chic when you are over normo size. It is like all the manufacturers have decided that fat people have lousy taste as well. This is something which has made me mad for many years now. :mad:

Kids, its called, THEY'VE GOT US OVER A BARREL. You gotta wear something.

At least we used to have the camaraderie of the maternity department!! But they finally said, "Screw this, we'll wear what we already have til it pops."

*sigh* And ya'll will laugh, I am a professional seamstres by trade. But I hate sewing for myself, so.....:tired

BTW it's still okay to poke fun at gays and lesbians.

As for the sterio types they happen for a reason. And because there is so mush information swirling around we try to compartmentalize as to who is who and what is what. Gender, race and size are the first things they clue into. Gender is really the first.

When a baby is born or hell, before it's born we want to know girl or boy so we can catagorize it.

As for looking like hell, there are a bunch of typically sized people looking ragged and dirty. We just see the fat people because we ourselves are fat. Kind of like when you buy a new make of car only to see the same make all over the place. It's what you are tuned in to.

BTW it's still okay to poke fun at gays and lesbians.

As for the sterio types they happen for a reason. And because there is so mush information swirling around we try to compartmentalize as to who is who and what is what. Gender, race and size are the first things they clue into. Gender is really the first.

When a baby is born or hell, before it's born we want to know girl or boy so we can catagorize it.

As for looking like hell, there are a bunch of typically sized people looking ragged and dirty. We just see the fat people because we ourselves are fat. Kind of like when you buy a new make of car only to see the same make all over the place. It's what you are tuned in to.

You have made such a good point. We are all oh so sensitive to any slights or injuries which have to do with us. We all do see the sun and the moon rotating around us. I remember a friend of mine who mentioned that after she had been dumped the only cars she saw were those which were the same colour and make as those driven by her former lover. I went through a period where I was unable to do crossword puzzles for much the same reason: I saw the clues as being far too cleverly pointed in the direction of my own grief. We all do tend to view the world through the lens of our own interests, of our own subjectivity.

This becomes a terrible problem when a majority psychosis rules and crushes the voices of others. We saw this in action in Nazi Germany. (Indeed my father lost most of his family to the Holocaust.) I am Canadian and I am pleased that we have granted Christians exactly the same status and rights as any other group in this country. Christians have the right to worship without harrassment in this country, as do Jews, Muslims, etc, and gay couples now have the right to legally marry and to enjoy the same legal rights and benefits as do heterosexual couples.

Canada was able to pull this stunt off because Canada recognises that it is an entirely civil entity and is, as such, completely divorced from any religious pressure. Moreover, Canada now has in place a charter which recognises that the demands of her minorities are as important as the beliefs of her majority.

What this means is that Christians do continue to have the right to worship in this country and if there are any hate crimes against Christians the Canadian legal systems will prosecute the perps. It also means that no Christian ministers will be forced to marry same sex couples. These individuals are only guaranteed the right to civil marriage and to all the legal rights which are the right of any married couple inside this country. I personally think that this is very cool.

It also means that the anti-abortion movement will meet with failure inside this country for this is viewed as viewed as being a faith-based issue. The Canadian approach, one which makes sense to me as a Canuck, is you don't want it, you don't do it. It is your decision, eh.

This is a pluralistic society and this is why we really do not understand why this business of a specific religious faith should be connected with civil issues. There are basic human rights which all Canadians must recognise and these are enshrined in the penal code. Nobody up here is happy about theft, fraud, bigamy, violent crime, murder, etc.

Christians have the right to live as they wish to in Canada. They simply have no right to tell other folks how to live when it comes to such issues as abortion and same sex relationships.

Rock On Canada!

My heart bleed red, white and blue....but I love you guys up north!

Ah, yes, don't you love the bigots? I have never had anyone dare to tell a fat joke to me. I think people know I wouldn't take that well. But I've had thin people criticize other fat people with me. I don't like that and have tendency to tell them I don't like that. But it's okay to tell fat jokes these days. But no one tells them to me!

God, I really want to move to Canada. Is there a warm spot there? Or a spot where anyone other than a Californian can afford a house?

From what I heard on the news last night about the state of permanent ice in the Arctic waters it looks like Canada will be plenty warm soon enough. It seems that the mass of permanent polar ice is disappearing far more rapidly than was projected in the early years of this century. A chunk which is twice the size of England vanished last week and a third of the total size of the pack has gone since the year 2000. The disappearance of this ice will further speed up global warming; the heat of the sun's rays had traditionally been bounced off the Arctic ice. Now the sun is able to easily heat up the open waters. The Northwest Passage is becoming a reality and Russia has already put in her bid for this polar real estate by sinking a flag at the bottom of the continental shelf. The other three concerned parties are Canada, Denmark (who owns Greenland), and the U.S. via Alaska. As for where I live, Toronto, it sure is much, much warmer here than when I was a kid.

The housing prices are crazy, though, and I have heard that this is true of Calgary (still a coldish city but one with a booming oil economy), Halifax, Vancouver, Victoria, and Montreal. Condos are more affordable and many retirees choose to live in smaller towns. I myself don't have this option; I was raised big city and am used to big city life and I never did learn how to drive. I never had to. I am also one of the lucky ones; I bought into the local housing market with old money and rode the inflation train. But you are right, Bitter, for a new-comer to enter the local housing market he or she would have to have kind of deepish pockets. This is why the condo market is booming. It does permit more folks at all financial levels to live within the city.

I hate the term 'big girl'. I never ate much in public because of the stares. In private is another story.

I am reminded of my very good friend who was also my boss. When she wanted two pastries she would always buy herself two coffees; she didn't want the donut clerk to know that she intended to eat them both, you see. She felt ashamed of herself, and this seemed awfully sad to me at the time. (I was very young then and didn't yet have my own weight problem and my own sense of shame.)

On the subject of lousy looking clothes for larger people - I remember hearing a designer once say that the reason he didn't create garments in larger sizes is that he "designs clothing, not upholstery". I've always remembered that comment. I'm glad to see that Isaac Mizrahi is at least designing up to a size 18 and Sarah Jessica Parker's new line is up to size 22.

On the subject of lousy looking clothes for larger people - I remember hearing a designer once say that the reason he didn't create garments in larger sizes is that he "designs clothing, not upholstery". I've always remembered that comment. I'm glad to see that Isaac Mizrahi is at least designing up to a size 18 and Sarah Jessica Parker's new line is up to size 22.

Oooh! That's an evil, evil comment but it is kinda witty. Nevertheless, I sure do hope that he blows up into a state of chubby. :heh:

Bodies sure are interesting. Until I was banded I was a fatty grrl and many of my middle-aged pals are suffering from the same severe and tragic post-menopausal weight gain. I was never a curvy grrl when I was thin and I sure was not a curvy fattie. One of my friends was ultra curvy and although she was undeniably fat she could wear clothes which looked lousy on me. This was because she had big tits, a smallish waist and big hips and belly. She looked like a fertility figure and I looked like a Hummer with spider legs and arms. The best clothes for me were those which constructed like boxes. She looked fab in clothes which showed off her shape. Now that I have lost a bunch of weight I still wear cloth boxes, smaller ones is all. hah hah :faint:

We are defined by our most obvious physical attributes. Fat sticks out. It's the first part of you in the room and the last to leave. Simple unpleasant truth.

yep and its easier, I do it without thinking of it, simply because it is the most obvious physical characteristic. People do the same when describing people of color, "hey who was the black/mexican/asian guy at so-and-so's place last night?" or "who was the cute redhead you were talking to?"

IM only 20 and im a pretty tough girl i dont cry unless you call me one name and of course it has to be FAT ha ive dealt with this my whole life but not from the kids at school i had tons of friends who loved me for me but of all people to cut me down and make me want to die would be my MOTHER... so low self esteem is apart of being my friend lol... just thought i would say i hate people who have to always make a fat joke or always have to cut me down im one of the nicest girls and im funny but people just cant seem to stop... hmmmm the world is a very cruel place im just hoping with the band i will show my mother that i can change