FLBoyMom

This is really hard.
My grand-daughter told me I was fat...out of the mouth of babes. Went to my son's school concert and had to squeeze myself into the auditorium chairs. Finally made it to Islands of Adventure - Harry Potter's World and asked about the wait time on the ride and the worker told me I should try the seat to make sure "I'm comfortable" before waiting over an hour. I was horrified, walked away and cried in the bathroom so my kids would not see me. Every time I have to buy new clothing, I'm hysterical in the dressing room. I always have to pull myself together before exiting. Seeing myself in photos. Avoiding going places so I don't have to face people. Not traveling to see friends and family because I'm embarrassed for them to see how much weight I have gained. I'm tired of feeling like crap on a daily basis. Especially the back pain when standing for long. I want to hike the national parks out west with my boys without being winded. I want to be healthy and I want to live.

I had been trying for nearly my who life to get the weight off. I had taken so many different medications, trainers, gym visits, shakes, and Protein and on and on. As a healthcare worker, I knew that if I didn't get the weight off soon I would end up with much more serious issues. In addition, I wanted to be able to do things that I hadn't been able to do because of my weight - travel, zip line, horseback riding, fly in a plane and fasten the seat belt comfortably and many other things. I also starting feeling that perhaps my weight was limiting me from potential job promotions and even dating. I finally spoke with my doctor and she agreed it was time to do something more aggressive. During my 6 month surgery preparation I developed high blood pressure and was placed on blood pressure medication. It was finally catching up to me - I knew that I had made the right decision to move forward with the surgery and that once I could get the weight off, my blood pressure would get better.

This is really hard.
My grand-daughter told me I was fat...out of the mouth of babes. Went to my son's school concert and had to squeeze myself into the auditorium chairs. Finally made it to Islands of Adventure - Harry Potter's World and asked about the wait time on the ride and the worker told me I should try the seat to make sure "I'm comfortable" before waiting over an hour. I was horrified, walked away and cried in the bathroom so my kids would not see me. Every time I have to buy new clothing, I'm hysterical in the dressing room. I always have to pull myself together before exiting. Seeing myself in photos. Avoiding going places so I don't have to face people. Not traveling to see friends and family because I'm embarrassed for them to see how much weight I have gained. I'm tired of feeling like crap on a daily basis. Especially the back pain when standing for long. I want to hike the national parks out west with my boys without being winded. I want to be healthy and I want to live.

Hello Everyone,
So much to say, where to begin? Hmmmmm.
Ok, so I had RNY Gastric Bypass surgery back in 2013 when I was topping the scales at 289 at my heaviest. Having been on every diet under the sun by age 16, being approved for WLS was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. At the ripe age of 23, I had the idea that if my weight was under control then my life would be great, my life would have meaning, I would be happy. Growing up hating yourself because of what you look like is so lonely, it's so painful, and a prison that nobody can set you free from. As I have grown and matured over the years since my surgery I have gained a greater understanding of the why behind the what. What was the issue? I was obese, but why was I obese? The why is not addressed when someone signs on the dotted line after being approved for WLS. I am 7 years out of surgery and I had to learn the why through grueling life experiences that ran me face first into, well...ME. I will forever be grateful for the tool that was given to me through my surgery but I have come to realize that if the why isn't dealt with then my tool will be of no use to me. After my surgery I lost 132 pounds from my heaviest weight going from 289 to 157 and I loved it! I was on top of the world fitting into my size 8 jeans and able to wear whatever I desired but soon my life started to spiral downwards. Since I was no longer able to overeat, I substituted that for an unhealthy relationship, drugs and alcohol. To the naked eye my life seemed great because from the outside everything looked wonderful. The reality is that I sold myself a lie when I convinced myself that when I lost weight my life would automatically be great. Don't get me wrong, losing weight is wonderful but in my case it was much deeper then the extra pounds I was carrying. I needed healing from a life long battle of rejection, abandonment and emotional wounds that shedding 132 pounds didn't cure. I maintained my lowest weight of 157 until 2015 along with my out of control pain pill and adderal addiction and emotionally abusive relationship but it all came to a head when I found God (don't tune out if you don't believe as this is my truth and my experience) in January 2015. In surrendering my life to God and with His power, I was given the strength to leave that relationship and leave the drugs behind and thats when the real work began. In the last 2 years I have gained about 50 pounds and have come to realize that I never dealt with the real issues that caused me to almost be 300 pounds in the first place. I am in a really good place in my life right now as God is helping me tackle the root issues of my brokenness that manifests itself in self destructive behaviors like compulsive overeating or substance abuse. Emotionally I am at a place now that I wish I would have been when I had my surgery, in a place that I can appreciate the tool that has been given to me but more importantly having an awareness of what is going on within. I believe that I had to gain this weight to really appreciate not only what I have but knowing that my weight can't make me or break me. I no longer live in fear that I am not good enough like I did for my whole life leading up to WLS. I allow myself to feel and not numb my emotions with outside things which has been a constant in my life. So unlike most stories of feeling like a failure after regaining weight, this is a success story and one that is still being written! I want to document my journey to losing the regain and hope to encourage, inspire and open the dialogue to similar stories like mine. This is life peeps, if we aren't growing, we are dying. I started on Tuesday going on walks and getting back to the basics and am down 5 pounds and my goal is to get to 150. I know I can do this and would love the support from my fellow WLS community. My first time around, I did it alone but i know that there is power in unity and community. Be Blessed family.
I have attached a progression picture of me at my heaviest, my lowest and now.
-Mari

This is really hard.
My grand-daughter told me I was fat...out of the mouth of babes. Went to my son's school concert and had to squeeze myself into the auditorium chairs. Finally made it to Islands of Adventure - Harry Potter's World and asked about the wait time on the ride and the worker told me I should try the seat to make sure "I'm comfortable" before waiting over an hour. I was horrified, walked away and cried in the bathroom so my kids would not see me. Every time I have to buy new clothing, I'm hysterical in the dressing room. I always have to pull myself together before exiting. Seeing myself in photos. Avoiding going places so I don't have to face people. Not traveling to see friends and family because I'm embarrassed for them to see how much weight I have gained. I'm tired of feeling like crap on a daily basis. Especially the back pain when standing for long. I want to hike the national parks out west with my boys without being winded. I want to be healthy and I want to live.

I'm also scheduled for 5/30. I've been on pre-op diet for 6 days. Not too bad.

WOW! You must be dating a lot of women who only are looking at the out side of a man and not what he is made of on the inside. You were spared from these shallow women, it is their loss.
I dated a man for 6 months who had lost over 200 pounds. I was fine with the excess skin as it was him not his body that I liked. Plus I knew as soon as I had my surgery I would have the excess skin too. He told me he would be at the hospital the day of my surgery when I woke up. You want to know what happened. He never showed up and hasn't spoken or written to me since. I would say he had more of a problem than I did with excess skin.
What state are you in and how old are you? As these things may be factors into why you aren't finding the kind of women you deserve. Please don't settle for those shallow woman as they will never make you happy.

Who the heck is telling you your uglier now? Get away from them asap. You did this for yourself, your health. Please don't listen to them. I am thinking you are their verbal punching bag and that you probably look so good now that your looks are threatening to others. Hang in there, and fine new people to hang around with.

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It sounds to me like the women you are approaching are too ugly on the inside. Not all women are like that! Keep looking and you'll find one worthy of you.

I told my 5 year old daughter (5 and a half more precisely) that I was getting my stomach cut out because daddy's too fat caused by eating too much sugary garbage food and drinking too many sodas. She's been tracking the wounds on my abdominal region as well since surgery (I prefer walking around the house shirtless unless we have company), and I've answered all questions she has as best I can.
There's a couple factors for this.. 1) I'm shamelessly direct with people, 2) I think it's counterproductive to removing the stigma by being secretive and/or shameful about it, 3) I don't beat around the bush when it comes to informing my daughter -- I want all my children to know everything, and 3) She needs to understand the consequences of decisions, and not make the dumb mistakes daddy did. So rather than just keep her away from sugary junk (not entirely, just very limited) with no explanation, which is more likely to lead to a rebellious attitude about it, it's simply more in line with my personality and what I think raising a child smartly should be like.
Because of the lifestyle changes I've made with great results, my wife has begun changing things too (after months of me nagging her about soda and wanting her to reduce her carb intake dramatically) and my daughter is engaged in understanding why we do the things we do. It's entirely possible she talks to people at school and student care (i.e. after-school care) about it, but most of them already know my circumstances anyways, and I really don't care what others think, or what they approve or disapprove of. If they have an issue with the choices I make they can confront me, otherwise, couldn't give a toss what others think.

I am approved for surgery and have decided to tell immediate family and select friends. These forums were helpful as I considered if I should tell people and who to tell. Since many of my friends are overweight as well, I decided that that I owed it to them to be upfront about having surgery. Hope this helps as other consider how to tell.
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Hello Family & Friends,
I have decided to have a type of weight loss surgery called the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (or Gastric Sleeve). This is something I've been thinking about and looking into for nearly a year now.
This is not a quick fix, or the easy way out. The sleeve is a permanent tool to assist with making life-long changes. I've been morbidly obese for nearly 20 years and right now I am at my heaviest. I have tried countless diets and medically supervised plans but have had limited success in managing my weight. I have reached the point that that I am no longer willing to accept the physical limitations of my weight. When my insurance agreed to cover the procedure – I decided I needed to take advantage of this opportunity.
I have done a full investigation into this surgery and my surgeon, gone through all of the seminars, and have finished all the required testing. My surgery is scheduled for June 13th. The hospital and my surgeon is a Bariatric Center of Excellence. If you would like to look further into this surgery and the program I chose, please visit http://denverbariatrics.com/
At this point, I am only telling a select group of family and friends. I do not want this to be a secret however I also do not feel the need to publicly broadcast personal medical information. Your discretion with further disclosure is appreciated.
I’m excited about this next step in my life and your support would mean the world to me.

So I cleaned out my closet of clothes that are too big for me for the third time.

One of the items was a fancy skirt I had worn to my Bat Mitzvah.

It then hit me that I was about to be smaller than I was when I was 13 years old. I am now 30 years old.

This was a happy and sad feeling.

It was happy because I have worked so hard to lose these over than 260 pounds.

It was sad though because I let myself stay so heavy for most of my life and it stopped me from being the person I always wanted and knew I could be.

I know I can't change the past and can only look towards the future but I started to mourn for my past struggles again and it made me tear up a bit thinking about all the time I spent trapped in my heavy body.

I know many of you can relate, though maybe not all of you can to the extent that I was trapped when I was 540 pounds.

This is not only a physical struggle but an emotional one.

I'm glad I finally got motivated and am taking my life back.

I am even less weight than I was when I had gotten the lapband in 2008.

As they say, this is the first step in the rest of my life. I'm excited to see what else I can accomplish. I am only 78 pounds away from goal now and it seems like nothing with how much I've already lost.

I just wanted to share these thoughts with you all because I know out of anyone, you can relate.

I'm also scheduled for 5/30. I've been on pre-op diet for 6 days. Not too bad.

When I arrived at the San Diego airport, and went out front to await the drive to the hospital, there was a van from another bariatric surgery company that arrived with postop patients. 2 patients were dropped off in order to fly home. They both moved so slowly and gingerly, hunched over, gripping their abdomens. They sat as soon as they could.. after walking about 20ft.
I thought to myself Holy ****, what have I signed up for?! That will be me in 5 days.
How wrong I was! No one would have been able to tell I had surgery when I flew home. My husband was shocked at how well I was doing when he picked me up from the airport.
Everyone has a different journey, but some are lucky! I didn't even have trouble putting on my compression stockings for the flight home. (Was worried about that).

First off, you look great. You should be proud and so should your husband.
One of the things I've read about WLS is that it puts a lot of strain on marriages and relationships.
The divorce and breakup rates of folks who have one of the partners go through a WLS is higher and pretty significant. There are different reasons for this. But it differs between couples. From what I've read, it's usually about acceptance and a denial of the other person "changing". People don't like change, especially when their the ones who have to accept it.
At first glance, I highly suggest getting some marital counseling before you go down that path of not coming back. It could just be that your husband is having a hard time seeing you the way you've changed and is feeling a bit intimated. But counseling is something I recommend based on his words to you. Words mean something.

Personally, I believe if you've got a healthy and strong relationship, WLS should be no different than getting any other surgery that someone has gone through. I think where people run into trouble is that if their relationship isn't healthy, this surgery can really bring out the ugliness quickly because your changing so fast.
I also think there's a dimension to this surgery that doesn't get discussed enough.
I've said many times here (on my different posts) that I think that WLS is different for males and females, dramatically so -- I've read a lot of posts, the differences of experiences and the emotional aspects of getting WLS is so incredibly different between men and women, especially ones that are in relationships -- there probably should be a major forum topic for this particular issue.
With that, I think your husband is being really unfair.
He got on your case about eating unhealthy prior, then tells you that you aren't the one that has to be happy with your looks, he's the only one that does? Yeah... that's not supportive. Anybody who knows anything about being in a relationship knows that you have to love yourself before you can truly (note: the word "truly", it's important) love someone else. Having self-esteem, self-worth and confidence in who you are as a person is the ONLY way that you can respect your mate and treat them the way YOU want to be treated.
I think there's some level of "buyers remorse" with the partner when it comes to this surgery. As their partner gets more and more healthy, often times it's hard for them to accept the new person and the new confidence. Men in particular (and I've seen this first hand with a friend of mine) can be hard on their partner for improving their looks or the overall appearance. The reasons for this vary, but often times it has to do more with them than it does with you.
I recommend having a long hard conversation with him to ensure he's supportive and if he's unwilling to do that, you might need the next step, which is counseling. Which if he can't fix the situation through that support system, you might be looking at irreconcilable differences.

Well BP FAM , I'm back again with a rant. My husband and I were talking last night and he made comments in how he wished I never had this surgery. He stated that my butt has gone almost away and he felt all unneeded to do was tone up and lose my belly initially. Well, first of all, I don't know how you tone up 242 lbs with BMI 0f 39( which was my initial weight and BMI). So.... he proceeded to run his mouth about all the things I can't do like drink gallons of sweet tea, eat cake and Cookies, go to restaurants and eat appetizer , entree and dessert.. You know all of the healthy stuff that led me to be 242 lbs in the first place. Well, I was really hurt by his comments. My rebuttal was how much healthier I am , I am a lose size 10 as opposed to a tight size 16, I am no longer out of breath with walking 20 feet and I am able to exercise. I like how my body has changed and I told him I love my size. Well, he said "you don't have to be attracted to you, I do and you only needed to lose a little belly but now your butt has gone down tremendously " well needless to say I was pushed to my breaking point. I was like if you don't like what you see, go and find you a thick chic with a donkey's ass. I'm not even at goal yet so I'm gonna lose more and just ticked that he would say that to me which made me feel a lil insecure about my looks. Then I snapped out of it. I have posted pics on my other forums but I will put my last one here as well. Not tooting my own horn but I worked hard for these results . I had surgery in Dec 2016. I am just like dang I can't win for losing .i really thought I was doing good . My pics show one week after surgery on left, middle is 1 1/2 months post op and last pic on right was about 2 weeks ago.

I can finely post a full body picture! I'm so excited I'm down 50 lbs and I have 60 more pounds to go! So determined!

Today is my 6 month surgeryversary, and so I finally got my but in gear and pulled some dresses out of the closet to take "same dress" status shots.
The results shocked the heck out of me.

The first pic is probably at my biggest weight; around 317. The second is maybe 1 month post op (so about 45 pounds down) and the third one -- that's today.

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm looking at these after pics of me and thinking....am I still "fat"? I guess technically I am; still fall just in that "obese" range. But I don't look at them and just sigh at my body the way I used to.
Add to that that I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, walk about a mile and a third on the treadmill every mwf, can walk more than that when I'm out and about, and my perfectly stable sleep schedule -- and altogether, I feel like a pretty different person.
Fun bonus shots of how much too big these dresses (which were slightly too small at my biggest) are on me now:

Well, it's a start alright... the finish has yet to come. But I'll document my sleeve story here in the hopes that it'll help others.
Surgery to lose weight? Peh!! That's for weaklings... I would never mutilate my body.... why take the easy way out... in short, wls was a remote concept to me. Honestly, it just never was on my radar, that's all.
But like many here I struggled.. and it was a constant battle in the back of my head. I've been everywhere on the spectrum from "a real woman has curves, damn it" to " this is a social construct; it's todays world that makes me feel bad about who I am... I mean look at norms from 50-60 years ago" to "I don't have to be thin/normal/etc, I have brains to prove myself... I will never be one to rely on how I look to get ahead".... you name it, I've probably been there.
I'm going on 40... years of this... and dieting... and gaining... and dieting... and checking out the newest fad... and shopping based on what fits... not what I like.... years of focusing on the 'content' vs the 'packaging', coupled with a very low idea of self-worth rooted in childhood... well, for one reason or the other we all end up in the same spot.
Last summer my family and I were at the beach; There I am, sitting at the beach and I just can't stop judging people. Nevermind the fact that I lost 20 pounds and gained 19,5 back... So technically I have still lost weight compared to same time last year; I am just sitting here, in the shade and I can't stop myself from passing judgment on everybody... Bad posture, wrong choice of bathing suit... Omg!! What was she thinking?!?!? I would kill to have the body of most of the women who unknowingly are subject to my internal rantings but there you have it. And then I caught myself... sort of saw myself from a different perspective. Is this really who I want to be? This constantly bitter, unhappy person who blames everyone and everything but neglects to take responsibility? And it was there the first seeds of change had been sewn. Althought wls was still a long ways off from being even an idea.
I came to the US 20 years ago... It's not easy being the 'outsider', less so when you're a parent. At times it feels like everybody knows each other; even worse everybody likes each other... everybody but you. And this even though we all started being soccer moms and dads at the same time. Granted, sometimes you'll have your neighbors who know each other and naturally gravitate toward each other... or those parents whose kids are besties in school and who automatically click.
Some days a parent will say hi... good morning... how're ya doing? And those days are good days because for the next 60 minutes of a game you re-live that moment when you were part of the in-crowd. On other days your good morning will be ignored.. sometimes on purpose. And those days you put on a brave face for your kids because no kid likes their parents to be the outsider. Some days it gets so bad, so lonely, that I feel like exploding... i feel like asking "guys... what is it? Is it because i'm fat? Wear glasses? Have an accent? All of the above? I see these posts for parents with tips on how to deal with socially awkward teenagers... or how to boost their kids' confidence and I gulp them up looking for a glimpse on what it could be I'm doing wrong. It is a sad state of affairs when you're diving into teen advise columns but you're almost 40.
I have two amazing kids... and I know how easily effected kids are by how they view their parents. All parents are an embarassment to their kids in one way or another but what all of this led to, what I realized was that unless I accept myself, unless I am OK with myself and unless I respect and love myself I couldn't possibly expect others to show me the same. And this sense of personal responsibility was the second seed toward change. You see, as much as it seems from the above that I am doing this so that others will love me, I have come to realize that I am doing this for me... and only me.
Then, in January my husband's friend comes to visit.. and I don't recognize him... seriously, different human being. I felt like on candid camera where they do a switcheroo, you know? And he tells me about how he got sleeved... and he is patient with me and talks to me, explains, shows, guides me and before I know it I know that this is what I want. I just do, it makes sense, it all clicks, falls into place... damn in, I want it and I want it now!!!
I talk to 3 different surgeons even though I have to pay for consults... one can't even be bothered to look me in the eyes... he's Mr super busy and important... you know, like a factory assembly line, you're just a number, not a human being. The second is nice...patient, knowledgeable but his staff is not well organized. Then I went to see my friend's surgeon. Staff and surgeon... good call; I clicked and knew I had found my surgeon. Of course I did my research, I read reviews, reached out to people but first impressions are so important.
My insurance requires 6 months of documented visits. I was ready to have the surgery; I was excited; I didn't want to wait.. I even considered doing this out of pocket but thankfully cooler heads prevailed. I still think 6 months is too long but I'm halfway there.
I am hopeful to have a surgery date in september for my sleeve.
I still do my homework, I day-dream and I make lists, I fantasize about shopping sprees (which will be fun now, not torture... right guys?) but I'm not in laland in terms of expectation. I think I have a pretty solid grasp on the difficulties ahead. I'm going to therapy to prepare mentally.

I have an incredibly supportive husband who's been with me through thick (and will be with me through thin!!)

And with your support I know I can do this.

Updates will follow!

I'm still working on my approval, but I had my moment awhile back when I realized I'm only 32. Lol, I know that sounds crazy but I've been living like I'm 82 last few years between my back and arthritis. I know I need to lose weight to help put off my next spinal fusion. And I know losing weight will help me be able to exercise more and strengthen my core. But, I finally realized there's got to be more than this couch. And that there's a tool (gastric sleeve) available that can help me get to where I want to be[emoji3]

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Headed to the surgical center! Thank you all for the well wishes and encouragement [emoji51]

Got my weight down. Hopefully my liver has shrunk enough and in less than 24 hours, my VSG surgery will be near complete..
Love y'all [emoji171] Stay Strong [emoji1434]
Ima VSGee
#SW: 319.6 #CW: 295.6 #VSG Date: 5/16/2017

I am scheduled for May 30th too

I started this process on Jan 18th of this year. 3 month weight management for the insurance requirements is ALLLLLL DONE!!! I am scheduled for surgery on May 30th. Im scared yet excited at the same time!!! do I have any surgery twins out there???

I'm scheduled for May 30th