Hi.

It's been 2.5 years since my surgery and I have lost a little over 100lbs I gained about 10 back and it seems ok. I struggle everyday with how I look. The crazy part is I am told more now that I am too ugly to date by women than when I was bigger. I have some extra skin but I feel I look better but maybe I'm not. It is only about my looks for women anymore I'm not sure why. Maybe I can get some insight?

It sounds to me like the women you are approaching are too ugly on the inside. Not all women are like that! Keep looking and you'll find one worthy of you.

Who the heck is telling you your uglier now? Get away from them asap. You did this for yourself, your health. Please don't listen to them. I am thinking you are their verbal punching bag and that you probably look so good now that your looks are threatening to others. Hang in there, and fine new people to hang around with.

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You have seriously been told by people that you are too ugly to date? Where are you looking for these women?

WOW! You must be dating a lot of women who only are looking at the out side of a man and not what he is made of on the inside. You were spared from these shallow women, it is their loss.

I dated a man for 6 months who had lost over 200 pounds. I was fine with the excess skin as it was him not his body that I liked. Plus I knew as soon as I had my surgery I would have the excess skin too. He told me he would be at the hospital the day of my surgery when I woke up. You want to know what happened. He never showed up and hasn't spoken or written to me since. I would say he had more of a problem than I did with excess skin.

What state are you in and how old are you? As these things may be factors into why you aren't finding the kind of women you deserve. Please don't settle for those shallow woman as they will never make you happy.

I would venture to say that the women telling you that are shallow and have no life! Please don't pay attention to negative women like that! There are much better ones out there who believe in quality, not quantity.

Okay...there is a notable difference between a woman telling you that "You're ugly" and actually feeling ugly. Our self-esteems should not hinge upon other peoples' opinions of us.

People who love and value themselves do not feel ugly. I do not place enough importance on other peoples' negative views of me to let them alter my positive feelings for myself.

In other words, conjure up some self-esteem. Learn to love yourself. Once you regard yourself highly, no one's words can break you down or cause you to feel badly.

I live by this quote: "Your opinion of me does not define who I am."

Edited May 14, 20179 yr by Introversion

Thank you all. So to put more context. It hasn't gotten me too down yet. But it only started after I lost weight. I am on the normal dating sites pof match etc. after awhile it starts to weigh down a little bit.

If you are going to online date. Just use Tinder. That way there are no misses. You can only talk to people that match with you, so fewer hurt feelings

Also most men suck at taking pictures. If you have a niece or younger sister, have them take pictures for you.

Online dating is all about looks. People don't get a chance to know you first so personality doesn't mean anything.

Most of those dating sites are just for hook ups....stay away from those

leave the online dating sites alone it's nothing more than a validation machine for women who get to sit on their throne and be as snotty and picky as they choose...it is very very very shallow

go old school and pound the pavement..make approaches during the day...hell even go to bars where women expect to be approached...rejection will happen but who cares they're just people like you

Edited May 15, 20179 yr by illailla

Take up an activity. Take some dance lessons, buy a mountain bike, join a book club, join a hiking club, take a community college class, join a travel group, coach a kids team for the park district. The more you get involved the more women you will meet and you might really enjoy one of those hobbies a lot. You might find some new talents and that makes for an interesting conversation.

BTW - you are not ugly.

And if money is too tight for joining those things, volunteer - habitat for humanity, neighborhood cleanup, a senior center - those ladies have granddaughters. Go to a new church of your denomination but in the next town over, join the choir.

4 hours ago, illailla said:

leave the online dating sites alone it's nothing more than a validation machine for women who get to sit on their throne and be as snotty and picky as they choose...it is very very very shallow

go old school and pound the pavement..make approaches during the day...hell even go to bars where women expect to be approached...rejection will happen but who cares they're just people like you

Because men have never been known to be shallow or picky. What a glorious time to be alive.

Because men have never been known to be shallow or picky. What a glorious time to be alive.

Us men are a humble people who love the person we are with for who they are....

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I look at it this way, you can't judge a book by it's cover, it's what's on the inside that counts, that & chemistry. Though attraction does help. I seen your pic, and honestly I don't see where you're ugly at all.

My theory is that they want to keep themselves down & bring others down with them. You can't let them bring you down. If it is someone that you really feel is worthy of your friendship, then try to lift them up to your level instead of letting them bring you down to theirs!