So I cleaned out my closet of clothes that are too big for me for the third time.

One of the items was a fancy skirt I had worn to my Bat Mitzvah.

It then hit me that I was about to be smaller than I was when I was 13 years old. I am now 30 years old.

This was a happy and sad feeling.

It was happy because I have worked so hard to lose these over than 260 pounds.

It was sad though because I let myself stay so heavy for most of my life and it stopped me from being the person I always wanted and knew I could be.

I know I can't change the past and can only look towards the future but I started to mourn for my past struggles again and it made me tear up a bit thinking about all the time I spent trapped in my heavy body.

I know many of you can relate, though maybe not all of you can to the extent that I was trapped when I was 540 pounds.

This is not only a physical struggle but an emotional one.

I'm glad I finally got motivated and am taking my life back.

I am even less weight than I was when I had gotten the lapband in 2008.

As they say, this is the first step in the rest of my life. I'm excited to see what else I can accomplish. I am only 78 pounds away from goal now and it seems like nothing with how much I've already lost.

I just wanted to share these thoughts with you all because I know out of anyone, you can relate.

Beautiful! I think it's an important part of looking to the future. One has to analyze the past and if need be mourn it to be be able to look ahead. Be proud!

@njgal Thank you! I am! It's a very hard process though!

@njgal Thank you! I am! It's a very hard process though!

I'm pre-op so couldn't really say but it looks like you should mourn all the extra money you'll be spending on shopping ))

@njgal haha I definitely mourn that! I shop so much now. It's terrible because I don't stay in the sizes that long so I'm just wasting money but for the first time in a LONG time I can dress cute so I am! I was stuck in stretchy pants and Tshirts for too damn long. I refuse to wear them out in public now. My friends always ask my why I'm so dressed up all the time but they don't understand how much I hated only being able to wear stretchy pants that were a size 34/36 that were stretched to the limit and size 5x/6x tshirts that I had to stretch just to fit but they were still a little tight. I will never go back. I am going to wear my cute clothes and waste money.

The sales girls know me by name. lol it's terrible!

What

1 minute ago, Dashofpixiedust8 said:

@njgal haha I definitely mourn that! I shop so much now. It's terrible because I don't stay in the sizes that long so I'm just wasting money but for the first time in a LONG time I can dress cute so I am! I was stuck in stretchy pants and Tshirts for too damn long. I refuse to wear them out in public now. My friends always ask my why I'm so dressed up all the time but they don't understand how much I hated only being able to wear stretchy pants that were a size 34/36 that were stretched to the limit and size 5x/6x tshirts that I had to stretch just to fit but they were still a little tight. I will never go back. I am going to wear my cute clothes and waste money.

The sales girls know me by name. lol it's terrible!

What an excellent problem to have though, right

@njgal it is! I am now a size 14/16 to 18/20 top and 22 bottom. I probably am actually smaller on bottom but I have A LOT of extra skin. I am having it removed June 5th though! [emoji51]

Awesome

@deactivatedfatgal thanks!

I'm not quite smaller than I was 13 but almost.

I have a hard time enjoying my surgery success because I feel embarrassed I was so delusional about my size for so long. I don't really feel like it is a victory to lose something I should have never gained in the first place.

So I understand the mixed feelings.

Keep going though you are rocking the weight loss. You have a better attitude than me, these last 20 pounds seem like hell compared to the for 150.

@outsidematchinside the skirt is a size 22...I can't even accept that at age 13 I was a woman's size 22..

I understand your embarrassment. I honestly can't believe I let myself think I was okay at such a heavy weight. I'm a bit disgusted with myself.

Thank you for the encouragement! My weight is still coming off pretty rapidly (I lost 9 pounds last week) so I may start feeling differently once it slows as I get lower!

You are doing great though! I think I remember you started at a high weight like I did. I always appreciate your input on the boards here. I think you are very knowledgeable and give people a blunt kick in the ass when they need it. I know I need it sometimes!

It is really inspirational to hear about those of you, who like me, have been overweight their whole lives and are finally losing weight postop. I am 4 months postop and am about 8 lbs from my lowest adult weight. These last few pounds are resisting via stall and I am going to power through soon. I really hope I'll come back to this post next year and blow away my modest goals with my progress. [emoji256]

Sent from my XT1585 using BariatricPal mobile app

23 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

I'm not quite smaller than I was 13 but almost.

I have a hard time enjoying my surgery success because I feel embarrassed I was so delusional about my size for so long. I don't really feel like it is a victory to lose something I should have never gained in the first place.

So I understand the mixed feelings.

Keep going though you are rocking the weight loss. You have a better attitude than me, these last 20 pounds seem like hell compared to the for 150.

"Don't Really feel like it's a victory to lose something I should have never gained in the first place". Oh my god this is LITERALLY how I feel!

Edited May 22, 20179 yr by Deactivatedfatgal

@grrlann I have been overweight since I was 3 years old. It's been a lifelong struggle, one I'm trying to break free of now. That's great you are doing so well! Congrats to you!