Lexigurl82

It's been a while since I've made a post. I filed a divorce after 7 years on 1/29/2016. The divorce was finalized last month. Before I filed for a divorce, a former friend told me my then husband at the time had a girlfriend. Not once did he fight for our marriage. Instead, he reached out to many women and found one who was willing to give him a chance. I eventually found out that his mistress knew all about me and they slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. That hurt me a lot. My then husband told so many lies on me and people actually believed him. I had to end up cutting every person we ever came in contact with out of my life because they claimed they were on my side, however they were on my husband's team. Inlaws, so called friends--the majority of them knew he had a mistress and failed to correct him about his actions because they valued his presence more than mine and my kid. Not that I like to talk about people but his mistress is extremely overweight and unattractive. My ex-husband is very controlling and narcissistic, so I am aware that he went after her because she has no self-esteem or confidence. She does everything he tells her to. He did the same with me. When I met my ex-husband, I was slightly overweight. Each year during our marriage, I got bigger and bigger. He seemed to be happy with it, always told me I was beautiful. But that was a lie. Now that we are divorced, family members and friends started coming forth and told me how they despised my ex-husband during our marriage because they knew he was a liar, a cheater, and controlling. They told me how it bothered them to see me gain weight and have several health issues, yet my then husband seemed content. Not only that, he didn't struggle with weight and was not very supportive in me losing weight. When I had my surgery in December 2015, he asked me twice if I would leave him once I lost weight. I told him I would leave him if he didn't change. 3 weeks after my surgery, I packed my and my daughter's clothing in trash bags and left. Everyday I hoped he would call, to see where I went, to see if I and my daughter were ok, to see if he wanted me back home but that didn't happen. When I checked our phone records, I saw he reached out to women he claimed he didn't even communicate with. Not once did I get a call or text asking for forgiveness or for me to come back home. And then, day after day I learned how he had a mistress and he slept with numerous prostitutes. And yes, this mistress knew all about me but just did not care, same as my then husband. My ex-husband did everything he could do to tear me down. Locked me out of our home. Slept with the mistress in our bed. Told lies to everyone would listen. In the end, I was able to move in our home and he had to move out. But the memories in the home was just to much to bear. I had to sleep in the guest room because I just could not sleep in our bedroom, where he had his mistress. How could people be so cruel? How could my husband do this to me and my kid? How could his mistress be ok with being with a married man and him mistreating me and a minor child? I guess I will never understand. Now that I am single, how do I move on? I am terrified to date. People compliment me and tell he how great I look since weight loss, but my ex-husband has destroyed all my self esteem. Therefore, I do not believe people when they tell me I look great. I can't even make eye contact with a man because I am afraid of them. It's hard for me to go out and enjoy myself because I am afraid that if I meet someone, that I won't be able to provide them with a relationship. I am just too torn. How do I move past the hurt? How do I move past the pain that my ex-husband inflicted on me and my daughter? All I can do is hope one day I can heal from all this.

omg Sophie I am in the same exact boat. My divorce was finalized last month. Early into my divorce proceeding a former mutual friend called me and told me that my husband was in a relationship. Eventually, I found out that he and his mistress slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. The mistress knew all about me and did not care. My ex-husband moved on before I even filed for a divorce. When I found his mistress on facebook, my jaw dropped. I too do not normally talk about people but this girl was and still is a hot, overweight mess. She is bigger than me, teeth messed up, double chins, the list goes on. But, my husband decided to carry on a relationship with her, knowing that she is nowhere near what he likes and do you know why? Let me explain. No offense to you, but your husband seems to go after women who have no self esteem and no confidence in themselves. It's easier for a narcissistic man to control and manipulate someone who has no self esteem, overweight, and no confidence. My ex-husband is the same way. When he met me, I was overweight and was getting bigger every year we were married due to emotional eating. During my divorce proceedings, different people came to me and explained how they disliked my ex-husband while we were married because they knew he was the reason I gained weight. And he was happy with me being overweight, because he felt that as long as I am overweight no one would want me. 8 months out from surgery and nearly 100 pounds down, he can't stand me because I built the courage to leave him and his abusive ways---and I left 3 weeks after I had surgery so weight loss was not the reason I left him. I left him because he was abusive to me and my kid. He was emotionally, financially and mentally abusive. And he was a cheater. What you are dealing with is rejection. I am still dealing with it myself. But, we have to try our hardest to see past the rejection and realize that they don't deserve us anyway. Our exes cannot be with us because we are too strong for them and I'm sure you're not as heavy as you used to be. As hard as this is, start telling yourself that you deserve better. Believe it or not, your ex has low self esteem. It may not look like it, but I promise you he does. Narcarcisstic and controlling people go after people they can control. And when they cannot control you, they will hate you. You are too good for your soon to be ex. He only moved on because he can't be alone. Same as with my ex husband. He moved on before I even filed for a divorce. But he did that because he cannot stand to be alone. All he did was find an overweight, unattractive woman and he is controlling her in more ways than one. Matter of fact, my ex controls his mistress so much that she neglects her teenage son just so she could lay up with my ex-husband. Just sad! But hey, that's their life. Time will heal all wounds. Just stay off facebook or block anyone who knows your husband. I blocked many in laws and friends because I didn't want them telling me my ex-husband's every waking move. I can't heal that way. Sometimes you got to cut people off. Change your name on facebook and change your privacy settings. Trust me, it will be the best thing you could have ever done. You are a winner and never forget that! One day, someone will come along and love you for YOU. You were too good for that loser husband

I had Aetna for my surgery and did the 3 month supervised diet. Every plan and surgeon is different. My plan required 4 visits with the surgeon, 3 visits with a dietician or NUT, a psyc exam, pulmonary function test, sleep apnea test, EKG and Chest X-ray. Good luck!

in addition to what everyone has said above me, try doing different exercises as well. Switching up your exercise routines can also shock your system and break your stall. good luck!

That's amazing! I have been working on my current job for nearly 3 years. I ran into a fellow co-worker who said they did not recognize me. I'm only 6 months out, down 73 pounds from my highest weight, 63 pounds since surgery.

Sophie, I was/am in the same boat as you. I filed for the divorce, which is still pending. For a while now, my soon to be ex-husband complained about how low my sex drive was. He also complained when he would introduce new positions/toys that I hated because it felt degrading or was just downright painful. Because he was my husband, I would attempt them and often times felt disgusted with him during sex. Often times I would look up at the ceiling wishing it was over. My husband is addicted to porn and he refused to seek help for it. He convinced himself he was not addicted despite the fact that he looked at it day and night. We were married for 7 years. And we do not communicate. I have not spoken to my husband since I left home on 12/31/2015. Unless you have kids with him, I don't think it's best for you to talk to him. And even if you do have kids, your conversation needs to be short and to the point. The fact that he has moved on this quickly lets me know that he was never your best friend and he didnt love you. I had to come to that realization myself. My husband told me he loved me but truth is, he never loved me. He just didn't want to be alone. A real man would not do what your husband has done to you. One thing I know, sex don't keep a man. So even if your husband starts this relationship with the topless dancer, eventually that well will dry up--trust me. It's so sad how people think the grass is greener on the other side until they see it is fertilized with SH**. Honey, I say cut your communication with this loser and cut your losses. He is a jerk and abusive. One day he's going to look back and wish he never left. You deserve so much better than this guy. Realize your worth. I am starting to realize mine.

I had diarrhea for the 1st few days after my VSG surgery. Eventually it did stop. I would call the doctor to make sure.

I had my surgery in December 2015, 50+ pounds down. I am the same old goofy and loving person. However, I did become less tolerant of BS with my new found confidence. I am going thru a divorce currently. My soon to be ex husband felt that I was using the surgery as a way to leave him. He called it my exit strategy. He was wrong. After my surgery I told him how unhappy I was with the way he was treating me. Me having the surgery had nothing to do with it. I have 100 more pounds to lose. Turns out he was cheating on me during our marriage and even when we separated. He didn't make one attempt to make our marriage work but I made several. Now we are in divorce. I hurt everyday but in the end I know it's for the best. I am learning that people treated me different because I was big and now they are treating me different because I am losing weight. I will continue to be me, but I will no longer accept anyone's foolishness, even if that means leaving them behind.

I am so sorry you were denied. I am glad your surgeon will do a next level appeal. Most times, the insurance company will approve it once an appeal is done. I hope you get the approval for your surgery. Please keep us posted.

you guys....you rock...I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart...I hope to move past this, I really do. My in laws have turned on me even though they know everything that piece of crap did to me and my kid. Friends no longer call me and when they do, they call to gossip. I don't plan on dating anytime soon but I hope the next guy comes along and loves me and my kid for US. Everyday it gets tougher but I am still standing. You guys mean so much to me, so glad I signed up for this website.

It's been a while since I've posted. I had my VSG surgery on 12/2/2015. On 12/31/2015 I and my daughter left home because my marriage fell completely apart. I told my husband (soon to be ex-husband) I was unhappy with how he was treating me and he blamed my surgery as a way for me to leave him. Long story short, when I left home, my husband started reaching out to his old flames. Not once did he call me or ask me to stay. Not one time did he say I love or let's work it out. I had enough and filed for a divorce the end of January 2016. Since then, he has made my life hell and and my weight loss suffered a bit. I was too depressed and worn out to work out. Our court date is scheduled for 3/21/2016, which is a temporary hearing. I AM SO OVERWHELMED. I'm balancing a full time job, being a mother to a teenager and trying to handle legal issues at the same time. I just want my soon to be ex-husband out of my life. I hurt because I was hoping he'd come around and attempt to work things out but I now know it isn't going to happen. A mutual friend of ours called me last week to tell me my husband has a girlfriend--and we haven't even divorced yet. He's moved on while I am struggling to. How do I move on? I don't even know if I can trust another person to get close to me.

good for you to make the decision to walk away...I agree with everyone else on this post--your BFF was full of crap and was just looking for a way to cheat. Just like someone else mentioned above, if you and the BFF cannot have a conversation in front of his wife, then it's probably inappropriate. And if you have to ask yourself if a conversation or behavior is inappropriate, then it probably is. I don't know you but I do know that you deserve so much more than what the BFF can offer you at this time.

I told a few co-workers and my supervisor. I haven't gone back to work yet but if anyone asks, I will be open about it. However I won't volunteer it.

nope, doesn't bother me because before my sleeve, I could eat just as much as anyone else, possibly more...I didn't know how to show restraint, which is why I decided to have weight loss surgery...previously I didn't consider myself a glutton...I just thought that I enjoyed food...but as I continued in my weight loss journey, I realized that the amount I ate was out of pure greed and gluttony...I am 2 weeks out and I am so thankful for my sleeve. I feel blessed to have another chance to get my mind and body back in good shape.

I decided to get the sleeve because I read that many people suffer with nutrient absorption and Vitamin deficiencies from the bypass. I'm 2 weeks out, 16 pounds down. So far so good.

are you supposed to be on soft foods? I ask because I am almost 3 weeks post op and I'm supposed to be on liquids and soups. I can have pureed food around week 5. You probably got sick from eating and drinking at the same time or maybe you need more time on liquids. If your surgeon or NUT says you can have soft food, then remember to have liquids 30-45 minutes before and after eating, that way you're getting in all your nutrients. Good luck!

My surgeon never gives his patient a drain. I was sleeved on 12/2/2015

I'm sort of in the same boat. My husband asked me a few times before surgery would I leave him once I got skinny. We have been married for almost 7 years and had been having issues way before I considered weight loss surgery. I recently told him I was unhappy and he says that he feels the surgery was my "exit strategy". I ignore him when he tells me that I realized that he is refusing to take responsibility for his actions and him mentioning my surgery is his way of deflection. I decided that we needed to separate for a little while to see if the marriage is worth saving. I do love my husband and I don't know what the future will bring, but I refuse to live the rest of my life being unhappy. I hope everything works out with you and your SO.

I'm 2 weeks post op and out of my 4 incisions all of them have closed except the biggest one...the biggest one actually looks like a freaking wound. I had my 2 week follow up on yesterday and had my surgeon look at it. He said he thought it was healing well and for me to keep it clean and place neosporin on it. I just wish the biggest incision would heal so that I can take a hot bath or get in an indoor pool lol.

try some refried Beans made with reduced sodium chicken broth. I am 2 weeks out and starving lol. So I made some refried beans with reduced sodium broth and although I couldn't have but a few spoons of it, it satisfied my hunger and went down well. It also has Fiber and Protein in it but you can add some unflavored Protein powder to it so that you can increase your daily protein intake.

I'm 2 weeks post op as well. You can add cheese and milk but try to make the egg soft as possible. Whether you scramble it or not, take small bites and chew constantly. I also had a "soft egg" a few days ago with cheese and when I took bite without chewing it constantly, it felt like it was stuck in my chest. So now, I take a small bite and chew it as much as possible before swallowing it. I hope this helps.

it stops in time. I'm 2 weeks post op and during my first week my stomach would make the loudest gurgling sounds after I would have any liquids or broth. now that I'm in my second week I no longer hear those loud stomach sounds.If you have prevacid continue to take them. I was given an acid reducer for surgery too but haven't taken it since the stomach sounds stopped. hang in there.

same here...it's something we have to adjust to. Just to eat a boiled egg that darn near in mashed potato form I have to take the tiniest bite I have ever taken....a baby can probably eat more than me right now lol...I'm only 2 weeks post op. I think in time we'll be able to take a bigger bite but it won't be much bigger.

it's best that you ask your surgeon. My surgeon has me on milk and clear liquids, broth, sugar free juice for 2 weeks. On Week 3 I can have low fat cream soup, cream of wheat, grits or tomato soup. I am still in my first week and would love to have something pureed but I don't want to take a risk since the stomach is still healing.

same here...I was sleeved on 12/2. My stomach makes a gurgling sound everytime I consume something. I am supposed to consume 32 ounces of skim or 1% milk and 32 ounces of Clear liquids daily. It is a constant struggle but Im sure in time it will get better. I also have diarrhea which is something the nurse told me I would have for a few days. The pain meds don't help with incision pain so I don't even take them. If I need to take any pain meds I just use Tylenol. This surgery is a new outlook for us but it is not the easy way out.