j_war06

I will start out by saying that never have and never will be pro choice. I am very pro life, and I dont understand why on earth ANYONE could kill their child under any circumstances. HOWEVER!! DONT WRITE ME OFF YET! I do support my friends in whatever they do (unless its like drugs or something much more detremental). I so happen to have had a roomie one time that I met through her going through an abortion...I do not believe it is morally right, however it wasnt my decision for her to have it, it was HERS and she did what SHE felt was right and what her heart led her to do. I understand WHY she did what she did, however, in some ways I dont. Now let me tell you my story...Im 20 years old, Im 13 weeks pregnant, the father is a pathological schizophrenic symptom exhibiting alcoholic drug-addicted Jr. High Drop OUT LOSER! He all but forced me to get pregnant through his mental control over me. Im all alone now, he's gone, he found a girl that will let him do his drugs and drink his alcohol and wont make him keep a steady job and believes his lies, so he chose her instead of me and the baby. Needless to say, he's really screwed up in the head. But I am SOOOO happy and excited about having this baby! I cant wait to find out what it will be! Ive been excited from the beginning, and abortion NEVER crossed my mind as an option what-so-ever...that is until I called my ex-roomie, and she proceeds to tell me exactly how to "get rid of it" and how much it costs....she automatically assumed that just because I supported her decision and was there for her through her "thing" that I would choose the same option. Honestly, that was one of the hardest things Ive ever put up with in a sense, because she actually had a sonogram pic of the baby inside her, and she showed it to me after she had had the abortion, I almost cried, but I just remained silent for a few mins, I just couldnt get my mind of off the fact that she KILLED her child because it wasnt convenient for her to have one right now....Well then she shouldnt have had unprotected sex...same with me...I could have prevented getting pregnant had I really made the effort, its not entirely HIS fault, he just is a lot of it. Let me also add in that I have been raped, and it was only about 5 months ago...Even as I went to get the pregnancy test/STD test at the clinic...I never thought of abortion. Its not that precious little life's fault that it was created when it wasnt the best of times for us. I would live my life in total regret if I had aborted my current pregnancy, every year I would have wondered what the child would have looked like...would it have my blond hair, its father's green/blue eyes, my fair skin? I just couldnt live like that, knowing I threw away another life just so I could live or more commonly live more comfortably. Me I Mind you, that although this is not an option in my book ever, I do understand why some women do choose this option, and Im not a biggot over-conservative about it. Im not going to yell and scream and pout when someone gets an abortion...but it does make me sad when I find out someone that I know has....HOWEVER its THEIR decision, NOT mine...and like I tell all my friends "YOU do what YOU gotta do, to have whats best for YOU". I just saw this thread and thought I would add to it:p

Im YOUNG and banded, and pregnant! I have posted my own thread before I found this one....but Im glad its here so I can talk to other pregnant bandsters

Okay Guys! Im officially 13 weeks PREGO! SO FAR...I havent gained any weight, but I know its coming...however Im slightly at peace with it for ONCE in my entire life! It still sucks to know Im going to have to go buy bigger clothes (I threw out my old big clothes when I couldnt fit in them anymore). I actually have a better mindset than Ive ever had in my life, however Im FULL of worry, which Im sure is normal (especially for someone in my position). Im going to get the band unfilled next week...I havent had any need to do so before, but Ive found that I really havent been hungry and its hard to force myself to eat ANYTHING! Ive been eating pretty healthy though, which Im sure contributes to my feeling better. Lots of FRESH veggies and fruits, but I allow myself icecream once a week or week and a half, but no more than that, no large servings of the bad stuff either. Its SOOOOO cliche but I eat a TON of pickles!!! However I have only had to bouts of morning sickness the WHOLE TIME!!YAY! I do have overwhelming fatigue, but as Im entering my 2nd trimester, and picking up another job I find myself more energetic. The doctor has me on a VERY small dose of Prozac, and I plan on saving the money to see my therapist by Thanksgiving. I just cant bring myself to see another therapist, Im so attached to this one. Im still trying to get my medicaid and WIC papers done. Im just been so lazy until this week. But now I seem to want to achieve more than I have wanted to in a long time, maybe the baby is driving me to do well. I want to move out of my parents house EVENTUALLY, but a new car and paying off debt is first on the list before moving, especially since I plan to move again 6 months or a year after the baby is born. Im not going to far from home this time though. When I do go back to the band stuff after the baby is born (OH AND TRUST ME I WILL LOL) I plan to see a new Dr. other than Spiegel. Now for my doubts: Im so scared that I cant provide a GREAT life for my baby, that it will be full of struggle. Im scared that the baby's daddy will randomly show up one day and do something STUPID, and SOMETIMES I even get down on myself about getting pregnant by accident (but I know God planned it). I just remember how I was before college, and how crazy and wild I went, and I get down on myself for doing that, because thats not me AT ALL!!! I was always the responsible one, and Ive proven the exact opposite over the year! This also has its roots in my bipolarism Im sure...Which I still fight, but NOW I know how to fight it! Im also worried that my child will inherit its daddy's psychological issues (pathological lying and symptoms of schizophrenia) But Im guessing that those were drug induced on him. I just feel so bad sometimes, like WHY ME? Then I look at a picture of the baby (sonogram) and I just smile and Im like "how can I feel bad about this"! lol MY HORMONES ARE SOOOOOOO OUT OF WHACK! lol! Im SOOOO HAPPY AND EXCITED yet so Scared and Pissed off at myself all at the same time.... Okay anyways I may elaborate later, I wish there was a forum for pregnant bandsters or people who have had children with the band, so that I could post questions and stuff there. P.S. After the baby comes out I SWEAR Im going to tell everyone NEW that I meet that I was like a size 4 before I got pregnant!!! LOL!!!!

yeah Im super excited...the fatigue does seem to get better, but some days its just horrible!!!! Im due on Cinco de Mayo and I think thats so cute lol!

Im doing good actually...but for some reason I feel like Im addicted to sleep...I dont feel sad or mad anymore about the situation, I actually I want to get things done that need to get done, but I just cant stay awake to do them. Its like ive suddenly gotten narcolepsy (sp?)....Its soooo weird. I know I dont have that lol ofcourse, but idk what is going on...I told my Dr. and she put me on a small dosage of prozac for the night time, which does help a little, and helped a lot in the beginning, but now it seems like it doesnt work as well anymore (as far as the fatigue, otherwise it does help).

Ive decided, now that Ive gotten out all my anger and frustration, that Im going to show him unconditional love. No that doesnt mean I will ever be with him again. But he doesnt know what love is, and Im going to show him that. I want him to know. Because I want it to break his heart everytime her thinks about what he just gave up.

Im a single parent I caught my boyfriend cheating on me this weekend. Hes been sleeping and dating another girl for 3 weeks! I cant believe all of this is happening to me! WHY!? Why me?? Im not mentally stable enough for this!!!!!!! I just want to lock myself in my room for a month! I dont like to feel hate, but I HATE him so much for lying to me about LOVE! You guys know that I dont date seriously, I date around and see guys not get hooked on just one. And he screwed me over. Second time in my life, two times in a row! There wont be another...

I honestly have not been manic since I came home. Ive been off meds for a few weeks now, I feel the urge every once in a while, but somehow by the grace of GOD himself I just suppress it. Not in a bad way. It doesnt build up or anything....just I think God is helping me deal with it as much as possible until I can take meds again. I mean every now and then I just have this impulse (usually for shopping) when its just gotta go gotta go.........but somehow I start thinking and Im like, you know I really should spend my money on better things right now until I get a job. I dont think the employers are picking up on manic behavoir, I think they are picking up on pregnancy............I just found out last night that my best friends mom is TELLING EVERYONE!!!! And it really pisses me off. its not my friends fault at all, but I wish she would call and talk to her mother and tell her to be quiet for a while, and after Im hired and steady I could care less if she put up a billboard and put it on cable! lol! Just let me get a job! I have somethign a little promising coming through this week hopefully, Im going back to talk to them on monday..........AND my first baby dr appt is Tuesday!!! YAY! Although she doesnt take medicaid, so Im going to see her until I find out if I qualify for medicaid, then see about switching to another dr who does take it. Hes really good too. I just like the thought of a woman dr. and none of them take it around here ;(

thank all of you for your recent encouraging posts. Maybe I will try parenting classes somewhere between getting a full-time job, going to school more than full-time, and making doctors' appts. I know the father wants a family, he wants all of this, its just Im iffy if he wants it SO bad that he will nearly kill himself to get it. Right now yes, he is. But will he in a month? Eh, I used to work retail, here in my town actually. The only problem is yeah it pays more than Im making now, but its just not enough. Not to mention that those jobs are far and few between around here, there are only 3 clothing stores here other than Wal*Mart. Wal*Mart will fire you if you call in within the first 60 or 90 days, which i just cant handle because I have to take the first dr appt I can get with my Dr. because she only takes a select amount of patients and she squeezed me in somehow, so therefore I have to take what I can get. I just dont understand why ppl wont hire me? I have 3 times the personality and 10 times the skills that the people that already work there or other applicants that Ive seen! Its just frustrating, knowing that I have allllllllllllllllllllllllll this talent on a computer, and I never get to use it to make money! I saw who a company hired the other day over me, she could barely find the keys on a keyboard, but they picked her because she was a nursing major and Im a Paralegal Major. I wish I had that luck with lawyers. Lawyers here dont want to hire me because they are all fully staffed with people they have had working for YEARS AND YEARS! And I cant get on anywhere else BECAUSE my major is Paralegal Studies! UGH! So frustrating!

Im about 6 weeks pregnant. I havent had any morning sickness. I had a little nausea caused by a smell that was in the air (you may be able to classify that as morning sickness) but as far as just waking up sick or just doing nothing and being sick, no. Instead, however, I have had a cold for about a week! The only problem is mom doesnt understand the fatigue that Im having. I just cant stay awake for long at all. Im going to bed at like 9 pm every night and I dont wake up until like 10 am the next day. Then Im sleepy all day and take several naps. Im just sleepy for some reason. Also, for some reason I can not find a job ANYWHERE! They dont know Im pregnant. We are keeping that secret until I have a job. So I dont understand why I cant find one! Im doing all that I can to look for a job during business hours and do massive amounts of school work in the evening. And sometimes that just doesnt feel like its enough. I am happy that Im pregnant, but sometimes I just wish I could go back in time and redo this entire past year, August to August. I just feel like a complete failure. Not because Im pregnant at all. Surprisingly that has nothing to do with the feelings, but because I screwed up so badly!

I can not take my medications while Im pregnant. BOO I know, my boyfriend just loves that fact. However I manage well. Mom is starting to understand more. My mom is not a bad mother, just has crazy moments atleast once a day. My mom is fully capable of keeping my child....She raised me, and realizes her mistakes. She sees this as a way to start over. to get another chance. She doesnt want to take over. Shes 45, she doesnt want another kid. I dont think they offer parenting classes here. That just doesnt sound like something this town needs. We have close families and instincts. trust me if my God Son's mother can do this, I most definately can do it, and do it better! And yes, the way that green worded her post was just barbaric. "just get rid of it"! he/she is not an it! he/she is a little person! and Im not going to just get rid of him/her. It sounds like she wanted me to just flush it down the toilet or something. absolutely uncivilized.

I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY CHILD! I cant do it! Why should I just give it up when I am the one that caused him/her to come into this world. Its not a mistake, its a godsent miracle. I was supposed to be infertile. What if I gave up my child and thats the last child I could have?? Thats not going to happen. I go to school online, and after thats done I can afford daycare or babysitters. I already have things lined up to be able to do homework until I get my certification. My friend, or mom, or aunt, or grandma, or other grandma/grandpa, is going to keep the baby (in rotation) while I cannot be home with him/her. Since I am a substitute teacher I get discounted daycare too! Also with the baby I will get a Pell Grant to pay for the rest of my college. so all I have to do is just do it. If I run out when things get tough, what does that say for my ability to be a hard hitting lawyer someday. I can not BELIEVE that you would want me to give up my child! I know it sounds selfish, but I created life and I want to watch it grow up. Im 20 years old, there is no reason I cant raise a child. My grandmother did it when she was 15! Would any of you give up your children?? really? Think about that long and hard. I already love this child. My mom and I are planning preparations for him/her already. We arent necessarily planning on the father being that involved. We are not sure if he will ever save the money to come up here to help raise this child. He does not have any family. He was raised in an orphanage his entire life, until he joined the Navy. I dont want to subject my child to feelings of his/her true parents never wanted them and that they are 2nd rate because they were given up for adoption. There are plenty of kids in the system WHO REALLY NEED a good loving home. My child already has that planned for him/her. Why not adopt one already in the system?? My child already has a home full of people who will love him/her, go pick a child whose mother was a crackhead and abandoned him/her at the steps of a hospital or fire department. Please save the children who need it.

Oh I plan on keeping the baby, I just found out Friday night. I havent told my parents yet. My boyfriend and I planned on getting married next year anyway, however this kind of throws a kink in all the plans. I intend on finishing school and everything, its just that Im scared to death!! Im 20 years old! However Im a little excited with the fear

ummm.....Im Pregnant!

Dr. Spiegel should be more personable. Im sorry but someone getting in my face about my weight and not even praising me for the weight I had lost over the time span I hadnt seen him, basically telling me not good enough, is not going to motivate me to lose weight. In fact if ANYONE gets in my face and tells me to do something, I do the direct opposite just to piss them off. Its the immature kid in me, but I dont appreciate someone ordering me to do something. I like options. HE DOESNT LISTEN EITHER! He asked me a million times how much fish I could eat, and I told him I dont know I havent eaten fish and this goes on and on and on.....I dont eat Chicken either, it doesnt go down well, and he just cant understand that! I need another fill, but I frankly dont want to see him again. I do not like him, I dont really have too many issues with the staff, but he as a person has a horrible attitude towards his patients. Its like we are cattle and he is the farmer. He found FAT and found a way to make money with it. Thats all he cares about, once he has the cash (oh and CASH ONLY), everything goes out the window. Ive known Surgeons with EXCELLENT People Skills, thats no excuse. As far as Im concerned he needs a little plastic surgery himself, he's looking old, and I hope his surgeon treats him the same way he treated me!

Dr. Spiegel has become a RUDE POMPOUS BUTTHOLE! Before all the fame and hype of his surgeries he wasnt like he is now, but my last visit to him may be just that, my last. I brought my skinny friend with me and he basically compared her to me and drilled me about losing more weight and that I was doing something wrong and basically, not in so many words told me that I was ugly fat. his exact words being "you would be a beautiful girl if you lost 50-60 more pounds". I was SOOOOo upset when I left his office that I went on a shopping binge lol! However Im not impressed with his current attitude. If I give you 15,000 dollars, plus 100 dollars per fill, you better treat me with respect and dignity. not like an incompetant piece of crap.

check out my new update everyone! Okay, so this is an update on me in a nutshell… I had taken a short break from college, but now I am going back. I had moved back to Corpus for about 3 months with a sorority sister, but she ended up being a, well, a bitch and because my name wasn’t on the lease, and I stuck to my responsibilities instead of partying all the time, she kicked me out the day after I paid rent on grounds that were completely false, however I don’t have a leg to stand on in them. I have a boyfriend that Ive been dating for about 2 months that I have had hell with, however he and I are both working on our lives right now. I am back in my hometown trying to get a full-time job and goto school as well as get back in the Theatre. He is in rehab for alcoholism. I asked him to go. He is a great guy, but I cant be with someone that I cant trust with money. Atleast if he bought crap we would have something to show for it. I love him so much, and he is freakishly in love with me, but unless he straightens up his act, I can not be with him. Im diagnosed as pre-bipolar or bipolarish and Im taking trazadone and abilify to help manage that. Im not happy about being home, but its better than being homeless in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Corpus Christi</st1:place></st1:City>. I actually have a positive outlook right now, which is rare as many of you may know. Im in debt up to my ears, but with the right job I can fix that in a few months. I need a new car and new cellphone, but since I lived a homeless life in Corpus (thanks to my wonderful roomie), and lived very poor because my boyfriend was a bartender/busboy and I was a hostess at a restaurant, we couldn’t afford much after helping our friend that we were staying with out with rent. Ive never lived that way before, it really opened my eyes. Ive almost completely quit drinking myself btw. I finally saw how much money I was wasting just tipping the bartender for free drinks! I still enjoy a couple of drinks every now and then, but as for the every night party I would rather not. As for events coming up……..Im going to school to get my paralegal certificate and Im going to Substitute teach at the schools here until I get a fulltime job. Well that’s my update……….Im open to questions, I know it is kind of brief for my writing lol! I already posted this as a seperate thread but if you are still subscribed to this one, I wanted you to read it

Okay, so this is an update on me in a nutshell… I had taken a short break from college, but now I am going back. I had moved back to Corpus for about 3 months with a sorority sister, but she ended up being a, well, a bitch and because my name wasn’t on the lease, and I stuck to my responsibilities instead of partying all the time, she kicked me out the day after I paid rent on grounds that were completely false, however I don’t have a leg to stand on in them. I have a boyfriend that Ive been dating for about 2 months that I have had hell with, however he and I are both working on our lives right now. I am back in my hometown trying to get a full-time job and goto school as well as get back in the Theatre. He is in rehab for alcoholism. I asked him to go. He is a great guy, but I cant be with someone that I cant trust with money. Atleast if he bought crap we would have something to show for it. I love him so much, and he is freakishly in love with me, but unless he straightens up his act, I can not be with him. Im diagnosed as pre-bipolar or bipolarish and Im taking trazadone and abilify to help manage that. Im not happy about being home, but its better than being homeless in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Corpus Christi</st1:place></st1:City>. I actually have a positive outlook right now, which is rare as many of you may know. Im in debt up to my ears, but with the right job I can fix that in a few months. I need a new car and new cellphone, but since I lived a homeless life in Corpus (thanks to my wonderful roomie), and lived very poor because my boyfriend was a bartender/busboy and I was a hostess at a restaurant, we couldn’t afford much after helping our friend that we were staying with out with rent. Ive never lived that way before, it really opened my eyes. Ive almost completely quit drinking myself btw. I finally saw how much money I was wasting just tipping the bartender for free drinks! I still enjoy a couple of drinks every now and then, but as for the every night party I would rather not. As for events coming up……..Im going to school to get my paralegal certificate and Im going to Substitute teach at the schools here until I get a fulltime job. Well that’s my update……….Im open to questions, I know it is kind of brief for my writing lol!

I havent posted in a while...Im relapsing from all my therapy I had 2 years ago...I just dont get why I feel this way in my hometown...I actually have friends here now...Im not going out every night nemore and I feel good about that....I just dont get it....BTW Im living with my mom and dad again, and they absolutely do not support me being bipolar and my mother checks my medicine to see if Ive taken it, and if I have then all hell breaks lose at my house...so therefore its pointless because she is going to depress me anyway....how can someone I love soooooooooooooo much be so harsh on me! I dont mind being bipolar, I just cant live with mother minding...Ive completely relapsed today, I knew it was coming, but I wasnt sure when, and today was it..........I fought it SOOOOO hard, I really really really did, but I couldnt help it, and have gone back to my old ways (which I prefer not to discuss unless asked directly)..........They wont allow me to go back to CC....I have 2 jobs waiting on me there, yet they wont allow it....... We dont have support groups here that I know of, and Ive lived here my entire life except one year....I do not think Im an alcoholic, I can live without drinking, NOW.....a month or so before I would have said differently, however Ive got that issue under control......I cant find a job here for some reason........It seems like I get the breaks in life in all the wrong places....... Melissa I understand that you are 18, but I will tell you from my experience there's a big difference between 18 and 20...I KNOW its only 2 years.......however life experiences and such really are a factor......BTW I love being a socialite, it gets you connections and such, plus its fun! But I just think I made a mistake moving home, I guess you're never truly cured of mental illness.....I dont mind the advice, and I know I make a lot of excuses, however they are all true....Im just responding to what has previously been said......Im not necessarily trying to argue, just converse......but afterall I am on a Pre-Law path, and its SUPER hard for me to back down on my side, especially after all the debates and such Ive gone through my past 2 years in college.

Why does this always turn into a Jodie's Crazy thread everytime??? And I myself am low-income, however my parents, whom still claim me, do not qualify for such assistance. I am under them, and their income level is too high for assistance. TRUST me thats why Im not working on my bachelor's right now. And yes, I was called a liar on here...................Why am I screaming for help? Well, I mean now things are getting worse inside my head, but before I was fine, I was positively splendid, and I was still accused of being crazy??? I was just trying to have some fun, MY entire school career, I stayed home alllll the time, I didnt party, go clubbing, drink much, nothing....I went to a new years party and prom party my senior year, thats the extent of my partying at an earlier age......I guess I got to college and let myself go....I never had rules at home, Ihad a curfew and thats it.......now I dont even have that, and Im having fun, or was at college......I had too much fun. I was just letting myself have a good time, so thats bad? Im just ur average 19/20 year old girl thats finally let herself have fun...who cares if someone thinks Im fat? Who cares if they think Im ugly? Who cares? SO WHAT! as Tyra would say....I go and have fun. Is there something wrong with that? I dont know what I am, but Im NOT bi-polar! OKAY! Everyone gets depressed every now and then, so If I get depressed once every two or three months, and thats considered bipolar because Im usually happy or mad, then I know quite a few serious cases of bipolar disorder....I mean I know girls that cry and get down if their boyfriend looks at em funny or something stupid like that. Im not bipolar, its just that. I have the right to be sad sometimes, its just another emotion, why should it be ignored all the time....Sometimes it feels good to cry. *I didnt attack anyone, I can respect anyone else's opinion as much as I possibly can...Because I give mine, and I want it to be respected too. HOWEVER I dont like my moral to be attacked, nor my intelligence, nor my body...take a stab at anything else....just not that.*

Oh and gas to get to the fill is about $50 dollars, somewhere in that range, so yeah thats already half my money for the entire month!

rape means that if I say no, then thats no! He took me out to a bad neighborhood, threw me against the side of a trailer house, held my wrists down and anally raped me! Is that what you wanted to hear?? There's nothing I can do, I cant tell anyone here in my hometown....how does it look smalltown royalty is raped in Taco Flats?? HUH? How would you like gang members threatening not you, but your loved ones....I have a godson! I screamed no to him, and begged him to stop! He dropped me back off down a street and made me walk to my friends house where my car was, he had thrown my keys on the ground before we left Taco Flats and I didnt notice because I was too effin upset! He refused to go get them, ofcourse....I was stuck at my friends house, his neighbor, with no keys! thank GOD he took me back riding through Taco Flats to find the house we were at and I looked in the yard till I found them! Did you want details, oh there is SOOOOOOOOO much more, I was trying to censor it as much as possible! Im very non-chalant, period....however, it still doesnt seem real, someone that I knew that well, trusted, and was that much smaller than me could do that? I stopped drinking after that night......I RARELY spend money on booze thank you very much! Its generally free.....what are empty calories? I lost 30lbs on basically a Vodka diet....I dont eat a lot of food, well I didnt in college but now that Im back home with my mother, things are different....Im trying though....Ive had absolutely no appetite since Friday night. I really HATE HATE HATE being called a freakin liar! I have ABSOLUTELY no reason to lie, and If I wanted to freakin attention I would go out in the open with this.....I wanted to post it on here to get it out of me because I cant tell anyone else....I feel like its my fault, like I let it happen, I feel like I led him on and that I deserved it! Thats how I feel! Im out of tears, I rarely cry, maybe once ever couple of months, and its never much at a time......Im very insensitive to things. Im not bipolar, I do not have extreme highs and lows I have highs and extreme highs....Im either happy or pissed off, there is no other option! Sadness is a sign of weakness, and people cant see you as weak, or else they take advantage of you...well hell, they do it anyway. 3 things that really set me off: 1. Taking a stab at my weight 2. Calling me stupid 3. Calling me a liar when I just tried to open up to you So thank you for contributing to my horrible week. However Im just glad someone read it, and at least someone knows that it did happen. I will not endanger the lives or the health of my loved ones by reporting it, however I do need to see a therapist...its $275.00 a visit......my fill is $100-$150.....I get $400 a month to spend on food, gas, laundry, bills, and so forth.....doesnt go very far......Im trying to get a job with all my might, but Ive always heard that looking for a job is the hardest job there is.

anybody? respond??

okay, so many of you may be wondering where on earth Ive been, and what Ive been doing? Well it has been a bumpy road to tell you the truth...I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which I am still trying to find a cheap therapist to really evaluate me again because I really really dont think that I am. I moved back to my hometown due to excessive partying, overspending, and lack of school work. I have to pay for my own college now, which is not a result of losing the money this year, we really could not afford another year at a 4-year university. I am going to finish out my Associates at the community college I attended in High School, I only have a year left, then I can take that degree and hopefully get a job that can help me pay for my Bachelors. I havent given up on my education whatsoever. I moved back to my hometown also to get my life straight, and to chill out with the party scene. I only go out on the weekends, which I only include Friday and Saturday night. Im doing really well with my drinking as far as not doing it as often as I used to, Im very happy for that, I was on the road to alcoholism. Now for the bad...Im very depressed since I moved back, I am trying to get a good job here in hopes of getting back to Corpus Christi ASAP! No real good bites so far but Im trying. Recently I was diagnosed with having multiple, large Ovarian Cysts which I will have checked again in June as well as a cancer test, just to be sure. Im a little scared because I am displaying MANY symptoms of the known cancer symptoms, however that doesnt necessarily mean I have it. I am infertile, but its only temporary, for about 2-3 years, which Im too young to have children right now anyway. Recently, I had the worst weekend in a LONG time, and I just cant help to think it wouldnt have happened had I been in CC. It started Friday night....... Friday night I called and had my friend (Mando) buy me and my friend some beer...Ive known him for about 7 years! And when he got back he charged me an extra 6 dollars for getting it for me, which is ridiculous because he was already at the beer store buying for other ppl, BUT not to be the Bitch, I just paid it. My friend and I went to use the restroom, came back and EVERY SINGLE BEER was GONE, disappeared from the fridge! My best friend's BF and his friend let me have their beer so I was cool, but I figured out Mando took our beer, which is ridiculous! So we are all boozing, having fun, and all that left at that party are the two guys that live there, their friend, my friend and her man, and Mando and I. Im a little tipsy, and when Im that way I dont get mad at anything or anyone, I love the world, so Mando and I are talking or whatever and he's like lets go to my house and grab another CD, I trust him because Ive known him FOREVER, never would have touched me when I was bigger...he made a pass at me and I shot him down. Then next thing I know he gets me in the car and drives off too fast for me to jump out...he took me to someones house and raped me...I fought back best I could without causing too big a scene....last thing I need is the Mafia after me for ratting him out....I cant really do anything about it....ofcourse you all are going to say I shouldve reported it, but gangs here are scary, hes not in one, BUT they would back him because he is mexican and Im white...I have to live here another year, I dont need my life to be miserable, or worse, ended. Then Saturday night, no body knows what happened Friday, nor will they ever, mind you Im still upset about the previous night, the only reason I went out is because I knew he wouldnt be there, someone starts running their head asking me what did mando and I do the previous night....I got pissed off and just said, "absolutely nothing." Then some other guys made some lude comments about women, which pissed me off....I went to another party with other friends and get a phone call that all my old neighbors (whom I lent a lot of money and other items too, they used me til I had nothing left), stole some decorations and stuff off my door in CC....I got pissed off, got into with all of them, BUT it felt so good to let it all out. My Saturday night was mostly ruined.....THEN Sunday I got a phone call from a lawyer in Corpus and they wanted to hire me onto their firm starting at secretary, then moving up to Paralegal! Had they called 2 weeks ago, I would still be in CC and none of this would have happened. Also, I called Dr. Spiegel's office this morning, and Ive got to tell you, they have the worse customer service EVER! I havent been in town, and I need a fill BADLY! Im gaining weight. Im going to be in the area on Thursday, but they couldnt do it, so I was like well, I can wait as long as the 20th of May......they couldnt get me in til June 11! Thats too late, thats a 2 hour drive for me and gas is almost $3 a gallon! I cant afford a trip JUST to get a fill, I had other things to do in the area before the 20th, now I have to make 2 freakin trips! They used to would be be able to get me in within a week or week and a half! Im so pissed and upset about the situation! So there's my life for the past little while, if youve read my previous posts youre probably wondering what about the boys? WELL........I got rid of the bartender, the breakup issue was actually my fault, lol, however it was funny! The stripper and I still talk every now and then, but its strictly that, I had started seeing the bartender's friend (which probably wasnt the best of ideas lol) but had to end it when I left, however he still calls me and checks on me whenever he has time.....AND through the magic of MySpace, a waiter that had flirted with me at a restuarant a little, but I didnt pick up on it, found me and without being creepy told me that he thought I was gorgeous the first time he saw me, and thats why he picked up the table! It wasnt even in his section! AWWWWW! lol He's actually a good guy! I wish I was back in CC, he knows Im not there and he wants me to come back so badly! I want to too. Hes super cute, in the Navy, and so far a gentleman, however they all are at first lol! So there it is..........sorri so long

They rediagnosed me a few weeks ago, they said I was bi-polar, but I just dont feel like I am! They have me on medicine that basically sedates me to the point that I cant even get out of bed or function! Im like a vegetable!