j_war06

Corpus is not Hell on earth...Its BEAUTIFUL! I would give anything to be able to go back and live there again, maybe I will one day. I never said that I was raped in Corpus Christi, because I wasnt. But it is drug-infested just like any town/city in America. And the gangs are there, I worked for them in the club that I waitressed/bartended at. I love CC more than anywhere Ive ever been. Im not going by assertion made by the defense about the drug deal. Its real and you would know that had you EVER lived through the tragedy here in this town. You would have known that the incident did NOT occur within the city limits, you would know that it wasnt yayo, the cemetary was ONCE segregated (but was not at the time of the murder and isnt now). I didnt say I was friends with Berry, I said I had met him. I would never refer to Byrd as a n***** because I didnt know him, and I told all of you that in my context I only use it to refer to people as my friends. I can not answer your question about if Berry (who was never a friend of MINE) and his cronies would have done the same to a white man, because they didnt, and I cant answer for them. But in the case of drug dealings, it probably would occur. The drug world doesnt see race, just customers and hustlers. I know that Ive lost two of my classmates this year due to ridiculous measures at the hands of members of their own race. I never said that word aren't hurtful, I said one shouldnt let them hurt them because its all a matter of another person's opinion. Like I said, you can believe what you want SSDiva, I personally dont care if you believe me, what matters is I know what has happened in my life, and I have to live with it, you dont. I dont want your sympathy. As far as Im concerned your just like everyone else. Your type of person is why I didnt, and will not, report my rape.

WOW! Im so sorry hear all this. I can't imagine dealing with all that right now, or ever.

I do agree. This makes a world of sense.

Oh, I dont know if I had it or the severity if I did before I was banded. I had never seen a gyno before I went to college. I found out I had PCOS and 5 months later I was pregnant. I had a pretty severe case according to the Dr, and its like it just disappeared. I dont know a lot about it because I hadnt been diagnosed very long before it went away. Its the strangest thing, I guess God works in TRULY mysterious ways because the Dr told me it would take at least a year to become fertile. Im not sure exactly what happened. Even though Im pregnant by accident per se, Im still excited because I had gone through a depressed stage knowing that I was infertile (I had never even wanted kids until I found out I couldnt have any). So I am excited despite the struggle that is going to take place with my age and now other complications that are arising.

Racism is alive, you cant really do anything about it, why not just either sue them (when its committed against you) or just go on and ignore their incompetence. No one in the ENTIRE world is EVER not going to be racist. Im a realist, I dont believe in changing the impossible. I know that there will always be that person that hates anyone's race but his own, that one person that thinks fat is disgusting and will tell an entire grocery store about it, that one person who hates gay people although they've never met a gay person (that they know of) in their entire life....these problems will never be completely dissolved, so why envision or dream it? Why waste the mentality on it? Think of how to solve a problem that is within reach so you can actually contribute to the world-at-large, rather than building air castles get out the brick and mortyr (sp?). BTW, why is Jasper that bad that you have to say "Thank God?" Its a nice diverse community that has its issues just like any other small town (btw most never involve racism). Its not any fun here for a young generation, but for someone who has a career, family, and friends its just peachy. And if you dont believe that drug deals go bad, and thats the result, you've apparently NEVER been around someone on serious drugs. People on serious/mind-altering drugs really mess with your head, and the James Byrd crime is mild compared to other crimes involving drugs that Ive studied and seen. This is why I cant go anywhere without being looked at like Im a white-trashed idiot, How can you believe the media over someone who ACTUALLY lived it?

I have experienced racism...I dont know how anyone can believe that white people dont experience the racism that any other race does! I was hired at a club in CC because I was blond, white, marketable body, and outgoing. I was also paid LESS than the hispanics that worked there, was the ONLY one who had to tip-out, and was the ONLY person who worked there that didnt get paid in cash (so I had to pay taxes). I wanted to be paid in cash too, but they refused. I was also the ONLY one made to clean up the seating areas after the club closed, I was always the only waitress/bartender left there at 3:30am, and was always the first one they scheduled to come in, so I worked more hours. THATS RACISM, I quit because I wasnt making good enough money, I would have stayed if the tips would have been a little better, but I had to pay bills. There have been a TON of times that Ive been passed over for a job just because the company needed "diversity". So instead they hire someone less qualified than me just to put some "color" in the work place. So I end up homeless because the company needed "diversity" or they know that they can hire someone illegal to do the job for less money (yes its the truth, Im sorry). Also when I was in high school, I reported the sexual harassment, but the principal that handled it brushed it off because, well she was black too and gave him the minimum and acted like she didnt understand the complaint. Racism does not just go one way ladies and gents, it can go many different ways. And Ive always been taught that "respect is earned not given" as well.

I appreciate any input whatsoever. Especially since you are a young mother as well, because thats another factor in my pregnancy. The reason I intend to move is because I cant make good money or finish school completely here at my parents' house. Where I go depends on the job offers I can get after I finish up my AAA and what schools are in the area of that job offer. If I can get a good job closer to home I will take it, but Im also looking at Houston and possibly Dallas (my friend lives there and is willing to room with my child and I, which would be great because he should be done with school by the time I decide to move and can help me with the baby a little). Im just trying to do whats best for the baby, I dont want to go out of Texas or Lousiana, I know that for sure. I just want to get as much done while the baby is still young so that as it gets older I can provide for it (good schools, nice clothes, etc etc) If I stay around here I cant do that, I refuse to send my child to the schools here. And school is very important to me when it comes to my child (just as it is with every parent)

Dont be surprised by a positive test with PCOS. I dont know your severity or your BMI, but Let me tell ya...I HAD PCOS when I found out I was pregnant...Upon inspection of my ovaries (once I found out) EVERY single cyst had disappeared. I had NEVER properly ovulated before. Maybe it was a miracle, but I wont trust another Dr telling me that Im infertile after this one comes out, well that is if I CAN have any more after this one (Im having minor complications). TRUST me I almost fainted when the test came up positive! lol!

Im not going to respect stupidity. The English language isnt hard for those who were born in America and to English speaking families. Not to mention the fact that every school is going to ATTEMPT to teach you proper English and Grammar. Its their stupidity for dropping out in the 8th grade after failing twice. My sister was one of these people. I really have little respect for people who had the opportunity to learn, but did not. Do they really expect to work at McDonald's their entire life? How will they ever buy a dependable house or a car? My sister is lucky that she has the gift of gab and can get away with being an idiot. I dont have much respect for her, I love her, but I dont' respect her at all. Anyone with the ABILITY and the OPPORTUNITY should atleast get through High School. NOW I understand that certain conditions make even high school unavailable to certain people, but these usually arent the people that are idiots, its usually the ones that chose to drop out because it was "too hard". What the Hell? Life is hard, I would give almost anything to go back to high school and not have to work, clean, or pay bills. I really dont have a lot of respect for people who can not hold a decent intelligent conversation. I do respect my mother for what she does for me, for giving me life, and for loving me unconditionally. But as far as intelligence goes she can snap my nerve quicker than anyone else. You can not hold an intelligent conversation without her getting defensive, crying, or thinking that you are calling her stupid... And by the way, I know that words are powerful, But I was referring to (and I said it in MOST of the posts, if not all) as far as someone else's opinion goes its no big deal what they call you.

This is true. Joyouslyme, would you ever respect a white woman with missing teeth, with brown roots showing through her bleached blond hair, a horrendous makeup job, and unmatching clothes from the late 80s early 90s that said things like "This ain't worth the cart it came here on!" "I usedacould do that when I was little" "Oh yeah I know where yer talking about it, you go over yonder and take a left and head then go thataway" These are just mild examples....I wouldnt respect them, because I doubt they took advantage of the education system entitled to people through High School.

P.S. You hang around gay clubs and guys enough, trust me words have little meaning after they are done with them lol! I remember how offended I was when I went to college over a lot of the words that they would use, now I think its hilarious we all walk around the club calling each other all kinds of crap.

My transformation wasnt sudden. Words havent bothered me in a VERY long time. Thats what happens when you work in bars and have drunk constantly yelling at you or telling you things that most people would take offensively, but you get used to it and dont take it personally. I have grown over a year's time. I matured to realize that whatever people say, is what they say. Im taking my ex to court for slander among other things, but thats just because I can. Im going to do whatever I can to get him back in Jail or Prison for as long as humanly possible. You can say all the crap you want about me, but dont lie to me and dont leave me in the most important point in my life so far. He pissed me off, because of him Im miserable and stuck in my hometown. Its on!

I have no clue what my starting weight was. It was almost 200lbs (I had gained back a lot of the weight I had previously lost). Now Im like 185ish.

I already admitted way back that I had at one time let words bother me. Now I realize how ridiculous that was.

Just because I quote you, doesnt mean that everything that I say is directed toward you. And SSDiva called me a racist. And comments that I have made over 2 years have been being pulled to use against me, however those are all old. I have changed a lot during college. Anything applicable to who I am now is from about July 2007 to now.

You believe what you want. I never said that a pedofile did ANYTHING to me. I know what is real, I know what my life is like. I have to live with my past every single day. The things that people have done to me. If you are saying this to fire me up, its not going to happen. Ive been told a hundred times that Im a liar, that I was asking for it. I know the truth, and thats what matters. I like I said I dont need you to believe me, I dont even know you in real life. So you go ahead and believe that Im a liar and a racist. I know how messed up my head is from all this happening to me. I know the nights that I tried to committ suicide because I just wanted everything to stop, to have a normal life. But one day I realized that NO ONE's life is "normal". That life deals out bad things to everyone, it just likes to deal me more than most people. When I was in school and those black guys did those things to me, I told principals, teachers whoever I could. But I wasnt acknowledged. They thought I was mad because I thought the guys were making fun of my weight. They didnt acknowledge the sexual harassment, thats what I was complaining about, say whatever you want but dont touch me. YOU come live in my town and go to my high school and see how far you get. Its not THAT bad, just needs some MAJOR staffing changes. Im not really sure what the counselors there do? I know that one time I got pulled out of class and taken to the butthole principal who I despised because of his lack of respect towards everyone but his son and his son's friends because they thought I might be suicidal....They were right, but I wasnt about to tell HIM that. I didnt trust him as far as I could throw him, he would have put me in the looney bin quicker than anything else. I lied to him and a counselor that I didnt even know existed about it. They honestly believed me! Despite the cuts on my arms, they just let me go. Never followed up. Never recommended that I speak to someone....just let me go back to what I was doing. They dont pay attention...They dont care. All they want is a pay check and a little power. Power they cant get in the real world, so they have to work in schools. Anyways, like I said either live in your froo-froo world or realize that bad things happen and that you just gotta get over them.

The word fat doesnt bother me anymore. Im being serious too. I dont really let words bother me anymore, any of them. My friends at college helped me with that. Ive been called a lot worse things than "fat" in the past year, I dont let it bother me. The only recent post you guys have pulled for evidence is from the stereotype entry. In that entry I explained that I wasnt racist, but because of my past had issues that I had tried to work out with a therapist, but still have problems with. If you want to call me a racist thats fine. I know what I am. I know who I am. I dont need people I dont know in real life telling me who or what I am. Thats why I dont let words bother me.

Ummm...BTW I think that A LOT of you need to know the definition of ignorance...because Im not ignorant to this matter at all....

Lol! A few past events are one thing...18 years of events is another. The racial slurs among my friends are jokes. We all know that we are all kidding, its called being CLOSE. You try being 9 years old and a black man telling you that he wants you to suck and sit on his *private part* and I have to go home and ask mom about. Or try being constantly touched even though you fight against it. Try walking out of a convenient store and having a car full of men yelling and screaming "hey white girl you like chocolate?" "Hey white girl you know you want some of this!" "White girl knows she wants this ****" Etc...and so on...these are a few that stand out at the moment above the rest...I went through years of torment and harassment. And 2 years of sexual harassment and threats from one guy. I had horrible nightmares and refused to go to class because of him. So if you think Im unjustified in my fear you think that. I guess you all are right. Im a N*****, Chink, Towel-Head hating b****! Yeah thats me, I like to go around dragging people behind my sports car because Im white and better than them. I like to randomly shout out insults at random people because I dont like the color of their skin. I hate all people that are not white! Oh yeah, thats me.

This is true, but also in that post I said that I wasnt rude to them or anything else, I just like my space because of past events. That post is very thorough explaining why Im afraid of them and that Ive tried working it out with my therapist. Im not going to go running and screaming at the sight of a black man, Im not going to do that at all. I just get myself out of the situation (if I feel uncomfortable) and get in my car and leave or whatever I need to do. But Im not going to shout at them or anything.

Lord! Everything just keeps going down hill anymore. Not to mention the fact I just cant seem to gain or maintain weight! lol! IVE NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM!! Im not having morning sickness, lol, my band is finally working right! My dr. gave me until Dec 3 to gain 5-10lbs, but I just cant! This is SO strange

First of all, that comment was over 2 years ago! And that is not a big deal. One of my very good friends is vietnamese(sp?) and I have several other asian friends... The point is, if I didnt like these people, WHY would I be friends with them? If I was just so racist I couldnt bear to look at them, why would I want to go out with them all the time? I dont understand why Im being called a racist, when Ive NEVER denied anyone anything based on their race. Ive never overlooked someone because of their race. Or underestimated them for it. Or anything else.

Im not by any means racist at all. I dont know where you got that from, but Im not. If I was racist I wouldnt have as many black friends as I do. Ive always dated guys that were not white except 2 (they were mexican). I have absolutely nothing against any race, just some of the idiots that are a part of it (including white people). The word is socially acceptable where I am from among the younger generation, which means that they have moved on in life. I dont use the word to make anyone a second class citizen, if anyone knows what thats like its me as well. Im not going to disrespect someone just because of their race, unless they do it to me first anyway. I dont believe that anyone should be turned away regardless of race. However if you believe that black people are the only ones that experience racism your wrong, or even if you think white people dont experience it your wrong. What happened, happened. The past is the past. Live in the present and adapt to what is real.

lol! i did a move-move lol! I went to my hometown, but after I get my certification, im going somewhere else...I dont want him to find me or the baby, especially after what Im going to do to him in the court system