cookielover

You are in a pickle, because on one hand $9,000 is a fair bit of change, but on the other side a whole year is a LONG time to wait for a live changing surgery. Since I am a self-pay myself I know what it feels like to part with cash. I feel like I can give this advice: Go for the surgery now. Because: -you don't know where you will be in a year, so it may not be for sure "money in the bank". As a result you may have to pay next year, and you will have wasted precious time getting well. - It is only money this is your health that we are talking about. I put health way before money. That being said; you must do what works best for you. Good luck and I hope that whatever happens you are happy with the choice you make.

I have lost about 34 pounds since October 3rd. OMG it has been 2 months today!

Mine is about 3/4 of an inch. I love that it is so small. All my scars are really small. My surgeon is full of magic.

I am mourning the lost of someone I thought was a friend. This person was a support in my life for 25 years. She actually came out and said that she could not be with me because of the lapband. After the tears passed I realized that she did my a favor by leaving. If she could not support me than there was no room for her in my entourage. This journey you are going to undertake is all about you and no one else. I would give your friends time to come around, but if they don't then find some new ones. In my case I spent so much energy making my friend happy being fat that I forgot to be happy myself. I also realize that I have A LOT of other friends who care about me, and while they haven't been here for as long; they love me and that is all that matters.

To be honest sometimes I find it to bothersome to eat. I have to force myself away from whatever I am doing to go and find food. It kind of a bummer, because I don't get a lot of enjoyment from food as I used to, so what is the point. I stand in the pantry and everything is just "ho-hum". Nothing looks that appealing. I have also given up snacking because it takes too much energy to figure out what to have. I have set times of the day to eat, and I am thankful when my husband cooks, and there is left-overs. I am going for a fill tomorrow, because I have no restriction. I wonder what is going to happen when I have restriction coupled with my non-interest in food. I'd better buy a timer!

I love to spin stories too, if you have the time please feel free to check out my brand new blog. (Talk about a plug!)

AMY! I am a total Gemini! My birthday is May 24th! Now we have so many more excuses ummm I mean reasons for our behavior. And you may find this hard to believe but I have an entire room in my home devoted to Cookie Monster! I love that blue guy. My collection is very large, and my ebay shopping is out of control. For shame!

Carrot that is fab! You are really dedicated to improving yourself. You will see the rewards, you are doing marvelous darling. Keep riding that train, before you know it you will be there. My train is rolling in at the station for a second time on Monday! Like I said I can fit anything in my mouth. I am still keeping my portion sizes down, and exercise, but it is a challenge. I am a firm believer if life doesn't have to be hard; then why make it hard. I know I will have some restriction on Tuesday. Toot-toot for me.

Congratulations! That is a great feeling; especially when it is family that notices. I love to get compliments too, but I still tend to shy them off. It is a terrible habit. I am making mental notes everywhere: "Say thank you, say thank you, say thank you..." I also love to give myself compliments in the morning when I wake up. (I know it is kind of lame.) I look in the mirror and I tell myself, "Amy you look soooo good today!" I tend to believe myself.

I could care less what people think of people that had WLS. I only care that it works. If people want to think that I took the easy way out, it's more than alright. At the end of the day we are the winners, or losers as the case may be. "Yeah throw them stones people-soon you won't be able to hit my skinny butt!" All of us on this board took our power back, and took control of our lives. We totally ROCK! :clap2:

Hooray! Amy and Amy the dynamic duo I like the sound of that! Cracking people up where ever we go!

I can write a book on non-supportive relationships, and the band, so I had to give this a lot of thought. Do I tell people? YES Was it a mistake to tell people? NO Should I continue to tell people? YES. I am still mourning the lost of someone I care about, but if she wasn't going to be here for the long haul then it was better she cut bait. I need only supportive people in my life. Does that mean I tell EVERYONE? No of course not, but if you are close to me, or if we are going to be hanging out day after day I am going to tell you. I don't need everyone to support my decision or even agree with me, but I do need to follow my path, and people need to understand that.

It is wonderful that you all are feeling wonderful about your bodies after such a short amount of time! You deserve it all! Look at all the hard work we all did to get here!

I am going in for a second fill, because I can fit a Buick down my gob. (No really I tried it! The dealer was shocked, but he still made me pay full sticker!):omg:

I am totally up for some December goals! 1. Walk twice a week 30 minutes 2. Go to Curves 3 times a week. :whip: 3. Drink 8 glasses of Water daily:spit: 4. Goal to lose 10 pounds. 5. To survive Christmas at Mom's house for one week!!! (<- this one is the stretch goal!) :hurt :help: :censored: Here's to losing weight over the holidays! :high5:

Thanksgiving is a great holiday, but seriously it is a day we devote to eating!:hungry: It is one of my favorite holidays because it is the day before the holiday season kicks off (well it used to be.) Remember when The Wizard of OZ was on TV? I loved the who affair as a child. My grandmother used to make all kinds of desserts; it was heaven on earth! We had gravy and stuffing, and all the yummiest food I could ever imagine! In Canada :canada:(God bless her) my mother-in-law cooks brussel sprouts, potatoes, red cabbage, and turkey. No pumpkin pie, stuffing, gravy, or green bean casserole,:Cry: as my family does not care for it. I have learned to adapt, but if anyone wants to adopt me next year I would be willing to consider it. Just send me your menu and location! :phone:Oooo I also love BLACK FRIDAY. (Just think of how many calories we will burn standing in line all day!):secret:

Wow you did this all in one month? Congratulations! The change in your attire is impressive, but your insulin dosage is worth doing a happy dance for. It will be a wonderful day, which I am betting will be soon where you won't need your insulin. Keep be an inspiration to many.

Dont feel too bad. We have given up a lot to have these bands, and it hard at this time of year. We are giving up food and sometimes our favorite past times and traditions. My favorite tradition is this: For me baking during the holidays is a tresured-time-honoured-tradition. I have a whole shelf in my large pantry devoted to baking. I have every cookie cook book I can get my hands on. I love my Kitchen-aid mixer. I love the cold December weekend that my husband, daughter, and I sit around and pick out our favorite Cookies to bake for our neighbors and friends. I love the smells in the kitchen. I love puting the cookies in the tin, and then artfully wrapping the colorful tissue around the cookies. My daughter makes the tags. My husband writes the Christmas cards. I feel all Martha Stewart like. I love going door-to-door at night with all the Christmas lights twinkling and delivering our treasures. My daughter buys gifts with her own money for the new babies in the neighborhood. It is such a special weekend. We are teaching our daughter the importance of giving homemade gifts, and giving without expecting anything back in return. We come together as a family. Am I going to give this up? Nope. I hope we do this tradition until my dying day. I will do this with my grandchildern. Now back to you...I understand your need to get together with your family. I can understand why it was stressful. If you do it next year allow yourself one of each cookie you bake. Even if you have to take them home, because by that time I am betting you won't be able to eat them or really want to. Make yourself a special package just for yourself and know you can eat them whenever you want! Right out of the oven, or later that night, freeze them and have them in May, or you can get home and give them to your family. They are yours to do whatever you please. Just remember you are always in control. Heck, take my advice now and this year will be managable. If you go to a party. Tell yourself you can have anything, but take most of it to go. Save it for later. We will get through this holiday. I promise.

I worked myself up, and up, and up, and up. Man I hate it when I do that. Today for the first time I saw (what are those things called again...) collar bones! Just a hint mind you, but they were there! I just don't ever want to go back, and I am sure you all can understand. I didn't mean to throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the message board. The truth is: I lost someone who was very close to me because of my WLS. Here is the link to the famous break-up if you didn't catch it: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f17/i-feel-like-such-fool-warning-post-contains-break-up-email-45375/ There is no turning back to that relationship, but I know I feel that I have extra external pressure to succeed. My husband thinks that I am eating more, because then I can "fail" and therefore "salvage" the relationship. (He majored in psychology.) If I am fat she will still like me, and come back. The truth is every time the phone rings or I get an email I hope it is her. But today I SLAMMED the door shut. I bought my daughter hampsters! She has deathly alergy to hampsters. If they are even on your clothes she can't be around you; she has to give her self an epi-pen shot and go to the hospital. Now there is no way we can be together. I guess I just don't feel like myself right now. I am not "happy"; I am just hanging on. If you want to know the truth I was abused by this person. Nothing I did was good enough. I even got in poop for buying her a gift because I did not present it in the way she wanted it presented. (It was a 400.00 Mickey Mouse figurine) I couldn't leave toothpaste in the sink, or I would get yelled at. The list is too long to mention here. My question is if it was so bad why do I feel so lousy now? All of you will tell me she was no good, and that I am better off, and I know that to be a fact as well. I guess the main problem that I am having is the reason she left: my WLS. I shake my head at myself and think, "Amy you are smarter than this. You have many friends that support you. Why are you letting this happen? Errrrrrr." Oh well that is why I am a little down. And yes I am sure in 6 months I will be in a better place too. I am just wondering what to do with her Christmas present? I think I will donate it. You know what else bugs me? I have choosen the high road, but sometimes I really want to take the LOW road. Oh well in the end I am sure it will matter, but right now...I have to work on me.

How do you get the restriction? (I mean; I know how.) What I want to know is should I call my surgeon and bug him? It has only been 10 days. What would you guys do if you were running out of food to consume?

I know I am being a spoiled child, but I am tired of this whole thing. It is hard, and sometimes I want to cry. I held on tight until I got my first fill. (I will make it...I can make it...I made it!) WONDER WOMAN! I followed my diet, exercised, and kept a positive attitude. The past 10 days have been really rough. I got my fill and nothing, well at first it was tight, but then it was as loose as a caboose. I became so hungry! I am so hungry that I can not stop eating. My stomach actually growls and hurts. I am drinking water and protein drinks between meals, but it still is not enough. I also have to annoying issue of not being able to slow down when I eat, as I have no restriction, and chewing is not a problem. I just shovel the food in, and I am as good as gold. Last night I had my proper meal with my little plate and measured out meal, and 20 minutes later I could not take the hunger any more; I went to the kitchen and ate the rest of the meatloaf right out of the pan! (I did feel a little pressure in my chest, but nothing serious or uncomfortable.) Today I went to Starbucks with my daughter and I ate her dessert and I ordered banana loaf for me too. Since I was banded I have not consumed any desserts. I mainly ate the bread to test my band...nope, nothing; nothing got stuck I not sure if I even have a band! To top my wonderful meal off I was still famished, and so I waited 30 minutes and go a venti mocha (w/o whip and non-fat.) I am still hungry. I feel as if I have been starved for 2 months! I am getting in 60 grams of protein, drinking water, eating protein first, veggies second. I just don't know what to do. I am gaining weight like crazy. I only eat when I am hungry. Right now hunger seems to be a thread that is dominating my life right now. WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WITH THIS CRAP? I was not prepared for this. I need some advice before I rip this thing out of my chest and sell it on e-bay.

Hello everyone- I was filled 10 days ago; I was given 4cc in my 10cc band. I followed the doctor's instructions about liquids and mushies. I felt the restriction as I drank my Protein and I thought, "all right this is not going to be too bad!" Yes I was being cocky. I started eating solids and I could not get full! I tried to eat slow, but it was like I had been starved for two months. I just shoveled the food in. The worse part is there was no restriction! For instance last night I had my regular dinner and 20 minutes later I ate another huge helping of meat. I ate it right out of the pan! I was starving. My hunger pains we so painful, but afterwards my band felt really full. I didn't have any PB or slime. Then I felt guilty afterward. In the beginning I was good I took my small portions on my little plate with my little spoon and had the best of intentions, but I was so HUNGRY. Before the fill I had self-control and I ate slower and waited for my burp to tell me I was full. Now no burp. (Honestly it does come later, but after I have eating so fast and probably ate more than I should have.) I follow the rules no drinking with meal, and no drinking for an hour afterward. However I do drink before my meal. Sometimes right up until the meal. I get 60 grams of protein a day. I eat protein first, veggies 2nd, and then a little bit of starch. I consume no refined sugar or junk food, as I do not crave it anymore, thank goodness. I have only one vice which is a half sweet, non-fat,tall Starbucks mocha which I sometimes get. (It only has 110 calories in it.) For breakfast: Protein shake (180 calories and 18 protein) or 1 cup of Kashie Cereal if I know I am going to have a coffee that day. (around 200 calories and 13 grams of protein) Snack: Starbucks (110 calories and 9 grams of protein) or another protein shake (170 calories, but 18 grams of protein.) Lunch: 1/2 cup of chicken breast in a can(100 calories and 10 grams of protein) and 1 cup of green Beans (20 calories and 2 grams of protein.) Dinner: Varies but I keep my portions to 1 1/2 cup. (Meat and veggies.) Bed time protein drink:Protein shake (180 calories and 18 protein.) Without dinner my calories add up to 690. I exercise 5 times a week. Any brilliant people have any suggestions? I am banging my head on my keyboard.

I live in Canada, but I am an American. I Celebrate Thanksgiving twice- once in October with the Canadians and then again with the Americans too. Except in October this year I was sucking down Water and Protein mix, because Thanksgiving was five days after surgery. I digress.... I am soooo lucky I do not have a sweet tooth. (Before my surgery ALL of my teeth craved sugar. Now everything is too sweet.) I won't be eating pie, but I will be eating turkey and gravy. I love that stuff. I am not worried about portion control, as my little band friend does it all for me! I just eat and it tells me when to stop. No thinking involved. I just have to make good food choices. Oh yeah I am totally going to get in on the mash potatoes. Yes!

Against my husband's wishes because he wanted me to take the high road. I sent my email this morning. I did it for three reasons: 1. Out of the two of us I was the only one who really knew it was over. She still had all the power. 2. If she managed to get ahold of me I did not know what to say without causing damage and pointing fingers. and 3. She deserved to know the friendship was over. It was selfish of me to keep this information to myself. Also it left me open to letting her back into my live to repeat the same mistakes. By sending her the email I am taking back my power. Now she knows where I stand. I am so sick to my stomach I can barely breathe, but it had to be done. Why does growing have to hurt so much sometimes? Someone asked if I believed in God...I do! I am leaning really hard on him and my family right now. I am also leaning really hard on all of your words of encouragement; they are like air to me. And believe it or not I CAN feel all of your hugs. :scared: She titled her email to me: "You deserve this much..." I titled my email to her: "No this is what I deserve." Here is what I sent: I decided to keep it purple because it made me feel a little better. "Dear..., I am not mad or upset with you, as I know that you are broken inside. However that does not mean that you have to break me down as well. I care about you so, if watching me get better and healthy is too much for you to handle I can find the courage to let you go. For this is the journey am taking in my life, and I realize it is not for you. I need you to understand in the future when you have a crisis or a problem; I will not have your back. It is no longer "us" against the world; it is only "you" against whatever haunts you. I want you to find all the happiness you deserve, and I pray you start understanding that you deserve more. I have never ended such an important relationship in my life, and my hope is that I never have to do it again. That is why we can not be together anymore. I can not live on the "edge" with you. I don't want to open another email and wonder, "will this be the email that breaks my heart?" So for that and many more reasons I have to say good bye. Thank you for the gut-busting laughs, 2 hour phone conversations, and the memories; I will cherish these things and you forever. Hoping you can find peace and acceptance, Amy" Well I am going out for a long walk. Maybe I can walk away some of this pain. Oh yeah just so you all know on Saturday I went to a party and had an okay time, I have been out for coffee with a friend, joined a gym today, researched joining a theater group, started planning a Christmas open house, and booked two trips for the holiday season to see family. (I am trying to find things to do that are positive.) Now if I could just mustard the strength to clean the bathrooms and vacuum today! :fish: Hugs to all of you!:hug:

How am I doing? Well last night I cried. Today I woke up and I decied to start anew. My friend is not willing to come along on this journey with me, and I am not willing to be bullied out of my decision. So there it stands. What some people do not realize is this: You can't go around saying or writing whatever you feel like it, and then expect the status-quo afterwards. If you say hurtful and downright mean things there is going to be some serious fall-out. In short she may need some "space", but I am ending the relationship. I am not calling, emailing, sending letters or telegrams, or visiting. There will be no closure from me to her. I believe when you get to my age there is no reason to "play" a game of "let's send my friend a nasty email, because I am green with envy, and see how that works out." In my opinion her email served one purpose: to hurt me. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Sometimes in life we have to realize that there are no "do-overs" or "I am really sorry, so please forgive me." I don't mean to sound cold hearted, but I have to survive and look after myself. For example I am unable to eat ANYTHING, because I have been so upset that my band is so tight that I can only sip Water and Protein. The main reason I am not going to afford her a "goodbye" is that I don't want to say anything that will make me feel bad later. I need you to understand how much I loved this person. I ensured that she was never hurt by my own doings. (Actually that is how I treat all of my friends.) After this is all over I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and know I my integrity is intact. However, if we should meet up six months down the road and I weigh a lot less and she dies from envy that would be okay too. Since I am not going to be able to say goodbye to her. I am going to write it here. I will make me feel better knowing someone read it: "I am not mad or upset with you, as I know that you are broken inside. However that does not mean that you have to break me down in to your hell. I care about you so, if watching me get better and healthy is too much for you to handle I can find the courage to let you go. For this is the journey am taking in my life, and I realize it is not for you. I need you to understand in the future when you have a crisis or a problem; I will not have your back. It is no longer "US" against the world; it is only "you" against whatever haunts you. I want you to find all the happiness you deserve, and I pray you start understanding that you deserve more. I have never ended such an important relationship in my life, and my hope is that I never have to do it again. That is why we can not be together anymore. I can not live on the "edge" with you. I don't want to open another email and wonder, "will this be the email that breaks my heart?" So for that and many more reasons I have to say good bye. Thank you for the gut-busting laughs, 3 hour phone conversations, and the memories; I will cherish these things and you forever. Hoping you can find peace and acceptance, Amy Thank you to all that wrote post giving their support and well-wishes. I needed those today. (You would not believe how much.) For those of you who offered to be my buddy- I might just take you up on that.