desertmom

This is just to remind you why smoking ever again would be a stupid thing to do. You constantly want to snack now that you dont have the smoke to run to.Everything but proteins have carbs.So edamame is nice but the carbs .....,even the bullets have 2 carbs an if you eat 5 per day that adds another 10 carbs.The dreaded feeling that you have just self sabotaged like you always do is horrible isn it?Not knowing if you will lose more weight?Not seeing the bright side of life because 1.either your smoking like a thief with something to hide or 2.your withdrawing like a junkie once again.... Having to go through the cravings and being so mad at yourself all the time is quite unhealthy dont you think? The way you feel at the moment sucks.Dont do it again. Ok,day 3 is over and I must admit.Without being able to eat the whole time,this was tough.

Today I travelled across the city to find shirataki yam noodles and frozen edamame pods. I am delighted to say that not only did I find these at the only Japanese grocer in town but I also found sugarfree bullets (popcicles) at another shop. The bullets like sf jello gives me a little bit of a feeling in my esophagus (almost heartburn not quite but I do have a feeling) These I now use as I need to snack on something instead of smoking.It would be way to easy to just gain 10 pounds this week but I refuse. I have workd out an eating schedule.My calories are about 1000 as I have added the edamame and the bullets but my goodness this is better than the last 2 days! My kis are sick with a cold and my head has been aching so badly for the past 3 days (thoughht it was because I quit) and my throat is scratchy.I have been taking zinc and vit c to kick this feeling. Tonight I will do my first after dinner loooong walk.It worked so well for me before to exercise in the evening in stead of sitting wishing I could eat or smoke or drink copious amounts of wine,which I dont,I just want to. I just wish I had a squash partner for every day of the week.This would have been such a blessing at this point as hitting the ball releases tention and of course it is excellent interval training. O well,will just have to put on music and walk,walk,walk!!!!!

My beautiful housemate and best friend of many years,that really knows the extent of my desturbed body image and the body dismorphia (real) I have had since the age of about 13 have taken it upon herself to teach me about size...lol Well,at first she was very subtle and I didnt know what she was doing.She would constantly ask me,when we were in the shops or gym,if I thought I was bigger than this lady or that woman.....she wouldnt comment much but sh wold tell me if I was wrong. Today she said she wanted to show me women that was the same size and women that was much larger.I was not to ague this with her but just had to look at these women and had to think about what this mean in terms of how I see myself. Very interesting I might say until I came home and looked at the newest pics my daughter took of me.I am still big as a house.Pictures dont lie!And maybe I dont need to see myself with my eyes but maybe I can just learn to ignore what I see that isnt true,that might help already! Rome wasnt built in a day and I will keep trying to be more realistic,even if it is with my head! Everytime I have lost weigh in the past I thought I would be able to see it and I never could.This made me extremely paranoid when people commented on my weight loss.This in turn woul make me fall off plan to stop being anxious and the old cycle would repeat. I do no have these expectations anymore.I can trust clothes size and as it stands now,I still wear a size 18 which is huge even though I know it is smaller than a 24. Everbody's got a story dont we?everyone trying to cope with all the crazyness in the world and so many not even realizing how much a part they are in it.And until real disaster strikes we dont realize how insignificant our daily struggles really are.

When people talk about crossover addiction we all think booze right? Well 2.5 months after my surgery,while having stress that topped anything I've had in the past 10 years,I started smoking again. I have stopped smoking.In order to run off the rest of the pounds I've had to quit. Of course I am eating like a horse now,but it is just a day or 2 then that is over too,and I will not post weight for a while.I give myself 2 weeks,one to gain little because I am eating rubbish and one to lose it again. The only bummer is I seemed to have pulled a muscle somewhere around where the hamstring attaches to the butt muscle or something like that.I've tried jogging every few hours to reliev the stress and somehow hurt the muscle.So I will stand plank and do sit ups and v-sits if I can. I have been very angry with myself for getting myself caught up in the smoking as it is super hard to not eat wayyyyyy too much when you quit.So,I kept on trying to lose fast so I could get to goal and then quit but that jut caused me more stress,I needed to quit now. So,this is me for now.When I am over the crazy eating to stop from smoking I will post again. O,and FYI I can eat so much more than I ever thought.No pain,no discomfort,nothing!Will have to mak myself a 20 galon can of tea and drink that for th rest of this day!

Spatters3,what you are going through surely puts things back in perspective for me!And you are right. I have always been severly ADHD with hyper focus and unfortunately age didnt change that.But there are things I can do to conciously take my focus of this whole weight loss process. And I will count my blessings one by one every day to help me move on. I will also be praying for you that the Lord will keep you and protect you in this difficult and trying time.Please let us know how you are doing.xxo

when we went on holiday in July I lost loads of weight.eating out all the time,no tracking,counting carbs no execise (ok,I didnt exercise at all until then) Now,back in our old routine,I have startes exercising loads.I burn about 3000 cals most days and about 2300 on the days I rest. My food on execise days are about 1000 cals (naturally more hungry days) but on non exercise days at 800. The lack of consistent losing is still driving me batty! My head is seriously done in by this. I have considered stopping the exercise again but boy am I flabby!On the one hand exercise is not going to help me reduce the skin at all but it might help for the additional blubber to even out.I am very lumpy on my legs. Sometimes I consider doing fluids only for a day or 2 but I hate protein shakes.And I drink way to much tea with milk when I dont eat.Besides that the moment I decide to do fluids I want to eat....lol I know I am super impatient about this as the average weight loss is still 1kg a week but I want to lose more.It is amazing to me that others can be so happy to just plod along.I try but fail to be happy with that. Mainly I am impatient as I feel stuck above 200.199 would have been fine to sit on for a while but boy I want to be out of the 200 so badly. It is an issue that I am thinking of eating so often.Maybe if that was different I wouldnt have minded losing slower but it just feels like a super strict diet that I am on.I am trying to get hold of some half and half so that I can stop worrying about the carbs in the milk. And maybe I should just add carbs to my diet now so that my body can adjust to that and lose weight while eating carbs again.It worked just fine for 5 months,why wouldnt it work now? Writing these things down helps me.I've looked back on this blog a few times and it changes my perspective sometimes to see that there is good times and bad. So,weight is still 205 and I will only post again when it is down some more. A positive post this next time as I have started using this as the place to whine!However,I have stopped talking about the weight loss and food issues with others and when I finish here,I feel better and can face the day with a more positive outlook. Having said all this,I am a crazy optimist that would expect a weight loss tomorrow just to often be disappointed again.Maybe the issue really is the fact that I am weighing every day.It is difficult to not get on the scale though. Ok,upwards and onwards!

Hi Thanks.Im going to search for this book.I need something to do this "without fear".My kids find this very funny ( 20 year old second year uni and 11 year old)

Hi To be petrified at this point is what I would have been.You know,I think that pre-op we are sometimes plain stupid.I thought people that stalls,cheated...right?Now after my 3 week stall I know sooo much better. You just have to remember there are only 2 kinds of people on earth.Those who get it and those who dont! Of course the fear and the doubt will be part of your life until the leak is healed.You should just take this day by day,baby steps for now.Dont do too much.Be super gentle with yourself.Dont read stuff that seems unrelated to where you are at.If you need to vent tell people on the board thats stupid to get stuffed.You have the right to just be at the moment. And the one thing that everyone can be guaranteed of in life is that bad things will happen to us.At some point,to each and everyone of us.Today is your turn tomorrow might be mine. But this too shall pass.Lots of patience and careful living for now. I will pray that this whole ordeal can be over quickly for you to start enjoying this great new life that awaits you for the rest of your life. xxo

Years ago I read a book about this.Cant remember the books name but it is something like "The defeated perfectionist".I didnt believe it then,I sure do now! So,I m learning to be a plodder too!

lately I have being thinking about being such a pleaser.Not only a peoples pleaser but everything and everybody.Not a happy pleaser either for the past few years. When you st unrealistic standards you are doomed to fail.Not only that my fear of failure and success has become a serious stumbling block in my life. My friend ( very successful lady) always says she is a plodder.She just starts somewhere without contemplating the whole big picture and adjusts as things play out.Me on the other hand needs the see the outcome even before I have started and I have become stuck as everything has the potential not to be perfect. And when the scale moves down I can be positive about the long term outcome and when it doesnt I feel dread coming my way. It is also stopping me in other aspects of my life which really needs changing.If something can be accomplished fast in a short time I can see the big picture but most things in life just dont happen that fast. So this is my resolve.In order for me to do a different degree (I have one in nursing,got it 25 years ago,never needed math for that) I have to do IGCSE math and English.That is like year 10 math.I felt very resentful of this for years and would lose the plot completely because I just didnt want to do it as it would waste another year of my life.This year I am going to do it.Like a little 15 year old.But maybe starting somewhere again will teach me the patience I lack to just plod along and finally reach the end of something.And maybe this will help me along this weight loss journey that is a journey forever and not only for now. Weight 205 today!

O my weight is 206.8 today!

So I should shut up until I really quit! Thats all I have to say about that!...lol Now,I have realized that I obsess wayyyy to much about the scale and I can say it because today I am down a kg and my mood is completely different. Then,I have also realized that when I add a little more fat to my diet I eat a lot less.Not a lot,just a little more.I want less of everything.And to reset is actually possible.One day of super low carbs and just enough proteins (60g) and the next day the hunger is gone. Will try to remember this when I go nuts again.

Today was a great protein day! Tomorrow I am going to stop smoking and I am very apprehensive about this. (is that the right word?lol) Will try to do loads of exercise (playing squash in the morning) and drink lots of water.I have asked my family to cut me some slack and not buy into any arguments I will try to start. (they are terrible at this though so I might just have to lock myself up for the day..lol) Usually by the end of day 3 I start feeling like a human being again and dont snap at everybody. This is the last time.I will not give up anything,will just stop to be a normal non smoker from now on.(thats what Alan Carr says) So this is the first day of the rest of my life as a normal person.

Hi,welcome! I was on LBT for a long time from 2004 to 2006 (was sick as a dog with the band and soooo desperate the whole time) The sleeve is for me everything I thought the band would be and wasnt.

Hi Deanac Well that makes me feel better about my stall...lol If the DS was available in the UAE in 2003 I would have done it.Heck if it was here now I still would have considered it but I am not very compliant with Vitamins so it might have been a bad idea for me. Good luck and enjoy losing!

Hi Just my take on this.It might be clouded by my current 3 week stall though..lol I am 6 minths out and all of a sudden I am thinking of food way to often.I am also hungry.Real stomach hungry,a feeling that I suppose is hunger (never felt hungry before in my life as I was always eating) As a 45 year old habitual dieter that's not been at my goal weight for over 20 years and having to constantly tell myself not to eat now at 6 months out,I would have done the Ds if 1.it didnt have the bafhroom issues ans 2.the malabsorption of Vitamins were not so severe.I also would have considered the RNY if I havent seen so many of my friends gain 50 plus pounds 4 to 5 years after the RNY. So,the botom line is one will have to relearn to 1. eat only at meal times and not snack all the time,2.have self control in your choices 3. Make peace with all this, no matter which one of the surgeries you have. And if you can do that for the RNY or the DS then you can do that for the sleeve which at this time seems to be the surgery with less long term health issues in terms of nutrition. One thing though.It was so shocking for me when I realized that I can snack and that carbs do go down so easily.I am sure that if I snack all the time it would be possilbe for me to regain everything I have lost.I have no doubt about it.When we graze we usually choose high fat high calorie Snacks and rubbish goes down so easy with the sleeve. Permanent changes in the way we think about food and saying no to ourselves even when we dont want to is definetely necessary. But the sleeve is working for me and I am working on changing my bad patterns.Having said all this my close friend had the RNY,lost all her weight,eats great gourmet foods,stays at her goal and have more restriction than me,had right from the start.She had her surgery quite a few years ago and she's still doing great and she finds it so easy.

today I made the choice to have 1500 calories for the day.I had about 150g of carbs and I enjoyed every one of them. Tomorrow I will be back on plan but with some complex carbs as part of my diet again.It just worked for me.Cutting carbs to 25 makes me feel blue and makes the constipation terrible to deal with. I will also keep up with the exercise and will try to do a walk in the evening in addition to everything else. Now for the next 20 pounds as a short term goal by the 18th of December when we have a big family reunion in SA. Heres to better days!

Spatters3 Stupid right?I did this surgery at a time when our life was running smoothe as clock work.a Month after,as murphy's law would have it,it felt like everything fell to bits.Most stressful year of my life so far and my defences was low.I just didnt cope without the food to self soothe with and started smoking again. I will stop.You are right nothing is worth the anxiety and fear I have of what consequince the smoking might have in my life. So,lots to work on now that the kids are back in their routine and the big decisions have been made.We are staying in Dubai and will not be a family living in 3 different countries.My kids are both here for now and life is sweet again. Will have to learn new coping skills though!

Hi Izuri In 2003 I did the band as a last effort to live!I failed or maybe it failed but to me it was my failure!My intense fear of failing at this is what makes a stall so intense for me. Then there is the fact hat I have a lot of head issues with food and I really still want to eat my emotions away...but I dont.Plus the fact that I dont eat yogurt or string cheese or any of the other soft proteins that others do.I eat chicken,fish,meat and veggies.This si only since summer.Before I use to eat carbs and I lost weight quite fast as you can see.The thing is second guessing myself made me go low carb and that in turn makes me miserable. Today I decided to eat a little of everything again and enjoy it.To exercise and to find my balance again.I am not like most of the others on this site.Low carb doesnt work for me,balance does.So I will try to find my balance again and maybe the doubt will disappear again. Thanks for the reply.It is super encouraging. Lzl,rock that sleeve girl!it will come down fast now!

To make sure start counting calories, track with one of the trackers.

O,I have lost 89 pounds and still have 44 to go.Stuck at 208. xxo

Hi,I am not really depressed,just feeling super low because of the stall.. One thing I havnt discussed here that is causing me to regret this is the fact that I ahve the most painful heamoriods since surgery.If I skip the laxative even one day I am in hell with pain.I am just so concerned about this.Started eating a lot more fibre and its made it worse.The only thing that helps is a laxative. After reading about the surgery for this and how people suffer afterwards I feel so in a corner about this.I am damned it I do and damned if I dont.I DO NOT WANT TO GO FOR SURGERY ON MY BUTT!Hence the depressed feeling.If I lose weight I at least feel its all worth it and when I stall for this long I just wonder what the future holds with the constipation issue that is a real problem for me. Anyhoo,I just had to vent.I live in Dubai and let me tell you support grops are non existant here.We are 3 girls that meet every now and then and that does help. I JUST NEED TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT!After not sleeping all night with pain and pain killers not helping I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself. Tomorrow will be a better day again. Thanks for replying,it helps me put things into perspective again. xxo

It has been almost 3 weeks since I've last lost even an ounce! At the moment I am seriously depressed.I regret having started smoking after surgery again.I am so angry with myself about this.Stopping is not an issue.Stopping and not gaining weight is.Somehow this warped head of mine believe that the smoking had something to do with the weight loss.I am petrified of stopping and gaining.But I want to stop as I want to run more,cannot do that while coughing and wheezing! Also today I would have loved a real binge,I mean an all fall down eat till you're sick binge!I know it sounds horrible but stalling like is is messing with my head so badly.I have always believed that if you dont lose you are doing something wrong.I am still convinced of it.Dont know how to FEEL different about it.I am anxious,depressed,obesessive and generally feels like I AM A BIG FAT FAILURE AGAIN! And most of all,today I dont feel that the sleeve was the right option for me!If I did gastric bypass I might have been T goal already!I am too messed up as a person to handle the mind games of losing and stalling and losing and stalling,not knowing if its me,is this it,is this as good as its gonna get because no matter what I do I cant move the scale?I hate,hate being so out of control.I hate this sleeve!

Hi Being the mother of a 20 year old,myself having had the sleeve and hiding it from my parents at the age of 45 (my mom knew anyway somwthing was up,she made my dad send me an email saying your mom is worried about you what is going on,as I was quiet that week) and having told them a month later (they were just concerned and are super supportive now) I thought about your situation from all angles. It would really be better to wait for your settlement if possible.Taking responsibility for your own life and health is great but it is still their medical insurance and they would have good reason to be upset if you do it that way. How do you plan on hiding the insurance issue from them anyway?They will find yout that way wont they?Dads will try to interfere again if he finds out,wont he? And maybe while you wait to get your funds you can slowly slowly start making changes in eating and exercize that wouls be very helpful post sleeve anyway. Having said all this,I too wish I had a permanent selution to this very permanent problem at the age of 25 when my I totally lost control after battling obesity since,well since I can remember as a very young child. Good luck in making a decision and remember things usually work out in the end and if they dont work out,it is not the end yet!

Hi,you are quite close to goal! 1.Are you working hard to get there (exercizing 5 times a week,eating on plan,tracking your food?) or 2. is it happening in its own time with a little less effort ( and did you think it would happen faster and is this why you are disappointed?) I am asking this because mainly I am the second option (except for little flair ups of effort) and now that the weight is coming off a lot slower I am struggling to not be disappointed that it didnt all come off effortlessly...LOL If you are no 1 you will get there and you must look very toned and shaped already...great going and keep at it,it will happen. If you are no 2 you will get there,be patient it will take longer this way.Maybe you can exercize a little more to help with the toning and shaping and maybe keeping a food track will help speed things up.... Ok,THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT TOLD MYSELF YESTERDAY! and I had to admit I want it to go faster now and will have to change! 15 pounds from your personal goal is great.Now you either push hard to lose this or you relax and lose it slowly. You have done great already!