JennieDK

I love it! Go you!

Today marks one year since I had my gastric sleeve surgery. It's amazing to see how far I've come, and I know that the journey is just beginning. I updated my video blog, so there's a link here: And here's a link to the video blog that I created a year ago today, the morning of my surgery:

I'm SO glad your daughter is alright. My oldest son is in his first semester of college, and it's so scary to have them far away, so I can imagine how terrifying this must have been. Good for you for staying on track, even in such a scary situation!

Thanks, gals!

Today I reached a couple of important milestones, so I wanted to make sure that I wrote a little about it this morning: I have lost 75 pounds (which I can hardly get my head around!) and I got past a number that was kind of out there, stalking me: 186. I haven't seen that number since I became pregnant with my oldest son, more than 18 years ago. The lowest I've been since that time was 187, and that was for a brief time about 15 years ago. While I felt confident that with the help of my sleeve I would get past that number, it was still a major emotional and mental hurdle that I had to jump. There was a tiny part of me-- a little voice in my head, if you will-- that kept asking, "Can I really get past that? Maybe that's as far down as I can go." But now I know that I can go all the way. I'm now 36 pounds away from my doctor's goal for me, and 46 away from my own personal goal. And I completely believe that I meet and perhaps even surpass those goals. I'm so happy right now, it's obnoxious! But I'll take it!

I really like the 10% BMI goal. I'm 5 months out, and I'm still thinking in terms of numbers of pounds for weight loss, while percentage might be more realistic. Of course I'm not losing as quickly as I did in the beginning, but as I think about it, my BMI is quite a bit lower, so that makes sense. Thanks for a very obvious, but important, ah-ha moment.

I haven't blogged as much as I had hoped I would. Tonight, though, I can't get to sleep, so I thought this would be as good an opportunity as any to get some of these thoughts and see what they look like on the screen. I've seen a number of threads where people make their confessions or things like that. I don't know if I'm these will be as dramatic as all that, but as I'm approaching 5 months post op, a lot about me has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. So here's where I am tonight: 1. Losing weight changes so much in your life, but it doesn't change everything. This is obvious, yet something that I need to remind myself of from time to time. I'm extremely lucky-- I am, and was before surgery, very happy with my life in general. I have a great husband, great kids, a great job, and I'm meeting many of my professional goals. But the peripheral problems are still there, nagging: worries about work, paying for my son's college, questioning whether or not I'm doing the right thing going back to school in the fall (I'm getting my doctorate). Stress continues. It's not unbearable, but man can it back up. 2 I'm terrified of gaining weight back. When I go to the support group or read stories on the message boards about people who have reached their goals and then slowly start putting it back on-- it just makes me so scared. Hopefully that fear with keep me focused. I also don't want to be totally obsessed about my weight for the rest of my life. 3. I'm hung up on certain numbers. I've lost 70 pounds and I should be so thrilled, but a big part of me simply won't believe that this is actually happening until I reach some major goals. I'm 4 pounds away from one of them now. 186. I have not seems 186 in more than 18 years. 4. The more weight I lose, the more my husband's weight bothers me. I adore this man; there's simply no doubt about this. But I feel like I'm working hard to make myself the best I can be and to be a healthy role model for our kids. And I'm watching him get bigger. He's picking up my slack. If I make the same amount of something that I used to, he eats his share and the part that I can no longer eat. I'm worried about his health and his self-image. I'd kinda like to keep him around for a while. 5. I'm really, really proud of myself. I am. And I'm not good at being proud of myself. I'm running, for God's sake. I've never been a runner, and I ran a 5k two weeks ago, and I'm jogging 2 or 3 miles on the treadmill 3-4 times a week right now. I want to scream it from the rooftops because I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS. I wore a pair of size 12 jeans tonight. I haven't done that in more than 18 years. 6. Some of my friends are getting weird about it. Most are extremely supportive, but others seem uncomfortable with the thought of me no longer being the fat friend. 7. I'm uncomfortable with the compliments sometimes. Especially at work and that kind of thing. I always tell people I had surgery, and I find myself saying it as though that discounts the hard work that I've done. And I feel like the people I work with are constantly looking me up and down, assessing me. It's weird. 8. I'm so worried about extra skin. I've always had great boobs, and they are definitely deflating a bit. My arms are getting flappy, too. I'm terrified that I'm going to look like Jabba the Hutt's skinny sister. 9. Did I mention that I'm terrified about gaining weight? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hutt's fatter sister, either. 10. I still enjoy drinking wine, and I always will. Maybe that's why I'm losing 1.5-2 pounds a week instead of 3, but I can deal with that. I plan on living my life. If I don't work out some kind of balance, I won't be able to do this long term. And I must do this long term.

Wow, I remember the stall! For a week or so I thought I was going to be the only human ever who could have most of her stomach removed and still not lose any weight. It was right at week 3 for me, and mine lasted about 2 weeks, and then my weight loss kicked back in and maintained at about 3 pounds a week for the first 3.5 months and now I'm at about 2 pounds a week. That's fine with me as long as it keeps coming off! I remember how frustrating that was, and everyone said it would happen and that it would pass, and it really does! (I know that doesn't help much while it's going on, but it really is true.) Just follow what your doctor told you, and things will get moving again! Good luck! You won't believe how awesome the next few months will be!

Last weekend I ran my first 5k and I rocked it! What an amazing experience this has been. It's so cool to find out that I can do things that I never dreamed I'd be able to do. I feel like I'm going to break my arm patting myself on the back, but it's nice to be proud of myself again!

I've posted a link to my video blog here. It's nothing earth-shattering, but these were really helpful to me as I was learning about the surgery, and I promised I'd keep a record like this for myself and anyone else who is interested. Be well!

Nancy, that's awesome! You picked it up way quicker than me. It took me a long time to work up to being able to do a mile, but I'm heading in the right direction. I seriously hadn't run a mile since high school which was 20 years ago.

I know! I am so incredibly excited!

I've been horrible about blogging-- can I say that first? When I started this process I thought there would be nothing I'd rather do than write about my experiences before and after weight loss surgery. Well, I still would LIKE to, but life and all of its obligations have continued, so forgive. But I had to write today. Today, I got under 200 pounds for the first time in. . . I don't know. . . 14 years? That's before I started teaching. I can't believe how amazing I feel. I've lost 63.4 pounds total, putting me at 196.6 this morning. (I always record my official weight on Fridays.) I knew that I was right about there, but actually having that number pop up on my weigh in this morning was amazing. (My surgery was 12/11/12, btw.) Let's see. . . what else. Protein bars are my friend, eggs are not. Which is too bad because I used to love eggs. I'm averaging about 3 pounds of weight loss a week, and I'm working on my running. Last night I ran the most I EVER have, going about a mile and a half in 20 minutes of continuous jogging. I'm not very fast, but I'm getting stronger. The biggest challenge I've had on that front is that I'm having trouble switching my runs to the outdoors. I'm not as successful, but I'm trying to stay positive. I have a 5k scheduled on 4/20. I don't know if I will run the whole thing, but I should be able to do most of it, hopefully. I just hope my knees cooperate. So that's where I am! What a wonderful day, and I'm looking forward to blowing all kinds of goals right out of the water! My next goal is to get into the 170s by the end of May for my son's graduation. Piece o' cake!

Good luck! I had the sleeve in December, and it's been a great experience so far!

Good luck as you approach your surgery! Here's to seeing less of you!