Spatters3

So for the last few years I've gone up and down the same 10-15 pounds. The lowest I've been is 260 and that's when I've dieted until life had no joy, but if I so much as looked at a piece of bacon I immediately jumped to 270-275ish. And, man, you can really feel a difference in your body at that weight! Yet today I jumped on the scale and it read 257.4!! It might not be onederland, but I'm just as happy! Go Lyra! *happy dance*

Yesterday I was 5 weeks post-op. So far, the sleeve has been very good to me, and I have been good to it. I am following the plan the NUT gave me, and I have had no problems. I have lost 32lbs (including the pre-op diet). I count that because to me, that was a part of the sleeve journey that I had to go through. My current challenge is protein - sounds familiar huh? I cannot take another protein shake, shot, etc. I've tried numerous different "unflavored" protein powders, but can't stand the "feel" of the powder mixed with other things. I am also tired of chicken and tuna. I am going to town today to buy some thin sliced turkey deli meat, and will also buy some more talapia (it has 20g in each fillet). I guess I'll eat that until I get tired of it too.
 
A real challenge for me is that I get bored with foods really quick. I will eat tuna every day then after about 7-10 days, I don't want to see another bite of tuna. Same thing with chicken. I knew going into this that protein was the #1 necessity once I had the sleeve, but I guess it just didn't really hit home how important it was, or how challenging it was going to be to get it. I know that in about 2 more weeks, once I get on "regular" foods, protein will be a little less challenging, but until, onward and forward
 
My energy is WAY up - even from back before the surgery. I've lost 2 dress sizes (from a 24W to a 20W), and I'm walking 2.4 miles 3x a week. Prior to surgery, there was no way I could have walked even half that far without having to sit down and rest. I walk with a friend, and we even talk during the walk (and yes, we're walking, not strolling). Not that we aren't huffing and puffing that last little bit But just the fact that I can do that at all is amazing to me.
 
I plan on starting Yoga next week via a DVD (Yoga for Beginners). Thought this might help with some stretching of muscles and flexibility. Since I'm 50, I just don't have the range of motion that I used to have, so I hope this helps. Might even help me to "center" myself a bit more.
 
I have the Zumba DVD's and I'm a bit hesitant to start those yet. I think I'll save them until I've lost about 30 more pounds. I think it's going to really wear me out
 
This forum has been such a fantastic source of encouragement, education, and support, and I KNOW I would have never had the courage to take this step if I hadn't found it. What a fantastic group of folks!! Thank you to everyone out there who has been cheering me on, and mentoring me!

254 today!

So I'm feeling overwhelmed. And I feel like my last two blogs this week have a whiney tone to them, my apologies. Considering I spoke with the dr's wife who does the nutritionist counseling for him and explained to her that my tummy contorts whenever I eat anything pureed at first and if I drink 1/4 of an oz of liquid, it helps... she told me I might have a stricture. You know just whenever pneumonia and a leak and abscess weren't enough ... now I worry I have a stricture. Let's hope that's not the case because if it is, IDK how I'm going to ever regain my confidence back. Oh lawd, here's that baby again.
 
Ok big girl panties, I wanted to post something more solid, more positive. So I have a book that I'm going to post something from. The book is called "Small Bites: Daily Inspirations for WLS Patients" and it's by Katie Jay and Julia Persing. I borrowed it from the bariatric nurse edjucator from the hospital.
 
Set your angel free
 
When you decided to have WLS, were you longing to set free something inside you? Obesity had hidden your true self from view. You longed to reveal the inner you. So, each day WLS has chipped away at your exterior.
 
Michaelangelo said "I saw the angel in the stone and carved until I set him free." Yet at the end of his first day, the rock still looked like...... a rock. Only slowly did it become the beautiful creation that was locked within. As you lose weight, you will change many times, you will wake up mornings and not recognize the thinner face that has replaced the rounded one. In time, with consistency, effort, and a firm vision, you will release your angel within.
 
Set aside a few quiet moments and visualize the inner you - your inner angel. In your mind, embrace that vision, talk to it, and plan together how your inner angel can help you remain steadfast.

Its been a while since I've been here - I've been trying to pop in once in a while when I get the chance, but I've been so busy! I have now officially dropped over 70 lbs since I started my preop, and over 50 since surgery 3 months ago. I have had no complications, my skin is bouncing back thus far (I know I'll need to have some work done later but I'm good with that) - I have energy, I have enthusiasm and I have the best future ahead of me.
I have been staying away from the scale - about every 3 weeks I weigh myself. I weighed myself the other day and I was at 314, and that's with a few pounds of bloat since its that time of the month. I'll weigh myself again in a few weeks to see where I'm at - I don't wanna see a 3 as that first number the next time I step on the scale.
 
I haven't had much opportunity to really incorporate additional exercise other than being a billion times more active than normal to my routine, but I'm getting there. As soon as i was able to, I of course tweaked my shoulder. But I'm feeling better and will be getting the exercise roaring very soon.
 
I have noticed some of my tastes change - I still crave red meat - that will never change. The large majority of what I eat has always been lean protein, but now....those "guilty pleasure" items - mac and cheese, potatoes, anything really starchy just doesn't do it for me anymore. I really dig that. Hubby and I went out to breakfast at Cracker Barrel and I had their egg sandwich, which I ate the 2 eggs and had a bite of the hashbrown casserole and a small bite of hubby's pancakes and they just didn't satisfy me - I just wanted the eggs!
 
Wow - i just got distracted by Maks on DWTS - (watching the results show on the DVR and he was dancing to "Let's get it on" good thing watching him dance is calorie free - in fact I think I just burned a few calories watching that! haha!)
 
Anyway! back to what I was saying! I've gone down in clothes sizes, I have the steering wheel all the way down in the car (my legs used to hit it), I sit in booths and feel small in them, there ain't a chair my butt won't fit in and I even sleep better and don't need as much sleep as I did for so long, I fit comfortably in the bathtub to take a bath (one of my favorite things) I'm wearing clothes I havent worn in years. I put on a pair of heels and not only did they fit my feet, they didn't hurt my feet. I'm getting my shoes back! Yay! Right now, I weigh less than I have in about 4 years. I cannot believe the progress. Once I got those f**king tumors out of my body, I'm feeling so much better - the only rage I have is that I couldn't get it done sooner. However, I have come to terms with that for the most part. I think that with the breast cancer scare, the steroid tumors, nearly losing my marriage, all the trials and tribulations that my husband and I went through with losing our jobs and our employer stealing tens of thousands of dollars from us has made us stronger individually and as a couple. Nothing in my life that I wanted has EVER come easily - but I tell you what - I have more appreciation for everything I have brought to myself than most people I know - and I will FIGHT for it. I cannot describe what all of these battles have done for me as a person. I'm glad that I got to know so many people here. I'm glad that I had the surgeon I did. While I'm not glad that our previous employer stole so much money from us, I'm glad of the outcome that we ended up where we did with the careers that we have now.
I am decidedly in love with my husband and we love our life and what we have to offer to the world. We can't wait to see what happens next. Many that I talk to about this wonder how having to have surgery to have tumors and the majority of my stomach removed could be the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I just smile and tell them that they haven't lived my life
What I do know is that life is good and its getting GREAT
 
If you can't tell - I'm very excited about the future.

I knew this month was going to be bad and I was right. I gained 1.4lbs and 1.5 inches for the month. I can't let this get me down I just need to get on it and stay on top of things. But this does show me that making bad food choices and no exercise will result in a bad month or week.
 
I think I will write a letter to the hospital about changing the food in the vending machines so there are better and healthier choices. 5 days of that didn't help me at all. I am so thankful Tia (sis) is doing good and home again. She still has to have her wound packed and taped but at least that can be done here at home.
 
I had a doctor appointment and they have me so freaked out about going to the gym by myself, they are so worried that I will have another heart attack or stroke it is just driving me crazy. So I did some research on my health conditions and found that what they are saying is more serious then I thought. The chances of either of those happening is about 80 to 100% possible if I do to much of anything. So for now I will just be more careful and pay attention to the heart rates of the machines so that I don't over do, there is 1 good thing, they do have emergency buttons to wear at the gym when I'm alone.which is a good thing.
 
Well time for bed and prayers, tomorrow is another day and the start of a new week. I will do better I don't want to fail.
 
Day by Day Step by Step with Jesus

So I'm here at the hospital in one of their 'hotel-style' rooms. Very comfy. My check-in is at 7am for a 10am surgery and I know that this is right for me. My feet are on the right path and my head is in the right place. I don't know whats going to happen after surgery and what life will be like, but I have faith that everything will work out. I am calm. I am ready. Bring on the scapel, Doc, and let's do this.
 
Tomorrow is the day, thank you to everyone who has been with me so far on this journey and I'll keep ya'll posted.
 
See ya on the flip side!
 
~Lyra
 
PS: A Note To My Stomach
 
Dear Stomach-
 
We've been together through thick and thin, literally. We've had good times, great times, and "how many tequila shots and burritos did I actually eat" times. Looking back on it, we've had a good run over the last 29 years. Granted, you were always a little bit finicky about lactose, and good at making epically loud grumbly noises that were better suited for the soundtrack of Star Wars (the part where the Death Star exploded, to be exact) but overall our relationship has been just a bit too good. For whatever reason you didn't have any boundaries, and I was a champion at crossing mine. So, in all due respect for services rendered...I want a divorce. Don't worry, though, my dear stomach, part of you will live on inside of me. We will still have a relationship, albeit a much healthier one. Remember the humiliation I felt when I couldn't get on the rides at the state fair? Yeah. I'm not saying it was all you, I definitely had a hand in it, but we're just not good together. You're just too much stomach for me to handle.
 
Please don't look at this 'divorce' as a forever goodbye. We will still enjoy food, just in smaller and much healthier amounts. Overall my happiness and future will be brighter because of this decision. Together we will strive for a better future. Together we will succeed, and together we will ROCK OUR SLEEVE!
 
So, goodbye dear stomach. In the morning we will go to sleep and when I awake I will no longer have a demanding and lazy stomach. Instead The Sheriff will be born, and a new sheriff will indeed be in town.
 
With love for the last 29 years of overly dedicated service, and with hope and faith for the future-
 
~Lyra

So I had a few minutes to spare and found myself rehashing all the "what if's" of wls. It almost feels like my health and happiness are hinged on this. I guess in a way it is. In my immediate family there is a history of CAD, DM, CVA's, Colon CA, etc. So the reality of it is if I don't lose the weight, the aforementioned is what I have in my future. Not acceptable.
 
I've lost weight a hundred times over only to gain it right back. I don't eat unhealthy foods, I just eat too much. I exercise about 3x's per week, I drink water, limit my intake of sodas and I've never smoked a cigarette. I'm 5'2 and about 206lbs today. My belly is about to burst out of my size 14 jeans that are too small, but I continue to wear them anyway (denial). I am sick of painful joints, back pain, being winded with activity, avoiding social events, sleeping all weekend, urinary incontinence and all the other stuff that goes with being fat.
 
So I was desperate... I am refinancing my first home (2yrs into mortgage) in order to pay for this. My employer has an obesity exclusion on our insurance at work... I expect they'll remove that exclusion as the company grows, but for now I'm on my own.
 
I could make a list a mile long of "what if's" as to why NOT to have surgery, but instead I choose to focus on the "what if's" as to why it's so crucial for me to have surgery. What if I have a heart attack? What if I am dx'd with Diabetes? What if I have a stroke? What if I get cancer? Who'll take care of my son, my mother, my niece, my employees, etc. Who will fight for what's right for the patients I take care of? Who will grow old with my BFF? The thought of all those haunting questions are much scarier to me than the "what if's" that go with surgery.
 
When my daddy went in to have an abdominal aneurysm removed he told a friend of his he'd die without the surgery. His buddy asked him "but what if you die from the surgery?" My daddy (always full of advice) simply told him he at least had to try.... and try he did.
 
I do have some concerns about undergoing major surgery in order to lose weight. It terrifies me. Change is terrifying, but oh so necessary. So why should I have surgery?
 
Physically - I want to be able to go for a walk or run, I want to not have huge "cankles" at the end of the day, I want to not be out of breath coming back from the mailbox, I want to be free of arthritic pain in my hips, I want to put on clothes without a struggle.
 
Emotionally - I want to be proud of who I see in the mirror, I want to get off the vicious cycle of weight gain & depression, I want the inner me to like the outter me.
 
Spiritually - I have no excuse for not going to church, except that I feel so ashamed of the weight I've put on. I know they aren't staring at me, but that is exactly how it feels. I want to be able to go to the altar and worship once again...
 
Financially - I love my job, but since I've put on the weight I've stopped scheduling speaking engagements (something I LOVE), calling on new accounts, visiting old accounts, speaking at meetings, etc. It's almost like I've given up on me. So the more of all that stuff I do, the more money I can make
 
Socially - I have no social life anymore. I hate going to anything where there is a crowd of people. I avoid it all costs. My clothes are too small, I feel horrible and I just wind up miserable. I have the most amazing boyfriend who LOVES to get out and socialize and yet he's stuck with me... at home... every weekend.
 
So there ya go... I don't feel like I really have a choice. It's either another yo-yo round of dieting with impending disappointment from the scales or a true lifestyle change... I'm 40yrs old and I have so much living and loving left to do. This is for a better me so I can be a better mom, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, girlfriend, boss and hopefully encourage others to do the same.
 
Here's to the living, loving and laughing that is yet to come!

Maybe some can relate and maybe some wont but I feel like this forum has really helped me to be comfortable with my decision and open about my emotions and my life.
 
This body represents my pain!
 
Every excess pound represents something. All of the ups and downs of my life, bad decisions, dreams on hold...
 
Everything...
 
I had my psych eval today! I dont know what I was expecting...I guess more questions, but there were hardly any--maybe because I talk too much!
 
Yesterday I had it out with my sister...full on brawl.
My husband came into our place and instead of supporting me and hearing me...he added to my anger!
I havent been very friendly lately...
 
Im just tired of putting everyone elses happiness before mine.
 
I thought that the events of my life these past few weeks would have really been dug through during this psych eval and I would be angry that because of allowing other people to control my emotions that I would have been found unfit for surgery or something...I mean everyone has issues right!?
 
Regardless of how Im feeling about my relationships with other people I have really made this decision for me. Maybe because I am so focused on myself right now people who normally get all my attention and expect me to fix everything in their life now are angry with me because frankly i dont have time for it. TOUGH!!
 
I cant help anyone anymore until I HELP MYSELF. I cant fix your life and help you be happy when this SMILE IS FAKE.
 
A few tears fell when asked what was my last straw that I finally decided to move forward. I AM MY LAST STRAW. THE REALIZATION that I MATTER, and that IM IMPORTANT and that I NEED TO COME FIRST...the person staring back at me in the mirror is not the person I see when I look at pictures. That woman in the mirror is beautiful, confident, strong, looks amazing...etc etc. The person in the pictures is all of that but doesnt look as amazing as she thought when she put on that outfit she thought hid some imperfections.
 
This body...does not live up to my view of ME...and Im tired of it holding me in like a prisoner.
 
End result of Psych eval--IM READY FOR SURGERY...Im realistic about my expectations and I have a good feel of who I am right now and where I want to go.
 
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME...ILL TAKE THAT!!
 
Was your psych eval a scary thought? what happened?

Once again I was battling the Evil Denizens Of Cake and kicking some fabulous creativity butt when one of my coworkers come into The Batcave (a very, very small windowless room that the baking and decorating magic happens in. While the Receiving team may say that THEY have The Batcave and we're The Fortress of Solitude, they're wrong. So ha!) So there I was in The Batcave when a coworker of mine decides to chill out and talk to me. I love to talk and so normally I'm up for a good conversation except this guy is so socially inept and awkward that all the girls in the department cringe. Because he and I are the only people in the department currently not married or dating I think he thinks we have this 'bond of whatever' between us. Kinda like the two amigos against the big, bad world in our search for love and marriage. Except...no. While I would like to be in a relationship, right now I'm crazy busy and I also don't hang my self-worth on whether or not I have a man. Plus, he's really, really socially inept. Anyway, he starts drilling me on why I'm going to be out of work for 2 weeks, that he heard I was having surgery and what was it, etc. Since I have to work with him, and am more of a "Rudeness As A Last Defense" sort of girl, I tried to politely change the subject. Nope, the guy was like a friggin' blood hound. By this time a couple other coworkers had come back to The Batcave and were listening in. Which irritated me to no end. Hello, rude much?!
 
Well, the week before I had perfected my reply to people like him and so decided to see if it would work a second time. What I ended up doing was first I said that I was getting wings so I could flit around bringing cake to everyone. Instead of taking it as "Def-Con 1 Mind Your Own Bloody Business Or There Will Be Consequences" he asked me again. So what I did was lean forward and say, "It's actually really upsetting ((dramatic pause)). You see I woke up the other night with this spider-alien thing stuck to my face with a tube down my throat ((fake voice tremble)). They have to do surgery in order to rip out the alien love spore before I do my best Sigourney Weaver impersonation from Aliens 3." Yep, it worked again! When in doubt pull out amazing silliness and people tend to edge away from you and leave you alone. Or laugh. Either way they go away and stop asking intrusive questions. Niiiiiice!

Only 14 more days until surgery! Man, I've got so much to do until then! I have to bake a huuuuge vegan wedding cake (pain in the butt), go to my last class/doctor's appointment, start my liquid diet, save the world, clean my house, save the world, work through a weekend as the only decorator (scary!), catch the cat, and then drive 3.5 hours to my parent's house and then 1.5 hours to the hospital that I'm having surgery at. Shew! I'd be tired if I wasn't dancing about in excitement! I feel like I should be singing and dancing to some bangin' music! If my life had a theme song right now, it would be "Can't Touch This" by Hammer. Oh yeah, and bustin' out some bad 80's moves! *giggles*
 
I've been slowly switching over to liquid diet stuff so that my body wont flip out on the 18th (the start of the official diet). At least I gave up my espresso shots awhile ago. My coworkers told me that I'm not allowed to have espresso, as I'm hyper and too happy even when I'm NOT on it! Spoil sports.... *pout*

:lol: :lol:

HA! I have vanquished my evil foe, Ye Olde Insurance Company and it quivers under the might of my Sword of Righteousness! We have parleyed and it has given over approval for my surgery! Huzzah, I tell you! Huzzah and Woot!
 
That's right, boys and girls, Lyra is going under the knife on April 25! Ladies and Gents, there will be a new Sheriff in town! My stomach, who will soon be called "The Sheriff" is gonna be a spur-and-chaps wearin', six shooter tottin', topped with a ten-gallon cowboy hat fighter of fat! Together we shall eradicate my engorged lipid cells to the far reaches of the planet, never to be seen or heard from again!
 
And now, I am off to watch some Monty Python: The Search for the Holy Grail! Or perhaps a giant, mutant alligator going crazy and attacking townspeople movie!
 
Thank you to all and to all a kick-ass night!

Last year my mom and I went on this amazing vacation that had to do with her work. It was fantastic and we've been planning on doing it again next year (it's only held every other year). We were talking about it tonight and how exciting it's going to be. I love hanging out with my mom! One of the things I'm really excited about is how much thinner I'll be because of the surgery. It'll definitely make riding on a plane easier! I am just about the maximum size a person can be and still fit in the waaaay too narrow seat. Yet I do fit with a little room to spare so it made me feel bad when I got on one of my connecting flights and the guy sitting next to me had the "oh hell no that fat chick isn't going to sit next to me" look on his face. He didn't even have the courtesy to at least pretend not to be looking around for another seat. In fact he about bowled me over in his hurry to get away from me. Bastard. Sometimes I wonder how people can be so insensitive. I'm no saint, but I genuinely do not want to hurt people's feelings. It makes me wonder if people who have no care for others were raised in a barn by a flock of feral chickens.
 
Anyway, that is neither here nor there. So my mom and I were talking about this fab vacation we're planning and I can't wait to shop for clothes! Granted, it's 10 months and 3 weeks away (but whose counting?) but I'm daydreaming about wearing a sexy little dress that clings in all the right places. Of a classy little evening bag whose strap stays on my shoulder and some knockout heels that scream "diva on the prowl!".
 
I've already changed so much in the last year. Internally changed, I mean. In fact, last summer was the first summer in almost 10 years that I wore shorts. Crazy, right? Yet I've always been so self-conscious. Not because I'm...er...plumptious, but because I have a lot of scarring on my legs from a run in with a brown recluse spider plus mrsa and two surgeries. I finally decided that my scars show that I still have legs thank god and that I've led an interesting life so screw the stares from people. To my surprise I found that most people just don't care or don't pay attention. It was a huge confidence builder and for those who were rude enough to point my scars out I came up with some real humdinger responses. My favorites included being attacked by rabid fire ants, alien abduction, surgery to make me taller, and a horrific circus accident involving a clown, tiger, and a wheelbarrow. *smirk*.
 
Man, I can't wait to go shopping for fashionable clothing!