DeLarla

Yesterday I accidentally ended up at Baskin Robins buying a pint of half one flavor and half another. The guy screwed up and made two individual pints instead. Hmm, should I tell him I only ordered one pint, or should I leave it in fate's hands? I went with fate and purchased both pints with no question. Is it me, or is "fate" only one letter away from FAT?

Thank goodness for my new Ben Wa Balls. I've been using them to strengthen my vaginal muscles and to prevent myself from wetting my panties every time I laugh or sneeze. Proof they work because my panties are dry even after THIS thread!

My coworker rescued a kitten that some A-HOLES threw out their car window on Friday. I psssssssssssssersonally would have taken off after the car, but she rescued Kitty and brought him to work last weexxx k. Kitwjkgf ty 1 (he's helping metype_)will be in the office one more day h before meeting his new family tonight since another co-worker found him a home ! , so Kitty will be here all day before meeting his new fam47ulily. He's driving me nuts and I'm sitting here just cracking up as he walks across my keyboard and takes flying leaps into ][0my monitor. He crawls up my jeans then swings from my earrings. He's jacked 89999999999999 9999988yo up my puter several times by stepping on control keys and he just ran off with my feather pen that I got in New Orleans a week before the hurricane. Thought you could all use a laugh since I haven't gotten a darn thing done today. He's terrorizing my office. Here's the best pic my phone camera could get.

Wow, thanks for ALL the PMs and e-mails. You guys rock my world

My views and opinions are still fluctuating. I sit in front of the news every opportunity I can get, and we seem to be at the "question and answer" investigatory phase. So far Bush's people are respoding with, "uh, I don't know." Nobody has stated an intelligent reason why even a tiny bit of relief wasn't rushed in. Five day? Five? I'm not there so all I know is what I hear on the news, and still no answers from Bush. Mouse, I personally appreciate all you've said because I learn from reading both sides. I'm a Libra still weighing and balancing everything I hear and read. No arguments here, just trying to piece it together. At this point, I'm not sure how I feel. The only thing I'm sure about is that five days is totally unacceptable, and since Bush is the top banana, he's got to take responsiblity. Even if Bush warned people to get out, the punishment simply doesn't fit the crime. We are warned against dangers every day but we make mistakes. People take their boats out in bad weather and get trapped in storms, but the US Coast Guard rushes out to save them. People get stuck on Mount Everest because they're stupid enough to climb the thing and fall off cliffs, yet our government sends rescue units. We make stupid mistakes but we, as Americans, have always been able to rely on our goverment - united we stand, divided we fall. Not any more. I certainly hope I never hear that statement again. I'm looking at my paystub right now and see an enormous chunk was withheld by the federal goverment. They didn't wait five days to take my money, so why did they take five days to spend it? Again, no anger here at LBT, it's just good venting.

Donating clothes to victums is great. I have 8 garbage bags of clothes left for the exchange, but I'm afraid they are probably all large sizes. Everyone is welcome to Buca and to Saturday's party! I haven't ordered food yet because I'm still waiting for an accurate count for Friday's dinner. I can't wait!

Happy Birthday, Penni! Pics of babies, please.

This isn't just about adult toys. When I tell people what I do, they automatically label me as the Dildo Queen. My friends and family were ashamed till they came to my Open House. But after seeing my first demonstration, six of my friends booked parties and can’t wait for me to do a show at their houses. My parties are professional and tasteful with an entire line of relaxation therapy, bubble bath, massage creams, books. I don't grope myself or use slang or vulgar language. The Order Room is a private place where even the most timid and shy feel comfortable asking the most embarrassing questions while feeling completely at ease. A local doctor gives monthly seminars at a huge hospital in Vegas about women's sexuality. How come nobody calls her the Vibrator Queen since she offers "devices" at the end of her seminar? They spend a few hundred dollars to listen to the good Doc tell them how to achieve orgasm, while I bring the education and product directly into your home for a discrete demonstration that always turns into a wild & fun night out with the gals. How often do we get a night away from the men and kids to let our hair down and bond with just chicks? I sell to lots of guys, I just can’t do a demonstration for them. My parties and home store are fun and exciting, but it's actually a very serious business. I'm registered at UNLV to learn as much about human sexuality as possible and hope to earn my next degree there and spend my retirement years as a sex therapist. I've been buying books, going to seminars and actually listening to every ounce of information and advice you good people offer. Please send me all links, books you no longer need, and advise about this topic. I'll sop it up like a giant sea sponge! When I found out that more women fake orgasms during intercourse than actually have them and that MANY women have never experienced a clitoral orgasm, and that marriages are breaking up because men can't hold an erection or satisfy their wives, and partners are going years before sharing intimacy, THAT is when my future planned itself. I didn't go after this - I prayed and struggled for the answers for five years, then the moons met the tides, the sky opened, lightening crashed, and the answers hit me like a ton of bricks. Watch out Dr. Ruth. La La La Lisa is hot right now. I let my hostesses design their own parties, so I offer them either Lisa or DeLarla depending on how spicy they want the party. DeLovely DeLarla is on reserve for the wicked and wild, and I can't wait for someone to request her! My devices and "lotions n' potions" as hubby calls them are making people happy and have empowered nearly 6000 women nationwide, who no longer have to rely on food stamps, welfare or men to support them. Women that went from nothing to driving luxury vehicles, going on tropical vacations, and wearing rubies and diamonds as part of the incentive program. Nearly every woman I know has wanted to check out an adult sex store but are either too intimidated, scared, embarrassed or shy. My husband is reading this and just said “Even men hate going in there, and I’m an ornery old pipefitter who hates going in there because men try to proposition me, and the stores are disgusting.” Parties book themselves, so I'm not selling, I'm demonstrating and currently turning down business because of the high demand. Don't get road rage, pull over and have an orgasm. Don't scream at your partner, instead release tension and strengthen your union. This entire endeavor has softened me and made me a better woman. It's given me a new lease on life, a better attitude, a vision, a plan, MONEY in my pocket and dreams that I can actually see coming true. Right now there's a contest going on for the recruiter who signs on the 6000th distributor. Both the distributor and the recruiter get a $1000 shopping spree. How can anyone think this is bad or dirty? Oh, and I got my stage. I finally have my very own stage!

By the way, my warehouse is in Baton Rouge, which survived the hurricane. But the owner of the company has about 25 displaced people living with her now (as do many, many others in the company and all over the South.) She's been extremely generous and has inspired me and countless others to contribute toward's Katrina's victims. SO... I guess I'm doing a great service by selling this stuff since Baton Rouge needs all the strength it can get right now. So buying this stuff isn't only good for you, it's good for Lousiana! So you can feel good while you're feeling really, really good!

I started this thread as a place to vent, which is what we're doing. My attitudes and opinions have changed many times over since the day the storm calmed. No matter who's to blame, the fact is those people were responsible for their own safety but they didn't evacuate. I agree with Vines, some were too poor, some too sick, some in denial, many plain ignorant. But in this country, the punishment is designed to fit the crime. If their crime was being too ignorant or poor to escape, should their sentence be death, starvation, living among putrid decaying bodies and five solid days of life in hell? Are they to blame? Who knows. Did they deserve to wait five days before getting their first glimmer of hope? Five days? FIVE days? I can't accept the way the government - at any level - handled this disaster. Call it racial, call it stupidity, it doesn't matter. The United States of America had ways and means of air-dropping pallets of food and Water - at least to small pockets. Maybe they couldn't help everyone the first day, but they could have started somewhere. Was Bush so slow to act because he needed a plan to address the entire problem before taking action? Let's see, the world is on fire. Let's let it continue to burn till we can figure out how to put the entire thing out at once. When the city of New Orleans hit riot proportions, help should have rushed there first. Other areas may have been hit worse, but they weren't rioting and raping. It's called prioritizing. Failure. I still haven't a word of intelligence as to why it too FIVE days to start relief efforts. Why were barges and countries turned away when they got there before the US? Because of Red Tape? Who has time for red tape right now? We can't blame anyone for what happened, but I personally didn't hear a SQEAK from Bush till Day 5. Not a peep. He could have at least sent a message that help is on the way. I wanted to delete this thread and start a new one about the generosity of the world and the small people that are bringing LA back to life. But there are some really powerful words here so I'll let it ride.

Girl, good luck to you. It must be hard trying to help a handful when there are hundreds looking at you with hungry eyes. I've been obsessed with the news, and hundreds of millions of dollars have been pledged, so let's hope big chunks of relief start flowing in to all areas soon. Sorry for not sending things to you but I'm doing what I can from here. Peace.

Damn, I screwed up my new cute hairstyle really bad so don't even try to make me feel better. Even Chris said it looks like hell. I got addicted to short blonde hair, so I went back for more. Now it's too short and too blonde, but it will grow back soon. Live n' learn! And I have to get my new driver's license pic this week. Gag.

Wow, the response to Katrina relief is awesome but a little overwhelming. I shipped 3 boxes at $79.00 after buying supplies at Wal-Mart. But Michelle had the best idea of using the money she collected for Wal-Mart gift cards. I could have saved $50 in shipping and sent $50 in gift cards for 37 cents! Duh. I'm looking forward to this weekend! Christina K. from Vegas just confirmed. I'm not sure what happened to the Vegas girls though. There hasn't been one single post at the Vegas board for over a month - almost as if something's wrong with the board. My fault for never getting numbers from everyone.

Oh NO! I joined another message board that won't let me edit or delete posts! HELP! You guys all know that I'm obsessed with editing and deleting my posts. I don't know why, I can't help mysef! It's like putting a picture in a frame but then realizing it's a really crappy picture, so I delete. But my new Slumber Parties message board won't let me delete stuff I wrote the other day. I don't even need to delete them, but knowing I can't has me pulling my hair out because I want to delete them! Donali, hold me! I'll probably delete this post, too. Can someone at least give this disorder a fancy name?

I'd like to see Bush barefoot wading through hip-deep water, grasping onto a dead body for a floatie. At least I can say I didn't give him my vote.

Bubba, what time is your sister leaving Vegas? I could have given her boxes of donations. Is it too late? It's 2:00 here. Any chance of a late night flight?

Please be careful when you leave donations with charity organizations. Unfortunately, the greedy tend to get there first. After the 94 Northridge Earthquake, the Red Cross, army trucks, food banks, etc. opened up. My neighbor disgusted me when she came over and told me to run and get a box of "free food" like she did. The BITCH didn't lose anything but glass dishes and household odds and ends, yet I noticed tons of greedy people grabbing as much as they could while the needy ones were too weak to fight. It made me sick. When you get your items down to the shelters, you might want to hang around and pass the stuff out yourself. You'll know the difference between the needers and the takers. It's hard to believe, but it's also hard to believe looters were stealing blenders and cases of tennis shoes. I have a group of women in a warehouse in Baton Rouge that are accepting boxes and logging everything in to make sure the right people get it. Just watch out for those grabbing hands, okay? I wish I could go with you, nothing feels better than helping people who need it.

Could you imagine having 25 people instantly living in your home? This is from the owner of my company in Lousiana: "The staff is already receiving donations and keeping a log of what comes in to account for everything. I do remember donating to the Red Cross and never knew where my donation went - we are ready and willing to accept and do appreciate your kind hearts during this devastation. I can personally assure you, your donations will go to families in desperate need. Several of us have up to 25 people living in our homes. I have lived through several hurricanes and can tell you, I have never in my life seen anything like this."

And those of us that are unharmed, safe and dry with full bellies, we cannot feel guilty. We can't stop living the way we are accustomed to, because it's our turn to carry the torch and keep it lit till our displaced neighbors find shelter. We have to keep life moving forward and stand strong. We have to keep shopping and spending to keep the economy strong. Yes, we all need to be thankful for what we have, but we must march forward. If we stop, our country weakens. I just purchased a business that's headquartered out of Louisiana, and at first I felt horrible for being concerned with my business while my warehouse had to shut down to to a killer hurricane. My UPS shipments are missing, and all communication was lost. But then I started thinking... I can't stop now! I am part of this company now, so I have to work extra hard in the West while the South recovers. I'm not going to participate in any loss of time because the company needs everyone that's not affected to keep the business strong. Maybe my Baton Rouge facility was closed for several days, but if we all take the attidude that we should slow down or suffer because they are suffering, then our nation will fall to pieces. My business might seem trivial during this disaster, but fact is fact, and the fact is that I belong to an incredibly financially strong organization that needs me. This isn't about me and my business, it's about each and every one of us. So whatever you do, keep doing it! Whatever you buy, keep buying it. What ever you sell, keep selling it. It's time for us to work harder, hug stronger, smile bigger, GIVE MORE and be prepared for another change in our nation. The anniversary of September 11 is a sneeze away, so be strong. March forward and be strong.

First, no more apologizing for going on and on. Most of us don't know how or where to vent our anger, which is why I needed this thread and why I encourage everyone to cry and kick and scream right now, right here. I don't care how much money is on the way. They could have been air-dropping pallets of food and Water into floating rafts the minute the storm ceased. There's simply no excuse. It's unforgivable.

Many of us can't stop crying over Katrina's devastating wake. We need a forum to relieve anger, pain, aggravation and anxiety. Welcome. I just saw a man crying because 4 of his miniature horses are laying dead around his home while the 9 surviving ones are starving with no hay or Water, while dead bodies are floating around people suffering from hunger and dehydration. Something is seriously wrong with this situation. The government would rather see those people perish than to do something? I was in the devastating Northridge Earthquake, and the Red Cross, military, government, etc., were crawling the place within hours with pallets of food, water and shelter. Sirens and helicopters filled my head, which were sounds of relief and hope. I just don't get it. What the hell is going on? Why is this disaster any different than others? Everyone in the country wants to help, but they tie our hands behind our backs? Money has been flooding into the Red Cross, Catholic Charities, the Firemen's boots, etc. Millions of dollars have already been collected since Day One, so where is it, sitting in an account growing interest for the government? AND, the news keeps showing ONE fugging airplane that donated ONE stinking flight. Why hasn't every airline done the same? For Heaven's sake, drag them all on a barge down the Muddy River to dry land now that the river is calm! We've got troops in other countries but dead folks floating down our city streets? Does this sound suspicious to anyone else? Was it time to clean up New Orleans for good and this was the best plan they could think of? Don't hold in your anger, scream it out. Here's a great place. Thanks for listening.

I've already had two parties! So far, so awesome! Francesca, is hubby a manly man? Mine spends all day in the garage smoking cigarettes, using vulgar language, playing darts, welding, tons of tools, motorcycles, grunting, union talk, boy crap. All the guys love Chris. Lots of girls love him too, but he's really rough around the edges. Any other guys coming can scratch themselves and pass gas in the garage. You know, bond. I personally don't have 14/16 in the 9 bags I have, but the box Bubbame sent looks like small sizes. I could have fit two items of MY clothing in the box she mailed, but there's a whole pile of her small size in that box. Bubba, you sure you were overweight? Bubbame smells pretty, that's for sure! My dogs & cat love that box, too. Pheromones?

There you are, Carol! Girl, you might be in trouble... This year, Las Vegas Angie is bringing on your competition with her famous Shrimp Dip! You made the party famous last year with those Rita's (by the way, I've made them famous in my circle of friends.) We'll miss you!

By the way, I certainly don't want any kind of "thanks" or recognition from anyone in Louisiana. I'm obsessed with the news, that's all. All the boxes shipped will have custom labels from: With Love and Prayers from Lapbandtalk.com and the 2005 Las Vegas Band Bash Francesca, I'm not sure that you'll find much cause you are so small now!

Ladies, last year our extras went to Opportunity Village, where they got tossed in bins and eventually put on racks. This year we can get stuff directly into the hands of women who need it most almost immediately, as I'll ship the boxes Monday after the Bash. I just got word directly from my corporate office in Louisiana that many of my co-distributors have their houses FULL of now-homeless families that lost everything. Everybody that has a home now has extra families living with them. The owner has people from 6 months to 83 years old living with her, and she just got electricity so they've been packed in crammed houses with no electricity since the storm hit. I'm personally adding to the boxes 5 tubes of toothpaste, 5 bars of soap, 10 toothbrushes and 5 Slumber Bubbles (they deserve to soak in our bubbles made with California Champagne after all this.) Here's a direct quote: "Their needs are great and all donations will be greatly appreciated. We have extra warehouse space - Kim has everyone from 6 mo to 83 years old in her home. Money, gift cards, food, clothing, toys, etc, you can send them to the corporate office and they will go through everything and make sure they get to those who need it most. They are all so grateful for your prayers and concerns. Many now have no where to go. Kim just got electricity today." Sounds like they could chocolate but it would probably melt. Is everyone else having a hard time digesting all that devastation?