DeLarla

When You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Great Things Will Happen When You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Great Things Will Happen When You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Great Things Will Happen

Sarah, start slow. I was boring till a few years ago. I started by wearing a huge flower in my hair one Christmas party. Everyone loved it. Soon I got bold and wore a scarf. Now my friends tease me if I'm not wearing a scarf or at least one funky thing. I think the world is coming to an end or something, because I just have this urge to be completely WILD and OUTRAGEOUS! I'm not kidding, I think something weird is happening to me. I'm either on the verge of a nervous breakdown or I really do have vibes that the Mother Ship will be here soon to bring me back to my people. Now follow these simple directions: Pick up the phone. Dial your hairdressser, make an appointment. When you get there, tell him/her to make you look fabulous, then close your eyes and let THE PROFESSIONAL do the magic. When we tell them what we want, we always come out looking like we're "wearing a brown football helmet." ** Sally Fields, Steel Magnolias

And just when I'm strongest, Shelli walks in with steaming bags of Otis Spunkmeyer cookies. I'm walking past the soda surplus to get my ice-tea now - spot me!

"Put them on Erin's desk. Tell her you knew she wanted them anyway." I either finally hit meltdown, I'm having a nervous breakdown, or somebody slipped me a Mickey because I can't stop laughing today. I've literally cried about 7 times today from stuff I read at LBT and I can't even see through my tears... people are walking in and I'm pretending it's allergies. It's EFFIN absurd, alright! Now think of "knowing all that free soda is there" while "smelling Manicotti with baked Mozzrella sticks at 8:00 a.m." Then convince me I can stay away from all that free soda. I hope it's PMS or the weather, because I swear I'm on the verge of a breakdown.

I say forget about Belly Dancing and let's take tuns shooting the cop's gun instead! Now THAT sounds like fun!

My sperm-doner person is an alcoholic. I've hated him for years. I never got one card, one letter, one message my entire life. I didn't know he existed till I was 18. When I met him, I met this man with a wife and two kids that had everything. They were living my life, while I was stuck with a mentally ill, abusive, neglectful monster (Momster.) I got to know him more as I got older. He told me "I already screwed up one set of kids so I had to work extra hard to give the second set everything." Did he have any idea how bad that stung - and still does? So I've hated him, and I've thought that he could die and I wouldn't even feel a thing. Last week I found out he's probably going to die soon. He's got liver disease. He called me on my birthday and didn't even tell me - he just acted like all was fine. But my sister heard through the family grapevine. As much as I've hated this guy my whole life, it's killing me to know he'll really die one day, let alone soon. It's so weird. I don't even know the guy (have only been around him 4 times in my life.) But when I met him, we even freaked out my husband. I'm him in girl form. The way we move, our stuborn bullheaded nature - even the way we shake our salt. I know damn well I could turn into an alcoholic in my older years if I'm not careful. I'm addicted to sugar, and alcohol is a form of sugar. I'm not sure where you wanted this to go, but it makes me really sad. Alcoholism can steal your life - even if you've never touched a drop.

From now on, when we don't comply with band rules, we must succumb to one day of the following: (Add your torture treatment.) Boil liver in pot of Water with no seasonings. Cool. Remove liver and feed to dog. Do not remove chunks from water. Or that weird goop. Drink liver water at not-quite-lukewarm temperature. Fast on this one day. If you were bad two days, only liver water for two days, and so on.

: puts it on head...looks skyward : This is some good chit, Man. We are better than TV.

I wish I had a livervideocam at my liverdesk so you could all see me crying right now - the kind of laugh that comes out so hard that it sqeezes out of your livernose so hard that it hurts and makes a wheezing sound. The only reason I don't have the videocam is because "they" shoot their lazors into my eyeballs. I don't really have a Band. I've never been to Mexico, either. The truth is I woke up with scars. I have no memory. One day it was May, then I woke up in October with tube sticking out of my belly. I had to pretend it was a Band or I'd get no medical attention. Dr. Lopez is in on it. The new surgical centers? Yep - Illuminate. cheese GRATERS STOP IT.... snorted yogurt out my nose, and liver.

OMG, Vines, you are scaring me! That's a bit too much Liana! Tell me there are still some clear windows, please? Also, when you paint my house, will you do that to one of my windows?

Go open the passenger's side door and see if your wallet slipped down into that little pocket on the door. This same exact thing happened to me, and it drove me nuts. Go LQQK, now! If it's really not there, bounce a check and come to Vegas where it's dry and you can gamble and win a jackpot. You can help me with my Oompa Loompa costume. Please pass the pipe.

I think there's a lot of common sense and truth about it.

I'm starving for attention. I figured everyone would click on a "Farty Pants" thread. I got you, didn't I? This is a free-for-all Fun Thread! By the way, my whole office smells like liver. HOW IS EVERYONE TODAY?

SHUT UP. We have three trials in November. In legal-talk that's plain insanity, yet here I am communicating with the enemy in this stupid hanger that's poking me. It tore my damn LoveFifi lace thong-panty, yet still no signal. Bastards. And I just shot lukewarm liver water through my nose to keep from laughing out loud since my poor attorney already tore all his hair out in anticipation of said three trials.

It's called Low-Sodium Beef Broth. At first it's not so bad, but then you keep trying to figure out, "what is that weird taste." Then when you get to the bottom of the mug, you realize that it's liver taste. Then you have to gag down the rest. The cup smells like liver. When I was on liquids, hubby bought me lots of soup. He doesn't understand that if ALL we can have is liquids, he doesn't have to buy low-sodium. It's probably okay for cooking, but regular chicken broth is all I can stomach after this lukewarm liver juice. Megan, may I suggest drinking it cold from the can if you've been extra bad?

Listen up people, either you start responding to some of my stupid threads, or I'll be forced to shut down LBT and actually work all day. What kind of friends are you? It's Friday, and I'm drinking warm liver water to punish myself for last night's quart of ice cream. I need some damn support here. Give it up.

Girl, you know I love you. But I have 3 sets of company this weekend. My sis and her friend come in tonight (staying with me.) Trish from LBT is at the Paris waiting for my call, and our friends from Lodi, CA that drive a race car are here for NHRA. That means you should freeze a LARGE batch and Fed-ex for Saturday delivery. I'll PM you my Fed-ex account number. Thank you so much, you are so kind and generous. xoxo much love

Do the BUMP BUMP BUMP for the Bean Bean Bean!

Oh, and since YOU mentioned Slumber Parties, I got CONGRADS balloons and prizes from my Slumber Mommy and my Slumber Grandmommy and from the company already! Somebody LOVED my party, so she wanted to do what I do. She signed up and already had two parties and is kicking butt. Then she signed her sister up. I have a Slumber Baby and a Slumber Grandbaby! Slumber ROCKS!!! Slumber kids & grandkids earn me $tuff

Dudette, I'm all over it! See the Las Vegas Bash 2006 thread. Let's see who can find it first... bump it up, Baby!

Damn, why did Rene have to find me? I think I almost talked Matt into letting me have a few. Gagging down another guzzle of liver juice.

Vines, you need to join the Psychotic Ramblings thread. Do like my mother did and paint all your windows Army-Green, then scratch peep holes in the paint so you know when "they" are watching your house. Make sure to tape little flaps over the peep holes so "they" can't see back in. HAHAH... Love you, girly!

Oh, yeah, laugh at the addict.

Here's the reason I can't quit soda (though I haven't had one in about 2 weeks.) This stack is just 5 steps outside my office door. It's unavoidable since I have to pass it on the way to the copy and fax room 95 times a day. And the fridge is stuffed with more soda. It's killing me! I'm sipping my stupid low-sodium broth with my back up diet ice tea, but I want 9 cans of soda! We only have 9 employees in this office, and several are part time. The attorneys are usually in court, so it's just me and those sodas. It's torture. Add that to Erin making pizza and heaping, steaming plates of eggrolls and french toast sausage sandwiches at 8:30 a.m. and you can probably appreciate why I was slugging down those sodas! FREE, mass quantities. Evil. Broth tastes like warm liver juice. Can't I have just one (pallet) of soda?

**shoves another wire hanger down pants** I'm not sure why you shoved the wire hanger down your pants, but I'll comply. Left or right leg?