makemyownluck

I will go to dinner, darn it! It's gonna be my BIRTHDAY, after all! When the NUT called to reschedule (she called, not someone from her staff), I mentioned that it was my birthday and told her to go easy on me. She said she's always nice on the first visit so you'll come back. I wonder if she was kidding! lol Thanks to all of you for the support and hugs - I appreciate it! I just straightened my shoulders and put my head up - as long as I can stay positive, anything is possible. I can will to this!

Patience has never been a virtue of mine. I'm already feeling a bit overwhelmed by this process. I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm doing the wrong things and that I'm wasting a lot of good money on all this medical stuff and I'll just have to start back at square one when I (hopefully, finally) get to a bariatric surgeon. So many, many steps. I just hope it's not all in vain. Guess I'm just feeling a little down lately. It's CRIMSON TIDE time, so I'm sure that has something to do with it. Also, my nut called and said she needed to reschedule my appointment. Now, instead of going the day after my bday, I'm going ON my actual bday. That should be fantastic. :\ First nut visit where I discuss all my bad habits and resolve to change them on the same day that I usually go out for an extravagant dinner and have drinks and cake. Awesome. I guess this is as good a time to start as any... wouldn't be able to indulge like that after being sleeved anyway! I'm too tired to do the perky, keep your head up thoughts afloat right now. Just gonna ride this out and see where it takes me. I'll try not to stay bummed out. *le sigh*

@jaded, I feel that may be the case. Between the 2 of us, she's the "skinny" fat girl. I'm pretty sure that my single girlfriends have never considered me as any competition. Not to make all my friends sound like jerks, because they aren't, but of course I'm the friend they can trust not to steal their man, because NO ONE is looking at me anyway! *sidenote; i can't feel flirty again. It's been so long! She's also been trying to diet and exercise since I've known her and I'm always the one who doesn't make her feel guilty eating a whole pizza with. Once we can't EAT together all the time, what will we do? I think I'm going to start going to the gym with her. She's invited me before, but I've never stepped foot in a gym and I'm nervous. I know that I'll have to take the plunge soon enough!

best advice ever!!! I'll be keeping this in mind for myself.

Saggy skin is going to happen. It's inevitable. But if you work out, it will slowly start to shrink. And if you had stretch marks in those places already, they might get worse and the skin is less likely to ever look smooth again. I haven't had surgery and I already know this is all FACT! But - you are going to learn to see yourself differently. It is true that young age and lower starting BMI will help you have less of it than others, but it will be there. Go to the spa, sit in a sauna, get massages... these will help tighten you up as well. And WORK OUT! The harder you push yourself, the better results you will get. I'm still working out getting a referral to a bariatric surgeon, so I'm a long ways from surgery. I hope to be on the track you're on very soon. Good luck! It's only gonna get better from here!

You're an inspiration. I feel like maybe I'm reading parts of my own "after" story - because I have actually considered not being able to look at something and know if it will fit, and what it will be like to buy clothes at any story - I've been mail ordering clothes for a few years now and it just makes me sad. When I get to a healthy weight, I'm sure I'll have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror naked. I've thought about this! I'm definitely not doing this for vanity, because I already know my body is gonna be a mess. But I'll take a smaller mess over the one I have now! Good luck to you. Be proud of all you're doing and how you've stayed on track. You're doing it right!

I've worked in insurance 10+ years and can tell you from my experience, we don't sit on paperwork. We have print outs and spreadsheets tracking everything we do. Any correspondence is time stamped and every company has turn-around-time goals. If something gets "old" we're going to be asked what the hold up is. When it comes to pre-approvals, on our end the hold up is with OUR medical staff. Why is that? IDK. Doctors run on their own time, I think. And as far as your doctors office not getting back to you, I'd ask if there's an office manager and speak to that person. If they can't help, then tell your surgeon that their staff is irresponsible with returning phone calls. That's not a responsible way to run a practice, and the MD should be aware if an office manager is unable to resolve the issue. I would normally err on the side of patience as well, but when you're lied to (i.e. them saying they didn't get the letter/it's still in nurse review) that's the end of being patient! Did you offer to fax a copy of yours to them? It should have most of the same info... In any case, try to keep your cool, but don't lay off hounding them to get their jobs done. good luck!

good luck to YOU with getting approved!! I am glad I don't have to do a sleep study - but I thought an upper GI would be mandatory, but my PCP didn't seem to think so... I'm just worried that it's the blind leading the blind, but maybe when I get what he's asked for already done, he'll be more encouraged to research this more thoroughly so I can get the answers I want. Baby steps, I tell myself. This isn't gonna happen overnight! The chick I scheduled the psych eval with said that it was only like 50-55 minutes, though. I might call to confirm that because I was really lucky that the place for the eval is literally across the street from where I work. I took their soonest appt and thought of going over there on my lunch break, but if it's going to be a 2 1/2 hour appointment, that's not an option!

thank you keldollbeth and everyone, really for sharing their experiences. I am just so confused about what I need to do to get referred to surgeon that at this point, I'm just going through the motions of the pre-op requirements. I have the NUT visits and the psych eval scheduled. I'm going in a few weeks for an EKG and to get a pap done since I'm long overdue. I really am interested in the NUT visit and following a diet because, you're right, it's better for me as far as being a surgical risk, not not a bad idea to ease into a new eating regime since it's all bout to get flipped upsidedown when surgery happens anyway! I really hadn't considered the idea that a dr. wouldn't refuse to do surgery before seeing weight loss... I kept focusing on the insurance requirements and getting the testing done - didn't even think about what the actual surgeon would want! Ya learn something new everyday on this board, and for that, I'm so thankful!

GOOD LUCK! I'm still wayy pre-op, but I'm hoping for a surgery date sooner rather than later! Can't wait to see more from you and hear of your progress!

oh man - I just started thinking about my estimated surgery date - early january '13 - and I forgot about needing to put on socks and shoes!! HOW QUICKLY I forget about these things during flip flop season! I had a compression bandage thingie (actual medical term, LOL!) that went around my waist when I had my gall bladder taken out. I haven't been sleeved yet, but they are similar as far as the laparoscopic part and I know that having support on my entire abdomen was helpful so I could move comfortably. I wore spandex under everything for a few months after that surgery.

"I don't need to be the smallest, mind you. Just not the biggest." yesssss!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even think about this in terms of how I can get to be a size (insert number here) - just in not being known as "the really fat woman" or similar descriptions. I shudder at the thought of how anyone would describe me to someone else who hasn't met me before. Good luck to you! Can't wait to see your progress!

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. I haven't been sleeved, but I did have my gall bladder taken out about 5 years ago laparoscopically. I was also uncomfortable in ANY position, as you describe. I couldn't lay down in my own bed for two weeks after surgery!! I'm kinda fearing the same for a sleeve because I don't have "that good chair" anymore to sleep in! I suggest, like the others, that you get something for pain - rx or otc is better than suffering. Be patient, it will get better!

I've made a gajillion phone calls in the last 2 weeks, I think! I really just wanna get this show on the road so I can get referred for a surgical consult. I had a Dr. visit today. This was follow up for my visit 2 weeks ago when my bp was way high and he put me on meds, I've been taking them as prescribed and they're working. He says he'd like it to be a little lower, but that it's better (I was 138/80, down from 162/92 2 weeks ago. Yay drugs!). So we talked more about surgery and I swear I'm more confused than when I went in. I mean, I understand the requirements, but I'm just baffled about what hospital I would go to. I guess I'll let that part work itself out and focus on the other stuff I need to do in the meantime. HMOs really are a pain. I never understood when people said that, but I've also never had to do anything like this before. HMOs are super, if you don't actually need major medical care! Here's my August schedule for MD appointments: 8/22 - 1st nutritionist visit. I'm actually looking really forward to this! I want someone to sit me down face to face and show me what this process is gonna be like. And to get started being healthy now would be great and help with the pre-op weight loss requirement for the surgeon. 8/28 - back to my PCP to check the bp again, then we'll do a pap (I'm wayyy overdue) and an EKG since that's gonna be a requirement pre-op. I hate pap tests. I'm really not thrilled about this. It's not even the poking and prodding, it's the sitting in stirrups and a too-tiny paper shirt when you're 200lbs. overweight. I feel sorry for anyone who gotta look at alla that! But it's all in the name of health, right?? :\ 8/29 - psych eval for WLS. I'm really, really curious what this is about. I've had counseling before, but this just seems... IDK. Odd. From what I read there's a quiz. I'm intrigued. Must I study for this quiz? lol So ya - never been to a NUT before, never had an EKG, and don't know what to expect from the psych eval. Anyone have anything that might help me through any of these? Look forward to replies...

...to check my bp, remove a mole, and let him know I have the appointment with the dietitian. hopefully all goes well. also, I want to ask him which hospital I would be referred to or if I get to choose. In outside of Chicago and there's lots of options, and I have NO idea how to choose which one to go to... too bad they're all equally far away and inconvenient for me! Convenience is hardly a factor! anyway, hopefully I'll have more answers tomorrow about the steps and how long it could take to get a referral to the bariatric dr. Does anyone know the process for bcbs IL h.m.o.?

I've been doing a lot of thinking on this since I posted (seems I can't think about anything else! GAHH!) and I think what it comes down to is this: - I really don't want the band. - I'd rather try this and see if I can be successful without doing a 2nd surgery to get the RNY or switch... I'm nervous of the long term complications of those two, with the nutritional deficiencies. I think that this will be a catalyst to make me lose - and ANY loss is better than staying where I'm at, right? If it takes me longer to get there, that's fine. I'm not doing this to be a size 6 by tomorrow, anyway... it's so I can actually move around and enjoy my life and actually have STORES to shop in for clothes (instead of online, sorting thru stuff that looks like my grandma would have liked!). I'm too young to feel this old, just cuz I'm big!! thanks for the replies, all - and for pointing me in the direction of where to get more info from the bigger folks like me who had more to lose.

I keep reading conflicting info about if the sleeve is appropriate for people with high BMIs? I am not sure of my weight, but I know I'm probably in the upper 50s on my BMI, if not even low 60s. I've got a lot of weight to lose and I'm wondering if this is the way for me to do it? I'm turned off to the lap band because I don't want something foreign in my body and I don't want to do fills. I don't want bypass because I'm worried about the malabsorption issues for the rest of my life. The sleeve sounds like the best option for me, but I'm wondering if I'm setting myself up to fail with it? Any High BMI'ers out there who were successful without getting a bypass or switch afterward?

I saw a glucose monitor commercial that looked like it was marketed toward 13 year olds the other day. and it made me sick because IT IS marketed at 13 year olds!! that's where we are as a society!! (at least, in the us. I'm too fat to fly - LOL!) don't let anyone shame you for making a choice to change your own life for the better. if she's that much bigger than you, she's probably that much more miserable about it, and this is her way of reinforcing her OWN decision to do nothing... she's projecting her negative thoughts about it on you. kill em with kindness... next time (hopefully there won't be one) just tell the person you're doing this to improve your health and move on!

I felt like I got nothing done at work today. I kept getting up to make phone calls, it was so frustrating. After three days and multiple attempts, I finally got through to the scheduler for the dietitian my PCP referred me to. The earliest they could get me in was August 22nd at 1:30, which happens to be the day after my birthday. They told me to chart my food intake as accurately as possible for a few days before the visit and that's about it. I asked if they had a high capacity scale, and was a little surprised that they don't. She said she would ask if the heart institute office (next door to them) had a high capacity scale and call me back... but I never heard back from her today. She seemed friendly enough, but then again, she's the scheduler. Nice is in her job description. The scheduler also mentioned that I should double check that dietitians are covered for weight loss, some insurances only cover for a recent DM dx. So that had me away from my desk for another 30m later this morning. Talk about being distracted from work!! I gotta ask - what gives on the scales? It's extra embarrassing because most scales are max capacity at 400 and I'm guessing I'm in the 420-440 range. I'm actually a little scared to find out, considering I haven't known my actual weight in years. Is this common? Am I the only fat person who doesn't obsess over their number? I think I'll be shocked to get the accurate weight, quite frankly. I don't know how I'm gonna feel about it when it comes right down to having THAT NUMBER in my head. Anyway, so I had to email my boss and work out some flex time (want to save that PTO if I can!) so I can go to this appointment. I've never really had to ask for flex time, so this recent influx of requests from me got her to finally ask me if everything was okay. I was reluctant, but I had a chat with her about how my bp recently spiked and my MD and I discussed surgery... it was like I was in the frickin therapists office... but she shared some personal stuff with me and in the end, it was kinda nice. And she reassured me that she wouldn't talk to anyone about it, and she wished me luck - even went to the HR lady and got some details about STD benefits if/when I get surgery scheduled. I swear, I only actually committed to wanting to do surgery like 8 days ago and I feel like it's just been a run away train since!! Anyone else have some similar pre-pre-pre surgical stories to share? Or any sage wisdom to help me through all these really overwhelming and stressful times?

HAH - that's such a condescending phrase, anyway! How is that encouraging?! lol But yes, definitely a funny pun!

I am nowhere near even having a surgery date, but I've already pondered the "who to tell" topic frequently. My office is very gossipy, with my direct supervisor leading the charge, so I'm very worried that everyone will know... then again, I'm sure an extended absence and sudden, vast weight loss might tip them off too, so I think this story has inspired me that safe is better than sorry! I don't care what those gossipy crows think about me, anyway!!

So, this morning on my drive to work, I got to thinking about "being on a journey". I've always found the whole "this is a journey" thing a little cheeseball, but now that I'm ON IT, I realize it's a completely accurate description. The trick will be staying on it! I started envisioning this process as a road trip (my favorite) and it struck me that I'm still in my driveway, and I'm not getting on the road today! I got the referral to the nutritionist in the mail yesterday but when I called, the scheduling office was already closed. This morning I left the dang paper at home so I couldn't call at work. By the time I got home, it was too late to call again!! Better luck tomorrow, I already put it in my purse for tomorrow, I did make SOME progress today. I called my insurance to verify that WLS is a covered benefit on my ***. She said it is "as long as your PCP says it's medically necessary" but I already know there are other prerequisites. The woman on the phone just kept referring me back to my PCP - she didn't even know what a vertical sleeve gastrectomy was!! Fortunately, I used to work for the company that I'm currently insured through, so I knew how to locate their medical policy online to get the requirements myself. I was surprised to find they haven't changed much in the last 5 years since I worked for them! LOL! AND! VSG IS COVERED! yay!! Eligibility: be at least 18 years of age. CHECK! Be BMI 40+. (less enthusiastically) Check. **the rest I still need to do: Documentation from the surgeon that I have completed: - a nutrition program, which may include a VLC diet or recognized commercial diet based weight loss program AND - Behavior modifications or behavioral health interventions AND - Counseling and instruction on exercise and increased physical activity AND - Ongoing support for lifestyle changes to make and maintain appropriate choices that will reduce health risk factors and improve overall health AND - psych eval w/i 12 mo AND - absence of psychological comorbidity that could contribute to weight management and/or an eating disorder AND - patient willingness to comply with preoperative and postoperative treatment instructions. Seems like a lot, but really it's what? Nutritionist consult (working on scheduling that), a psych eval (need to ask about that), and going to the seminar the hospital does should cover the rest. Right? Or am I way off? I'm getting worried about how much this is going to cost. Despite being on an ***, i have a LOT of out of pocket expenses. I have a $500/day copay for the hospital stay. Plus it's $40 copay every time I see the PCP and goes up to $60 for specialists (including the nutritionist I have to see (at least 4 visits, per my referral slip), the psych eval and visits to the bariatric Dr. too!!). I can just see this being a real financial hardship. I know it will be worth it, and it's NOT a deterrent for me, but I'm just realistically trying to see how I can squeeze this money out of my budget right now and the outlook is not good!! I was trying to realistically think about how much time I could AFFORD to take off work when I have surgery and I started getting a little panicky! How am I going to afford this? WHY does my insurance suck so bad (I WORK FOR AN INSURANCE COMPANY - I WOULD THINK I'D GET THE BEST!!! WRONG!)??? And then thinking about long term expenses like how am I going to afford all the new clothes I'm gonna need? And the vitamins and protein shakes, and gym membership and yadda yadda yadda - and then I realized that that's why it's a journey. And why it's especially like a road trip. All this hardship and work and everything is like a long, sweaty ride to The Grand Canyon. The one where you're in a car with a bunch of people and the air went out, and you're all crabby and you've been on the road for a couple of days and starting to stink and you're delayed because the car broke down and then... you get to The Grand Canyon. And it's amazing. It changes your life. You'll always remember the moment you saw it, and chances are, you'll recall the trip as a lot more fun than the reality. It's the destination that's important and makes everything else worthwhile. But the getting there is a real pain in the you-know-what. *sigh* So yeah, I'm already starting to get overwhelmed, but I know that all the sacrifice will pay off. I'm keeping my eye on the prize, but there's a lot I need to work out. IF my timeline for this that's in my mind (based on my various research and talking to my dr.), I could be eligible for surgery as soon as December. And if that's the case, everyone I know is gonna just have to DEAL with not getting a present from me this Christmas!! lol!! In the meantime, I'm just going to have to keep my mind on my money and my money on my mind for a while... and STAY POSITIVE!

This fear is what has kept me from getting surgery when I first considered it at age 22. I'm (almost) 32 now and have only ballooned even bigger in the last 10 years!! I look back now and WISH I was the same weight I was at age 22 - and I thought I was at my max BACK THEN. Also, I have worked in health insurance for the last 10 years as well - In claims, pre-authorizations, AND in underwriting, so I've seen the good, bad, ugly and UGLIEST of things people have gone through with these surgeries. I feel like I've seen it all!! But on the flip side, I could also be one of those unfortunate people that strokes out or has a heart attack in their 30s simply because they're too fat. Would I rather give up cake for the rest of my life or be paralyzed? Uh, I'll pass on that cake... What really made me open my eyes and say this is the better choice is that I was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure. Despite lifelong obesity, I've remained relatively healthy. The only major medical problem I've had is gall stones and I had my gall bladder removed right away with zero complications. Other than that, good blood work, good bp (until recently), good everything else except being big. I just know that without this tool, I'm going to fail at losing weight as I have been doing for my whole life. Weight gain and/or complications are just bridges I'll have to cross when/if I get to them. In the meantime, the best thing we can do for our health is to THINK POSITIVELY! Whatever weight loss plan you ultimately choose, surgery or not, it's gonna require patience and commitment - and plenty of setbacks. That is what makes our journey our own. Good luck! You can do this!

Thanks to all of you for the kind words and support - I'm so glad to have a board like this where I can say how I feel and not feel like a weirdo!! Leslie, this is ringing SO TRUE with me right now. I think there are people, even other overweight people, who really don't understand the burden it is to carry this weight around. This is NOT the easy way out or a weak person's solution... if anything, I'm taking the HARD ROAD because I want to have this drastic surgery and there will be no going back when it's done! And you saying that after 32lbs you feel the difference just reinforces that - 30lbs can change your life! Good luck to all of you in your progress. I look forward to hearing more from all of you!

So, I'd say I'm PRE-pre-op. I'm terribly obese. I can't even tell you how obese because my doctor doesn't have a scale that goes that high. He hasn't had a scale that goes high enough... for a while. I'll be 32 in exactly 20 days and I've been fat my whole life. I've never been happy about that. I've never been proud of it. In fact, I've mostly tried to ignore it and hope everyone else does too. I've literally been the elephant in the room. I considered surgery so many times in my life. But, I don't know, there was something nagging in the back of my mind saying that surgery was a bad idea. For whatever reason, I decided that I need to do something now. I've already "wasted" so much of my life being fat - because, sadly, I am a total hermit and don't go out, therefore have been single for WAY too long. I have zero confidence when it comes to men. Furthermore, I don't even like the idea of having someone touch me right now. I disgust myself. I know that might come off as totally self-loathing, but I really don't hate myself. I hate my situation. I want to change it. As someone who has tried to keep blinders on about it for years, I actually think it's the healthiest thing for me to look at myself through a strangers eyes. I'm no longer some chubby girl who's still kinda cute. I'm FAT. I don't want to be anymore!! So, looking around at the various surgical options, I think I really want VSG. I talked to my PCP on a visit 2 weeks ago about surgery and he said we can get started so the insurance will approve it. He's referred people for it before, people with similar insurance as mine. At this last visit, I was also officially diagnosed with high blood pressure (160/90) and he put me on meds to bring it down. I go see him again Monday, and I have a whole bunch of questions written out for him. I've been seeing him for years and he respects me (I think) and he knows I have some medical knowledge (I'm a health insurance underwriter - YES, I'm probably that jerk you hate that declined you coverage) so I'm really hoping to get a better understanding of how the process works and what I can do to speed the process along. I got a referral to a Nutritionist from him on my last visit, I'm calling them tomorrow to schedule an appointment. (the referral came in the mail today - NO, I promise I haven't been procrastinating since 2 weeks ago!!) I'M SO NERVOUS!!! I talked to my best friend about it last weekend and she wasn't as supportive as I thought she'd be. She's also overweight, but not nearly as much as I am. Despite the fact that we've shared with each other multiple times how unhappy we are with our weight, I really think she sees WLS negatively. She's the kind of friend who will support me anyway, but I just feel like deep down, she thinks I'm making a mistake - and that bums me out. Then again, I was one of those surgery nay-sayers 3 weeks ago, so I can also understand that A, the news was probably a shock and B. I could be projecting. She's got serious issues of her own to deal with, so maybe I'm putting too much value into the conversation! I told my mom about it today. She was so happy for me! She's also overweight and said, "I've been wanting to do something like that too, but I'm too scared to take the plunge!! I'll let you go first - PAVE THE WAY!" I wish I had talked to my mom before I talked to my friend!!! (Isn't that how it always goes? lol) Anyway, Mom agreed to take good care of me post-op, so I got that part taken care of, albeit incredibly premature. I realize I've barely dipped my toes in this whole process and I'm already so anxious to do this! I want my life to change. I want to go through what everyone describes here - the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows - I just want to turn my whole life around so I can go run down the street if I want to, or not have to worry about if there's a close parking spot or if that friend's house has a bunch of stairs.. OR ICE IN THE WINTER!! Ugh! I swear, FAT GIRL NITEMARE is falling on some ice and it's impossible to GET UP!! lol - gotta keep a sense of humor about these things, right? Anyway, I really look forward to this journey. I hope I can stick to it, I hope I can get this done... wish me luck! Hope to find some cool people with a sense of humor to get through this process with on this site, and IRL.