Jennifur

Pamela - I recorded it and watching the end weigh in right now. I agree about the music. But look at these people work their asses off. It blows me away. Did I look like that at 5'5 and 278? No wonder I hated myself!

Tracy- you are kind of right, that was what happened last time, but I think pms was a big factor. I am back down to 213 and I was 233 on July 19. So my plan, liquids for the next couple of days to get rid of the bloat and get my self together, and make myself meals. I went to the store today and got some yogurt, some chicken, 2% cheese and some more tuna and veggies. So- saturday morning I'll get my butt out of bed and start eating real food. I usually do this Once a month and have worked hard to maintain. And I'm still holding strong It is just time to kick it up. Speaking of, I'm home from work and watching the Biggest Looser. If these people can work and sweat, so can I. I know I'm at the gym every other day, I need to kick it up. loose the last 14lbs to get into onederland I can do this. Anyone else watch? It is so touching, what people say is just so true and just touched my heart.

Hi guys a quick check in on my way to work, Laura, i can see how you can't do shakes, you have such sensitive taste buds. LOL Judy - mine is finally falling out at a normal pace- and even growing back in so there is hope, but I remember those handfuls and it was scary

Laura - where do you get them? Anyone watch Days of our lives? I know you all work. The new host for the Biggest Looser is Allison Sweeney - I love her. I am going to tape it as motivation. Look if those people can do it without surgery - so can I!!!

good for you Tracy - I really can't wait for appt on friday, I really need to go over my choices. or good choices for when I'm running like a crazy person. I am going to read my journal at work tonight or when I get home while I relax. today - 2 cups coffee 2 chicken tenders i know... no good. about 250 cals for the day. I have good food at work - I have not been able to eat with dd being sick, stress does bad things to the band. so here is my NSV for the day... I was at the Dr. office with Melissa - we obviously have same dr - so since we know each others weight, and bad habits, she said I could go in. Nancy our np (who I love and is leaving) asked if we met, i looked familiar, I told her my name and she was amazed. Dr. Singh was looking at me like he knew me but couldn't put his finger on it either... that was the motivation I needed. my own dr didn't know me. LOL Melissa - you are doing great girlfriend! keep up the great work.

Ok back from lunch, I ATE food. I still feel so yucky, I didn't even pretend, I had 2 chicken tenders - I have a nutrition appt on Friday am at 8 so first thing in the am... good, sucks i have to pay for the visit 49 but i get 15% off if I pay on Friday. I do need to go for an attitude adjustment. I so need my health insurance back. I can't wait. Anyway, I'm going to relax b efore I began the next part of my day

Off on an adventure, going to meet melissa for liquid lunch then possibly the Y It is raining here, has been for days, don't think it is ever going to stop. Man you would think it was May, not Sept! I hope you all have a great day

I think about it daily, as much as I want the scale to move. I am comfortably in a size 16 right now and healthier than I have been in years. I have lost 66lbs in 5 months. That would have never happened. So - when I get frustrated, I remember this. 5 months, even 2 months ago, I was looking at these clothes in my closet wishing I could fit in them. I am at the last layer of what I had and then it is time to shop. Which means, I am at my lowest in many many years. Go Me. Any everyone is doing just as well - so many NSV's - just so proud of all of us - you guys are a part of my life, and such a wonderful part - and have given me the courage to stand up for myself! and get me back THANK YOU

TracyK - what do you eat daily? I have somehow lost track of what I should be doing and just can't remember. I am going to prepare some stuff today so I can get back on track tomorrow. I should grab my journal out and look through that. I know I'm not getting close to 60g Protein - i have just been so crazy. I have been so close to you and now you are blowing me away. It does feel good to not take the abuse anymore and stand up for myself.

Pamela - you look great! I'm not very good at the pic thing. Terry helped me last time and I honestly know know if I could do it again. Well, I'm up, I had one of those horrible dreams this morning. My dd went to cheerleading last night and was not suppose to practice just be there for her presence so she could have her required time in. Well, of course the neighbor who knows how bad my kids get had her practice. Piss me off. Then they want her to spend the night Wed because they are off Thurs. I told her we would see. Well she woke up tight again this morning to the point my mom was concerned. So - after the dream where the neighbor's daughter called me crying saying she was really sick and needed to go to the hospital, that was my decision. No cheerleading tonight and no sleepover tomorrow night! PERIOD. She has pic night tomorrow with cheerleading and the first school dance is Friday and a game Saturday. She cannot run every day being sick and already being in the hospital once this week. I love her way to much to let anything happen because of extra stuff. Morning TracyK - i see you

Kat - I'm sorry your visit didn't go as planned, I wouldn't worry, they are good at that, I was sick with a horrible infection, swollen glands and 103 fever for 2 weeks and all I kept getting was I was depressed and medicated, so I kept believing it. Guess what, you don't get a fever with depression ASS HOLE!!!!! I changed Dr right after that and I love my new one! Pamela. DBF's day is coming, he does not know it but he does not want to discuss money so I am going to march my semi fat ass down to support collection and tell them to deal with it - that is what they are getting paid for. It is a lonely time when you put things in perspective, but you know what, it feels kind of good telling everyone the truth. actually it feels really good, like a huge weight is being taken off of me - it is self healing, but not just self healing, it is me finding myself and my true feelings and not being afraid to be me - not what everyone wants me to be as for the student who was already suspended. It is scary and I blame the parents 1000000000% for most of the issues with the kids today, I see so many at my dd's school who's parents cover for them and say they would never do wrong, no punishment and making excuses. OWN UP TO YOUR MISTAKES, IT BUILDS CHARACTER!!!!! I do have the best kids in the world. they are not perfect but respectful and kind, I guess they have to get that from somewhere. I just hope dd does not find boys like I did. I tell her not to follow my mistakes with her dad... he is an ASS HOLE too. told ya i'm in rare form. LOL

well I thought I was at 4 post and was going to try to beat Terry's 5 consecutive from the other day, but i'm beat and really going to bed right now night all

Hey ladies, I found a cruise out of Baltimore 5 night starting at 649 goes to Bermuda. I might call and find out about packages. Do you guys have southwest where you are, they have all kinds of specials to baltimore all the time. May 10th next year I had someone recommend a travel agent. well i'm looking at this as I don't know where I'm going to come up with $800 to pay my mtg - I do get a large tax return - so that is how I would pay for it. LOL

Judy - what wonderful pics. you guys look fantastic, and it was so beautiful in the pics, must have been breathtaking being there Kat- how did you make out today at the dr? I'm glad your dream did not come back!

Well, i found out the other reason why i'm gaining a few and so bloated. yup. my visit from TOM is early this month. Stupid change in season is a bit early this year, usually don't count on this until October. Man - was I not pleasant, I ripped everyone in my path a new ass this week. Not that it is an excuse, I really felt like I've had it with everyone and everything, I thank my band for that, for making me realize I am better than the way people have treated me over the last 4 years, I am better than waiting around for dbf to call me, tired of new guy (I told him to f' off too) falling asleep and then saying "when are we going to get together?". Done, I want a steady relationship, but I don't want to be second best anymore! Have not told dbf to get out of my life but did give him the lecture too. Today... he decides to worry about our daughter... I felt like saying why are you worried sick, you have not cared in a long time about any of us to justify that, but I didn't, I just told him I was just overwhelmed with life and then proceeded to list everything, including what was wrong with our relationship. I am in rare form,... then i got my period. LOL Seriously, not funny because all these things have been consuming me for a very long time. Anyway. I am going to go look at Judy's pics from her cruise. Going to meet Melissa for a liquid lunch, she is getting a fill tomorrow. I'll be back in a few

Man - dd went to the dr. she got a good check up, they put her on another med as a preventative and then has to go back in November for an appt. She is feeling so much better she wanted a special dinner... I just made the best shrimp scampi ever I know, not the greatest of choices, I actually ate speghetti, but it was whole grain and it actually doesn't expand like regular pasta. I had 1/4 cup and some shrimp... YUMMY well i'm off to take dd to cheerleading practice. she has to go but is not going to participate, which stinks. They lost 4 girls already and 1 more broke her hand in 4 places so she is done for the season. YUCK. Anyway, I"ll be back after the gym. I'm going after I drop her off

JUDY - so nice to have you back, and so glad you had such a wonderful time. I can't wait until I have such great NSV"s I need them these days. LOL well, i'm up again today, I just can't take it. I need a fill and don't have any insurance, so I guess self discipline is what it has to be. but the problem is, I'm so very very stressed the past week I just don't have it, I'm really not eating a lot, just not the best choices. My fingers and feet are so swollen - I'm going to take my water pill and try to flush it all out the next 2 days well i'm off to take my aunt out. My mom just told me I was earning my halo.... but I actually do it all because I love my insane family and enjoy helping when I can. it is my time, it is going to get better. I don't know when and I don't know how, but I do know that god does have a plan and in the last 8 months I have grown religiously so much. 8 Months ago, I would have been frantically freaking out trying to make a plan, right now, I'm semi calm and know it will be ok and letting him help me, not making a plan, just doing what I feel I need to do as it comes at me. For all you who are not religious, I apologize, just ignore my ranting, for those who are, I know you understand what I'm trying to get at here. 8 Months ago I would have just read this and said they are insane - I love my pastor and his wife, and they are real people and came into my life when I needed them most. ok I'm done and out. be back Hey Tracyks - how was your weekend? where you at????

Morning Violets. To answer the big question. I think I am getting too much water, i have about 80-100oz just at work, I'm probably having too much. I am going to take my water pill today and try to flush some out. My crazy aunt woke me up this morning about 10 mins ago. DD is feeling so much better, she is doing her breathing treatment right now, and then I get up and feel like someone is jumping on my chest. just what i need - to get sick right now. Anyway, I have to take my aunt to the store and the bank, just what I wanted to do this morning, but she doesn't have anyone to do it, so I really don't mind. Kat - I hope you got some sleep last night, I am the same way, sometimes just so hard to shake dreams that seem so real

Terry - that is beautiful. I hope you have a fantastic time, you need and deserve it!!! Pamela - you crack me up, I was lmao about the lifetime movies... but so true Well, my insane dd who knows she is not allowed near ginniepigs (sp), not even in the same room. Well remember she stayed at the neighbors last night, well..... I thought they were sleeping downstairs... NOPE they stayed in the bedroom with that stupid rodent. So needless to say, today was a borderline nightmare, steroids started at 9:30 this am - treatments ever 4 hrs and then at 5 they began every 2 hrs. So guess where I just got home from.... yup the ER ! she was maxed out on her meds and she needed more so off we went, I will only give them so much at home and then I want it supervised. So we had the best medical team ever. I walked in told them she needed a treatment and i had a resp therapist, dr, and 2 nurses and a room ahead of everyone! AMAZING, some times we are there for hours before they even get us in. We were there and home, travel time and all in 1 1/2 hr!!! she has such a stomach ache from all the meds and is up in my room, I'm having a little bite to eat, i'm starving, never got to eat dinner and had to leave to take her. Thank god mom is back in town and could stay with ds so I didn't have to take him with us. well i'm off to bed, will check in before I go to aqua aerobics or to do weights, I have not done that since thurs. night all OH PAMELA - Judy is on her cruise to Alaska for 10 days, maybe Wed or Thurs she should be back...

Melissa - would never forget about you well, it is a nice rainy day here, how nice. it is finally starting to cool down so maybe I can survive tonight at work. well off for a nap i think then i'm going to work. I'll check in when i get home.

Good for you TracyK ! I am up 4 lbs that I lost this week, but my feet are swollen and my hands too. I worked so hard this week and was down to 210 and then 1 night of work. In reality, I know what I ate yesterday was not that bad and was not enough to gain 4#. Did I mention I need to get out of there! So a good thing, one of my very real true friends who I met there working 15 years ago, we are still the best of friends, we can not talk for ever it seems and then pick up right were we left off. I have a handful of them and they are worth not having a ton of friends... Anyway, she came in last night and she is having relationship issues and needs to get her bills all paid - so she is going to start working next week I think. Fridays & Sats. That is going to be so good for me to have her back. I miss her and we have crazy lives so It will be nice to see her regularly well I'm going to drink my coffee and make a plan.

Hey everyone, just checking in and going to bed My mom is back here with my kids, and OMG the drama she is teaching them is making me slightly insane. She has them convinced in thunder storms that they need to take fans out of windows that are under a porch, turn off ceiling fans, lights, close everything up!!!! They have stayed home all summer in storms while i've been at work, and tonight they were freaking so they are sleeping at my neighbors. That is just insane and needs to stop now! Although I am alone tonight and going to try to sleep. I just don't know what to do, I am so stressed I can't stand it... It seems a lot of us have a tremendous amount of stress this month. TracyK - I too am at my 1/2 way point, actually a little past, but I also have too much motivation and support from my violets and will not stop here. Although It will be nice to not be working in the heat on my feet like this because I feel so bloated and retaining. So tonight during my meltdown, I ate so much for me. I got to work and had 4 chicken tenders, I needed to eat as it was 90 and tripical again today, then I had 1/2 cup of fresh tomatoe & mozz salad YUMMY. and then I made a pizza with a pita as the crust, 1/4 c mozz cheese and lots of sauce. I'm sure not a ton of cals but man, if i was not completely depressed I would not have eaten that much. Terry - I hope you have a great time, you deserve to. You will be missed ... a whole week!!! well off to bed. hugs to you all

TracyK - thank you TracyKS - see I can relate too.... stupid family court nightmare!!!!! well, i'm off to the grocery store with the little bit of money i did get this week, kids have to eat.

Morning gals well I got up this morning, ds was in my room at 7 and finally i decided i should just get up - so i got up and was checking my email like i do every morning. The other day I called support collection because I didn't get my support on the 1st. The guy told me the monthly stuff from dbf's employeer was not recieved and to check back fri afternoon, but because i do it online, It doesn't update until this morning. So I get a monthly check from something esle, so I checked to see if that was here and yes it was, so I was happy - then I go online. NO MONEY FROM DBF. I sent him an email. I asked him the other day and he never answered so this morning I blasted him. He can get me the money by monday or we go back to court! PERIOD, I'm done. I love him and if he puts up with me then he does, but when he doesn't take care of his kids, that is another issue. He knows i'm not making much money and need it and it puts a roof over their heads. can you say $1800 in arrears at this point. I will be getting $1000 oof it back when he files his taxes but that does not help me now. whew... I needed to get that out. I hate family court, hate hate hate. His mom use to work there so it is all political, and nothing is easy for me and nothing is quick - it took me almost 2 years to get another $30 a week and then I only get $5 a week towards the $1500 in arrears for that 2 year period. It is bs. He maybe having disability pay issues but is retired from the navy. and just bought a new harley with huge payments. He can give me my cash. it is a mess. and like I've said before, if I found an attorney that would have gone after the county I would have been there in a minute. I could get him for emotional distress?????

yeah Tracy... congrats! I am just checking in and heading up to bed. Hi melissa... I'm working on a real job so we can chat... I'm jealous you got to just change depts! Oh Tracy - imagine your name, ss#, address, phone numbers all being mailed to a random gut with his paperwork! it was a clerical error and never happens.... ironically, it happened again right after this huge fight. You are in my prayers