Jennifur

Judy - Yes I got my resume faxed over. I am done with antibiotics, I could hardly stand up today from the pains in my bely. I am so bloated with gas I can't stand it. I hurt. I was told between 60-74g and I find I loose when I do that and maintain at 40g. I am going to do shakes tomorrow. I had 2 chicken tenders and a bowl of chili for dinner.

OMG KAT= I am so glad you are ok, that must have been so scary. I am on such overload so I'm just lurking around.

Hi gals just checking in, what a day. Laura - I'm so sorry about your sister, i really hope they figure it out.

Morning gals thank you for keeping me in your thoughts - I really need it, and today I am going to have to deal with the support issue again. It is so very stressful but so is not paying my bills. Well today I officially have health insurance again, that is a good thing. I am going to hit the gym this morning at some point. I am going to fax my resume and then clean out the garage now that I have a big empty space. since i have had 4 hrs of sleep, i'm going to drink my coffee so I can function and make a real plan, so much to do so little time, without children around anyway

Judy thanks MUAH! Man, so my day just continued to go down hill. I went to my dd's football game and the cheer coach is the neighbor, they treated me worse than normal. After she told my mom that she missed me and they talked, now she is meaner. Door closed move on to the next chapter. So 3 months ago I called HD and told them I can't afford my bike and I wanted to give it back, they said i should try to sell it and not give it back. So guess what, they came and picked it up today. It was a big releif because I can't afford to live let alone my bike, but still sad. Actually makes me angry that DBF has a new one after he wrecked the old one and can pay $500 a month for that but can't give me my support. I need that $3k and I'm sinking here. I just have a feeling about tomorrow - because I am doing something about it. Well, I'm going to visit with mom, she had her cancer retreat and wants to tell me about it

wow i feel better getting that out as I cried my eyes out as I typed.

I just got off the phone with my sister. She kills me, we live in 2 different worlds - her husband who is a complete pig (another long story) owns his own company and has so much money they don't know what to do with it, Ferrari for example, vacation home... she does not work but takes the kids to dance, swim, play groups, will not ever leave them with a sitter and here I am- down to earth and don't have a penny. Anyway - she was telling me for weeks Oct 20 is her daughters bday and it is going to be early so I can be there and don't forget. Well, it is at 2:30, and she thought that because she mailed an invite to my dad, who she doesn't talk to, that I could go into work late. Hello, resturant, small staff, I can't just go in late Like I work in an office, what world are you living in? Then she said when you see mom... tell her to call me, I feel like I have not seen her in a long time.... I said to her "i know you think I see her all the time but I don't ever see her" she said I know and she had to go and got a major attitude. She does not have a clue what the real world is like anymore, I am working my ass off, have no social life, don't get to see my family, and go to work when my dd gets home and it is not easy for me, so for them to give me shit just doesn't help I get from my mom all the time that I need to get a day job. Are you kidding me? I've been trying for months, send my resume out, interview and nothing - so make me feel worse about what I'm doing and where I am in my life right now. Thanks all for making me feel like crap more than I already do.

Terry - yes my mom is. She is actually working on becomming a reiki master, We are going to Re do my back room and she is going to put up her table and make it her reiki room. sometimes a little much for me to deal with but that is ok

Morning violets. TracyK- OMG I am so sorry, I was power post reading and didn't realize that I missed the pics. You do look fantastic...and size 12/14... Man o man I just realized my friend and her hubby will be at the game today - i'm going to bring my resume today and give them a copy there, it looks much nicer on my resume paper than a fax. Anyway, just crawling out of bed, going to finish my coffee. I'm afraid to weigh in today, it was hot last night and i know I retain, but my toe ring was falling off so I don't get that, i feel tight but my toes are shrinking? Judy - it is a nice feeling to be able to cross everything isn't it. LOL My cousin is having her surgery tomorrow, I am so excited for her. She called me yesterday. She is afraid that she is going to have the surgery and not lose any weight. Knowing she is having surgery, she had a fairwell to food and has been eating junk. I laughed remembering my week before surgery. I told her she will do fine - she did great and had great willpower on adkins last year, she just hit that plateau and couldn't lose anymore, but kept it all off. It is so funny she has bcbs and they just changed their requiements, if you don't stay overnight they don't require pre approval, so no overnight stay - Her dr is giving her a 4cc fill in her band on the table!!!! That seems a bit extreme to me... anyone else???? Judy- isn't your hubbys fills just at that point? I am going to drive down to the city on Thursday to see her, she took the week off work, I told her I was thinking about going down Tomorrow, but she will be out of it, I can help her more Thurs and we can visit. My advice to her was if you plan on sleeping in bed, which she didn't know might be an issue, get a step stool to help her up so she doesn't pull anything. OH as for hair falling out. I started using that green shampoo, helbal essence fruit something.... I use the Lenghten and strengthen formula. I used it at my friends house after we did my hair one time about a month ago and instantly my hair was not falling out as badly. I have been using it every day for a month and I am back to normal hair loss and it is actually even growing back in. I have tons of new growth. I just thought I would share that with you all I have notice that my nails are peeling off and until Friday I coudn't figure out why, they were so nice and now omg, hurt sometimes , but I noticed that I have a line in my nails it is alost to the top but in the same place on all my nails. I wonder if this is where I was lacking nutrition from surgery? They are so thick after the ridge and I thought that was odd. Ok enough of all this for the moment, going to finish my coffee

Hi gals, what a busy day here so today just as I was running out the door to work, I got a call from a friend - she told me she told her husband to keep his eye open at his work, in a steel shop, for work for me. They had 2 people leave last week and they called me for my resume and to talk to me. I'll be going in for an interview Later this week or the beginning of the following. After chatting with my friend with her hubby in the background, I got a few of his main concerns and guess what.... all my feelings about being a female.... yup all true. He said they had a female a few years ago and it was good for all of them and would love to have another around but... they don't have a co=ed bathroom, they are in a shop and lots of shop talk... Hello, is the bathroom semi clean... I just need to pee and wash my hands.... and shop talk... they can't scare me off, I know what I've signed up for!!!!! OMG, my mom, is into crystals, rakie (sp) and such, and she said 2 months ago not to get down but I won't find a job until October. that is monday, they day I'm faxing my resume!!!!I am excited and nervous. what if it doesn't work, he has been looking for about 4 months for me and a job comes up when my mom said I would have one. Pay is only $3.50 more than I'm making but it is in my field!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! Could this be my dream? There is o/t, and some travel for training... did I mention OMG!!!!! PRAY FOR ME LADIES. I am calling in this job, this is what I've been holding out for~ Well, I just want to say goodnight, and you are all stuck with me, as crazy as I am. You guys are all so special, and we have met and bonded during a very exciting yet trying time in our lives. I know our violets have shurnk to a handful of us, but you guys are so special - and to have our old violets pop in and even be able to jump back in and get support or just say hi, well it is just an amazing thing. night all

hello gals I am that close but no sidewalks on part of the route and people drive like crazy people and I'm not thrilled about walking in the dark on those roads. I could hitch a ride home but a couple nights I'm a taxi so that wouldnt alway work either. 3 months ago I would not have been able to walk the hills.

man o man, I started antibiotics on Thurs night, I do think I had strep, My throat feels so much better but OMG, there is a reason I don't like taking antibiotics. I am starving and everything i eat is going right through me. I want to walk to work but I"m kind of scared to be stuck in the middle of nowhere. Maybe I'll walk to work tonight.

Michelle I am never giving up my violets! So If you don't reach your goal when I do, YOU ARE STUCK WITH ME. I love sharing with my violets. I feel like you gals know me better than anyone at this point in my life. When something happens, boy issue, NSV, or just being insane like normal, The first place I go is to my violets. So... On that happy note... you can't get rid of me girlfriend. I'll Drive down to kick your butt if I have to. You know I love road trips

Terry - I'm not offended. I can't wait until I can see that someone else in there. I got my camera back Thursday, I'll try to get some pics this weekend. I just can't smile, I have hated camera's for so long i freak when they come out.

Morning violets Kat - you are an amazing woman. I am so happy for you on your NSV. I was smiling away thinking that we are going to keep having NSV's, even when we think we are can't have anymore. Have fun seeing your friend. TracyK- whooooo hoooooooooo you are getting closer. My 199 goal is Halloween. I am getting my 2nd fill on the 16th and can't wait. I am starting to get out of control and really need it. I did take my measurements today since I've been an exercise queen again and it moved 1/4" I know not enough to matter but at least it is moving. If I can lose a total of 1" by working out by my fill without loosing anything I will be extremely happy Panda - you look so great and I am sure you had a great time on the roller coaster. I went to six flags and went on some rides and fit about 25lbs ago and that felt great so I'm sure you were very comfortable! Well I am going to drink some coffee and try to wake up - I need to shower and be to work by 11. It is only a mile there but along my new walking route. So.... I am going to walk to work. I would do it more if I didn't have to walk home at midnight.

Hey gals just getting in, so very tired, long night. Terry - When I get something I love and can eat, I enjoy every bite. Tonight I had wings, and they were sooooo good. I only had 6 really tiny ones, I picked the small ones out of the bag, but loaded with Cyane Pepper and hot sauce, they were so good. and when I was done I was full and satisfied. I savor all the flavor in everything I make. You are all doing wonderful - I need to get in gear but don't think I will until my fill on the 16th. I am just going to keep working out every day and I'll be fine. Well, off to bed. night all

the one who i always talk about is. the guy from yesterday who wants a commitment to spend time with me is a new guy, and he is kicked to the curb. what drama. I need the strength to deal with kids dad. I wish i didn't love him, but our drama over the last 4 years is why i was a complete fat ass, now I've worked to a mini fat ass. LOL off to work

dbf is an issue and I wish I could just let him go, getting there.... or he would let me go and stop playing mind games. it would be so much easier if we didn't have 17yrs and 2 kids. new whatever.... i walked away last night and I told him no way was I ready to be someone's girlfriend, no commitment right now.

Well, I forgot, this guy was here for a reason, I now realize that people are interested in me, no matter how sick it is, and I deserve better than this. A good transition and someone to make me realize there is so much more out there. So he was good for something Michelle - 8lbs in a month is 2lbs a week, right where you should be. I convince myself of that every day. LOL

Well ladies, thank you all so much, it is funny because that is just how I feel lately, I'm much stronger than I was 6 months ago. But as you said Terry, If he is into you then he will make an ass of himself. Well, I have had 4 loves of my life too, 3 of them went out of their way and the 4th, well he just worshiped the ground I walked on, if he was still here I think at this point in my life I would have married him. He killed himself 3 years ago. What is that saying, the one you love... the one that loves you... and the one we settle for???? something like that. Anyway. Moving on.... I want to be equal not last in line anymore. well back from the gym, eating a salad with chicken on it, I'm starving.

Tracy & Judy I do know it is a load of bs. You said what I guess I was trying, this is the dating stage and I am disappointed now... yea right, it will be different. italian macho crap is not what I'm signing up for. dbf, i'm pushing away i can tell, and I know I deserve better and I think that is why I'm not going to take new crapola. I do tell myself every day I deserve so much better and Mr. right is out there and will want to be with me and treat me like that. Just might be trial and error getting there. I thank all my sister violets, for you who have a bump in the road but have truely found good men, gives me hope. One of my friends is getting married next year and she also gives me hope. He is a wonderful guy, has issues as they all do, but is good to her and her girls, so there is hope. A year ago I didn't think there was but I have grown (and shrunk lol) Did I tell you all that when I went to the bar last night to pick up dinner (yes I was bad) a guy I use to date when I was this size in the past and who has always been nice to me didn't even say hi, he kept looking at me but not a word. Is is possible he didn't realize it was me? it was very odd. well, off to the gym - see you all shortly

holy crap what a long post... sorry

Mornng gals Kat & Judy, I hope you are feeling better,, I started antibiotics yesterday for my thorat, still not good, take care of yourselves Laura- I do the canned chicken as a change here and there, Hellmans makes a low fat mayo, light blue lid, and it is not as thick as regular but pretty good. I sometimes put small pcs of tomatoe and onion in there. I'm glad you like it and can eat it. You can use it for some of those crock pot chicken dishes. Denise - today is another day - you will do fine, and every once in a while we should be bad, as long as you don't do it every day Pamela, I'm sorry you had such a bad fill experience but I'm glad you got one. I can't wait for mine! I ate 1/2 pc of mexican pizza the other night, i can't eat just cheese, it gets stuck but I cut it up into very tiny pcs and yup, at the entire thing. So i'm tight, bloated this am. I had my first night with mom last night, and I never ever drink wine, well I had 2 glasses last night and could feel myself swelling, and I was WASTED!!!! talk about cheap date, but we had such a good night. and Yesterday.... what a day... and here is why I needed wine last night. I went to lunch with the guy who has been wanting to go out, actually a bunch of people I use to work with, and you all know he fell asleep again Monday night and never came out with me. Well - it took him 2 days to call me and never offered an apology! and joking around yesterday said I am not saying I'm sorry "shit happens". So I Stormed out. I don't think it was because of him but just because that to me said YOU ARE NOTHING, YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT, YOU DON'T DESERVE AN APOLOGY AND I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO BE WITH YOU. Are you kidding. I don't think he is the one I'm going to be with for the rest of my life, but I know that going forward, I do deserve much more and someone who really wants to be with me will try to be with me, not make excuses. So anyway, he followed me out to my car after our friend made him, and said I need to let go of my past (Hello, I'm still living in it and never told him I was done with Kev dbf - never said anything) and that he wants a commitment out of me and wants me to be his girlfriend. I told him I can't do that right now. I have commitment issues and then he was trying to be all huggie kissie in the parking lot and he knows I have issues of public displays of affection. First, yes, I do want to have a steady someone in my life who wants to be with me but - I don't feel like he is the one, and second, I am just finding myself and feeling somewhat attractive and like people are looking at me like they might be interested and not she is a complete fat ass. I still love dbf but I want to be with someone, and reality is, he better shit or get off the pot. But I've been with him so long, I want to date a little, not feel like I'm tied down, I have been lost for so long. Is that selfish? Maybe, but as my heart is somewhere, he is not here with me and I'm going to live a little and take life one day at a time, and if it involves going on a date and meeting new people. so be it. It is not like I am a slut and sleep around. Anyway, I told him that I have let him in more than anyone in a long time and that I am not ready to commit and most important him falling asleep 4 times and not making the effort to see me, how is that showing me that it is not going to be a relationship of excuses. He said if I was his girlfriend it would be different. Yeah ok. Am I wrong here? and you wonder why i had some wine. Well as far as that goes, I felt horrible after drinking it, bloated and just yucky, so I am going to get a small bottle of Stolli to keep on hand so when she has wine i can have a drink. I have only had maybe 5 drinks since surgery but feel much better physically after a drink and not wine. Here drinking coffee, got up to see mom off, she is going to do rakie (sp) at a cancer retreat this weekend so we are going to try to get some stuff together around here while she is gone, my aunt and uncle are going to be here next friday from LA for the week, so I will have a house full!!! TracyK- I am so glad you got that tooth taken care of

TracyK- I hope that you get that tooth fixed today. I can't even imagine I hope everyone has a great day, I'm off to do some running

I had wc oatmeal this morning too. LOL Laura - deli meat is evil!!!!! LOL I won't even pretend it is going to go down